Blackfeather Woods Sell your soul, not your whole self

@Taikon
set for directly after this thread
going to make this a border patrol thread so we can use it for formation <3

It didn't take her long to track Taikon's scent through the woods from where she had run into Zephyr. The conversation was on her mind, and she was eager to see how he would feel about the leaders' assigning them tasks to prove they would be good parents.  

His trail led her to the borders, and she assumed she would find him in the middle of a patrol. He had been busy, hunting, patrolling, and helping her watch Taktuq, so it didn't surprise her at all to find him doing something productive. She inspected the places he had marked, following each scent marker to the next until she finally saw his pale, muscular form just ahead. She released a soft chuff so that she wouldn't startle him as she increased her speed to close the distance between them.

As usual, she brushed against him as she came up on his side, and then nuzzled her spot under his chin. Can I join you? she asked next. She assumed the answer would be yes, but she asked anyway in case he wanted to be alone for some reason; they could always discuss things later if needed.

The night was overcast and cool, but surprisingly warm given the season. Patrolling was monotonous. The Ivory Rose were new in their claim of the forest, and he knew that every bit of boring scent refreshing would be helpful for keeping away the unwanted and the unsavoury. As he moved, his thoughts spun with what he had seen from Zephyr's strange attack. He didn't understand why anyone would go near that poisonous tree if it did things like that to them. It all seemed a bit insane. Zephyr confused him, first demanding that he essentially never wanted to talk to him again, then crawling up to him in a psychotic fit. Taikon had done his best to follow Takiyok's advice and give the boy space, but it just hadn't worked that way.
On top of that, he knew that in a few days, he would need to leave to head back to Easthollow. It was not a trip he was looking forward to, despite his love of travelling. He hated the idea of leaving Takiyok and Taktuq behind in this weird, insane place for two full weeks, even though Takiyok was perfectly capable of caring for the both of them.
He rubbed himself along a tree to mark it. Takiyok showed up abruptly after, and he smiled with a gentle, hey, as she nuzzled him and he licked at her cheek. Always, he said, feeling much calmer with her presence. He was tired. He hadn't been sleeping well, and had spent most of the day hunting with largely unsuccessful results. He hoped silently that Taki had brought him something positive.

She gave him a small smile, but it quickly fell away and left a concerned frown in its place. She had sought him out to speak of what she and Zephyr had discussed, but she realized when seeing Taikon how tired and thin he looked and that she had yet to bring it up. She decided that the topic of Zephyr's tasks could wait a moment while she expressed her concern over him not taking proper care of himself, especially with a long journey ahead of him. You look tired, she began, stopping to inspect the scent of a tree and then moving on when she decided it was marked sufficiently by someone else. I know you have not been sleeping well. She was a light sleeper and could feel him toss and turn beside her at night. And you have lost more weight since getting here, even though we are not on the move anymore. She knew that was partly her fault; she had allowed him to pick up the slack while she healed and thought maybe she should have been more insistent that he eat, as well. You are about to travel back over the mountains; you should be resting and eating—preparing, she said gently. Then she swallowed against the lump of worry in her throat. You are supposed to come back in one piece, she reminded him. How could he do that if he left here in bad condition for traveling?

As always, she was right. Taikon looked down and made a strained face, annoyed with himself for letting his weakness show. Normally, such observations would not have bothered him and he might even have thanked her for checking in. As it was, it all felt like a check in to see if he was even fit to do what he needed to — he wasn't really and he hated it. I am tired, he admitted simply, glancing toward her while continuing to walk on. She went on. He'd lost weight. I know, he thought. For a moment, he felt himself bubble in a weird form of anger, caused by a random thought that she didn't appreciate him.
It dissipated quickly with her worry. He licked his lips, frowned, and looked at her. I will, it'll be okay, he said. He didn't look great, but perhaps she had forgotten the way he had looked when they'd first met, when he had been travelling on his own for years.
The reality was that he hadn't seen the way he looked now. He was noticeably thin. She knew it. He denied it.
You're right, though. I'll take a step back the next few days before I leave, he said, meaning it. Taikon knew that the journey across the mountains would be difficult. He knew he'd have to hunt along the way, and that any misstep could spell disaster. He knew her worry. He thought of her in his place.

He knew he was tired and he said it would be okay, but neither of them really knew it would. They both knew how uncertain things were when you were traveling, especially on your own. But if Taikon left half-starved and exhausted, the chances of him running into trouble were increased in her opinion. He would need to be alert and ready for anything, which would be difficult if he didn't take care of himself. 

When he promised he would take a step back for the next few days, she nodded. Thank you, she offered. I know you can take care of yourself, but I am worried and I cannot help but make sure you are actually doing it. It was something he would have to learn to deal with now that she cared about him—she would insert herself into his business to make sure he was taken care of. She gave a gentle brush of her nose against his shoulder as they walked. She made sure to do those things often, knowing he would be gone for two weeks. She also secretly feared he would never return; given how things usually go for her, she couldn't help but worry this would be no different. The universe would know she had a source of happiness in her life and would want to do something about it, she was sure. I can take over some of the hunting now, she offered as she brushed against the trunk of a tall tree. She was back in step beside him a moment later. I am feeling a little better and can manage it. She was feeling mostly the same, but she didn't want to give him any reason to think he couldn't allow himself to rest and step back.

It felt weird sometimes to have someone else give a shit. It had been so long that something like that had been in his life that he wasn't quite sure what to do with it. His childhood had consisted largely of his mother only ensuring that he didn't get too fat, rather than worry about his overall well-being and safety. There were others since then, but none had been consistent figures in his life. Takiyok gave a damn while also being perfectly capable herself, and did it for the sake of ensuring their continued joint existence rather than mothering him. Taikon voiced none of this. Instead, he merely nodded, embarrassed that she would even have to tell him.
He pressed into her touch, not knowing if these days could be among their last. He tried not to worry about any of the things that could happen — the anxiety didn't serve him well, so he tried to ignore it. This was much more difficult to do with Taki echoing such thoughts back at him. All right, fair enough, he said, I appreciate that. He smiled thinly. She was a perfectly capable hunter, and if she thought it wouldn't strain her too much, he was grateful to have her step forward. If... if they were going to be parents one day, this kind of cooperation would ensure their success.
The thought excited him, and he couldn't help but grin wider as they walked. He stopped for a moment to rub himself on another tree, securing the borders of Ivory Rose.

He agreed to let her pick up some of the slack, and it eased her worry a fraction. Obviously, there was a lot more to be worried about during his trip, but this was one of the few things she could control. Of course, she told him. It is the least I can do after all you have done for me. He was willing to travel across the mountains by himself and running into Mahler or other members of Sagtannet to do something she felt she should be doing; there were no words to express her gratitude. A grin spread across his face then, and she smiled along with him and slowed as he rubbed against a different tree. 

When he was next to her again, she decided it was a good time to bring up her conversation with Zephyr. I spoke with Zephyr just before finding you, she said, her gaze moving to his face to read his reaction. She knew things were strange between he and the Ivory Rose leader, so she wasn't sure he would be up for talking about him; this was important, though, and it involved their future plans to have children. I was surprised he actually approached me to talk, but he seemed pretty reasonable. Something she was thankful for, considering it didn't sound like he had been that way with Taikon. He brought up our plans to have children, Taki continued. She had idly wondered how Zephyr had even known about their plans, but had been more concerned with the rest of the conversation to think too much about it. Apparently, he did not have good parents, and he feels that he wants to ensure any wolves in the pack that have children are deserving of them. It still rubbed her the wrong way that she needed to prove her skills as a parent to anyone, but she was willing to do so if it meant she and Taikon would be able to have children in the spring. He said he was going to assign us injured or sick pack members to take care of, and how well we care for them will tell him what he needs to know. She sighed and shook her head. It is not what I had in mind, since I do not feel I need to prove myself to anyone, but I am willing to do as he wishes if you are. She was unsure how Taikon would feel about all of this. Originally, she thought he might be fine with it, but now she was doubting herself. What if these tasks were more than he was willing to put up with? Of course, they could always find somewhere else to raise children, but she felt like that was a lot easier said than done. They were here now, and she felt like they could make things work. If he disagreed, then she would not argue, though.

Mature Content Warning

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The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: Trigger Warning: mild transphobia

Zephyr? Oh? He hadn't expected her to bring him up. The boy seemed to want nothing much to do with either of them. Taikon thought of the night several days ago when he'd found him shaking and freaking the fuck out over nothing. The event had really startled him, but he hadn't actually mentioned it to Takiyok. Not that he was hiding anything, he just thought it had been the right thing to do to respect the boy-leader's privacy.
Reasonable? Taikon couldn't help but make a face, as though partially disgusted. Zephyr had been reasonable only in keeping to his word. Everything else had been one stupid, childish move after another. The more he thought about it, the more he felt annoyed. But this was about their future children. Immediately, his expression softened, moving through weird sighs and soft, almost sad smiles as she spoke.
"he did not have good parents," she said, and when she finished her sentence, he couldn't help but scoff. I'll say, he inserted, though honestly, he didn't know much about it other than what Zephyr had briefly told him on the mountain. It was all abstract and silly, but he couldn't imagine such a mess of a young man (confused woman? he wasn't even sure what the fuck was real.) resulting from a good upbringing.
Taikon held his tongue, listening instead of trying to talk over her despite his temptation. Clearly, this all meant the world to her. She was willing to do almost whatever it took to make sure they could have happy, healthy children in the coming season. The thought made his heart dance. But the joy, coupled with his strange disgust, carried weird tones through his facial expressions. He is just a boy, and barely one at that, he spat, suddenly questioning the validity of Zephyr's gender because of his own anger. How dare he try to say that Takiyok would not make a good mother. She already had children. Taikon would have too if not...
No, that was too dark a place. His face morphed to a deep frown. Suddenly, the anger drained, and he felt terrible.
Of course I don't mind helping out with the sick and injured. I would do that anyway. I just... I'm annoyed he would question either of us, honestly, after everything we've been through. We should be the ones questioning him, and his ability to lead at all. He's a boy, Taki, Taikon practically pleaded for her understanding. He hated the idea of being under the thumb of someone so... fickle. Someone who willingly placed themselves in danger for no good reason. Someone who failed to reveal the truth until too late. Someone like Zephyr.
He remembered the night he stumbled out of the woods of the great tree. He hurt from watching Zephyr suffer, again, that night. He didn't know how to feel about any of it. They had a choice, sort of, but did they really?

The expressions he made as she spoke were not very promising; they were anywhere between sad and angry, at times changing into something she couldn't really read at all. She immediately doubted her willingness to put them through these 'tests.' She wondered if she was being selfish again. It was not something she had ever stopped to consider before. She wanted children but not at the expense of Taikon's comfort. 

His angry words had Taki slowing a little, worry in her expression. This wasn't supposed to be something that upset him, and she wondered if her tunnel vision when it came to having children had blinded her to reason. He was just a boy—a child; he was correct there, and it had been something that bothered her, as well. 

I know, she said when he had finished, offering a brief nuzzle to his cheek to try and soothe him. I do not like it either. I should not have to prove my ability to care for children, and neither should you. And I am not exactly comfortable with someone so young being my leader. Since coming here, she had always been her own leader or followed someone older than she was, and she certainly had her concerns about it and about joining this pack so soon after what had happened in Sagtannet. She had specifically expressed her desire to not join a pack for a while. Of course, that had been before they had her niece to worry about; their choices were limited due to the fact that Taki wanted her to be safe. I do really want to have children with you in the spring, she told him gently. But, it is not more important to me than your needs, nor do I want to bring children into an environment that is not stable. A pack run by someone so young could potentially be a bad situation. Zephyr had seemed reasonable when they talked, but she didn't really know him that well at all.

Taikon momentarily walked ahead of her without realizing it, anger pushing him forward. He stopped when he noticed it so she could catch up, his expression dropping to an anxious frown. He could tell he was firing himself up and that seemed unhelpful for the sake of discussion. He just struggled with the idea of a young man telling them what they could or could not do. Breeding rights weren't something he was used to fighting for or having to prove his worthiness for — he had been born with this privilege. It had been ripped away from him with Cella, and now Zephyr was holding the one desire they had over their heads, taunting them with their dream at the end of some kind of shitty maze he had created for his own perverse satisfaction.
Taki nuzzled him, and he blinked, sighing to let loose pent up frustration. Somehow, it was validating and helpful to have her agree that she didn't love the idea of a boy-leader putting restrictions on them. He nodded to her words, wishing that Zephyr was just a touch older, but knowing well that experience hardly made much of a difference in good leadership. His mother had been 'experienced.'
He smiled, an odd, almost goofy curve on his lips as she expressed her wants, and that she didn't want to override him. Nah, this isn't about me, he said, breathing out a slow breath. He's just got this way of getting under my skin, hitting my weak points, I don't get it, Taikon tried to explain, but his train of thought was all over the place. But, you know, to be honest I don't think an older leader would be more stable. Zephyr is Zephyr, but stability is what we make of it all. If it all goes to shit and, I don't know, a famine hits or a flood happens, or the Saints are a problem, we'll keep them safe. Just like we're keeping Taktuq safe, he went on, furrowing his brow a bit in thought, finding the whole thing strange. If they'd never met Zephyr, he wondered where they would go. They would still have Taktuq in tow. He just didn't know. Taikon just knew what was in front of him, and that was a whole lot of unknown.
If Ivory Rose could keep them more stable than wandering about the wilderness on their own, then it seemed better than nothing.

900th post for you <3

Her affection seemed to ease some of his tension and anger. A smile spread across his face then as he told her that it wasn't about him. He went on to explain that Zephyr had a way of getting under his skin. She had seen a few examples of this, but she wasn't exactly surprised by it. There had been something between them and those feelings didn't just go away because you wanted them to. It worried her a little, if she was being honest with herself. She had no reason not to trust him and his word that he wouldn't be with anyone else. But when you have been burned as many times as she had, it was hard to ignore the uglier thoughts that wanted her to be concerned that something might still happen between them. The thoughts weren't fair to him, she knew, which was why she didn't pay them any attention now when they were discussing how they should handle things. Her expression only showed understanding and concern for him. 

And he had a point, as always: they would ensure their children were safe and cared for, no matter where they were or what was going on. I know, she told him with a soft smile. We are capable of caring for children, regardless of what Zephyr thinks. She drew in a deep breath and released it with a small huff. Those we care about tend to get under our skin easier, she pointed out. If it is too hard for you to be here, I would understand. I do not want you to sacrifice your comfort just to give me what I want. You are important to me and your feelings matter too. He seemed to be the type that would ignore his own needs to make the ones around him happy, and she refused to let him do that too much with her. He deserved to be happy too.

T_T I <3 Taki!!!

To be honest, children scared him a little. He wondered what the responsibility would be like to be in charge of constructing the life of a young person. It was strange that Taikon had even turned out as decently as he had considering his own flawed parenting, but he knew the real reasons for it. His tutors, his mentors, probably had a more massive impact on his overall outlook and attitude toward life than his mother. His mother had poisoned him. His teachers had enabled him to be better than her.
He wondered if they had done so intentionally.
Taikon shook his head at Takiyok, rejecting the notion that he would leave based on discomfort. I'll be fine. It's not the first time people have been difficult to be around, and unlike those times I think this will improve with time, like you said before, he told her. He wasn't sure if Zephyr would ever be able to interact with him in a way that was normal and friendly. But perhaps that wasn't really the goal. Maybe the goal was just to live peacefully. Taikon cared about Zephyr. He cared about the boy's happiness. If he wasn't part of that happiness, so be it.
And, he began as he pressed against her lightly while they walked, as a tender reminder to her, you are what I want. Our children are what I want. I want to build that life with you. Those were his feelings. He meant every word of it. He wanted to tell her somehow in a way that was more permanent. But... Instead his eyes just strayed to her, gentle, soft. He nearly walked into a tree, stumbled, went around it, and a crow cawed at him, as though in laughter.

She really hoped things got easier between Taikon and Zephyr. If they continued to be weird around each other, it could make things awkward and difficult for them—not intentional on either part, but it would just be how it was. Just because he seemed okay with how hard it might be for them at first, didn't mean it was right to make him figure out a way to live with it. He was so willing to disregard himself to make her happy—it was not something she was used to. But as much as it warmed her heart, it also concerned her; she didn't want him to think this was all only about her happiness.

Whatever worrying had been going on in her mind instantly vanished as he brushed up against her. She looked over at him as he continued to speak. An affectionate smile formed at his words. She knew that was the case, but it was nice to hear it from him, especially in response to her offering to put the plans on hold to find somewhere that might be more comfortable for him. She wasn't sure what to say. She had never felt this way before; the feeling was intense as it swelled in her chest. All she could do was hold his gaze when he looked to her. She hoped the feelings would show in the fiery depths of her eyes, even if she could not put them into the right words.

But then the eye contact was broken as he swerved just in time to miss running into a tree. A startled bird cawed from above, and Taki laughed for the first time in a very long time, the sound soft, feminine, and unrestrained. With a playful tone, she spoke to him as if she might be giving a lesson. When you are patrolling, you should always keep your eyes ahead of you. A smirk tugged one corner of her mouth. She hadn't been focused on the path ahead of them either, but she wasn't the one who had almost run into a tree.

He made a face as the crow called out. Like a cat that had failed a jump, he pretended not to be embarrassed at his mistake. Takiyok though, would hardly have that. Oh, yeah? he asked, eying her with a sarcastic, playful look as he recovered from his near miss with the tree. The grin was apparent in his eyes as well as his expression.
Quite promptly, he went to tackle her; his aim was to pin her, though he knew well that she would likely resist his force, despite his playful nature.

His tone was playful in return, making her smile grow; she realized too late that it also promised retaliation. Before she really had time to react, he was on her. She tried to twist away, but she wasn't fast enough, nor had she really tried that hard. Her back met the ground, his weight on top of her. She laughed again. Such an agile warrior, she told him in between chuckles. Then she directed her teeth to the loose skin of his neck, aiming to gently grab a hold and growl playfully. She would then tug the skin, careful not to be too aggressive with her moves. She only wanted to play, not to hurt him.

Her laughter was infectious. He found himself laughing breathily, almost through his teeth the way people did when they were feeling sneaky and silly. He trapped her on the ground with the weight of his chest between his forelimbs. When she grabbed as his neck, he let her pull at him and began making exaggerated, stupid faces. She's got me!! he cried, making the best "oh no" face he could muster.
He swung his head around to mouth at her face, making his own faux growling sounds as he threw himself on his side and pretended that she'd torn him to pieces. His legs flailed about and he kicked her by accident with his back foot.

Play was not something she really ever did. There was rarely ever time to spare for things like that, or at least she never saw a reason to make time. But now, she couldn't imagine not reciprocating. Everything had been so tense and uncertain lately, and she trusted Taikon with this side of her that few had seen, so she tried to let go and enjoy the moment for once. She pushed away any anxious thoughts and focused solely on him. 

He returned her playful bites by gently mouthing her face and then pretended like she had really hurt him, which pulled more quiet laughter from her. She rolled over when he did and nipped softly at any of his flailing limbs that got close enough, holding the foot that kicked her in her jaws a second before letting it go. Then she pushed up from the ground and aimed to pin him down so that she could nibble on his jaw and lick his cheeks and ears.

Taikon hadn't played with anyone for a very long time. He had been sarcastic. He had joked. He had bowed, raised a brow, raised both brows, told with his expression how unimpressed he was. This all seemed strangely different, for Taki was different. Interacting with her was returning to a strange state of mind; it was old, unknown, and, oddly, true.
He felt every bite of her nipping jaws, feigning being entirely destroyed by each motion. Her jaws clamped down on his paw. Oh God!! he exclaimed. He rolled over, and in a moment she was atop and he was feigning more terror beneath her. But she licked his face, nibbled him. He hardly moved beyond reaching out again to mouth her. You've killed me, I'm dead. He said, and promptly went limp with his tongue sticking out.

He exclaimed that she had killed him and went limp below her. Taki chuckled a little and shook her head. You are silly, she told him softly. Then she lowered her head to rest her face against the pale fur of his neck and nuzzled him affectionately. The conversation had started out with tension and worry but somehow, now she was completely relaxed—more than she had been in a long time. For the first time, she was able to picture a future of more times like this, a future with children to play along with them. That intense feeling swelled in her chest again, making her heart beat faster in her chest. She wasn't sure how to put it into words yet, but it was consuming and still a little scary. She let the feeling swell around her heart until it was almost painful, and then it relinquished its hold some and faded to a more tolerable flutter within her chest. She drew in a deep breath, pulling his scent in; it mixed with the feeling and created a strong feeling of contentment. She was unable to come up with any words to add to the moment, so she kept her face buried in his fur, hoping he would let her stay there for as long as she wanted.

Gonna fade here cuz that seems natural

He did his damndest to consider himself dead, promptly drooling on the ground as his tongue hung out. He ignored her voice, engaging with his dead self, embracing an entirely limp and empty existence.
Of course, it didn't take long for her to warm him into life. He breathed back into it all and licked his lips, open-mouthed. Takiyok buried herself in his fur, and they embraced one another with only the warmth of their bodies. While she pressed herself onto him, he felt free. Everything else drifted away. The earlier worry vanished. The serious talk had conclusions and decisions, and instead of buzzing with those, Taikon was left with only her.
She was beautiful against him. He hoped, selfishly, that they could stay like that forever.
For now, the prince would merely hold onto her for as long as he could. The moment would pass soon enough, but they were so much more than just one moment.