Redhawk Caldera Doses and mimosas

Several days passed without Wildfire setting foot outside the caldera. She spent a lot of time wandering around her homeland, mind drifting along with her feet. Would she stay here? Or go to Moonspear? Although she more or less had her parents' blessing, the youth still hadn't come to any sort of conclusion yet. It was the biggest decision of her life and there was so much to it. She definitely wouldn't make it lightly.

The itch in her paws increased over time, as did her desire to see Floki again. However, part of her reasoned that if she was considering leaving for good, she should catch up with her loved ones and spend as much quality time as possible with them. Instead of giving into temptation and heading toward the wilderness beyond the borders, Wildfire pointed her toes toward the Blackthorns' den to pay them a visit. She especially wanted to see how her Aunt @Finley was doing. Hopefully she would catch @Elwood Sr and @Elwood Jr too.

En route, she stopped by the badger den to pick up a juicy bone as a gift to her recuperating godmother. When she arrived, she mumbled, "Any'ody 'ome?" before gently dropping the gift at her paws.

Finley had spent a great deal of her life infected with the same incessant itch as her goddaughter - that twinge in the paws that could not, would not be satisfied without shooting past the borders of a safe and comfortable home and taking to the wild wilderness beyond.  It was a very rare thing for the Blackthorn to not feel that pull, but she certainly had felt it ever since finally getting back home to her family.  Her last outing had been an absolute disaster from which she was still reeling even though she was well on her way to being healed again.

The beta was dozing lightly when the sound of Wildfire's voice roused her.  She had been dreaming, but it was about to go terribly wrong and she awoke a good deal more pleased than she would normally have been.  Finley turned her head to peer towards the mouth of the den, spotting her goddaughter's smiling face and returning the grin herself softly.  Even though she'd regained much of her strength, she still stepped gingerly on her injured leg and crept steadily out into the sunlight to stand at the fiery wolf's side.

"If it isn't my hero," Fin greeted her fondly, nuzzling the base of the girl's ear.

Eljay was having a nightmare. He'd had the same nightmare five nights in a row now, though he hadn't told anyone about it yet. In this nightmare, Eljay, mommy and daddy were on a road trip through the Caldera, wandering along the sides of the lake when suddenly, a dark wolf with red eyes showed up. Mommy and daddy would tell Eljay to run and he'd run as fast as he could, fear lurching in his chest. They passed a couple of wolves that were having a funeral, looking at a dirty patch of ground and talking about the remembrance of Finley Blackthorn. Eljay wanted to scream at them that mommy wasn't dead, that she was right here, but when he'd look over his shoulder at where mommy was running mere seconds ago, he noticed she was gone. A trail of blood leaked on the ground, and Eljay stopped and followed it. Daddy pulled his scruff, telling him they had to flee, that it was too late for mommy, and Eljay kicked and screamed. Just as he saw the dark wolf with the red eyes, blood smeared across his face and mouth, standing over mommy's corpse, daddy would pull him away. Tears streamed across Eljay's face as he screamed for mommy. Eventually they reached the den, and daddy would say, 'he can't get us here'; but when they wanted to enter the den, it was blocked by tree logs. Eljay slowly looked over his shoulder, knowing that the dark wolf was encroaching and would tear them apart, too...

And then he woke up. Eljay jumped up a little, nearly bumping his head against the den's ceiling, and with a shock he realised mommy wasn't by his side anymore. Panic started to rise in little Eljay's mind, which manifested itself physically as he started to breathe in rapid, short breaths. In his panic, he didn't notice mommy wasn't very far at all.

Turning his head, Eljay saw mommy there and he dashed to her side, bumping hard into one of her hind legs as he did. "MOMMY, YOU HERE!" he screamed, exasperated, while his breathing still came out in short huffs, only very slowly starting to turn back to normal now that the source of his panic had been quenched.

The Beta female appeared in the den's mouth. Wildfire smiled as Finley's muzzle touched her ear. She dipped her head, then nosed the bone toward her aunt. "This is for you," she said, then took a step back in preparation to seat herself. Before she could drop onto her haunches, however, a wild-eyed Elwood Jr appeared, launching himself at Finley's hind leg and screaming so loudly that it startled Wildfire.

"Don't worry, I'm not stealing her away," the adolescent wolf assured, wondering if his reaction stemmed from his mother's prolonged absence. "I just came to hang out with you guys for a while," she added, dropping her haunches and curling her black tail so that its tip rested on her forepaws.

Wildfire suddenly wondered how Elwood Jr might take the news if she did decide to move to Moonspear. She imagined Finley would be understanding and she couldn't see Elwood Sr raising a major fuss. Now that she'd mentioned it to her parents, she was tempted to tell the Blackthorns about the possibility but she didn't want to upset her little cousin further. But wouldn't it be better to let them know ahead of time, rather than just spring on them if she did decide to move away?

"I actually wanted to tell you something," the youth began hesitantly. "I've been doing lots of traveling and exploring. I've made some really good friends. A couple of them just started a pack at Moonspear." She glanced at Finley's face. That's where they'd looked for and eventually found her. "They've asked me to join them. I haven't made a decision yet but I've been thinking about it..."

Fin smiled appreciatively at Wildfire's gesture as she nudged the bone towards her.  She parted her lips to speak, but a squall from behind her caused her voice to catch.  Seconds later, she felt the crash into her leg and the sharp sting of pain  from her still healing body.  She inhaled sharply and gritted her teeth, turning quickly to look at her son with a frown before her patience reminded her to keep her temper lest she become victim to a few hours of his miserable sobs.  She relaxed and reached down to kiss his cheek soothingly, though she said nothing.

Fortunately, Wildfire spoke for her and reassured the pup that his mother was going no where.  Hopefully that would quiet him.  For the next moment, the girl appeared torn over something.  Fin furrowed her brow out of curiosity, but soon enough Wifi answered the unspoken question by hesitantly confessing her thoughts.

Wildfire wanted to leave.

Finley gazed at her quietly, completely torn on what to say or how to feel.  She didn't want her to go.  Her little Wiffle - so sweet and kind and thoughtful.  She had watched her grow up from a tiny, screeching ball of puppy to the soft-spoken young woman before her.  The Caldera was her home.  Why would she want to go?

The second, more powerful reaction knew that answer, of course.  Fin knew well the desire to leave home and strike out on your own.  She had done it herself when she was Wildfire's age, and even now there were times when she longed for the excitement of adventure like that again.  Finley cast her gaze to Eljay and swallowed hard.  "That sounds exciting," she commented with a soft smile, "Have you told your parents?"

Eljay soon calmed down when all the adults did too and he realised that mommy was going to stay. He had been rattled to find her not there upon waking up, but now he was feeling better, and his breathing was slowly calming down too while at least some of the negative feelings of his panic attack subsided. It was just Wildfire. Mommy was here. Wildfire was here. She was just here to hang out for a bit.

Wildfire went on to talk about friends and exploring, and Eljay lost interest for a little while, because it sounded a lot like the kind of conversations the adults had among each other. Usually Wifi was part of the pups, but now she sounded mature and the conversation didn't interest Eljay much.

He therefore also didn't notice much about Wifi saying she might leave, because she didn't literally say it, so the message got kind of lost in the ocean of words. Eljay squished himself into mommy's shoulder, looking bored, but neither wanting to leave mommy's side.

For a beat, Finley said nothing. Wildfire drew in a breath, glancing at Elwood Jr while she waited for his mother to react. He didn't seem to have heard her. He looked content but a little bored as he continued squishing himself against Finley's leg, as if he hoped to meld into it. She flashed him a quick smile, though her amber eyes flicked back to her godmother the instant she began to speak.

Relief flooded her at her aunt's words. "Yeah," she agreed a bit dumbly. It was exciting... and nerve-wracking. "Yeah," she said again in response to the question. "Mom's totally okay with it. I can tell dad's not as happy about it but he said he supports whatever decision I make. But what do you think?" Did her godmother think she should go for it?

Of course, it wasn't Finley's decision. It wasn't anybody's but hers. But Wildfire really wanted to know what her pack members thought. She would let their feedback inform her decision, not make it for her. She knew it would be as hard on her loved ones as it was on her if she left but Wildfire quietly hoped they would all follow their Alphas' example.

Fin hadn't realized it, but she'd been holding her breath as she stared at her son, waiting for him to react to the news.  Apparently, the conversation was going over his head, for his eyes were glazing over with boredom and disinterest.  She let the breath go and focused her attention back on Wildfire.  She explained the reactions of both of her parents and they were to be expected.  Fox recognized that this was the way of things with children - eventually they grew up and left to find their own way.  Peregrine recognized it also, but he was more emotionally attached to the brood.  Not surprising since these were the first ones that actually liked him...

But how did Fin feel?  She too understood the need for kids to leave the nest eventually.  For one guilty moment, she prayed that her own son would want that for himself one day, though she quickly stomped that guilt out by convincing herself that she felt that way only because it would be what was best for him - not because he was so needy and clingy that she felt as though she couldn't breathe.  But for Wildfire to leave... "I'm gonna miss the crap out of you, kid," she said before she could even second guess her words.  Tears sprung to her eyes, though she couldn't even say how they got there.  A smile slipped across her muzzle though, and it stayed strong as she set her watery gaze on her goddaughter's face.

KEEP DREAMING MOM. eljay is going to be the kid that still lives in his parents' basement when he's 40. also "Not surprising since these were the first ones that actually liked him..." cracked me up :')

Eljay was just staring around, feeling bored, when he suddenly heard his mother say that she would miss Wifi. His head turned towards Wifi, ears cupped foward and a frown on his face. Why would mommy say that? Was Wifi going on a dangerous exploring mission like mommy had and would she get hurt? Would she be gone for like a whole month? Eljay's eyes grew bigger and more watery as he considered these options in his mind, not even comprehending that it might be even worse than he could imagine; that she was leaving forever.

"No Wifi, you gotta stay!" he sorrowfully objected, slamming all his feels in the sentiment as he got up and snuggled his head against Wifi's chest. "You can't go out and and and get hurt!" A pouty expression was on Eljay's face as he pressed his face against Wifi's chest, burrowing himself in her as best he could, and he sobbed a few noisy sobs of held back emotions as he hoped that she would reconsider leaving the warm nest that was Redhawk Caldera.

Between Finley's unexpected tears and Elwood Jr's sorrowful reaction, Wildfire suddenly felt horribly guilty for considering it at all. Her lips parted to reassure them when her little cousin pressed against her chest, knocking the wind out of her somewhat. Instinctively, she lifted a foreleg to wrap about his small shoulders even as she bent down to give him a comforting lick between the ears. She felt him sobbing against her fur and the guilt redoubled as she looked almost helplessly at her godmother.

"I'm not going anywhere right now," she said. That much was true, at least. Maybe she wouldn't leave at all. These reactions definitely didn't compel her to depart. "I promise that if I ever go anywhere, I'll be really careful. I won't get hurt." Whether she went to Moonspear after all or she wound up staying here, she was bound to go adventuring sometimes, so Wildfire felt it would be dishonest to say anything else. Her ears flicked back, hoping she hadn't just made Elwood Jr even more upset with her iffy wording.

The conversation would have gone far smoother were her son not present for it.  Fin struggled not to roll her eyes as Eljay suddenly realized what was happening and smashed himself woefully against Wildfire.  She shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to push away the anxiety that had tightened in her chest while also reigning in her own overly-emotional reaction.  She shook her head after a moment and forced a smile.

"Shh, Jay..." she soothed after Wildfire made her promises to them both.  She leaned forward to nose at his scruff gently, then looked back to her niece.  Instantly, she spotted the look of guilt and distress on her face and she gave an apologetic frown.  She knew that anything she said encouraging Wildfire to do what made her happy would upset her son further.  It was a pickle to be sure, but Wildfire meant too much to her for her to say nothing.

"Eljay, you love your cousin, Wiffle, right?" Fin asked rhetorically, "When you love someone, you always want the best for them, no matter what.  If going away is what will make Wildfire happy, then we will be happy for her, not sad.  We'll always love her, and she will always be our family, no matter where she calls home."  She wanted to cringe at her own words, fully anticipating they would not be taken well by her son.  But, hopefully her niece would be comforted.

Eljay's shimmering eyes peered from Wifi to mommy as they both tried to reassure him that Wifi would be totally fine if she would go. Mommy said that if you loved someone, you had to do what was best for them, but Eljay knew that leaving wasn't best for Wifi, because she'd get hurt, just like mommy.

"No!" he sobbed into Wifi's fur, "You gonna get hurt if you go away, like mommy! I love you, Wifi, peas peas peas stay!" The outside world was a perilous pit of murder, Eljay was convinced, and he didn't want the same pain to happen to Wifi that happened to mommy.

Wildfire knew Elwood Jr couldn't particularly help his reaction, not after all he'd gone through with Finley's disappearance. But she couldn't bring herself to lie just to soothe him; it didn't feel right. The youth opted to say nothing instead, though she continued to hug him back, pat his head and do whatever else she could think to do to calm him down.

She mouthed, "Sorry," to Finley over her cousin's head. She shouldn't have brought it up in front of him, in hindsight. Wildfire sighed, wishing she could un-ring the bell. Wildfire didn't like that she'd upset him and she also didn't like that little Elwood's wails were creating guilt not only just for Moonspear but for all travel outside the caldera.

Her words did nothing to quell Eljay's misery, but Fin hadn't exactly expected them to.  Fin shut her eyes again in frustration, sucked in another completely useless deep breath, and opened them again to gaze upon the painful scene.  Her son was unreasonable and shrieking - a typical state of being for him.  Her neice was looking sad and uncomfortable, and there was little that Fin could do to make her feel any better without further upsetting her child.  The beta felt instantly guilty - one for having obviously handled this whole thing so poorly, and two for having destroyed her child's psyche so badly that he couldn't even handle a conversation revolving around a hypothetical scenario.

Fin was staring off into space in frustration when her gaze caught Wildfire's and she spotted the silent "I'm sorry".  She smiled faintly and shook her head, though she was at a loss as to how to make anything better.  She was suddenly wished her mate would appear and take their unreasonable son away, or that she could just pick him up and throw him forcefully back into the den.  Another pang of guilt hit her for having that thought, though, and so she sunk into herself and heaved a sigh.

"Wildfire is not going anywhere for now, Jay," she admonished in a little harsher of a tone than she intended, "Why don't we just...  Do you want to hear a story?  Or something?"  Fin was really grasping for straws here.  She had no idea what else to do though, and she was desperate for anything that would make him stop his screeching wails and alleviate some of this awkwardness.

"No!" Eljay sobbed as he looked between Wifi and mommy, wishing they'd understand what he meant, and that that would mean that Wifi'd stay. Worry shimmered in his youthful eyes, marred with pain, while he willed them to understand. Wifi looked guilty, but didn't say anything, and mommy seemed to be getting upset.

Mommy's frustration made Eljay feel worse, weighing down on him like a piece of lead, and he quieted down a little even though he felt worse on the inside now. Mommy suggested a story, and Eljay sniffed noisily and said: "Okstory." Even though he didn't feel like a story at all. When he was younger it was easier to divert him with other activities, but now that he was growing up his mind was also developing and in his case, that meant that his attention span grew — and so did his attention span when it came to being upset.

Wildfire found herself wishing Elwood Jr was as quiet and laid-back as before Finley's disappearance, for his own sake as much as anyone else's. He just seemed so easily distraught and the reality was that wolves would come and go in his life. How would he cope? It worried her while tugging at her heart strings, prompting her to bend forward and place a comforting kiss on his brow.

At last, he settled down when his mother mentioned a story. The teenager sort of wanted to slip away to think, yet she knew that would probably go over like a lead balloon right now. Instead, she planted herself firmly beside him and gazed at Aunt Finley, anticipating a likely crazy story. Those were her godmother's trademark.

Her suggestion seemed to placate her son, but before Finley could feel too much relief over this, it occured to her that she had forgotten a crucial part of the plan - she would actually need to tell some sort of story now. The beta blinked at her audience, dumbfounded. She had never been very good at spinning tales. Her creativity was impressive, but that was only when it came to how to best get yourself into and out of terrible situations. Plus there was her actual ability to narrate, which was just... so very lacking...

Biting her lip, she quickly wracked her brain for an idea before finally settling on something. A memory, but one that could be embellished a little into a good enough story. "When I was a pup, my dad and I used to chase shooting stars," Fin started in a kind-of-lame fashion, "He used to tell me that if we chased a shooting star all through the night, that we would find ourselves in a place full of magic when the sun came up. So some nights just at dusk, we would sit down and watch the sky until a shooting star flew past, and then we'd run and run in the direction it went until we couldn't run anymore, and then we'd sit down and wait for it to go by again and then we'd chase it again."

"I usually got too tired to keep going and would end up falling asleep before we ever made it to the dawn. But one time, I made it all through the night and we chased one until the sun came up and we found one of those magic spots. It was a little creek in the middle of a big field - nothing out of the ordinary really, and so I started to feel disappointed thinking there wasn't any magic there at all."

"BUT!" Fin barked for dramatic effect - probably a first in her storytelling career, "Suddenly, a big silver otter came up onto the shore. And it said..." She paused, kind of for dramatic effect but mostly because she had no idea where she was going with this, "'My name.. is... Andrew!' it said! 'And I have the power to...'" another super long, kind of awkward pause, "'...feed your whole pack for a week!', which was really good because prey had been scarce and we hadn't had a good kill in a few weeks. I should've mentioned that before... But anyway."

"So, we brought the otter back home with us and each night for a week, we killed it and ate up its whole body, only to wake up the next morning and have Andrew there again, ready to be eaten again the next night," Fin smiled as she finished, her tail actually wagging gently. It was strange, for even though it was a storytelling that probably would've made Blue Willow and Sun Spark cringe, telling it had made her feel more like herself than she had since coming home. It was nice. It was probably short-lived, but Finley would take what she could get.

Eljay felt a little calmer when Wifi kissed his face, and he settled in to listen to mommy's story. Mommy looked a little unsure for a moment, but then she started the story. He listened patiently, though occasionally looking like he might grow bored of the story and start his crying again when mommy paused for a while. He was happy just being with Wifi and mommy though, and even was beginning to forget that Wifi was leaving at all as the story commenced.

When the story of the magical replenishing otter was finished, Eljay asked: "Is magic really real?" He wondered if some day he could find a magical otter, and it was the first time that Eljay felt the urge to get out there and explore things like his mother, even though she'd got hurt.

She really meant to listen, yet Wildfire's mind wandered instead. She still hadn't arrived at a final decision and this encounter hadn't really helped much. Finley was supportive but her son's tearful shouts were still echoing in the chambers of Wildfire's head and heart. Could she really hurt little Elwood that way? How many other feelings would she hurt if she decided to leave? Would anyone think poorly of her? She hadn't even thought of that until now...

Her aunt's bark startled her, scattering her thoughts. Her lips twitched at Andrew the otter, yet her attention faded again, only snapping back when Elwood Jr's small voice piped up. She glanced at him, happy to see that he was engaged in the story, then glanced vaguely off into the distance.

Finley realized a little too late that her audience had not been to most attentive.  A teensy bit of disappointment crept in when she did notice the look of worried disinterest on her goddaughter's face, but she knew the girl couldn't help it.  Things clearly had not gone the way she'd intended in the previous conversation and given that she hadn't actually made up her mind yet, she probably had plenty more than she'd wanted to think about.

Eljay stole her attention back after a moment, causing Fin to dip her muzzle down towards him and away from Wildfire.  Her gut reaction was to bluntly tell him "No", that magic wasn't real at all.  Maybe if things weren't so broken in her family right now, she might have still been the sort of wolf who would have done so, unapologetically.  But, she didn't have the heart to potentially break his again, and instead she just nodded to placate him.  "The world's full of it if you know where to look," she told him with a tired smile.

Mommy seemed unsure for a moment, as if she was hesitating whether magic was real or not. Eljay looked unsure for a moment, as if he wasn't going to buy her answer and break into a fit because she was telling him untrue things, but then he just nodded and repeated: "If you know where to look." He looked about, as if he imagined magic to appear right in front of him, but none appeared. Then he looked at Wifi, and back at mommy.

Seeing how emotionally drained they both looked the boy suddenly found himself growing tired and somewhat guilty (though not consciously so) and he looked at mommy and said: "Wanna sleep now." He wasn't actually that tired, but wanted to be away from it all, wanted to be with daddy and mommy and sleep.

She didn't hear Finley's weary answer, having zoned out again. Only when Elwood Jr declared a desire to nap did Wildfire snap out of it once more. She felt guiltily relieved at the opportunity to make her escape. It wasn't (really) personal. She just needed to go off somewhere and have a good think, without others' emotions dividing her attention.

In case her young cousin wanted her to stick around for nap time—and to alleviate any fears that she would vanish into the ether—Wildfire said, "I'll see both of you later," and planted a kiss on the pup's ear, then her aunt's lower jaw. "Don't forget this," Wildfire added, motioning toward the forgotten bone she had brought.

With a distracted smile, Wildfire waved her black tail at her loved ones in lieu of her hand, then skittered away to ponder the very real weight of her upcoming choices.

To her surprise, her son accepted her response without protest.  He repeated her words in a murmur to himself, paused for a moment, and then requested to be put to bed.  Fin was happy to aquiesce, shooting a glance to Wildfire in the fleeting hope that she might stick around to talk more once she had put Eljay down for bed.  Her niece excused herself though with a kiss to them both, a reminder of the meal she had brought, and then a wave as she jaunted away from them.

Fin felt her heart ache as he brow furrowed in worry over what Wildfire might be running away with in her mind.  There was nothing for it, though, so the beta leaned down to plant a kiss on her son's cheek before leading him into the den for sleep.