Heron Lake Plateau To waste away the waking hours

It was only when Niamh saw her reflection that she realized how much she’d changed since she’d joined the pack a few months ago. What had it been, she asked herself- three, four months? But she’d been little more than a slip of a lone wolf, with a sort of teenage prettiness about her gawky frame. Her cheeks had been fuller, though, and her ears had looked bigger. Now, though, as she caught sight of her face in the lake’s reflection, she saw how much she’d changed.

Her gawkiness was gone- day after day patrolling, hunting and tracking had made her tough and lean, and the last bit of baby fat had left her cheeks, finally. She had a chiseled look to her features now, which were somehow more mature and a bit less cheeky and girlish. The cougar’s claws had left four paralell wounds along the left side of her face- two above her eye and two below, ending on the bridge of her muzzle. It would heal, but she doubted the fur would grow back and if it did, it’d likely be white. She bared her teeth and peered at the gap where her upper left canine had been- but thankfully, that wound was healing well. If she kept her mouth closed, it was almost impossible to tell it was gone. The only issue she faced with that was that without the upper canine to hold her lip out, the lower one had a habit of slipping out over her upper lip, which was not a look she cared for. If anything, it made her look inbred, or so she thought. The cougar’s clawmarks simply made her look tough. 

She looked at herself for a moment longer- more out of curiosity than vanity, and because it had surprised her to see he change in her features, before she waded into the waters and lay down, cooling herself off from the midday heat. She’d already done a patrol of the borders, and decided it was time to treat herself to a little break.

Seems he would always run into her by the lake, and this time, he'd been hoping not to.  He still hadn't decided what the hell he was gonna do with all this, and yet fate (I wanted a new thread) shoved his nose in the starting gate.  He couldn't very well avoid her though, could he? Else she'd just make the choice for him.

It was tempting.  But Colt never had been shy before about picking his own hand, and he wasn't going roll over now.

If he had known she was distracted, he might have slipped away.  But by the time he got close enough to realize, she likely would know he was there.

"Every time you leave, you come back with a new scar.  Collecting?"  He asked, teasing lightly.  It was quite the hit, some sorta cat?  When had she tangled with one of them, and thank fuck she'd come out in one piece.

Enjoying the sun’s warmth on her back juxtaposed against the cool water at her sides as she lay in the shallow water, Niamh had allowed her eyes to slip closed, relieving herself from the glare of the light glancing off the water. As distracted as she’d been, a moment earlier, by the change in her appearance, she forgot about it with relative ease as she zoned out- not planning her next hunt or patrol. She mused on the idea of visiting Raven and Quixote to see if they wanted to be relieved of puppy duty for a spell- but from what she could tell, the others had been helping out too, so she finally had some time to herself. Niamh hadn’t enjoyed a bit of “me time” in too long.

She opened her eyes when she caught Colt’s scent, and turned her head to gaze in his direction as he approached. Had he been looking for her? Part of her both hoped and believed he had...But still she wasn’t sure. Niamh had never experienced reciprocated affection before- and while part of her  was smart enough to know that Colt was holding back, for the most part, she lied to herself about it. He’d never discouraged her from showing him affection- but his own reactions had been minimally more than friendly. 

Nevertheless, she smiled and lifted a foot to flick water in his direction. ”It’s a new look I’m going for. All the rage,” She explained, with a mild shrug. ”What d’you think?” She asked sarcastically, turning her head a bit so he could see better. While she was relieved that he didn’t frown upon the fact she’d been injured, part of her had wished he’d be a bit more concerned. But everything was a joke for Colt, it seemed...She just started to wonder if he’d ever take her seriously.

That she could handle herself, but that he didn't like the idea of her fighting with at least him there to take flank.  "I doubt there's a thing you could do would make you look bad, but I think I prefer the scars on the other ones."  

He'd never been one to say what he meant, since speaking in feelings was definitely not the Blackthorn way.  Least not his and Finley's.  They'd screamed, yelled, thrown themselves into fights, but only with age had they started coming to realize the hardest thing to do was say what you felt.  She had come farther in that than he had, in a lot of aspects.  Kids and a mate could do that to you.  

So he'd skirt until he was forced into it.  "Have you seen Raven's kids yet?"

There- with one sentence, he both assured her that she was attractive and expressed a bit if concern. Why shouldn’t that be enough? She smiled, but averted her gaze- she wasn’t used to getting flattery from someone she most desired it from. There was a casual air about the way he said it, but still, the foolish girl in her latched onto its sincerity like a frightened child to its mother. She just wished there had been something slightly different about the way he’d said it- it was almost too matter-of-fact to seem like he wanted her to feel pretty...But she would take whatever she could get from him.

He still didn’t draw closer, and changed the subject to Raven’s pups. She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted him to ask her about- but she knew she wanted the topic to stay closer to her and him. Still, it couldn’t hurt to talk about kids- Niamh liked them plenty, and she wanted to make sure he knew that too, for some reason she’d be too embarassed to admit. ”Oh, they’re some sweet,” She said. ”Should be opening their eyes someday soon. I’m going for the puppysitter trade, I think, so I want to spend a lot of time with them.” She admitted, with a warm smile. ”You like kids?” She asked then, perking her ears.

Colt was no idiot when it came to conversations like this, and he couldn't help but feel like he was on a tipping point.  Maybe it wasn't a conscious thought; but somewhere, accurate or not, he got the sense if he continued to hold back, she was going to move on. Decision - did he want that to happen.

"I didn't used to, but I've come around," he said with a smile.  "Haven't seen them yet though.  Figured I'd stay outta their way for a bit."  That was a bit of a lie.... it was more that he didn't want to rehash his and Quixote's conversation. And running into either parent could bring that about easily.  "Never had any of my own, but they are pretty great."  Sliding gently into that territory, but casually.

It made sense for some wolves to give Raven and Quixote some space- surely they’d rather not have the entire pack poking their heads in just to see the kids every day- but Niamh stopped by regularly, more to give them a break than to visit with the pups. Even if all they wanted to do was go out and nap in the sun, she was happy to den up with the pups so they could do that.

She smiled when he admitted that he’d want kids. ”Bet they’d be some cute. How many would you want? Gonna try and beat Finley’s record?” She asked wryly. Of course, that was something that’d be right up her alley- or so she thought. Part of her still measured her own success in life by the acheivement of traditional roles.

He shook his head and laughed.  "Nah, no goals.  Besides, she's got a bit of a head start at this point."  A bit.  "I'm assuming you'll want a slew of them then?  Unless you just got a thing for babysitting.  I would imagine it's easier when you can walk away and leave the parents to it."  

He didnt really have anything he was working around to, but the talk was helping.  He hadn't ever really talked casually about shit like this with someone, and it felt good to have an answer other than 'shit, me, kids? No fuckin way!'

He made a fair point. She hadn't exactly considered the difference ther'd be between babysitting- and walking away from the kids when she'd had her fill- and actually having kids of her own who would be there, and needy, for quite some time. Still, she wasn't terribly deterred. Even though she babysat for Raven and Quixote, she had yet to experience the major pain in the ass it was to have kids once they were more mobile. She didn't know what it would be like to help a child through heartbreak, or to feel the fear of seeing one injured. For Niamh, all she could think about when it came to kids, was the warm fuzzy feelings you got when you were around them. 

"Eh, I'd see how the first batch turned out." She said, blithely. "Then figure out if I wanted more or not. But as long as they're nothing like my brother and I were when we were brats, it'll all be good." She laughed. After all- she and Ambrose had left the pack before they'd turned a year old- and she couldn't imagine now, what that must have felt like for her parents...But at the time, they hadn't much cared, either. She ended up shrugging, though. "I dunno. Depends on what happens, I guess. Maybe I'll never have them." She admitted- if Colt didn't step up his game, she thought privately, she'd definitely miss out the year coming up. How the hell was she supposed to find someone else in such a short period of time?! "Just have to steal that little blonde one that came with Caiaphas and call him my own. Looks enough like me, anyway," She joked flatly.

Shit, she wasn't kidding there.  He'd probably kill any kid that turned out like him - though who knew? Wasn't like he had ever actually been a parent before.  Maybe he'd be chill af as a dad.

"Hah, I don't think you got much to worry about there.  They'll be lining up." He said, though once the words caught up, he sat down.  Yeah, probably about time.  The leadup helped, and he fuckin hated beating around the bush when it got down to the actual point.

"Can't say I'm not interested myself, it's just... complicated," he admitted, glancing at her to catch her reaction to that little gem of wisdom.  Nice dude, nice.

They'll be lining up.

They? Who the hell was they? Niamh's smiling mouth closed, and she regarded him with concern, as all the suspended hopes she'd been entertaining slowly began to crumble and fall, like leaves that had turned red in the autumn. They weren't just talking vaguely anymore- now, all of a sudden, he was talking about them. And he explained that it was complicated...And what did that even mean? If he was interested, he was interested- why couldn't he just come out and say that he wasn't?

Niamh was hurt. She sat up, water dripping from the fur about her ruff, but she didn't bother to shake it off; the cool felt nice, even though she felt like something inside her had suddenly frozen. She gritted her teeth together, and told herself to be strong, but the hurt showed plainly on her stubborn features. "Nah, I get it." She said, turning her gaze away, and flattening her ears. "You don' need to explain." She said, and shrugged. "You're not actually interested. Whatever." She said. She wouldn't allow herself to break...She couldn't do it...But she was having an immensely difficult time keeping herself together.

Oh, not well.  Not well at all.  Didn't he just say he was interested? "Why the fuck would I lie about it?" He asked, nonplussed by her icy reaction.    "And better yet, how the hell could I not be?  You're a damn catch."  And didn't know it, apparently, which was honestly just another check in the 'umm yes please' category.

"I just... I used to do shit like this halfway all the time.  I never stuck around.  I don't wanna do that anymore."  He took a step towards her, but then stopped again.  He had no idea how she'd take this one then.  "I tried not to, and it fucked me up, and you deserve better than fucked up."  She deserved someone who still had everything to give - he'd given it away already and he wasn't sure he'd gotten it back.

Niamh tensed; so he was interested? That didn't make any sense. When he said she was a catch, it rebounded in a way he probably didn't predict. How could she be a catch if he didn't want her? He was being hypocritical as all get out and she didn't understand why. "Clearly I'm not," She hissed, staring at him with a cold gaze. Was he just telling more lies? How could she be a catch if he didn't want her? And if he wanted her, then why was he pushing her away? Nothing made sense- and she'd never encountered anything like this before, so she reacted in the only way she could. 

She did give him the time of day to explain, though- but it didn't make anything clearer. He'd done this before- but didn't want to do it again...But what was he referring to? The confusion showed on her irritated features, and she continued to watch him as he took a step toward her, but she didn't stand up, and continued to sit right where she was, water around her midsection. "What do you mean you tried not to? This is exactly what you're doing right now." She said. What he might have been trying to imply had gone over her head. "And what makes you think I'm not fucked up already? I just had to chase down what was once my best friend, to kill him." She said, as though he needed that reminder. "You were the only not-fucked-up thing I had in my life." She said, her tone lowering a bit. A bit of sadness crept its way through her anger, though she was unwilling to accept it. She continued to regard him for a moment, but looked away.

He could have explained it - all of it.  Just like he'd done with Quixote.  But with her last statement, he felt it.... that feeling.  The stomach turn, the one that makes you want to be better, do things you wouldn't normally.  Maybe not the full on version, but enough that suddenly there were no ghosts, no memories.  Just her, here, now, not looking at him.

Talk about shitty timing.

Damn him for not being able to help it, but he laughed.  Quietly, and only for a minute, but damn.  "Sorry.  But I don't think I've ever been called the most un-fucked up thing in someone's life before."  

He moved to close the distance between them, watching her carefully.  If she rejected it he would stop - he realized he could fuck this up any minute, could have already even.  But he'd hate himself if he walked away now without at least trying.  If he got close enough, he'd reach out, moving to lightly caress her chin with his own muzzle.  She was more wrong than she'd know, but he could maybe help correct her notion of how he saw her.

Part of Niamh's sadness continued to seep through her, but part of her anger began to simmer as he looked at her quietly, and finally, laughed. She tilted her chin up, and her nose wrinkled. She hadn't meant to be funny- but yet again, just like with almost every other damn time she'd ended up hurt or angry, he'd laughed. Everything was a joke with him...But despite her anger, when he spoke, his voice much lighter than it had been before, she was surprised- and despite how stubbornly she wanted to stay angry, she wasn't sure she could. 

She watched him warily as he came toward her, but with every step her took, her resolve faltered. Like the ripples around his ankles, her anger, sadness and relief shook, alternating and trying to take a hold and control her. He came closer and made the hairs along the back of her neck raise when he reached out to touch his muzzle to hers. She shook, softly, upon contact, but she begged herself to be still, and for a moment, she closed her eyes. 

For a moment, that was all she'd ever wanted from him. He'd reached back out to her, and she'd been begging him, silently, to do that for months now. His touch was gentle but knowing, and she felt herself slip into a calm, warm state, and willed herself to slip forward and bury herself into his touch...But that little seed of doubt was still there. And all of a sudden, it split, and a sprout emerged. 

Her eyes opened, and they were unsure. She pulled her muzzle back and regarded him, clear gaze as troubled as the water that rippled with the breeze. "What do you want, then?" She asked. "I just...I just have to be sure. You can't want me and then back out on me again." She said. Even though she wanted nothing more than to simply believe he'd made his decision, she had to hear him say it.

She let him, and for a moment he stood there, relishing the contact as much as she did.  He traced from cheek down, affectionately smiling as he sensed her relax some.

Then she froze again, and he shook his head almost before she even began speaking, as if he sensed what was coming.  He pulled back as well, but didn't lose his smile.

"I don't do that anymore." He said, simple as that.  "That's why I had to be sure."  There couldn't be doubt.  But hearing what she said, and feeling what he'd felt... it had removed them somehow.  Walking away didn't feel right - this felt right.  He didn't want to lose his denmate, his wolverine hunting partner.  And he didn't want her to lose, apparently, the only "un fucked" thing about her life. He didn't want to either.

He seemed to want to commit, but given his standoffishness for the duration of their relationship, as well as his recent reservations gave her reason to hesitate. She was quiet for a moment, considering everything he'd just said and implied, but finally, she looked up at him, and at last, one corner of her mouth turned up in a wry half-smile. "You fucking promise?" She asked, then. It was only said in partial seriousness, but still- she couldn't have him breaking that promise to her, not again.

He waited, unwilling to show that he was nervous, but yeah, he was feelin it.  If she walked away that was fine... better now than later, when he knew the leaving would tear apart his still-healing heart again.  It would suck, but he would get it.  

Finally, she looked at him, and her smile made his chest tighten. "Fuckin cross my heart," he responded, his own smile widening as he made the gesture, then drew in closer, mingling his brown fur with her golden.  If she was willing, he was, and they'd ride it out however that went.  It wasn't exactly a promise for mates, or pups, or any of that; that shit could come later.  But for the moment, and for the first time, they were on the same page about where they stood.

Finally- an answer she could go for. While she didn't know what it meant in terms of labels, she felt it'd be better not to ask. All she knew, though, was that it meant that they were together, in some sort of way. She wasn't quite sure how public they'd be- and part of her was content to keep things on the downlow simply because she knew that Towhee and Colt weren't exactly besties...And she wasn't exactly besties with Finley, either. But they'd work toward that. 

For now, she could simply enjoy the fact that he wanted her- and that he'd actually show it. She moved toward him, a possessive, rumbling growl thrumming in her throat as she pressed herself against him, tilting her head back to place a sensual kiss on his cheek. Something stirred within her- a fire, or a creature that had been silent for much of her life. But she was beginning to learn what it meant to care for someone in a romantic, intimate way, and she loved every moment of it.

Fuck, he could get used to that sound.  He closed his eyes as she pressed in herself, listening to the rumble and taking the opportunity to do what he hadn't been able to yet - twine himself into her affection, and return as good as he got.  

Colt had lied in the past, a good many times.  But when he really, actually gave his word, Colt Blackthorn kept it.  He wouldn't pull back again, not unless for some reason something happened, or she decided this wasn't a road she wanted to walk with him anymore.  

closin this up! <333