Broken Boulder you have just decapitated shia labeouf

i'm sorry his panic attacks always come at the worst/least appropriate times LOL

Alarian could be oblivious at times— but when it came to things like this, he was hyper-observant. To the point that it exhausted him, and likely did more harm than good. Right now, it surely did.
He didn't believe her. All the times she had said such comforting things and meant them had stuck with him, perhaps more than she realized. They were words he carried close to his heart, tried to recall when he knew he was being irrational again, because he knew he could not always go to her for them. How could he not see the difference now?
Somehow, the lies hurt more than if she had yelled at him. Even though they were convenient for him— perhaps even for his sake. No, because of that; because he knew he had hurt her, that he didn't deserve such an easy escape. And she knew that too, and maybe— maybe her giving up on it meant she was giving up on him, too.
It was ultimately too much to handle. His lungs tightened as he considered the implications, breathing becoming shallow and uneven though the change was subtle. There was silence, but he didn't notice. He didn't notice because he wasn't there— his head was spinning a million miles away, and it was all so bright, and the world seemed so small from so far up, and he wasn't there.
But he was— part of him was there, breathing fast now. Somehow, through the haze, he realized he needed to try again to express himself. I— Lily, I— I— I'm sorry, Was that all he had? Pathetic. You don't have to pretend it's okay.