Swiftcurrent Creek I'll stay awake 'cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight

post might a be a bit weird but i'm trying to use denial as a way to keep it vague bc i don't know exactly how much lainie will have told her.

she...no, she...? she, what? she didn't know. didn't know. did not know. what to do? what to think? what to feel? she didn't know! so, so she didn't. didn't know so didn't think, worked best right? 

it's just, well her mind had gone into full on denial. could you blame it? who wouldn't after hearing something like that. it just refused to believe it was true, kept reassuring her that lainie was always a little dramatic and was probably over exaggerating. but the truth was, she knew well her sister wouldn't lie to her and under the hurt and confusion that had knitted together to form this thick wall of denial, she knew it was true. but she simply was not ready to take that on yet, because it had felt like the ground under her paws was swaying with how she'd felt just yesterday before the...revelation. and now? that seemed like nothing compared to now, that seemed like nothing more than an irritable drizzle compared to the storm that raged through her now. she couldn't stand this. which is why she still refused to actually think of what she'd been told because even though she felt it, right now she still couldn't think it. couldn't try pick it apart, just couldn't, couldn't, COULDN'T!

she shook like a little leaf, paws working away at the grass as she tried to bite back little whimpers. for once not wanting someone to come find her, which in itself was incredibly odd because polaris liked nothing more than the soothing words and touches of parents and sibings. but what if they asked....no. 

but then she spotted papa, and she loved papa more than anything. for a little bit she just watched as he sat staring at the water, he looked...sad? she'd never seen papa look sad, despite everything he always was okay. she supposed she'd started to see him as invincible, perhaps he wasn't after all. it's a dull form of shock compared to everything else she's been through so its much easier to accept than it might've been only days previous.

swallowing, the little girl would pick her way tentatively towards his comforting form before reaching his side. "papa" she'd whisper, leaning her small body against his side and seeking comfort in his steady frame. it was all too much so with that she'd turn and bury her face into his fur and promptly start crying. so much for not wanting to be reassured.