Swiftcurrent Creek I'll stay awake 'cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight

he didn't disappoint, using his simple presence and 'papa-ness' to comfort her in the way only a parent ever could. nuzzling her face deeper into his thick fur she'd work on simply inhaling his scent, so familiar, so safe and sure enough the tears would gradually lose their intensity until all that remained were miserable little sniffles and the occasional hiccup. still, she didn't feel ready to return to the real world just yet and so for a while that was it- the two embracing in their shared sorrow while the world continued on around them- as oblivious and uncaring as ever. the river never ceased it's babbling while the trees continued to whisper to each other as little critters scuttered about doing their thing. but at that moment it was okay because she was in her papa-bubble where the only thing in the world was the two of them and he understood, he felt it too even if the rest of the world didn't care about their family's sorrow. he wants to be strong for her but in that moment polaris appreciates his sadness, something about catching even him so vulnerable makes her own feelings bearable. it's an almost startling relief to know that it was okay to feel this way- because if her parents did too that had to mean it was the right thing to feel, right?

eventually as her breathing regains it's normal pattern and the trembling comes to a gentle stop she detaches her face from the depths of his pelt, lifting her unique gaze to rest it upon his face. "it's okay" she finally murmurs quietly, speaking it aloud as a way to inform both herself and him that even if things weren't actually okay, right now it was okay. did that make sense? she frowns before pushing on; "being sad. it's..it's okay" her ears twitch uncertainly, testing the theory but not completely confident in what she was saying, not even really sure as to what she was trying to say. how did parents come up with such clever words? they were so hard! licking her lips nervously she glances back to the water, trying to get her brain in order but with little success. it wasn't easy to get a proper thought process going when it constantly screamed; 'why how where what...WHY WHY WHY?" everytime she so much as brushed off the subject of her brothers and she had grown scared of it. she didn't mind sad but she hated scared.

still she had given into the fear and simply avoided looking into it too much before it could spiral back to lainie, her stomach still twists guiltily over that whole conversation. she simply wanted to pretend it never happeened, it was the easiest thing. but.....she inhales shakily, drawing courage from the warm presence at her side. but she had to be brave didn't she? she had to face the fact that she'd been a jerk to her sister and face...somehow face what she'd been told. but before she could face it she had to actually know what she'd been told because although she was pretty aware that it was bad, very, very bad. she didn't understand it truly and whenever she tried to work it out she just sees the horrified look in the other girl's eyes and flinches away from it altogether. but papa makes her feel stronger and asking had to be easier than trying to work it out by herself right?

her paws work themselves idly into the soft earth beneath her, eyes faraway as she swallows and finally murmurs in what's almost a whisper; "papa...what...what is dead?" she frowns, unable to meet his gaze, focusing now with a dull pang of surprise on the dirt covering her paws from the subconcious digging. shaking a paw she adds tentatively; "we eat...dead? the food it's..." her teeth grit then, annoyed at her inability to express what she didn't understand. she wasn't a baby anymore so why was she speaking like one? so she simply gives up, studying the disrupted ground beneath her like the secrets of the world lay there although her ears always remained tilted in his direction; nervously awaiting the truth.