Stone Circle I'm so used to letting go

Come on, mother, we have to go, he murmured, knowing that he shouldn't push her but doing so anyway. Charles wasn't entirely sure why he wanted to make sure that nothing bad happened to his mother. Some other days he just wished that something bad did happen to her. But somehow he could never quite push himself to be the one to make the bad things happen to her, and some days -- like this one -- he even wanted her to not get in trouble, even though it would be so easy to just let her lay there.

Not entirely unexpected, after he gently tugged her ear, she turned around in a flash of teeth. Charles shrieked in surprise at the unbridled rage on her face. He instantly dropped to the ground, but it was too late to avoid her anger and blood dropped down the bridge of his nose. Mother didn't usually physically hurt him, but there was something about the sensation that felt like home. Like a part of him that he had been missing. Like Riley, maybe.

Oh, I'm so sorry, baby, she whispered as she pulled him close. Charles liked it when she comforted him, which was why he sometimes did bad things, just so that mother would be angry at him and then she would comfort him after that. He didn't like the anger -- although it was comforting in its own way -- but he knew that usually, the comforting would start. A few drops of blood from the slashes across the bridge of his muzzle dropped onto her fur as she squished him close and whispered soothing words into his ears. Charles closed his eyes and sighed in a moment of contentment.

After that she lay down again and seemed to be continuing with whatever she was doing before. Sleeping, maybe..? Charles watched, blinking, as she lay still for a few seconds. He contemplated pushing her again -- to get her out of trouble, to get her to come, or maybe just so that she'd get angry again, to feel the sting of pain again, to feel her fur press against his, to feel loved even if bit for a split second -- but in the end, he decided against it.

With a sigh Charles made his way to the meeting alone. He pawed at his nose and rubbed some dirt from the ground across the wounds on his nose, because he didn't want to draw attention to them. The coywolf nervously showed up and listened as the words were spoken about the departed. He hadn't known Nanook. He'd known Kaito, remembered hiding behind him for a moment once, at a meeting. But after that they had drifted apart, it felt like, even though he was probably the closest that Charles had ever had resembling a father. Of course, he didn't have much comparison material to go by.

Charles felt out of place in the meeting, and wasn't sure what was expected of him. If he was expected to do or say anything. He looked at the wolves around him, who remained silent, and decided to remain silent, too, as he listened to the honouring of their lost pack mate.

Silently Charles wondered why aunt Indra had never gotten an honouring. He didn't remember it, anyway. Maybe it was because she wasn't a very nice wolf. Not to him, at least. Maybe only really nice wolves got an honouring.