Stone Circle Matters of life

@Valette Cebra has a question. @Mawk also feel free. She's asking about the possibility of breeding.

The breeding season was coming soon and Cebra could feel the change happening. She felt her moods shifting and the desire to seek out a possible birthing den, but she was aware that Easthollow had some strict rules on breeding. However she wanted specifics and had a question of her own, hoping to work something out. She figured Mawk would want to be present too for this and so she sent up a call for the both of them, sitting just outside her den.

Valette wondered why she was called to Cebra's den. She hoped that he would be good news. Usually, when it came to Cebra or Mawk it had something to do with their kids. Most of the time it was the fact that they were missing, or then when they were found again. She just hoped it would be good news as she wanted to have the family enjoy their own kids without losing them. Valette trotted to the den site of Mawk and Cebra and dipped her head in greeting. "You called?," she stated to Cebra.

Illecebra felt her heartbeat quicken as Valette arrived, her nervousness growing. She wasn't exactly expecting a good outcome from this, she was honestly expecting to be denied the chance to breed again. But she would ask and state her reasoning and offers. "Yes..I have something to discuss." She began hesitantly. Her eyes moved to the ground as she thought what she would say before actually speaking.

"Breeding season is coming very soon...I'm sure you can feel it too. I..I don't know if you planned on having another litter this year, but I was hoping if you weren't wanting one of your own that me and Mawk could be given the chance to have our second and last litter. I know that the rule here is that only you can breed..or something like that." Her voice shook as she spoke, not out of fear but from the mixture of nervousness and the beginning of hope that shoved it's way in depsite her mental preparations.

"Burr,Rowana,And Cyron are getting older now, they'll be old enough to help out with hunting by the time the pups are born. Me and Mawk would work extra hard to hunt and prepare things for the litter and also keep the pack healthy. They'd be raised to know that you and your children are of course above them and our family..." She trailed off to allow the alphaess to process the question and peered at her with questioning eyes.

Valette sat down before her and then seemed to notice how nervous Cebra was. Was there something wrong? Wasn't she happy? But then Valette realized when she started about breeding. Mawk and Cebra were the only mated couple in their pack. So it did make sense that they would ask permission to breed. Though, Valette's first thought was an instant 'No'. She didn't voice that out loud. She wanted her own pups but she didn't have anyone and she didn't want the repetition of what happened with Ezekiel.

Cebra continued that her three children were getting older now. But Burr was injured and couldn't help and Rowana was still missing. Only their newly found Cyron could help them. But Valette didn't want to press those facts too much. It wouldn't be a very nice thing to do and she did like Cebra and Mawk in her pack. At her last words, Valette felt even a bit bad. She remembered saying that to the couple when they arrived. She let Cebra speak before speaking herself.

"Cebra... I don't know. I know what it is like to want another litter badly but...," she sighed. She also remembered that Cebra hadn't returned for a long time giving Mawk some severe distress with the only reason was that she wasn't ready to come home yet. That sounded like some mental issues and having pups might not help her case. Valette didn't want to judge Cebra, on the contrary, she wanted to help her. Valette just didn't know how she could put it nicely. Perhaps it would make her sound judgemental.

"You've only just returned to Easthollow. You suffered quite some injuries, and Mawk was so stressed out of losing you and your three kids that he stopped caring for himself. You only found Cyron recently. I am just not convinced having another litter of children would benefit the both of you. It would be a lot of extra stress and pressure. Of course, Easthollow would help like we have done in the past... But for me as a leader, it was also quite stressful to keep hearing that your children have gone missing," she admitted.

Valette now felt a bit like a bad guy. She even looked a bit guilty for saying those things. She took in a deep sigh. Because Cebra knew Valette cared about Mawk and her, right? "It is a no for now. I am sorry. I don't feel it is the right thing to do right now. Ask me again when spring comes around and you haven't gotten your heat yet," she stated. Perhaps if Valette didn't decide to breed this year she might give Mawk and Cebra a chance later in the season. It was much like Nanook had been super honest with her and told her not to breed as well. It was a bit of a shock but she had seen the truth in it, perhaps it would be the same for Cebra. Valette only said this because she cared for the couple. "What was Mawk's opinion on another litter?," she asked curiously then. Because she wondered if the male was mentally ready after having to go through what he had gone through while Cebra had been away as well.

The hope sputtered out as soon as Valette began speaking but Cebra had been expecting it, so she simply listened quietly. Her one ear flattened back as shame and guilt filled her chest making her heart feel heavy as Valette spoke about Mawk. She hadn't known that, the fact that he had been in so much pain he'd stopped caring for himself. She swallowed back a lump in her throat and avoided looking into Valette's eyes and face altogether. 

How was it that the alphaess knew more about Mawk's suffering than she did? She tucked down the slight annoyance and ..was that jealousy? No..she wouldn't be jealous of Valette, there was no reason to be she knew that. Valette's explanation also made sense, alot of sense. She realized she had rushed into the decision to want more pups without really thinking about it. 

Tears moistened her eyes but not because of the decision that Valette had made but because she realized how much of a mess she was. "I..I'm a bad mother...I guess I thought having a second litter would be a second chance...a way to raise a good proper group of children" she began in a tremulous voice, the facade of calmness and happiness she had been putting on since Cyron's return beginning to break.

"But this litter still needs me. Burr will be coming home and Cyron...there's something off about him. I mean he was kidnapped and probably tortured but..he's..broken and I can't figure out how to fix it. I havent even tried to have some alone time with Mawk, I feel so guilty about deliberately staying away from him and Easthollow that I can barely bring myself to look at him" she spilled it all out in a rush and then sat there physically shaking as she tried to hold back the grief and guilt and tears.

"I..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have unloaded that on you.." she whispered and hung her head.

Valette slowly frowned when the first reaction from Cebra was that she had been a bad mother. The alpha female scooted closer. She nudged the other female. "I didn't say that," she defended herself. "And I don't think you are," she added as well. Sure, her kids had been away from the pack. But that didn't mean it was all her fault. Sometimes kids were stupid and got themselves in trouble. Valette was just lucky that she had so many eyes watching her kids when they did something stupid.

Valette nudged her again in comfort. "Hey now, I am your friend. You can tell me those things," she spoke. "I think Cyron will need some TLC, it is natural that he might be different after what he went through. Keoni hasn't been the same either after something happened on her travels. She never speaks again. So, he might not be the same as before," she admitted. She wanted to give the other a light warning. "And well, he is your mate, and he loves you very much. I think he will forgive you if you admit to him how bad you feel. It will all be alright, Cebra. But you need to talk to Mawk about it and just focus on the litter you have now. They aren't completely lost," Valette spoke.

At first she didn't respond to the comforting nudge given by Valette, still staring at the ground in dismay but she did listen to what the woman said. She agreed with Valette, it was definitely normal for Cyron to be different after what he'd been through. It was unfortunate, but natural. She simply hoped she could find a way to make sure he wouldn't be different in a permanently negative way. She didn't want him to grow into something bitter or fearful of everything. "It was my fault he got kidnapped. That day...he had gotten sprayed by a skunk and was absolutely terrified of it. Blubbering and shaking...he reeked so bad the poor thing" her eyes misted over at the memory, an almost fond look coming into her features. "Rowana was with me. I tried to soothe him and calm him, Rowana ended up saying something not entirely pleasant but harmless really. He took it to heart and ran off... I didn't follow. I let him run from us....at the time I thought maybe he'd need to be alone, but I should've known better than that. He was so different than Rowana and Burr. Innocent in every single way, just a simple giggly boy...he should have had me after him within moments." 

She began to babble out the confession, her voice shaking as she found herself needing to get this out. Valette had said she was her friend right? She could tell a friend this. "I didn't think anything was wrong until he was gone for hours and it had grown dark. After a single hour I should have looked but it had been maybe three or four...by the time I noticed he was missing it was too late" she whispered and dug her claws into the ground. "Even now...when I tried say sorry to him, he stopped me and comforted me. It shouldn't be that way...it's a mother's job to comfort their babies" she said shaking her head. 


Sucking in a breath she went silent for a few moments. The confession made the air feel suffocating but at the same time she felt like a weight was gone from her chest. Now she would just have to confess it to Mawk, and pray he forgave her. "I'll be talking to Mawk...I feel like maybe we're both avoiding one another, but that...that has to stop. I'll find a way to speak to him" she said firmly.

Valette listened intently when Cebra started to speak how the kidnapping was her fault. The alpha female didn't feel like it was her fault. "It is a tough call to see if a child needs some time for himself or some time alone. Now it might feel like your fault but I am pretty sure that it wasn't," Valette spoke. She had moments where she had left Ezra in a moody demeanor to fend for himself. "He probably wasn't open for your affection because he was hurt and emotional. Now we can only speculate but if you had gone after him he might have run further away," she pointed out.

Valette slowly nodded but she highly doubted that the giggly boy would return. He was far from innocent now. And once that innocence was taken away there was nothing one could do really. Valette slowly shook her head again. "That is not true, Cebra. Just because he comforted you doesn't mean you aren't his mother anymore. I had the same with Clary when I was upset about Steady. She comforted me. It means they are maturing, becoming an adult. But that doesn't make you less of his mother," Valette pointed out to her. "Perhaps, you needed the comfort more than he did. Perhaps you should question if Cyron even blames you or it is just you that thinks that. I believe Cyron is glad to be with his family again," Valette spoke, it was mostly assumptions she made but it might help Cebra

Valette nodded when she started about Mawk. Another thing the female had to tackle. "Only when you are ready," she spoke with a nod. 'I think he would be open for it."

It was then that she realized just how well suited Valette was an the alpha. Any doubts she ever held left her mind and she sniffled loudly,finally gathering her wits as the wise words from Valette brought her back to her senses. Everything she was saying was true or could possibly be true but none were things she had ever thought about. Emotions seemed to rule her more then common sense and rationality did, Cebra realized she was just oversensitive and over thought things too much.


With a shaky smile she stood up and dipped her head to Valette. "You are incredibly wise. I don't think I'd ever find a better alpha. Thank you for seeing me Valette, you're a good friend." She spoke warmly, her eyes softening as she looked at the woman for a second before turning to leave "I'll go check out the borders again and attempt to hunt. Thank you again" she said and then padded off, musing over some of what Valette had said. Did Cyron even blame her or was she simply blaming herself? Honestly the only ones to blame we're the ones who stole cyron away instead of seeing if the pack he was by was his home.

Valette flushed modestly when Cebra gave her such a nice compliment. She dipped her head briefly in thank you. She was glad that her words helped Cebra. Perhaps they would give her a different perspective. "That is really sweet. You are a good friend as well, Cebra," she spoke with a kind smile. "Don't you worry about borders or hunting. I think it is far more important that you don't blame yourself and talk to the ones you love," she spoke with a nod. Once Cebra was better mentally she could do those tasks again. Valette didn't want her to be pressured to do these tasks as well. They had quite a big pack and there were others to help out as well. "You can always come to me if you want more help," she spoke then, having the feeling that Cebra wanted to go talk to her family now.

You can wrap it up and archive it! This was a really nice thread!! :D

Cebra smiled and ducked her head sheepishly "actually...doing patrols helps me think. I quite like to walk along the borders and ponder my problems" she said earnestly. After that was said she lifted her gaze and smiled again in Valette's direction "I'll focus on my family now though" she amended and at that she turned, flicking the nub of a tail in farewell, bolting off to find Cyron and Mawk.