Heron Lake Plateau Lost some pieces I can't replace

Niamh had grown fairly quiet, tending to Screech's needs with perhaps a bit less of the doting care she had used before, and now she fed him, bit by bit of whatever she'd killed, simply because she had to, not because she necessarily wanted to. Still, at least she made sure that he ate, and that he got water as well. His strength seemed to be coming along slowly, even though he was but a husk of the asshole wolf he'd once been. But his disassociative state had begun to take a toll on Niamh, who patrolled the borders regularly, but with a resolute sort of silence as she did so. 

It was with a lack of feeling altogether that she wandered along the creek, leading away from the heart of the packlands and toward the borders to where the water dipped and fell from the tall cliff. Tegan's Tears, Towhee had called it. She didn't quite get the reference, as she'd never seen Tegan cry, or come close to being anything but...Well, Tegan. She stood along the bank at the top of the falls and looked down, as the water turned from clear to frothy and white, a small mist of spray rising up from the rocks below where the water crashed down upon them. In her mind's eye, she pictured the water spoiling, turning red, and she frowned at the mental image. She'd never thought of something like that before...But though it was a grizzly image, it still remained in her mind's eye with a strange, sort of alluring quality to it. She wondered how hard the impact would hurt, if she'd feel anything at all, or if she would just be out instantly, as she had been when she'd collided with Screech. She continued to stare down toward the pool below, transfixed by the idea of seeing the water turn red.

Colt was wholly unaware of the drama surround Screech and Niamh and Ceara and everyone honestly.  None had come to him (I assume) so he had no reason to be involved, and his visits to the den where Screech was had been minimal trips to drop off prey and maybe check in with Niamh.

He didn't much care for drama, much as he occasionally was the crux of it.

So when he saw Niamh,  staring into the water, he was blissfully unaware of how accurate his next words were. "Thinking of jumping? Dunno if I'd recommend it... better places to cool off."  It was a joke, but incredibly poorly timed.... walking into a mindfield blindly seemed to be his specialty nowadays.

Niamh didn't turn to look at Colt when he spoke to her, but her ears did turn back and her cheeks grew warm. Had she really been thinking about jumping? She gritted her teeth, and turned her muzzle just slightly, to acknowledge that she'd heard him, her heart still beating in her throat. By then, she figured, her answer was as clear as day. She had been thinking about jumping...But the realization startled her, and she felt a strong pang of loneliness and guilt. 

She shook her head, and forced a smile, but there was a shine to her soft, honey eyes, which she couldn't force herself to lift to meet his gaze. She opened her mouth as though to speak, but couldn't make her voice work, so she simply shrugged, and looked away again. She was on the very brink of crumbling, holding herself together as though her life depended on it. She stared out over the plateau with a hard look, doing her best to keep herself together. She still couldn't talk- and she didn't realize it, but she'd begun to hold her breath, simply so that she could keep herself from falling apart.

When he didn't immediately get a response, Colt's gaze narrowed, and his stomach dropped.  And when the silence continued, only replaced by a shrug and then Niamh looking away abruptly, a definite oh-shit moment landed.  Had she seriously been fuckin thinking of jumping?

Before Hawkin, Colt never would have known a wolf could even consider something like that.  But he'd lost his best friend to it, and this triggered serious bsns in the older male.

"Fuck, I was kidding, but seriously.  Don't recommend."  He moved quickly to close the space between them, glancing down before looking at her closely.  "What's up?"  Whatever it was, he was there... physically, mentally, what the fuck ever.  Best as he could be at least.

Niamh immediately felt guilty when Colt assumed she'd been serious...And she couldn't have been, could she? There was a tinge of fear in his voice when he came up to her and spoke, and yet again she forced a wan smile that creased the corners of her mouth but lack sincerity completely, as the worry lines were still present near her eyes. He was there, all of a sudden, right beside her, and she realized as dark spots began to enter her vision that she'd been holding her breath, so she let it out with a sigh, and before she could inhale, the lowered and turned her head, and pressed it into his chest. 

When she drew a breath, it was ragged and hitched in her chest. She wanted for everything to go away- for Ceara to disappear and leave her alone, and for Screech to come back and be himself again. Everything was all too much for her- she couldn't quiet the voices in her head, and couldn't wade through the tsunami of feelings that constantly pinned her down.

If there was one thing Colt Blackthorn knew a surprising amount about, it was falling apart and having to pick up the pieces.  After Hawkin he'd hit a dark period that lasted longer than it should have, and he'd pushed away relationships (Finley included) and broken some that had taken a long while to mend.  He'd lost years.  This second loss, he'd gone the opposite route, allowing it to bring him here to finally mend things instead.  This was the better path.

When he'd come to check on Niamh before, he'd seen notes of fraying, but this was close to rock bottom.  So instead of talking or pulling away, or cracking a damn joke, Colt did what he thought was best (and for once he might damn well be right, because direct experience was surprisingly helpful).... he just stayed.  Sitting down, he put up a foreleg, resting it over her shoulder and lowering his head in a sort of embrace.  He'd stay like that until she was ready to say something or decided to leave, whichever came first.  He had nothing more important than bein here, after all, giving her at least support to fall apart against.  Something he'd needed and hadn't had, way back when.

Had Colt said the wrong thing at that point, he likely would have lost her- but she had a few reasons to reach out to him just then, the first being the fact that she knew he would do the right thing, and allow her to lean on him. Secondly, he had reached out to her once before- and had told her that if she needed anything, he'd be there. While she hated to cash in favours or demand much of others, as she was a fairly independant wolf, there was no avoiding it- she needed someone. He had offered, and now she was taking him up on that offer- and she needed it so badly that she didn't even feel guilty. 

He was warm, and she felt safe and secure when he pulled her close with one foreleg and rested his head atop hers. She didn't want to pull away, ever. It had been so long since Niamh had needed someone, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd needed someone and had actually had someone who was willing to care for her. She stayed there, breathing warm air into his soft fur, until eventually she found her voice, as feeble as it was. 

"Screech attacked Raven." She said, but could muster nothing else.

She was silent a while, but he didn't mind.  Colt wasn't the type to go counselor on a body... if they didn't want to share with him, he sometimes preferred it.  He dealt mostly with his own shit too, and only talked about issues if he felt he didn't have a choice.  Or he just wanted to - these just rarely were personal to him.  

But finally she spoke, without moving away.  Colt's eyes widened, but he didn't pull back either.  "Shit. Is she okay?"  It took him a moment to reply... he had definitely not expected that to be a problem that came up.  When had Screech even woken up? "And is he..." Knowing Quixote, there was a distinct possibility.  More than distinct.  Colt wouldn't blame his friend for flying off the handle, what with Raven being pregnant and all.  Holy fuck.

Niamh withered a bit when Coplt asked about Raven, and then tensed a moment later when he asked about Screech. She couldn't stand the thought of it. Was she responsible for this, too? Perhaps had she allowed others to take care of him, he might have been a bit less...Protective of her. Or something along those lines. Surely there was something she'd done wrong along the way that had made Screech act out the way he had. She felt guilty- perhaps because she still believed that Screech's coma was her fault in the first place, so everything that had happened since had stemmed from her own foolishness. 

"She's hurt but...She's ok. I think..." She said, before trailing off. She was sure Raven would survive- but Screech had really hit her hard, and she couldn't help but wonder if that had had some effect on the puppies. "Screech's been exiled," She responded flatly. She wasn't sure how to talk about that with Colt, as she knew that Colt didn't exactly think too highly of Screech. No one did. So she felt obligated to hide how she really felt- if she even knew what that was.

He felt her tense, but she didn't refuse to answer, which was fortunate.  He wouldn't have pushed, but hell he wanted to know what was going on now.  At least how everyone was.

It was a relief to hear that Raven was ok... but the news about Screech was rough.  It could have been worse, but he didn't doubt trouble would befall the boy alone.  Kid was like a misfortune magnet, and he didn't think it was anyone's fault, not even his own.

"Sorry," he said, unable to think of much more.  They were closer, likely she hadn't taken it well, though she seemed to understand.  Pups were the pack's number one priority, and if a packmate was willing to endanger that, well... Screech was lucky to still be alive.  

Niamh seemed to have an extra fondness for Screech, though, that Colt wasn't able to entirely understand.  "You gonna stick around?" From the previous weeks, she'd shown she felt responsible for his wellbeing, and if she chose him over the pack, Colt wouldn't be entirely surprised.  He hoped not, but hey, she had to do what she had to do.

His apology was simple, but she couldn't- and wouldn't have- expected him to say much more. The Colt she knew was either quick on the draw of a sarcastic remark, or he said little, but meant a lot with what he said. Niamh could handle that, and at least he seemed to take her side, whatever her side was. She still wasn't sure how to feel about the way Quixote had spoken to her when she'd gone to him about Ceara...He hadn't exactly been quick to rally to her side but had stayed somewhat distant, which made her wonder if she hadn't fallen for his face, not his personality. Either way, whatever attraction she'd had for him was more or less gone. She'd learned, then, that she couldn't simply form a silly crush on someone, because they would eventually just let you down, unless you got to know them first.

Niamh was touched that his next concern was her- and whether she would stay or not. The idea of leaving with Screech had occurred to her, but she sighed. Considering everything she'd done for him, and the way she'd always been treated in return, it shouldn't have been hard for her to abandon him...But some stubborn part of her still hated giving up on others. "Yes." She said. "He's...I don't know what's going to happen to him...But if I stick with him, I'm just...He's just going to hurt me more. I'll end up dead if I go with him."

"Probably a good call," he said, and to him it seemed like an easy one.  But friends made everything a hell of a lot harder... he'd once completely alienated Fin for the sake of his, after all, and probably could take some sort of reward for stupidly granted loyalty.

"Lot of us here would much rather have you alive, if we got any say in it," he said, smiling for the first time since the conversation started.  Levity aside, it was true... the pack would lose a huge something if she decided to leave, as he didn't know anyone (aside from maybe his sis, but who knew with her) who didn't like her.  (Granted, Colt wasn't privy to most of the drama the pack had, so there was that.)

Colt agreed with her, and it was encouraging to have someone who finally thought she was doing the right thing- and actually said so. She had to wonder how many of the pack wolves had thought she was stupid for taking care of Screech...And how many would begrudge her for having saved the wolf who would eventually attack Raven. She knew there would be repercussions, but was extremely grateful that Colt seemed to see things from a different angle. He wanted her around- and it was nice to be wanted by someone. 

She tucked her muzzle beneath his chin gratefully and felt a warmth spread through her chest. Though he hadn't said that he in particular wanted her to stay, she knew that it was in there, somewhere. He didn't sound like he was avoiding saying something like that outright, and it probably would have pleased Niamh to hear that more, but she couldn't be choosy. She was lucky that he was saying what he was saying anyway. "Thanks, Colt." She murmured, and ran her teeth through the fur just below his chin affectionately. She paused for a moment, but didn't withdraw herself from his embrace. "Would you...Would you mind staying with me, tonight?" She asked, unable to look up at him for fear that he might frown and crush her hopes.

She took it well, which was good, because 'packmate got exiled probably to his death' was a time that in Colt's mind demanded a small measure of sensitivity. He definitely thought all involved had made the right call here, and didn't feel the blame on any individual. Luck was shitty sometimes.

When he felt her teeth brush his chin, and heard her question, he realized just how close they were, and his chest gave an uncomfortable sort of lurch.  He stilled that immediately, but  he hadn't been this close, or slept even next to anyone, since... well, it had been a long while.  

But she was young and needed someone there, and he couldn't say no to that, could he?  She'd have had my ears if I did, he thought silently, and the rememberance made him smile even as it sent another pang though his gut.  "Sure, I can do that."

She felt relief flood through her when he agreed. He answered her almost casually, which was reassuring- at least he didn't seem to sound reluctant, and if he had, she likely would have turned him away once they'd reached her den, as she did not want to coerce him into staying her. There was nothing worse than getting what you wanted- when the other wolf felt obligated, rather than pleased, to help out. She lifted her head, then, and drawing her bleary gaze away from the falls, she gestured. 

"It's this way." She said. Tiredly, she rose to her feet, but exhaustion kept her stance relaxed if not a bit downtrodden, tail hanging limply behind her and ears turning to the sides slightly. "I- I appreciate it." She admitted, turning her head slightly as she walked. "I just...I don't want to be alone tonight." She said. She almost went on to confess that there wasn't really anyone else she felt comfortable asking, but for now, she kept that truth to herself.

She still seemed despondent as she led him away, but he followed closely. He knew where she stayed... he'd visited a time or two.  But he wondered if she was still keeping that place or if she'd relocated, chosen a different nook that hadn't had Screech in it.

"No problem." He assured, glancing sideways at her.  He was surprised she hadn't chosen Towhee or one of the others, and kinda flattered honestly.  It wasn't often he was called on for shit like this and much as he might be an ass sometimes, he liked helpin when he could.  Recalling a feature of her den, he pulled a typical turn and changed the subject, testing to see if she wanted to chat or stay on the same route.  "So, you like feathers, huh?  Remember seein some, last time I stopped by."

He looked as though he was secretly pleased she'd asked him to stay with her, so Niamh felt relieved and reassured that he actually wanted to be there for her. For all the nights she had spent by Screech's side, she had hardly slept one night peacefully. She woke up often to check on him, and her dreams had been filled with terrifying images of finding him asleep and unable to wake up again. To sleep alone so soon after his banishment made her ache for some sort of comfort, so her worries were quelled and she took solace in knowing she would not have to be alone tonight. 

Colt asked about her feathers and her ears turned back slightly. All those feathers in her den weren't for decoration anymore. She'd initially only had a few- just the prettiest ones, from pheasants, magpies and grouse. But with Screech there, she'd obsessively nested, filing it with as much fluffy down as she could find. Now that he was gone, she wanted nothing to do with that bed, and part of her dreaded seeing it again, as she knew it would smell like him. She swallowed hard. "Uhm. Yeah...I do." She said, but her voice trailed off. "I did. I just...I have to...I forgot..I haven't cleaned those feathers out yet. I didn't think about it..." She admitted, wishing she'd taken the chance to kick all those feathers out- the ones that smelled like Screech- before she'd asked Colt to come to her den for the night. It was more or less the equivalent of inviting someone over, and then realizing that your place was a mess, and that you'd have no time to clean it before they got there.

I did.  Yikes, apparently that was a thing too.  Hopefully this hadn't turned her off too many things she liked, but if for a while it did, he guessed that made a bit of sense.  He hadn't thought of the fact that they might have been for him.  She'd really been hung up on helpin him along.  For the first time, Colt felt a bit of bitterness towards Screech.  Not for anything specific... but he'd obviously had a pretty damn good friend here, and Colt wondered if he'd really appreciated it all that much.

"Don't worry about it, tell me which and I can help."  He answered easily.  Colt was used to sleeping under the stars, for the most part, but if she wanted to clean out and stay in, that was fine by him.

Colt seemed to take everything in stride, without overreacting or judging her openly. It made her feel more comfortable around him, as there weren't many other wolves in the pack she would have been able to turn to. Quixote and Raven were busy, the Blackthorn females probably all really hated her right now, and Towhee...Towhee hadn't been around, which was incredibly disappointing. Tegan, as much as he was one of her best friends at the Plateau, probably wouldn't have had the couth to be able to make her feel any better about her situation. 

"Thanks Colt," She said, probably sounding like a broken record, but there wasn't much else that she could come up with. She worried about him seeing her den in that state and suddenly, the image came to mind of the blood that still soaked into the ground not far from it. She'd forgotten all about that, and she balked. Her ears turned back, and like a horse unwilling to cross a treacherous bridge, she couldn't make herself continue toward the den. They weren't far away, but she could have sworn she could smell the blood- but of course, it was simply all in her head. She planted her feet firmly, and shook her head. She begged him with wide, fearful eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry, I...I haven't...I haven't been back there since, I just don't want...There's gonna be blood everywhere, can we...Can we just..." She said, squeezing her mouth shut and begging with doleful eyes.

Anywhere- anywhere but there.

She seemed to be fine with that suggestion, but a few moments later, realization hit.  He stopped when she did, though with a small lag, and turned to look questioningly.

His expression cleared when she explained, and he smiled, nodding in a different direction.  "It's no den, but I got a spot.  If you want."  He'd been staying in a small copse not too far from where Fin had her den, to be close enough to call but far enough for space.  He'd never much gotten into dens solely because he'd never been places long enough to bother making one, and now the habit was ingrained.  Hot night like tonight, it was nice where the breeze could catch anyhow.

Niamh continued to regard him with an uncertain, somewhat spooked expression when he volunteered that they go back to where he spent his nights. Part of her wanted to bail altogether- but she knew she wouldn't be going back to her den regardless of whether she stayed with Colt or if she went out on her own...And frankly, she didn't feel comfortable sleeping out in the open, just now, on her own. While travelling, she could make do and catch some sleep virtually anywhere, but the den she'd managed to find and expand for her own use in the Plateau had been perfectly comfortable for her, as she liked small, close spaces. 

The thought of sleeping out in the open gave her some reservations, but as long as she'd be with Colt, it would be better than nothing, and certainly better than staying either in her den or on her own. It was the best thing she could have asked for, as turning back time was an impossibility. One ear flicked forward, finally, and her expression slowly melted from panic to show a bit of hesitation, but a willingness to trust nonetheless. "You...Sure you don't mind?" She asked. Nothing in Colt's demeanour would have suggested otherwise, but she wasn't about to leap into anything at that moment. A little, nagging voice of anxiety was still winding its way through her mind, causing her to doubt practically everything.

"Positive."  His side was done... he didn't mind one bit sharing the company, so long as she wanted it.  If she changed her mind and decided she'd rather have the time to herself, that was fine.  But at least this way she'd know where to find him, if it came up.

"Picked a spot in earshot of Fin and the new kids, just in case.  Imagine I might move, though, depending on where Raven and Qui end up."  He might not have kids of his own, but that just meant he was available for if things went south, same as the rest of them.  He saw the usual spot and indicated it, a small group of trees nearby.  They were close enough together to give some semblance of security, but through the boughs the sky could be seen above.

Though Niamh was convinced he didn’t mind- his answer was perfectly clear, after all- she still was unsure what she wanted, simply because she knew she could not have what she would’ve wanted most and now had to replace that with a substitute. What Colt pointed out, though, was a small copse of trees that offered a sense of security and privacy, without being too close.

Alongside her host she moved silently, moving forward to inspect his resting spot for a moment, glancing up to the skies which had begun to darken overhead. The air was cool and fresh, after the small rainfall that had happened while she and Ceara had taken Screech to the borders. The smell of soft, fresh earth had a healing, calming effect and she felt at home in Colt’s hideout. Having approved of it, noticing the small space where the grasses were flattened from where Colt usually slept, she sheepishly, shyly stepped toward him, her honeyed eyes warm and gentle. 

Her tail waved gently from aide to side between her hocks, and her ears settled back against her head, which she tilted back to place a beseeching kiss on his cheek. Her heart fluttered but did not race or skip as she pulled away, withdrawing toward his sleeping area where she circled once and softly settled onto the ground, patting the soft grass beside her with a tap of her butterscotch tail. She regarded him now with a tenderness that was new to her- not something she’d practiced or learned, but something that seemed to come naturally to her.

Colt was well aware of the effect he often had, aware enough that he could feel the shift of the mood that came with.  Sometimes he was wrong, of course... but often he was right.  And as Niamh relaxed, gratifyingly so, he felt it.

Back when he played the game, this used to be the moment he sought.  But he couldn't revel in it now like he used to, as she gently kissed his cheek, then indicated he should join her.  His heart wasn't in pursuing that anymore, and likely that was for the best.  Because likely following that ghost of temptation, brought on by old habits, would have brought a whole slew of issues to the girl who currently was trusting him to be a shoulder to lean on.  Thank fuck he'd grown up.  Or, rather... thank lack of fuck.

He simply circled around and laid down next to her with a smile, the tenderness in her gaze giving him a pang even as it warmed him.  She was sweet, young, and had a fair gorgeous smile.  And again, like with Raven, a caring streak that brought that memory back.  It was nice, and likely some of that gratitude shows in his return look.

He closed the gap between them some, then gave her own cheek a nudge, his grin widening some.  "Guessin this means it'll do?"

She lifted her muzzle and watched as he circled around her, eventually choosing to lay down by her side, perhaps a bit far away for her liking, at first, and the look she gave him would have indicated a small amount of satisfaction, which of course dissipated as soon as he closed the distance. His soft touch caused the fur along her spine to lift lightly, sparking a sensation that was new to her- and she savoured it. The need for more closeness hit her like a hunger pang, and she shuffled closer against his side so that her butterscotch fur blended with the browns of his side. 

"This is..." She said, trailing off as the temptation to groom his shoulder, nibbling at the fur there that was mottled with strands of white. "Really nice," She finished, heart beating steadily in her chest. Part of her wanted more- and all of her needed somewhere to escape and hide from the horrors of reality.