Sleepy Fox Hollow Really too late to call so we wait for morning to wake you

@Stag

oh uhh, guess i need to forward date this to 2/3 to fit properly in her timeline. hope that's okay!
edit: i have messed up everything, so i'm going to back date this to like 1/25

She had not come to this decision lightly. In fact, it was still excruciating just to think about what she knew she needed to do. But she had stayed and tried to ignore the way she felt. She tried to immerse herself in her duties, hiding away her anger and sadness until it had become a gaping black hole inside her. She couldn't keep living this way. She knew to do so would only make her more bitter and resentful than she already was, and eventually she wouldn't be able to keep it from tainting Diaspora. 

But before she made any decisions, there was one wolf she needed to talk to. His opinion was the only one that mattered to her, and she wanted to make sure they were on the same page. She had been patrolling the borders as she shuffled through her thoughts and emotions, and she paused where she was. She could try and track him down, but she was impatient. Lifting her head back, she called for her son. We need to talk.

Stag jolted upright as a howl cut through the hinterlands; his mother. He sped on long legs towards her, ears thrust forward in alert interest, and eyes darkened by worry.

It was not often his mother called to him -- not in that manner. Something must be up, and the boy could tell by the tone of her howl as it faded to the winds. For a moment he quailed, wondering if she was here to reprimand him about Zarya -- but, enough time had passed maybe she wasn't mad at him for that.. he had meant well and hadn't meant for the situation to get so wildly out of control.

Pressing towards her with his head low, ears back, and tail tucked, Stag greeted her earnestly -- yet his green gaze was tinged by concern: what is it, mama?

He didn't keep her waiting long, something for which she was grateful. She felt most nervous about telling Stag; she wasn't sure how he would react to her plans, and part of her worried he may not want to come with her. She knew that was just her damaged confidence speaking, but it made her anxious all the same. 

Once he was in front of her, his expression questioning, she knew she just needed to get it over with. There was no easy way to tell him what she needed to tell him, so she would just get to the point. She was never one for pleasantries anyway. Stag, she greeted first with a curt nod. Diaspora has been our home for a long time, but lately it has felt less like a home to me. Mahler and I no longer see eye to eye, but it's way more than all of that. My brother informed me while he was here that things in the pack I grew up have not been good. It was once my plan to establish a branch of my family pack here, and I think now it is needed more than ever. Now that she was presented with a situation where leaving felt like the better plan for her. She paused briefly to draw in breath. I want you to come with me. I want to train you to become my second and lead beside myself and your uncle Siarut. She swallowed, already pained by her next words before she had even said them. But if that is not something you want, then you don't have to come with me. You're old enough to make the decision for yourself. Her heart began to race as she finally fell silent. She wondered if he would be angry with her for wanting to leave. He would have every right.

She was nervous.

Stag's posture fell as he noticed this, his ears collapsing against his skull as that nervousness became infectious. He was worried something bad had happened, that she had some terrible news. A whimper pressed to his throat, quickly silenced.

The boy was not prepared for the reality, and he accepted it poorly. His eyes went from dark to misty, to dark again: his ears flopped up and down as he worked over what she had meant.

"You're leaving." He frowned, his voice a whisper. Why did she have to leave? Why did they have to go, again? He didn't care about the territory, but leaving Mahler -- the sole father figure he had left.. Stag's whimper became a full-throated growl of despair. "I don't want to go! I don't want you to go!!" Needling was that little voice, that pleading voice, that took over. "You have to stay."

His reaction put her in an impossible place. She couldn't stay here, not with how things were with Mahler, and she had a responsibility to her family back home to provide a place free of Shila's rule. But she also had a responsibility to her son. She wanted to tell him nevermind, that she would stay and figure it out just to ease his upset, but she knew she couldn't do that. If she stayed, she would not be the leader Diaspora needed and she would be letting the rest of her family down. It was her fault, after all. Sadiq had never come out and said it, but he hadn't needed to; she knew that if she had still been home, Shila never would have been able to take over. 

She shook her head. I'm sorry son, but I can't stay. This is just how it has to be, she said, trying with some difficulty to keep her voice steady in the wake of his plea. Come with me, she urged, taking a step closer to him. I don't want to do this without you. Her gaze softened. How could she leave here without her son? The one child she still had left. It would literally break her to do it, but she wouldn't force him.

She couldn't stay.

Stag's eyes wavered, freshly minted with tears. What did she mean she couldn't stay? Why couldn't she stay? Why was that 'this is just how it has to be'?

He couldn't make sense of any of it. His face scrunched up in agony, his lower lip trembling. He had the child's healthy dose of fear of change in spades, and suddenly was terrified of how his life was beginning to not be familiar. "Why! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO?" He had no way to understand Takiyok's very real -- and very valid -- reasons for leaving. He was just a kid, he didn't know that adults sometimes had complicated lives and that sometimes the best thing to do was go. "You're going to leave me like everyone else does!!" His voice had passed hysteric, and now was plaintive childish whine.  He had already lost his father, now he was going to lose his mother too? Stag felt his roots entrench, and a shaky sob loosed from his lips as he suddenly turned to run, his tears streaming down his proud face.

His reaction was no surprise, but that didn't mean it hurt any less; his tears wouldn't leave any less scars on her heart. She felt selfish for putting him in this position, but she saw no other option. She closed her eyes, swallowed, and then drew in a deep breath. When she opened them again, it was to see her son running from her. This would not be how this ended. She couldn't leave with things like this. So she ran forward after him. Stag. Stop. You can't run from this, she called out to him. He had to face this. She felt like a hypocrite, telling him he couldn't run from his problems. Wasn't that kind of what she was doing? Running from Mahler and Diaspora because she couldn't face the rejection and the pain anymore. But it was more than that, she knew, it was just hard to see it that way right now with Stag so upset with her. She couldn't lose him too.

these two have to stop hurting me ;-;
But he was running. Running, fast - on long legs he had hardly grown into. He heard his mother behind him, her voice calling plaintive over the whistling of the wind in his ears. And she was right! He had to stop running, he had to!

But he didn't. Running was what he knew, what he did best, what cleared his mind by chasing all the dark thoughts out. He would run until he was exhausted, tears streaming down his face -- and then he would collapse in a heap somewhere once he was sure he was far away from any prying eye, and sob abundantly into the cold and unmoving snow.

and it brings me to you, but i won't just past through
i'm not asking for a storm.  

:( 
feel free to archive!

He didn't listen to her; he just kept running, and eventually, she stopped chasing after him. She had never felt worse in her entire life than she felt right then. It was enough to make her feel conflicted over her decision to leave. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. She stood there for what felt like forever as his form got smaller and smaller, finally blending in with the white of the snow and disappearing. Still she remained, staring in the direction he had gone. What was she supposed to do now? How could she leave if he didn't want to come with her? She was faced with an impossible choice and she felt completely overwhelmed by it. Finally, she turned and ran from the borders of the hollow. She needed time and space to figure out what to do, and she would find neither of those things here.