Otter Creek i'm out of control, living a fictional prose

Heat consumes him as he watches the stranger leave with blurred vision, turning his breath hot and burning his eyes, coiling angrily in his chest like a snake waiting to strike. No, he thinks helplessly, bitterly, you can't...
But it's what he deserves, isn't it? He'd never had any claim on the man whose name he still doesn't know, nor any right to play god with him. It isn't him he sees walking away, though; it's Kratos, glinting red and black under the sun, spiky-furred and grumpy as he's always been and leaving him again. Forever, it was supposed to be forever, and now it is but never in the way he'd meant it. Forever had been a warm embrace and sleepy morning smiles, the steady assurance of an ally at his back when the storm raged fierce overhead, the occasional arbitrary swell of I love you and I am so happy.
And now it's cold and empty. Now forever is a dim dusty den that isn't his own and a bleak, cloudy sky, cozy memories turned sharp and hostile with grief and longing; his own mind in rebellion of being his sole companion. He has @Phillip, of course, and Maman — but it isn't the same, even in the ways it is. Nothing can match the meeting of two souls, not when each is unique in a million different little ways and each carves its own spaces to fill in the hearts it touches. Those spaces will always be empty, he realizes —
And he will always fill the rest with tragedy.

Old fears have gone to rest in the depths of his mind, while new ones begin to sprout at the front. Phillip felt an array of emotion each time he laid his eyes upon his silver companion. Relief, happiness, a familiar fluttery feeling in his gut. Then there’s the fear. It’s something he denies is even there, but it’s sticks to his subconscious and affects his every move. He does everything oh so carefully when he’s around Zephyr. He was chased away when he screwed things up with the thieves, he didn’t want anything similar happening with his friend. He didn’t want to lose him again.

Phillip followed the trail he had left, and when he spotted him all those feelings hit him like a brick. Hey, he called as he approached, I-I was looking for you.

Phillip's apprehension has slipped by him — and so does his approach, caught up as he is in his own whirlwind of emotions. His greeting is what ultimately draws Zephyr's attention away from his thoughts. The feelings linger in their wake, however, and the tears continue to fall as he turns to his friend. Phillip, He starts, voice soft, and hesitates. I — I made a mistake. I did something... really fucked up. His voice breaks slightly, gaze dropping with shame. He doesn't think he can bring himself to tell Phillip exactly what he'd done — but he needs comfort.

Zephyr turned to him just as the words left his mouth and.. wait.. was he crying? Phillip was clearly taken aback by this, eyebrows raising as he followed the trail the tears left on his cheek. He’d never seen him like this before. It was alarming. At first he believed something had happened to him, and for a split second Phillip thought he’d somehow done something wrong. That wasn’t the case, much to his relief, but the feeling is brief.

He did something f- messed up. Huh? Phillip thought of all the things he could’ve possibly done, none of which he could make any sense of. Zephyr was on the cold side, but he couldn’t imagine him doing anything so bad that it’d bring him to tears.

Phillip swallowed the lump in his throat. What happened?

Phillip, predictably, questions him — but he only shakes his head, moving forward to bury his face in his friend's neck fur. It takes a few moments for those much-hated tears to finally stop. When he breaks the silence, even he doesn't expect the words that tumble from him —
I love you, It's true, isn't it? Yet hearing his own voice makes his heart twist, fills his insides with ice and lead. He hadn't meant to say it. Not yet. He pulls away abruptly, turning so Phillip can't see the way the tears instantly rush back to his eyes. I — fuck, I didn't mean to say that. I'm sorry. It's stupid, isn't it? You're — you're so sweet and perfect, and I'm just this fucked up mess, and I shouldn't even be having these feelings — He cuts himself off, swallowing, thinking of Kratos. He just can't stop fucking up, can he?

The question went unanswered. There’s brief silence, save for Phillip’s rapid beating heart (he hoped Zephyr couldn’t hear it). The rhythm grows faster as his friend buried himself in the fur of his neck.

The exchanged warmth was nice. Should he feel bad about that? Yes! Phillip immediately thought. Now’s not the time for these feelings to arise. He should be worried, and he is! The fear lays at the pit of his stomach. Zephyr did something wrong, and he was leaving him on a cliffhanger. Even still Phillip doesn’t pry. He’s too comforted by his touch. The calm before the storm.

And the storm soon comes, and it’s not one he could’ve ever prepared for.

”I love you.” Three simple words are enough to put him in shock. You.. love me? he had to repeat them himself to confirm he wasn’t hearing things. When he said it himself, something got caught in his throat and he was to flushed to speak. Even if he were able to, he’d be cut off by Zephyr.

No, i-it’s not stupid. Don’t be sorry. I-I mean- He paused briefly to think carefully (“carefully” as in not at all. Zephyr’s compliments along with everything else made him a mess) about what to say.

Finally he spits it out. Is it true? he repeated, You love me like.. love me, love me? Maybe in the way Phillip loved him.

He isn't sure what kind of reaction he expects. Disgust, maybe. He certainly isn't expecting anything like the one he gets — and the shock is, thankfully, enough to stop his tears in their tracks. He takes in a deep breath, turning Phillip's words over in his mind, clinging desperately to the hope they give. Maybe — just maybe, there could be a spark of happiness for him somewhere in this encounter.
But right now, all he feels is raw and exposed. Yeah, He says softly, turning back to face Phillip after a moment. I... I have for awhile, I guess. When I'm with you, I feel — I feel things. Good things. Most of the time I just feel... cold and bitter and lonely. But when you're with me, all of that goes away, and sometimes I think... maybe I'm a little less broken, with you in my life. A pause, and he swallows, trying to collect his scattered thoughts into something coherent. I can't even talk to anyone else this way. I can't — handle emotions, except when it's with you. He's not sure where he's going with this anymore, but he knows he needs Phillip to know the full extent of it. After all, he's likely the only one who ever will.

WOO 2am post @_@

This was not a dream, but Phillip could’ve been easily fooled into thinking so. He was overwhelmed with a weightless feeling when Zephyr confirmed that he did in fact love him. He could float away at any moment. The only thing that kept him grounded was his friend’s explanation.

I-I feel the same way, he blurted. Saying it aloud surprised him and he averted his gaze out of embarrassment. Even when everything was practically laid out on the table, there’s still the thought that he should keep his feelings to himself. But unlike any other time, the fear couldn’t hold his tongue back.

Phillip wasn’t cold or bitter without him, but there’s a hole in his heart when he wasn’t around. When I’m around you I feel.. happy. Like, a different kind of happy, and I only feel it when I’m around you. 

You make me feel safe, and wanted, and whole, and- He could’ve gone on forever, but he was sure Zephyr didn’t want to hear him ramble. Phillip swallowed, then finally looked him in the eyes again. I love you too. Saying that aloud felt like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders.

I feel the same way, Phillip says —
I've never felt this way, Zephyr thinks —
Drifting, a rose-gold nimbus of dizzy giddy delight fitting itself over him, a featherlight crown. I love you too — that's all he really hears for a moment, all that sticks with him, because it's the only thing that matters. The only thing he's ever really wanted with everything in him, the single desire that has persisted from his very first taste of conscious thought. He's only ever wanted to be loved — the normal kind of love, the kind you say aloud, the kind you share with thoughtful gifts and tender moments. It's always seemed like he wasn't made for that, and so he'd settled for the kind of love he thought he deserved.
And now everything is different, and he can't even think clearly enough to pin down all the different ways life has suddenly changed for him with only four words. He steps toward Phillip, burying his face into the other boy's neck fur again, this time overwhelmed by a different feeling entirely. I-I didn't think you would... He mumbles into his fur. The other things Phillip had said float back to him, slowly, words he hadn't quite processed in the moment — but they'd burned themselves into his mind nonetheless. I — He loves me. He wants me.
Silenced by the depth of his own feeling, he presses closer, preening dark fur with tender possessiveness. Mine. The thought comes unbidden, intense, yet... different. Not dark and thorny, but warm, all pink-tinged flutters in his stomach and heart-strings glimmering gold. He pulls away slightly as his preening reaches the other boy's jaw, finally finishing his sentence, voice low. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. And even if he can't promise forever, knowing what he knows about the ways of the world, he knows he will always try for it.

wanna fade?

He doesn’t believe he could feel any more lighter than this, and yet he’s proven wrong a moment later. Phillip buried his cheek into the fur of Zephyr’s neck. Touch was the only thing keeping him grounded (he was almost certain he’d float away at this point, silly as it may seem).

A soft, relieved laugh passed through his lips. He didn’t think Zephyr would feel the same either. There was always that glimmer of hope, but he’d suppress it before it’d get the best of him, cause no one could love someone like him right? Well, he was wrong about that one, much to his delight.

He chuckled again when Zephyr picked through his fur. Phillip was so caught up in the moment, he barely noticed he’d planted a kiss on his forehead. He’d probably be embarrassed about it later; his mind was too foggy to care at the moment.

The promise made Phillip’s smile grow even wider. I’d like that, he hummed. A future with his dearest friend was all he could ever hope for. He rested his chin on top of his crown and closed his eyes. Any I wanna make you happy too, Zephyr. I’ll do whatever it takes.

slaps a shitty fade on this

Phillip's response is comforting, more than he could have asked for. He spends the next few hours making sure the dark boy knows exactly how much Zephyr loves him — and then, reluctantly, they return to Rosalie.