Broken Antler Fen Llewellyn

@Teya , if you have time?

Despite Lele's very rational opinion about winter and all of the hardships that came with it, even her spinstery, cobweb covered heart beat faster in joy of seeing the first snowflakes grace the earth. The weather shifted from ice-cold to barely warm frequently and even today had begun with drizzling rain, that turned to ice, when it hit the ground. But by afternoon big, soft flakes were falling from the clouds, covering everything gently, muffling the footfalls and giving a fairy-tale-like feel to the fen. 

The she-wolf had sat down on a small hillock that gave a good view of the plains below and she observed quietly, how as more time passed, the landscape changed. And, when the sun set, she realized that because of the snow, it did not feel dark and gloomy at all. Almost - joylike.

always! <3

teya allowed herself to lean into the love she had for reyes.
she thought of ibis less often, but visited the gravesite with the same frequency. and she thought of bridget. teya did not understand why the red-masque had left.
perhaps it had been she and reyes.
an inhale.
it was back from one such foray that she found ukuele watching over a snow-covered scene. the raven said nothing, only came up to sit alongside the other.
winter brought such a contented hush.

Lele acknowledged Teya's presence with a look and then not wishing to interrupt the moment, sat side by side with her in a comfortable silence. It was nice to be out here like that, existing in the moment and merging with it. The feeling of oneness was familiar and, perhaps, a long time ago she had shared the joy of the first snow with someone else. Either Harps or Tambourine - the memory had become muddled - but it did not matter with whom exactly. The important thing was that they had been there. 

"I find it hard to believe that something this beautiful can also be very cruel," she told Teya.

lele's words caught teya off guard. she nodded softly in immediate agreement. her mind wove an image of ibis in the snow, dancing.
she thought of the woman's grave now.
and then she tried not to think of either of those things. "it quiet. still. a pretty death." light shone upon the snow. her breath rose in a white plume.
wraen. tambourine. wintertime in the den, and lele warm at her side. 

"Is any death pretty?" Lele asked rhetorically, knowing that neither could answer this. A person can die only once. Or be dying for a very long time, before actually passing over. She had seen people like that, she pitied them and never wished to be in their place. Maybe then... a hope for a quiet death without suffering was better. 

"We used to curl up to each other - me and my sister," she remembered those cold winter nights, when after a long day of walking, they had settled for a rest and dug out a hollow to share. There they had lied and watched, how snow falling from the clouds had covered both in a soft blanket, protecting them from the winds, hiding them from the night-crawlers. 

"Winter was easier to bear, when you knew, you weren't alone," she finished her thought. Life had had purpose then. If nothing else, Harps needed her. Father too. Now... she knew she would survive, but the will to do so was not strong. What for?

teya considered the comment about the aesthetic of death. but there was no answer. and so she did not attempt to give one.
lele was speaking about her sister. teya listened. it was not a memory to which she could relate, for she could recall no siblings. only an aunt and an uncle, awful as two individuals could possibly be.
teya neatly ground the end of that thought underneath a mental forepaw and kept her attention on the other brecheliant wolf. "do you feel alone here, lele?" the little violet asked quietly, coolwater eyes seeking to meet with an intimacy that could not be shared by a raven and a family member. 
only two souls, each alone in her own part of remembering.

"Alone and feeling alone are two different things," Lele pointed out, not answering the question directly. "Alone" was a state you where in either by choice or circumstances. You could remedy that by finding people. "Feeling alone" was an emotion. It happened to you regardless of, whether you were on your own or surrounded by people. She had been alone for a long time, but not felt particularly lonely. Sometimes. 

"Do you?" she asked in return, meeting Teya's gaze briefly, but to her the intensity of it (or, what she thought she saw there) was hard to bear and she looked away.

do you?
teya began to shake her head, and then she chose honesty. "sometimes," was her frank answer. "but it not like — an ache. only come from inside me." and yet it was a sensation that not even reyes' closeness and affection had been able to dispel.
with a start, the raven realized that each female friend she had made was no longer with her now.
except for lele. but now she had become afraid to trust in that sort of bond. teya fell quiet and pensive.

"That's, how it goes," Lele remarked upon Teya's words on, where the feeling came from. She had learned that no one could truly fill that fleeting sense of emptiness. First, she had believed that other people should be doing it - you just had to find the right one to do so. But now she understood it better. Loneliness was yours to deal with and yours alone. No one else's responsibility. 

"You have a mate though," she commented, wondering, if Teya's view on this was the same as hers. Or that she still believed in the fairy-tale of "people making you whole and happy".

reyes.
"yes," she said, feeling the weight of the word mate strike her and bowl her sideways;
he'd never said it.
did reyes assume that too?
teya swallowed, hunching her shoulders as she managed a small smile. "he is good wolf."

"Is that enough?" Lele asked, noticing that she had overstepped her strict boundary of never going deep in someone else's personal life. But she was curious, because her attempt at mateship had been brief, intense, very happy for a short while and made her miserable and broken up until this very moment. Now that was recovering, she wondered, if all this - bonding yourself with someone else - was truly worth it? And for some reason she felt that no matter, what Teya replied... she had no idea herself.

she nodded. "it enough." for now. but she had no right and no reason to say that to lele. and so she didn't. but the raven desperately wanted to change the subject.
"have you met eljay or maia?" she asked, feeling nervous energy fill her limbs. she wondered if her companion would be opposed to a run; they were more fun with other wolves.

"Yes, of course," Lele found the inquiry a little bit weird, but it had done the trick. Her mind had been effectively drawn away from the previous subject, because she may have just pushed Teya more, had the little leader let her do it. 

"They are fine people," she added a bit awkwardly, hiding the fact that she had hardly anything common with either of them save for sharing the same species. She had yet to find a way to talk with them and not appear blunt, disinterested or worse - condescending. Up until now she could not say that any conversations they have had for the sake of bonding had been successful.

"they are."
and then, spur of the moment, "do you want to race, lele?" she wanted to run until their conversation and its content burned away; to think about nothing save for her legs and breathing.
the raven rose and shook out her fur, looking at her companion with a mischievous expression. she hoped the answer was yes, but even if it was not, the raven would take that run herself.

Though Lele found that communicating with Teya was by far the easiest thing of all, she also felt that this conversation had run its course and was in danger of drowning in awkward silence. She accepted the offer to race gladly - happier to do things than to discuss them. She let the Raven take lead and took after her.