Sawtooth Spire racing in my mind, doing 100 in a 60

AW, tags for ref, coinciding w/ and approx 15 mins after wylla leaves in this thread. absolutely no need to match length <3 track no. 80 something to the beat of i don't know how to write short posts :} 

ever the early riser, it would come as no surprise that as soon as the sun first flashed her garter to the world, phaedra would awaken and ask for breakfast so she could sally forth and consume all hours of the day leisuring with @Stag, holding secret playmeets with caintigern, and, if nothing else interested her, tussling with the boys. this was her least favorite activity because she needed a challenge to keep from climbing the walls from boredom and beating up boys wasn't all that difficult or entertaining once you had learned the art of jukes. play them too often and they didn't work anymore, so phaedra mostly kept to her other activities.   
also, without father around as much, she needed such beaucoup distractions to keep her psyche properly ballasted and not behaving like a broken metronome whirring out of control between the extremes of anger and melancholia. 
origamied in the labyrinthine roots, practically sprouting them herself after being in deep sleep for once and not moving much, she sleepily lifted her head and yawned, fluttering the soot of slumber off her lashes and rubbing the crusties from her eyes against the knob of her wrist. immediately, her mind was on track with the important stuff. "ma? i'ms hungry," she clucked, voice groggy and compelling another yawn mid-sentence. the sun was hidden behind a cloud deck that morning, leaving their small glade suffused in a muted haze of peachy light, and a chill in the air. little lamb unfurled herself and languidly slumped over the roots, batting at a ladybug crawling up the centuries-old trunk. 
absently phaedra did this as she reflected on last night's dreams. she couldn't, even by the narrowest of margins, understand the experience herself enough to barely reflect at all. she'd been asleep, but awake, in her body cradled in the roots of the tree ... and she could hear talking; not from her mother, or thade, or astraeus. father wasn't present. it was a deeper, more ancient voice, and that voice was holding a conversation with other ancient things. it was unlike any dream she'd ever had before, and it only lasted what felt like a minute before the dream destabilized and she was palmed off into some other nondescript dreamscape. nothing exciting, mostly because she could not usually recall her dreams.
as she lay there thinking, moments ticked by and she became aware of the fact that she could not hear her mother's snores. "mama?" she propped herself up on an elbow and squinted through the dusky rays acting as a veil between her eyes and her mother's sleeping form.
the girl's eyes widened with mild alarm. she was not in her usual spot, and it was unlike her to leave so early in the day, and most certainly not before her daughter had awoken. it was their (read: phaedra's) favorite part of the day! the part where she jumped on mama until she woke up and taught her new four-letter words! phaedra swiveled her head, looking all around their sleeping dwellings for any sight of her. so far, she could only see astraeus sprawled out asleep. 
it felt like her stomach was biting its nails, if stomachs were capable. "thade!" she whisper-shouted to her brother, disentangling herself from the cottonwood in such clumsy haste that her rear left foot caught in the latticework and twisted in a way that caused her to stifle a yelp. she wanted to cry, but instead drew her lids and bit down on her lip so hard the taste of blood trickled onto her tongue. no response from her brother. "thade!" she said again, this time gritting her teeth to restrain herself from yelling at him in a tear-wobbly cry.
still no response.
she didn't bother stirring astraeus. he sailed under his own flag and had made as much clear in more instances than she had conciliations for. maybe part of that was phaedra mirroring her mother's rejection of him as her adopted son. he was milk-kin only, not in bond, but because he had suckled at the same breast as she. whatever the reason, she was neither in the mood to deal with his pseud nor was she willing to grin and bear his company which would simply amount to him pouring oil on already troubled waters.
some other sitter could preside over him in the meantime.
on the quiet pads of her feet she searched the immediate area, "thade? if yow messin with me imma sdick yow head in a antdhill an' then imma pud snells ON YOW FACE WHILE YOU SEEPIN!" she hissed, looking down any and all cavities he could've maybe rolled into mid-sleep. alas, no thade in any of those either. her face painted a beautiful mosaic of complete and utter annoyance. the first thought that came to mind was that not only did mama take thade on an awayday without her (nevermind that wylla had done the same with her daughter, but let bygones be bygones, etc and all the other revised contexts of phrases re being wronged), but they left without kicking her a tray of brekky! of all the barbaric absences of courtesy—
just then, another thought occurred to her. one that made a mother-and-son dayspring picnic feel like a trivial molehill to die on. 
she thought back to her conversation with caintigern, and how he'd mentioned his mother had said something along the lines of ... he and his sister were ready to be on their own. dread's clammy hands squeezed her senses into nonsense. was that happening? did mother think she was ready to be alone? phaedra didn't even know how to hunt for her own food ... mostly (hunting for berries counted. it did), much less pronounce the word hunt in the first goddamn place. she suddenly felt very small in a very big world.
the shoddy carpentry of her chest gave way to panic and every single ensuing step she took felt like walking down the stairs and missing the bottom step as she followed the scent of her mother out until she was lamely running to the end of her invisible chain and wailed, "mama! i'm nod ready fow you do go!" thade clearly fuckin' was. have fun playing for the eagles. "i'm nod— i'm swear id i'm nod— don' leave me, not yed!

nod like papa ..." she whispered the last two words. fear was a locket around her neck, choking the breath from her as tears blurred her vision. what was she to do, now? find caintigern, live in the trees, it's fine her mind immediately answered. however, she was conflicted. she could go find @Mahler, and swear to him that she would be good and perfectly behaved and delightful in every way if he came back to her. she would promise not to care if he didn't kiss her brow every night and bid her beautiful dreams in their secret language. no, she would be good! she wouldn't ever court tears in his presence, not ever, not a single drop! if he just came back for good. if it made him proud enough to be there.
upon further thinking, reflecting, huddling brows, an unrealized felling of tears;
we don't need him all the time. with that mantra like petrous, headstrong phaedra made a decision. if he wanted to be with his new family, then he could have it, and welcome. the lily of sawtooth mountain began her limping walk towards the pinewood with a summons on winged lips. 

last part of that post broke my heart, omg ;_;

After returning home from breaking the news of her blossoming pregnancy to Howl, Star had been contented. There were things she could worry about and fret over until the day came- one being her old age, and what it meant for her birthing experience. The chances that such an old woman could survive such a thing... she was no medic, and was not sure how much life she had ahead, but she was not the dramatic self of her younger days, had long overcome her traumas.

The last of life was the sweetest, and she intended to soak up every moment like fresh bread in wine, taking in all the joy and savoring what she had left. And so she spent the days with gentle smiles, working hard until she became too round to keep hunting and patrolling, and finally had to settle into the old den which Wylla had gifted to her. But stillness made her restless. No matter how the years passed, she would always be a warrior, a hunter, a guardian- not one who was comfortable with feeling like a pampered spoiled bitch. Life wasn't easy, and there was no need to take it easy, in her perspective. And so Star got up that morning, stretching each of her legs in turn and vowing to herself that she could still patrol the territory some time longer. Her birth wasn't today, after all- not for a week, at least- so why not work? 

It was on her way towards the borders that some high pitched wailing caught her attention and made her want to plug her ears, but she knew a child's voice, and knew it was her job to ensure everything was okay, despite how it irritated her. Ah, well. She ought to get used to it now; she had a real surprise coming if she didn't learn how to deal with children quickly. 

So Star pursued the source of the sound, figuring she would simply be the awkward intruder on some child's argument with Wylla. But soon enough her dark gaze caught the girl, and she decided everything was not okay. She couldn't exactly recall what made a two month old different from a three month old and so on... but something told her a child this young, even a talking one, ought to be supervised. Perhaps even moreso, now that they learned to work their legs and work their imaginations into ropes that could drag them off to dangerous places. 

Vision swept the area, sure enough, she was alone. Star recalled the girl was named Phaedra; had only "met" her once- and wondered if she was even remembered. Probably not... but perhaps her scent would be familiar... she could only hope. As the pale lamb made off for the treescape before her, Star followed swiftly (as she could with a round stomach), meaning to stop the little explorer in her tracks. What was all this about? And why, for God's sake, had she been wailing before? What about? 

Phaedra, w-wait, She called out with sudden urgency as she approached from behind, hoping the Eisen's daughter might halt and come back.

the child just needs a snickers, shes not her when shes hungry 

she heard her name spooled like charmeuse from the mouth of a woman who phaedra knew was not her mother. yet for a soothing few heartbeats, the image of her mother played behind her lids. wylla was heckling her daughter's dramatics as thade bounded to tackle his sister.
so long as she didn't turn around, it was true.
howevermuch she hoped, the gentle, uncertain lilt of the voice behind her was so unlike mother that all hope evanesced. hope, failing her again. the smile she didn't realize was upborne by her mouth broke like a twist of rotten silk.
when she finally turned around, she kept her eyes anchored to the bedewed clover underfoot. she was willful with refusal to accept her reality, but endured the disappointment with mannered deference even so. 
favoring her left rear-leg, she sulked towards the crooning voice.
phaedra's eyes never lifted. presently closing the distance between them, she nuzzled her face into this stranger's chest, imagining for a moment this was mama.
a brief departure into pretend, then; away from amidst the morass of confusion she felt.
"you fowgod mah breatfass," phaedra murmured, still unable to will herself to look up.
this isn't mama.
she chose to ignore her head because her heart needed a break.
"da sun came up and i couldn' fine you or thade. id made me scared. the dree grabbed my footd an' bidt id but i didnd cry. now i was here." she mused on. her lip throbbing where she had bit it, she swathed her tongue over the dried blood and felt the puffiness of flesh.
breathing deep of star's scent, only the light dusting of recognition sat on the mantelpiece of her memory. she smells familiar, she smells like milk. but this isn't mama.
a whimper for her father budded her throat but she fought against it. "no! we don' need him all the dime." the child's small voice whispered, as if she was speaking only to herself gollum gollum and was unaware of the woman she'd embraced without consent.
papa has new sons and daughters to take care of. and this isn't mama.
finally, the child looked up to admit the truth to her heart and seeing the truth tore it apart. she did not recognize this woman wearing winter as a gown, curvilinear with child. a sob that came from somewhere deep and hidden away burst from her like an overripe nectarine.
"wh-where m-mamas aaad?" she implored through shuddering breaths. "s-s-dag! S-ST-SDAG!" she wept into the chilly air, pulling away from star to find the male of sawn ivory.

Star had no way to prepare for any reaction of a child, but the one that came was perhaps what she was most unprepared for. The girl turned, eyes glued to the earth and flora as she made her way for the old woman... and embraced her suddenly, causing her eyes to widen with surprise. Should she wrap an arm around? Did Phaedra intend to embrace Star... or did she need comfort from anyone avaliable? The old woman lowered her chin slightly to touch the darling girl gently atop her head, the best form of comfort she could muster. Not the counselor type, nor ever a mother- and so unaware what to do in this case. 

Ears canted forward when Phaedra spoke her little words, mumbling about breakfast, about you or Thade, about an injury. Star finally realized she was being mistaken for Wylla. Did this kid have something in her eye? She would not pull away... but she was lost for words here, feeling very uncomfortable with the closeness. Was this what motherhood was going to be like? Uh oh. 

Deep breath pulling at her fur as the girl whispered to herself; all the while Star waited patiently, her only provided comfort the touch of her chin and a listening ear. Finally the princess pulled away to eye Star, soon breaking into a sudden sob. The old woman stiffened uncomfortably, before slicing away at her boundaries and leaning towards the crying girl, voice gentle in tone. Shh, shh, Phaedra, what's all this about? I'm sure Thade and your mother just went for a walk, they'll be back soon. She couldn't be more wrong about that.

Are you hurting? Do you... do you need medical aid? Or, um, @Stag ? She questioned awkwardly, only really knowing the babysitter from Wylla's recommendation. She wouldn't mind calling him, but... could her needs be met so simply? That embrace was strange, and somehow the old woman felt there was more trouble here than an empty stomach or a limping leg, though she wished to solve these problems if she could.

Stag came as quickly as he could, the alarm in his heart carrying his legs far faster than anything he had ever seen.

He exploded on the scene scarcely able to read the room; he noted the wailing child, the confused Star -- the absence of Mahler or Wylla. His breath was ragged, as he had not been near when he first heard Phaedra's wails. 

He glanced from the gravid form of Star, back to the girl pushing from her embrace. Wordlessly he pulled himself close, eyes somber and searching for whatever thorn it was in Phaedra's heart that nicked her so. He knew outwardly she seemed fine, and so he allowed his racing heart to settle -- and yet still, alarm coursed its way through his frame, as if at any minute the hammer would fall.

sorry i suck

she barely processed star's reassurances. her head was on a swivet as her eyes sought the familiar faces of anyone. erratically breathing, she felt those pearls of salt blur her vision. "n-n-o, lef m-me," her voice trembled. phaedra looked over her shoulder, into the forest, insensible to star's consolations, and loudly shright "M-M-A-AA-MA!" as tears washed down her cheeks. 
hurting. hurting. was she hurting? yes. everywhere. hurting where the tree had bit her, in her heart which papa had broken into shards, in her throat that was hoarse from wailing. yes. she hurt! and phaedra shook her head despite all of this.
once again her gaze cast a net for anyone recognizable, and found stag in the offing, running up on the pair. he arrived fighting for breath. "S-D-DAG!" she bemoaned, turning from star and falling into his embrace with a dramatic weep. "mama an thade lef me, dey lef me alone, an the dree hurded my leg, and dey lef me wid asradus!" she poured out breathlessly. "mama ne-ever leave for i wakes up! she lef me, bof she and papa lef me! i am a CHILD!" she shrieked. 

fuckin' threenagers.

tacking on an end since this is outdated, just @ me if you'd rather me unarchive <3

"Mama didn't leave you," Stag ushered, licking the top of the storming teapot's head carefully. Oh, was she spicy -- filled with the indescribable woe of a child. He shared a glance with Star before sitting down on his stomach, eye-level with the thrashing babe. "She left me here to watch you while she went outside for a bit." To look for Thade, he thought glumly -- but better not to speak of such things.

"Show me your leg. Then you and I can go sit at the look-out spot and wait for Mama to come home, okay? She will be back soon." Stag wasn't sure if that was true, but anything to get Phaedra's fears to simmer down. Nudging her gently, Stag inspected her sore leg, kissed her lightly on her tear-streaked nose, and made to lead her to where they would wait paitently (or maybe not, in Phaedra's case) for Wylla to return home.