Noctisardor Bypass I can't turn back around and doubt my destination

Through the treatment, Laurel remained silent. She was guarded and could not keep blame from her own heart as it festered in his. Not for what had happened with Merrick's daughter, for that was what good had come of this. Perhaps in due time, she could come to appreciate what had happened with Wintersbane as good, too, if it would truly bring her what she sought. If it would bring her her sweet sister back. She would not tell Mahler of these plans, of course, because he would unlikely believe them. Some things were hard to explain in words; all one could do was make others see them. Perhaps he would see it — believe it — if sweet Indra was truly reborn. Perhaps then she could share the true story. But not now, for not only would he likely ridicule her for it, but too much was uncertain for now.

When he applied the poultice on the open wounds, Laurel grit her teeth and looked away. Her head was a mess — the outside of it a chaotic reflection of its insides — and she wasn't so sure what she should say to Mahler.

He was silent once his work was done, taking distance. She found it hard to gauge what was going on inside of his head. All she could think of was what she had done. What she had tried to do. How she had failed. What was she to him? Why did he care at all? Was she some charity project; someone whose life he wanted to improve, but by no means of closeness from himself? It was all too vague, to difficult for her to grasp what he wanted from this. What he got from this. If all he wanted was Wylla, someone that Laurel had never even met up until now, then why did he care about others at all?

There were a lot of questions, and being near Mahler only brought them all to light again. She'd been able to forget them somewhat when she realised that she could just not return to Rivenwood after her interactions with Wintersbane. It was only after the fight with Merrick's daughter that Laurel realised that her children needed a safe home, and she could not risk losing them. The stars aligned to well to mess things up now for the rebirth of Indra.

After a long silence she spoke eventually. Thank you. They were hard words to say, and they came out softer than she intended; more caring. Laurel wanted to show him how much she hated him, how much she did not need him! But when she looked at his face, at the anger showing on it and the caring that lay in his features, she could not help but feel something.

Something that confirmed she should've never returned to Rivenwood in the first place, because he would never feel that something in the same way.

She looked away, a dark and guarded frown on her face. I ran into Merrick's daughter, out there. A few seconds of cold silence, before she admitted: I killed her. Words dark and cold. It was easier not to fall back into the role of sweet, dumb, innocent little Laurel who would say anything to please a man, to fit into that perfect role, to not stand out so she would not be hurt by them, now — easier because she knew that she couldn't stay here, shouldn't stay here. It was easier if he saw her dark and twisted and unloveable self. Perhaps it would drive him away, so it was easier to leave. Easier to hate him. Besides — if he did not love her with her mask on, then she knew he would never love her at all.