Qeya River sparrow's sorrow

if you have the time/space <3

In the aftermath of it all, she sought @Kivaluk first. So much of his father was in him already. This had been proven by his declaration at the meeting.

And without his father here now, she sought to keep him closer. Both of the boys, truly, but Kivaluk seemed more...likely to drift. A warrior, a scout, a hunter. She hoped to keep his heart here in the wake of everything. It was not forever (she prayed) but anytime without a parent at this age could hurt deeply.

Have you heard the word Sivullik?

i always have time. <3

kivaluk looks up at his mother's approach, footfalls of his patrol giving pause in the wake of her capturing his attention. he patrols through the confusing tangled webs of emotions; trying his best to process them. but they are heavy, big emotions and unlike anything he's experienced before.

it is easier to push them aside instead of facing them head on, as he does as she draws nearer and her question hangs in the air between them.

no, he replies quietly after a small moment; trying to put on a brave face. hoping he is succeeding at least a little bit. what's that mean?

She motioned for them to continue on their walk, not trying to cut down his work with her jabbering.

Sivullik is the role of lead hunter. She explained to him. Out of all of Natigvik, only one who proves themselves to truly understand the hunt and be trusted to lead those in one may have it. It's a great honor.

Pale eyes not cast sidelong to look towards his features. There was a path, opened and available. But only if —

Does such a thing interest you? It is a while still before you could be Sivullik, but you have a head start for it too.

at her go-ahead, he continues on his patrol, appreciative that she is encouraging it. while the constant motion does not necessarily offer him a solution to how to process and categorize the big emotions brewing within him like warring stormfronts ...it acts as a temporary balm.

as does her presence.

kivaluk is quiet, though attentive as she tells him was sivullik is. a lead hunter, only bestowed to those who prove themselves. it is enticing — though part of him thinks with a pang of sadness in his heart as the thought festers at the still open wound ( despite the talk of his father returning ) that the title should belong to his father.

but that is not possible now, and sakhmet's words leave kivaluk to draw his own assumptions on how long his father is going to be gone. will it be long enough for him to be a lead hunter?

is sivullik what natigvik needs? because i can be a guardian too. kivaluk offers: not because he isn't interested ( because he is ), but in a twist of surprising ( if not sudden ) maturity he is willing to set aside trades he desires for ones that the pack needed first and foremost.

he was the oldest son. it was his duty to be what the pack needed most...wasn't it? if natigvik needs a sivullik the most, then that is what i will work to become. either way, he was resolved to do exactly as he'd said in the meeting: whatever it took to help out.

"Is Sivullik what Natigvik needs? Because I can be a guardian too."

She saw much of Kigipigak in him, perhaps even more so now with the northerner's absence. Was it too soon to set him upon such a goal?

You have a stretch of learning and growing. Despite the words, she held nothing but pride in her tone when she spoke to him. Grey eyes scanning over the terrain.

Natigvik would not thrive if it wasn't for hunters and guardians. It's vital to us, to our claim. It is our backbone. Like Kivaluk — first vertebrae. Strength in her voice now. You would be expected to hunt and guard either way, but it will always be up to you if those trades come first to you.

a soft reminder: that he still has learning and growing to do. but that would come in the coming days, weeks, months — though he hopes fiercely that his father is not gone for months and months on end. but, a soft prickle of unease at the foreboding question of what he was does not entirely let kivaluk float blissfully in that assumption.

as the oldest, he tells himself that he has to prepare himself for the possibility all the same.

the backbone, he repeats quietly; the irony of her words not entirely lost to him. it was his name, after all. he had chosen wisely, he thinks with a touch of amusement ...though it had largely been his own impulse that had encouraged him to make that selection that day. on another day perhaps his choice would have been different.

but perhaps not.

i will work on my hunting skills. choosing skills that he wished to pursue officially still felt like a monumental decision he wasn't ready to make yet ( but likely because he has yet to realize that he can switch them anytime he wishes to ). mama, he begins, almost hesitantly, after a moment of silence as he contemplates and tries to process everything.

it's a lot. more than he'll be able to come to terms with in a handful of hours. days, even. with papa gone ...will you ask someone to help you lead? for her and papa had shared the responsibility, in a way ...or this was how kivaluk had came to understand it, mostly through his own observation.

She feels it, the warmth and bloom of love and pride. Kivaluk was more than she could have ever imagined in her children. A child of Kigipigak. Perhaps one day, when his father returned, a child of Tartok in the fullest.

She realized these things had become hers as much as they were her husband's.

"Mama,"

Her eyes and ears turned towards him. Her heart was not prepared for the question he asked. Her brows pinched briefly before her features smoothed. It was a fair question. Her children had only ever known them not a one sole leader.

She thought of how her mother had led without a father figure, without a husband.

No. She decided on firmly, a soft shake of her head. Your father was Sangilak, as my husband. He is still my husband, your father. There will be no other Sangilak.

She wondered if this soothed him.

there is a distinct wave of relief that washes over him as she answers his inquiry; glad to hear that she did not seek to replace ( however temporary it may be ) his father's leadership position with someone else. cerne had left them during their trip to moonglow but there was a new male that kivaluk didn't know personally ( or even impersonally ) by any means but had smelled during his travels of the pack's claim.

and though he was too young yet to understand the instinctual worry that the stranger might try to take his father's position while he was away... kivaluk feels it and errantly lets it gnaw at him all the same.

perhaps he considers it from others because he, himself, was competitive by nature.

good. he sighs; though he is still distrustful of the strange man. he paws at the ground for a moment, wondering if akkuma would understand if he brought these worries up with him. it was hard for kivaluk to know if akkuma would understand or not. they were both growing and changing.

it's not that i thought you'd ever replace papa— kivaluk launches into an hasty explanation as a new sort of worry settles into his chest. because i know you wouldn't. he finishes meekly, an apology writing itself across his facial features despite that sakhmet had not given him any indication that she'd taken offense.

Kivaluk sought to explain.

Sakhmet regarded him with a warmer smile now.

I understand, Kivaluk. She cooed softly. These times are...hard and confusing, but not forever. She worried what Tartok may experience so dire that they called him back for, what might happen to him if the situation was so crucial. None of these things would be spoken.

You have only ever known two at the helm of Natigvik and now there is one — but that changes nothing besides your father being away on a trip.

She moved to gently kiss the top of his head. A growing weed, she imagined soon enough she would be unable to show affection in such a way.

kivaluk notes that her smile is warmer, reassuring that she had not taken offense to his rather blunt questions. it soothes him before her words do, though hearing her reassure him that he did not offend soothes the very last lingering vestiages of worry.

not forever; a sage nod is given, taking comfort from these words.

i guess ...all we can do is figure it out as we go. at any rate, he knows he wants to be able to impress his father when kigipigak returned to them. even as she offers him a soft kiss on his forehead, kivaluk worries his lip as if it's a bone for a moment. d'you think akkuma is going to be okay? his brothers distance is noted — though kivaluk had been the most social of the two even when they were younger. still, that deep seeded older brother instinct makes him feel both ( over ) protective and worried about akkuma all the same.

He was a wise, growing boy.

She had this to hold onto, if nothing else.

I do not know. She told him the bare truth of a mother. Will you promise to keep an eye on him when I can't? Include him in things.

She knew she did not need to ask, the answer of Kivaluk's loyalty was always clear. Still she found herself with the grand need to hear reassurances in the wake of Kigipigak's departure.

a soft frown tugs at the edges of kivaluk's lips; ears fluttering back to rest at half mast and a softer furrow of his brow. indicators of his worry in regards to akkuma; made perhaps more pronounced by his mother's i do not know. he looks to her for assurances, though he is grateful she does not shroud the truth of her concerns from him. it makes him feel a bit like an adult.

yes, kivaluk replies with a hearty nod. i dunno if he'll always want to tag along but i'll ask. at least, he figures, if he asks then if akkuma says 'no' it's up to him.

fade? <3

Another kiss to his head. One that lingered and she found herself with the smallest crack in her heart.

Thank you. It was nearly now all she could bring herself to say, in the wake of everything before them and after them.

She hoped Akkuma would not drift away, that he would not become a ghost not unlike his unknown uncles.