Sequoia Coast [m] It's like a whole new side of me

first time going in heat for my trans boy Rykor here! He understands it but he is still a bit unsure on how things work but he knows what he wants to happen, despite being a straight guy attracted to females he is very much open to impregnation (is that a word-?) and will then try to find a mate to help raise the pups after conception.

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As he was told the time came. The time that brought the new feelings, the new side of him. It wasn't a permanent change, just temporary, but it would continue until the yearning was satisfied. He knew what his body yearned. And he was excited to receive it. The idea of raising young made him happy. And while he had no interest in raising them alongside a male he would most definitely want to alongside a female.

So he set out. In search of someone who could give him what his body wanted.

Let's make it funny and awkward. :D

A-a-a-and poor boy's body would have to be left wanting, because his path happened to cross that of Dwin's, who unlike her usual watchful self completely missed the approach of the young, handsome wolf-dog. She had found a badger's den and was happily digging away and taking nosefuls of the rich and nice scent of the animal that hid underground. There was no particular purpose in this activity other than pure, childish excitement. This again proved, how very young the girl was. 50% of time she managed to walk in the high-heels shoes of an adult very nicely, until those other 50% occasions happened, when shoes were thrown away and she ran off barefoot. 

The soft footfalls in the snow finally alerted her, she backpedalled from the den and back to the over-ground, where her gaze met the fellow. "Hey!" she greeted him without thinking much about it. "What brings you here?"

The girl that greeted him was younger than he was. And also seemingly friendly. Rykor wasn't really looking for a girl at the moment though, as his body was in a position where it craved what a male could give him. The girl greeted him so friendily though that he felt bad if he were to just ignore her.

"Uh, heyyyy." Rykor said, pacing around, his ears constantly twitching and his eyes flicking back and forth, very self-councious of his current state and his body strongly wanting something. "Im rykor." He said, realizing he should introduce himself at least.

Dwin's greeting was returned in a friendly manner and she took this as an encouragement to leave her construction work site and approach Rykor to have a better look. First - she realized - her initial assessment had been wrong and this was good-looking she-wolf. Second - the scent that wafted from her was something she had never experienced before. It went straight to her nostrils, hit her brain next and then passed like electricity through every nerve of her body. 

Dwin felt confused, her paws buckled beneath her and she fell to her haunches awkwardly, all the while staring at the other wolf with wide eyes and stupid grin plastered across her face. "Now... you're something..." she breathed out. "Name's Dwin."

"You're too young to get it, but female-born wolves, like us, though I identitfy as a male, get something every season called a heat. Its our bodies saying its ready to have pups, and sex-drive sky rockets. Thats why im uh, a bit uncomfortable right now. Because my bodies yelling at me to go mate with a male. I'm not usually like this, usually i'm more calm and collected, Dwin." He said, using the girls name. "its my first too, and i'm not 100% sure how to handle it. I do want pups though, so if you know a guy, send him my way?" Rykor said with a smile. "We can stay and chat though... for a bit at least..." He said, struggling to get his mind off his bodies drive.

When it came to conversations it was Dwin, who bombarded the other party with questions and random ideas. If the other person did not drown in facts that she threw their way, that was a miracle. For the first time in her life she had met her match.

"Wai-? Wut?" she blurted out, confusion breaking the haze her mind still felt, while she tried to follow through, what was going on. There were two contradicting lines of thought here and a glaring obvious absence of some vital information too.

Since Dwin had left before being sat down by her mom (or any other adult fit to teach the lesson) and explained, how the wolf body actually worked, she still believed that kids were found in parsley beds. Whatever parsley was... In the five year plan the young Blackthorn had for her life - having a family was nowehere present - so, even if she had been informed about all the anatomical and physiological details, she would write it off as something boring. 

"I- no, I don't know," she shrugged feeling hopelessly out of her league and shuffling uneasily in her spot. Too much information she had not asked for in a one go. Dwin had no idea, how to handle it.

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"Ok, let me back up a bit. I am born female, like you. But I am transgender. Which means I was born in a female body but I know on the inside I am a male. So I am a man, despite what my body is. Does that make sense?" He asked, trying his best to break things down one by one.

"Now, as for 'heat' and all that, its your body sexually maturing. Which means its ready to have pups. Ready to impregnate/get impregnated by someone of the opposite sex. That is how pups are made, or conceived." He explained. "Both you and I were conceived this way. Every wolf in the world was." He added.

"My body is going through that right now, for the first time. So my mind is trained on mating, and potentially conceiving pups. Because that is what my body is telling me it is ready for, telling me what it wants." Rykor finished.

"Feel free to ask any questions." He added.

"N-n-n-no?" Dwin tried to wrap her head around, what she was told. Her parents had never put her within a certain frame of what she should be, when she grew up. They were quite liberal in that aspect, still it had not occurred to her that she could be anything but, what she had been born to be. "But - does it make a difference - if you are feeling a boy or girl inside? I mean... I think... I would be Dwin regardless of whether I was born boy or girl? A-a-and my brother Jay would still be a stinky ork, even if he told he was my sister," she said. "The essence does not change, does it? With your gender?" or maybe it did?

"Yeah, right," Dwin shook her head, when the next part of her education in the nuances of child-bearing came. She did not understand half of the complex terms used, all she was thinking about parsley beds and kids being found there. That did make sense and that did sound more possible. "Logical error - there is not enough space for all four. I have three siblings at home and there... and we are bigger than our parents combined," she laughed. "Do you have proof?" she tilted her head to the side and smiled innocently. "That every wolf in the world came to be as you tell me now? Because I do not remember that stuff happening, I do remember being found," she referred to one of her earliest memories, when Maia had caught up with the little renegade and was carrying her back home. "In a parsley bed."


"Do you usually ignore your body telling you, what it wants?" Dwin asked next. "Or does it have a mind of its own and you constantly argue?"

"It does make a difference. I would not be able to live in a world where I could not be a boy. My name, and personality, is a different story. I could be called Lily and still feel like a boy all the same. It is who I am. I was born in the wrong body." Rykor said, trying to explain transgender to her.

Rykor chuckled. "If you hang with me long enough, you could maybe see for yourself. I need to mate eventually, and it will probably lead to pups. And if not from me, someone in my pack, or someone else around here, will have pups. Perhaps they would let you sit in on it." He said. "Mind you, it's a gruesome sight, from what I've been told. Lots of blood and pain, but the outcome is beautiful." He added.

Then what she said about being 'found'. "Dwin, I think you may have been adopted. Everyone has to have been born at some point, but the way you say you were 'found', makes me believe that your mother/family found you after your birth mother/parent left you." Rykor said calmly. He wasn't sure if the girl knew.

"No, and I'm trying to not ignore it now. I'm searching for a man to satisfy me. Thats what I was out here doing, when you stumbled upon me." Rykor told her.

"But ain't being boys and girls just definitions? Frames of what you should or should not be?" Dwin countered, still not getting, what was the difference between her worldview and that of the transgeder person. "My body is also not a definition of who I am. I could be a frog and still hold onto my inner Dwinness," this was odd, but then, who was she to judge other people's choices. "What is it that makes you feel more a boy than a girl?" she asked next.

"People in pairs ploughing through parsley bushes? Looking for children?" she tilted her head to the side, trying to imagine, what Rykor had meant with her veiled comments. "How can that be painful and bloody? The plants smell odd, though. I - personally - do not like that at all," she shared. "How do you know that we all are created the same way - do you remember, how you came into this world? If not, how do you know for sure that this was the way you tell me it is? That this applies to everyone?" 

"Adopted?" Dwin's expression was incredulous for a bit - when she returned home, Maia would have a-a-a-a lot of explaining to do. "Does that change things? I mean, if me being adopted saved my mom blood and pain, then it must be a good thing? A beautiful outcome without the hurt - ain't that preferable?" she asked. "Say - it is true that, what you think about baby-making is right - would you still prefer pain over a less painful alternative?" she asked. "I think that parsely bushes are always a better option. Even if they do not smell right."

"Satisfy you - how? If you are hungry, you can always hunt yourself?" Dwin was a good soul and always had a helpful suggestion up her sleeve.

The kid had a point. "Yeah, I guess you are right. Boys and Girls are just words made up by society to define people. We really are just equal. Thats deep kid, nice." Rykor said. He chuckled at her frog analogy. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I could be a deer and still feel like myself, but myself is a boy, so I'd still feel like a boy." He said. "And honestly, I'm not sure what causes it. But when I get called 'she' or 'girl', it triggers an internal, wrong, feeling." He explained, to the best of his ability. "Like, imagine if you were called 'he' and 'boy' your whole life. doesn't it feel a little off? or if someone said 'look at that frog she's so pretty', talking about you, but you're a wolf not a frog." he explained, trying to give her a sense of how misgendering felt to him.

-

"Heh, not all kids are found in parsley, usually adoption happens from wolf to wolf. Not just based on being found. But its not adoption that causes the pain, it's natural birth. So the parent who gave birth to the pup who was then found in the parsley, or wherever they're found, is the one who went through the pain and bleeding." He explained. "And I know it happens with everyone because I've seen it. You're at an age where you should be old enough to witness birth, ask your family about it." Rykor said. "I betcha some older female in your family or someone they know will give birth this season and you can sit in on it, and if they don't have anyone, find me again and I'll either let you sit in on mine or find someone's you can." He added.

-

"I guess thats true. And it doesn't make you any less her daughter, it just makes you her daughter by love not blood. Which is perfectly fine. I left my family as a young pup and now I live in a pack with a new family that loves me as if I were their own. So no, it doesn't change things, but yes, it did save your mother the pain from giving birth to you, while still giving her the joy of a child, but many wolves/canines crave to have their own young, not adopt them, though either way its an amazing thing. Giving a pup life and love is amazing whether you birthed them or not." Rykor assured Dwin.

-

"haha, no, not like that, satisfy me by mating. put my heat at ease. relax my body in a process of pleasure. you'll feel the urge for it next year." He said with a laugh. "its not something I can satisfy myself." he added, just for clarification. "and it shouldn't be satisified by a relative as it can mess up the outcome of the pups." he warned.
-

this is probably my longest post ever, and i'm loving this RP and how much it pushes me to write!

"No, it doesn't," Dwin replied after a bit of thought. "Inner-Dwinness - remember. It stands above all genders and body-meat-bone formations," sure the stories she had been told as a kid had a wealth of gender defining stuff, but she had always assumed that all names could work both ways. After all - one of her aunts was called Jupiter and that did not stop her from being awesome. She did not know much about her, but a wolf with such a name could not be anything but!

"Whatever you say..." Rykor was so convinced about her truth that it simply begged Dwin to doubt it. If you were 100% sure about something, there was a good chance you were wrong. No one could ever know everything, but you could be wrong about a lot of things. In Dwin's case - she did not claim to be the wise witch of the village, but she had an answer to every question and counter-argument to every argument. And simply crazy facts that would make true facts stand in the corner and smoke nervously.

"But why would you do it, if it hurts? Ain't that wrong to sign up for pain willingly?" she asked - there had not been a day in her early childhood, where she had not tripped, fallen, tumbled, bruised, got scratched and otherwise hurt, because of her thirst for exploration. Pain was an element she preferred not to have ever. Unknowingly Rykor had achieved something, what she might have intended to do. "If there is no other way of finding children than through pain - I never want to have children," she said seriously. "Frankly speaking, what you tell me, sounds positively awful. Who would in their right mind want to do it?" she scrunched her nose. Parsley beds sounded a lot nicer.

On topic of itch and pleasure she asked: "Have you ever tried? I mean, sure you cannot reach every itchy spot on your body with your paw, but surely there are options?"

That's the joy, isn't it?

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“Sure, maybe it’s that way for you. But not for me. I don’t even really feel like i need to do anything or say anything to be a boy, it’s just my being, regardless of my body.” Rykor said, trying once again to explain how he was trans.

“Not everyone chooses to get pregnant, sometimes it just happens while mating by accident. And when it does happen, giving birth has a wonderful aftermath that i’ve heard it’s more than worth the pain. Bringing life into the world is the biggest miracle of all and the love a parent has for their pups is the greatest feeling in the world. Greater than you or I, or anyone who’s not had pups could ever imagine. You’ll understand one day, in the near future probably, what i’m talking about. Unless you do not mate ever, which is hard to do, as your heat cycles and sex drive will come, it’s nearly inevitable that you will have pups. Mating often leads to conception, especially if done more than once.” Rykor told Dwin.

“Uh, mating, is the satisfaction i need, it is the urge i crave, and can only be done with the genitalia of a canine of the opposite sex. So even though i’m a boy my sex parts are girls so i need another boy with boy sex parts to mate with me to satisfy the urge.” Rykor explained to the best of his ability.

indeed it is!

Dwin still did not agree. Rykor contradicted himself - a moment ago she had spoken about invented social concepts and at the same time she/he firmly stuck to that one kind of concept. Which was interesting and the young Blackthorn decided to respect that. If being a boy inside made him happy - so be it. Dwin would be happy to be Dwin and she did not feel any particular need to define her in any other way. Yet she could not help herself but ask: "Would you be any different if you weren't either a boy or a girl? Would you still be you? Or is it like a paw - you can probably hop on all three, but four are better?"

"So you insist on that mating thing - what do you do - is it like dancing on crossroads under full moon, chanting magical words?" she asked, since "mating" was similar to the name "mate" which also meant a "friend", which also meant "having good time". "And what is sex? You mention that name over and over again... Though if it is as bad as your theory about finding puppies, I do not really want to hear it," if she were to understand, what was that language of symbols this gentleman was talking about, she better enrich her vocabulary. "You know so much about it - have you done that dancing in the moonlight yourself? And how do you know that those kids you have you will like? What if they are changelings - you know - awful, whiny and evil?" 

"Well, there are some wolves that feel they're neither a boy or a girl. That they're both and neither at the same time. Somewhere in between, or off the gender spectrum completely." Rykor explained. "But that is not me. I know who I am. I am me. And being me means being a boy. If I were a girl that would be pretending. An alter ego. Not who I actually am." Rykor said. "So I don't care if you feel gender doesn't matter and if they're just words, but to me, it defines me. I can be whatever I want to be under the label of 'boy'. I can be as feminine as I want. But I know my gender. And that is that I am a boy." He finished, doing his best to make it clear that this part of the conversation was finished.

"Mating is kind of like a dance. It is a romantic thing two canines do together, and there are steps and moves to it, but it is filled with the desire to make love. It is fun, but more romantic and almost fierce, in a good way, than just dancing would be." He said. "As for sex, that is what happens during mating. The process of mating is sex. The two are nearly synonyms though and can be used interchangeably, but mating is a more general word for the process, as it is less intimate than the word sex is." He explained to the best of his ability. He had never mated or anything before so his knowledge was limited to what he'd learned through the years.

"Sex is unlike birth. It is full of love and joy and not pain. The entire time it feels good. Whereas birth only has the great aftermath, not the great process." Rykor said, being as vague as he could while still getting to the point. "And no, I have no mated yet. This is my first year being old enough to experience a heat cycle and to be sexually mature and ready to mate. So that is why I have been out here. Looking for a mate. To get to experience this fully wonderful process for myself." He told her.

Then her question about pups. What happens if you don't like them? That made him laugh. "Well, pups may be dificult at first. But you were a pup once. So was I. And pups grow into great adults. And if they don't, well, some get kicked out around 1 years old. So I guess you could do that. Or in worst case scenarios, if you really hate your pups, the birth giver could leave their pups somewhere, either hoping they die, or hoping they get adopted, like you." Rykor said.

"Do you have any more questions?" He asked, getting a tad bit impatient.

"In that case - tell me, what does it mean to you to be a boy or a girl? What do you think it is that makes either different?" Dwin decided to look at this rather philosophical question from a different angle. "Or are there physical things you miss? Like lifting your leg, when you pee?" though - she had tried this herself, with a little practice Dwin was just as good territory marker than any of the males in the pack. "Or being big and bulky, and strong and having a lot of scars to prove your worth?" she pictured Bronco. He was a definition of male to her, but it had never occurred to ask him, whether he was comfortable in his skin. 

"And, what will you be to your kids - a mom or a dad? Or a both? A dom?" she asked and then thought, what would she be to her kids (if she decided to sign up for the rascals by some miracle), if she did not think gender was important. Dwin all the same? "So, if you have not experienced this mating stuff herself, how do you know that it is going to be pleasant or good? How do you know for sure that it won't hurt? Or that you will like it? Isn't it so that you find out, what you enjoy, only after you have tried it out? I mean my brother may think that fish are the best food in the world in all its beauty and glory, but that does not make them any more appealing to me? I think they are horrible," she shared the first example that came to her mind, but it could not be much different.

"And, what if you go in this expecting to like it a lot and then come out despising it?" this applied to all experience-able things in life. "And then - if you hate it so much, but there is no other way of doing it, wouldn't you consider looking for an alternative? Maybe then the parsley bed might not seem so unrealistic, huh?" she returned to her earlier argument, refusing to let it go. "And how do you know that - you - were not adopted? Your mom just may have found you - okay, not in parsleys but say fished you out of a pond? And why are you so sure that I was adopted?" Dwin pushed forward, since Rykor had encouraged her to ask questions. And question she would.

"There is nothing to do. Just be me. Because my being is a boy. End of story, ok kid?" Rykor snapped, getting really annoyed at her lack of understanding and acceptance of his gender. Then he sighed. "Sorry. Touchy subject for me and I'm not quite myself now either." He said.

"I will be a dad, a father, a male parental figure, even if I am the one who birthed them, because for the last time, I. Am. A. Boy." He said sternly and full of certainty. His patience with the kid was running out.

"I guess I just have a feeling. I have been taught about it, unlike you, and have been told of its pleasure, and my body craves it with an excited feeling, not a nervous one, so I just feel and know it'll be pleasant and nice." Rykor said shortly.

"Pups are 99% of the time not found in Parsly Beds kid. Go home. talk to your mom. She'll explain stuff to you. And maybe you'll actually listen." Rykor sighed. "Its obious to me no matter what or how I say stuff you just dont get it." He stated.

Rykor was growing annoyed with Dwin - she sensed it in her tone. The patronizing nature did not feel very nice - the girl furrowed her brow and gave a look of "Really?" "Just because you cannot win an argument, does not mean you should treat me arrogantly," she pointed out. "I was taught to ask questions to understand - I am not mocking you. Asking questions does does not make me stupid either," she added, thinking that - perhaps - this was the reason, why the he-wolf was acting like this.

""Just because things are like this" - is neither an argument, nor a fact. You claim experiences of others as your own - I think that you can only trust, what you have done and seen yourself. At the same time your or other's experience cannot apply to everyone," she concluded. "You do not have to convince me of anything - my advice to you, however, is something my parents told me too - to keep your mind open," she said. 

"Perhaps, you as an adult have forgotten, what it is like. To wonder," she got to her feet, preparing to leave. "Don't kill that curiousity in your kids either," she said. "Farewell, Rykor, and good luck!"

Thanks and good luck in finding that beau!

"Curiosity is one thing. Causing physical and emotional pain to someone is another. Maybe you need to rethink your words. They're hurting me. I've given you my side, you've given me yours. This is no longer a learning space. Its become an argument full of intent to win and I wish it hadn't. All I wanted to do was to educate you. But apparently you can't take me seriously enough to listen. So ask your parents. They will tell you what I have. I do not need to experience everything in the world to understand it. You will learn some day. Have a nice life, Dwin." Rykor said tartly, and without waiting for her to reply, stalked away. He would find somewhere else to find someone to mate with.

thank you! this thread with Dwin was wonderful. perhaps the two can meet again in the future