Lion Head Mesa But right now, I wanna be not okay

I hope the assumptions of Ramesses location is alright! If not, let me know and I will alter it. ^-^

Sokha could only imagine the great grief and anger that the Pharaoh felt. 

Perhaps he wanted to be alone... but in such a time, comfort often helped. Now, she would learn how he dealt with such emotions.

Pharaoh ... The small woman called from the entrance to @Ramesses's chamber.

Only with his permission would she enter. 

If granted, she would move quietly to his side, but still at a respective distance.

I knew not of Satsu, other than beauty and what words you have shared. But I do know she will be well watched. Knowing this may give you peace.. or not. She could not assume if it would, but hope that her words would bade him believe so. I come to offer sincere condolence. This pain is great, but you need not bear it alone. Akashingo is here... I am here. Despite how much her limbs wished to pull her closer so that she could embrace the man, she knew better. It was not her place, not unless told otherwise.

Upon joining Akashingo, Sokha had made a vow. Ramesses was her Pharaoh, and she, his servant. What he needed now was comfort and strength to hold his heart upright. She was willing to provide this, should he ask it of her.

<333

"the silver falcon."
satsu, dead. of course it had been poison. 
ramesses had gone to his chambers in the darkness and demanded berries. for a long time he had only stared at them. all meals were prepared by servants. who knew to what loyalty they answered?
but after a time he was too weak and addled by pain to resist. and so sokha would find the man slumped in his throne, riddled with drink and wreathed in the heavy scent of fermented fruit.
she glowed in graceful beauty.
"how will you keep this ... pestilence at bay?" he asked her in a rasping voice.

The slump of his frame. The utter pain in his voice. She could bear it no longer.

He, a man she had not long known, took her out of nothing and made her into something. How could she possibly suffer so? And to make matters worse... alone.

Body low, she crawled closer. She was careful, eyes wary for the event that he may object to her close proximity.

If he were to allow it, however, Sokha would draw her body along his and place her snout into his fur, nuzzling it in gentle motions. In this moment, she only wished to offer him comfort and solace. The query he rasped was all but forgotten, for her thoughts were transfixed on the softness of his fur... the warm scent that caught past that of the many drinks he'd had... the heavy thrum of the heart hidden deep within the chest. She eventually closed her eyes, leaning against him without a care of who he was. If this were to bring shame upon her, so be it. 

he slid from his throne. she caught him with her affections. ramesses allowed her touch, her warmth, though he was far too numb to do more than artlessly brush her eartip with his muzzle. yes; his flesh responded with the weakwilled nature of pleasure made idolatry. 
but his heart felt like it might crack more; he settled against sokha with a shaking sigh and begged that the tears would not come. they did all the same; pharaoh wept silently into her satin fur, sobs boyish and broken and seemingly unending.
he clutched her closer.

There was a part of her that felt acceptance and satisfaction as the Pharaoh indulged in her embrace.

When he had commanded that all find justice for the lost soul that was their Queen, Sokha felt nothing short of useless. But now.. here... she had purpose.

Then, when she would have least expected it, he began to weep. Sorrow, grief, pain, brokenness — all that sounded from his cries.

Let it out... let it all out... Tears were good. It was the best form of relief. Not drinking, or showing off with anger. Weeping was the best cure he had in this moment. 

The only words to pass her lips were these; soft and genuine. She only wished she could could share her pain.. or better yet, take it away entirely. But, this was not possible.

his eyes were swollen and throat hoarse by the time he pulled from sokha. he did not thank her. she had offered this time and he had taken it. but the lapis gaze fell upon her with more warmth than before, more acceptance. 
her willowy body had guided him through a time of great turmoil.
ramesses inhaled a great breath and swallowed. "my father and mother did not marry for love. i did not either. and yet she was beloved in all ways."
his lips tightened. "have you ever suffered so great a loss?"

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: Mention of non-consensual breeding and torture

 

As much as she would have wanted to stay in this moment — maybe even coax him to stay close — she knew she had no say.

He drifted an inch away and she let him, sinking her frame fully to floor to relax a bit. But she stayed near, only for the case he may desire her touch a second time. It was unlikely, but possible.

Whether you feel absolute in sunken endearment, desire and attachments can hold the heart close. Perhaps he did not love her, but part of him wanted to. No matter how much he longed to hold on, he had to let go.

"Have you ever suffered a great loss?"

Now the question of loss was upon her. Sokha wondered about his curiosity, but did not voice it.

Losing my mother brought great torment to my heart... but as for a partner~.. there was a man I loved once. He was a man of my former Maharaja's court. The affair had been forbidden by law, but neither of cared. It was young love... She couldn't help but chuckle, finding that past moment now to be stupidly naive. 

When the Maharaja found out, my lover was executed before my very eyes. I longed to sit and grieve, but was given no chance to do so. That very day, I was sold off to a cruel "keeper"... there, I was beaten and forced to breed litters to then be sold off just as I had been. During the tell of this tale, she should have been sickened or troubled by the reminiscence. Instead, Sokha was embarrassed. She could no longer be titled a maiden, nor be worthy of a decent husband, for she had already been stripped of her purity. 

Finding her gaze upon the Pharaoh, the girl bit down on her tongue, realizing the depths of which she had spoken. 

F-forgive me... you did not ask such a question~.. My tongue led me too far. Descending her gaze, she silently prayed that Ramesses would not loathe her now for the overstep. 

it came to pass that sokha was a soul tortured, one tormented, held by the whims and the pleasures of others. ramesses lay close and listened, by turns made to sorrow and to feel horror for that which she had suffered. even his own was like a flower garotte compared to what he had underwent.
oh, satsu.
pharaoh turned in sokha's arms and shook his head. "do not apologize. the gods test us. they have set the same level of pain before you and i."
perhaps not the same, but the agony in his heart would not relent.
"but you escaped. how?" go on, his command silent in the fixation of his jeweled eyes.

Although he had commanded she continue to speak of this troubled past time, she was hesitant to do so.

It took some time, but eventually she drew a deep enough breath to go on.

On the day I was to give birth to my previous litter, I bribed one of the master's slaves to fetch an herb for me... one that would harm the lives in my womb... Her voice slowed, a tear dripping down her cheek. She had never wanted the children they forced her to bring into the world, but they were still lives she had partaken in creation. How could she not feel guilty?

Keep going... Sokha willed silently. When they all gathered to see, each whelp was born still, lifeless. From this, they made the assumption I was no longer viable to breed and tossed me aside. Given that I was no longer a favored carrier for their twisted games, it wasn't too hard to find a way out. There were no eyes upon me anymore.

She sought his gaze, then. What did he think of this? Would he think of her as a monster for doing what she'd done? She didn't want to be; and yet, she had made this choice. I pray you do not think of me in an ill way... to give up on the lives they bid me bring was the only way that would offer me a means of end to the countless days of torment.

"your children were the price for your freedom."
ramesses said it aloud, musing. it was not a situation he would ever suffer as he was a man, and it was not something to which he could relate. that her willowy grace had harbored such a darkened past — he would not have suspected. 
she filled his vision. he was silent for a long time.
"the god Bes, he loves children. he is their protector. when the dog-headed shadows of death push into the birthing chamber, it is Bes who holds them at bay. in order to do this, he disfigured himself and became a monster. he frightens away the wicked, but his face also brings fear to children. and so it is a double-edged sword."
the words were quiet. the tone was muted. "i think only that you are very brave."

He spoke of a God. One she did not know.

Sokha could feel the Pharaoh's eyes upon her, but she dare not meet them.

Brave. He'd called her brave. Why?

Why? Why do you think I am brave? She questioned, a puzzling gaze finally lifting to find his face. For once, she did not hide her curiosities. In this moment, he was not her Pharaoh. He was a man she had just made aware of her life story.. her flaws.. her mistakes.. her cowardice. 

"look how you suffered. and still your faith is kept. still you sing, sokha. still you rise with Ra each day and give yourself to akashingo. is that not the measure of strength?" another woman might have followed those ill-fated children to the grave. she had not.
"think more highly of yourself," he ordered softly. ramesses blinked. he inhaled. "leave me now. i want you to consider that there are many gods in akashingo, and there are those not yet represented by a priestess."

Sokha felt deep within her that she did not deserve these words. And yet Ramesses bid she not think this way. Could her mind change? Could it all really be put behind her?

"Leave me now." The Pharaoh commanded, but not harshly.

"I want you to consider that there are many gods in akashingo, and there are those not yet represented by a priestess."

Although she did not quite understand the meaning of these words, Sokha would do as he'd asked. 

Bowing her head curtly, she offered a soft chuff of farewell before parting his chambers.