Noctisardor Bypass [m] can you shatter my mirror to see outside myself

When he repeated her suggestion Laurel felt careful optimism in her heart. She wouldn't mind; if someone else would be hurt by him laying with her, then... She could keep her mouth shut. It didn't matter who fathered these children, so long as it was someone who would not harm her. The problem right in front of her was that Xan, he was gone, and Mahler, he was the closest she had to what Xan had been for her. The closest thing to her salvation.

Yet she had missed when he had repeated her suggestion how incredulous he had sounded, so badly did she hope it to be an option. Now he said he could not do that, could never do that. What irony that she should run into an honest man now, after a lifetime of deceit. Perhaps that was why she was so drawn to him.

Her expression visibly fell a little when he said he would not lie about such things.

Yet his gaze softened, to her surprise. She expected to be rejected once more, and while she was ready to fight for what she wanted, however ugly that might end, she dreaded the outcome. It was hard for her to grasp what he was asking at first, with how many daggers were already twisted into her heart, their hilts broken off violently. Did she want children, or did she want him to show her that she could be safe in the arms of a man..?

She looked away, eyes darting away from his face in shame as she thought about what -- how I pushed your face into the dirt and dug my teeth into your scruff and pushed and laughed and you screamed -his violent words hissed this time -- she wanted. She found in her heart that she wanted both. Laurel had always hated men for all they'd done to her, and now before her stood an honest man. A man who, like her, needed a second chance. A man who, like her, deserved to find peace. A quiet life. A man who would make a plan to rid the world of Merrick.

A man who could be trusted. And for all the things Laurel had been through, men were still a big part of her life, even besides her incessant compulsive needs to please them so they would not lash out. She realised with a shock she didn't want to lose Mahler, she wanted to fight not for children but for his children.

Layers peeled off and she was silent for some time while the air filled with her scent and his face was so close she could almost touch it. She was so tempted to reach out, but afraid to make him walk away again. Then eyes darted back to his face to answer quietly. I want children. I want children so much. And I want -- I want both those things. I want you. But she could not tell, not seen he'd made it so clear he was bound to others. Life seemed to never make it easy for her. I can't go out there, she said, voice trembling. I know it's a lot to ask. I'll do anything to make up for it. There's no one else I can turn to. No one I trust. Importing hazel eyes shone with emotion as she looked back at Mahler, willing him to understand her situation and how dire it was. She was in no place to pick a father for her children, and fear would dictate it would simply be the biggest asshole who managed to chase away all of the other men. Just thinking about that sent involuntary shivers down Laurel's spine.