Qeya River šest

she called sheep killer (@Ksura) to her. in the redgrass forest she had managed to take herself. autumn felt like the threat of winter already when one lived where they did.

the sun had not been out today anyway and now, beneath canopy, it felt even colder. the wind biting and rustling at branches.

she knew she must see him before he walked after the chieftain's son. she knew they might say many things to one another. her mind had filled with plenty of things and yet as moments ticked on, she found her brain surprisingly empty.

He anticipated that any day now, he would be summoned and cued up for departure. He had yet to come to know the grey man, but found himself more distracted by thoughts of what might happen in his absence. He weighed his options and found Sun Eater had ended up with the better hand. All the same, he couldn’t just flatten his cards and fold.

He had hunted a jackrabbit for Senka, with the intention of finding her; his task was made simple when she called for him, though he felt his anxiety spike. 

Fate had come to force his hand, but with only a featherlight touch. 

He presented her with the meal, gesturing with his chin that she should eat it, and that he’d refuse the offer if she made to share it. 

He let the silence settle in for a moment, but found it heavy. He drew in a breath.

There’s something we should talk about.

it was good to see him. good enough that it only emptied her mind further. what had she wanted to say to him? any lines practiced no longer existed.

only silence filled with a look of gratitude.

the jackrabbit was taken and she at once set to the work of breaking it down. she desired as much of the fur as she could save, even if it would not be much. then the rich nutrients found within the organs. she could have done this all with his soft presence if not for the looming thought that they both shared, it seemed.

it is why i called for you, she confessed while her glacier eyes settled upon his silver-framed face. she did not enjoy thinking of how much his absence would cut away at her. you speak first. she invited as she worked free meat to eat.

it was better he voiced his own thinking before her. lest she make a fool of herself.

As much as the conversation was something that he felt was necessary, he had not put any words to his thoughts, and found himself gritting his teeth together as though unwilling to speak at all. He told himself that if she had things she wanted to talk about…Maybe his things wouldn’t seem as bad.

Unless she wanted the opposite. 

Uhm, He started, suddenly more nervous than he’d thought he would be. He would have found her and started the conversation himself, had she not called first. He could just say what he would have said then-

But he hadn’t rehearsed a thing.

I, uh….Well- He stopped himself before he phrased something in a poor way. He shook his head, flustered. It’s just…I’m probably going to leave soon, that’s…That’s sort of why I wanted to talk, He said, with a slight shrug. Is that, uhm…Why you wanted to talk, too? 

Code for: I am completely unprepared for this.

she listened to him closely. waited for what he might say and found herself lightly humored. if only because she imagined both of them clearly had a million things they might have wanted to say. now neither one knew how to say them.

yes, a soft nod and her smile for him faltered. i do not like how much i will miss you. it is a confession and her features are morphed with something emotionally raw to be seen. quickly she is looking down towards the meal he had so kindly brought.

he would walk, for who knew how long, and she felt as if it would be losing a piece of herself. no one here knew senka. no one here would lay with her in the dark caverns while she nursed the aching.

she tried her best to think of all the good things his return would bring. hopefully a son for a man who might look upon sheep killer more favorably for it. then the caribou hunting that she hoped to be fully prepared for by then.

The notion clearly troubled her. To see her expression change suddenly emboldened him. He saw what he told himself was self-awareness, as she had confessed that she cared- but also worry. Whether it was worry for his own welfare or for hers, he could not tell- but he wanted it to disappear.

I’m worried too. He admitted. He knew he would miss her, but missing her was something he could deal with- fearing for her welfare was not something he could suffer. He inched closer, so he could speak more quietly.

I don’t mean to…Like…Undermine your strength, nor do I doubt your ability to take care of yourself, or defend yourself but…It’s Sun Eater. I’m worried…To leave you here, with him. He confessed. I think…Sometimes…I know he checks in on you, and I…I don’t know what his intentions are, and it…It drives me mad…I wonder if he’s sending me away just so his “gray man” or whatever his name is can try and take me out, and I dunno, maybe I’m just being paranoid-

He’d been speaking too fast, and suddenly slammed on the brakes when his word salad offered an interesting appetizer. 

Paranoia.

Am I? Or do you like…Do you doubt him too?

she tried to sort through all of his words, to find what he truly meant to say or ask. yet the taste of the unknown paranoid fear is nearly as real as the meaty taste lingering in her mouth.

i do not think he would heal us to kill us. she whispered to him now. this was not to say she trusted the man in full by any means, but she struggled to find any reason he would do that. he had proven death could be delivered if he desired it. what did he gain from healing them just to re-do damage? no one from the once qeya river was leftover to be scared by such a display.

you have a chance to be free, to be ksura with others who are not just me. and she would miss him but never fault him. she had no remnants of a life before, except for him. even then... she was no mother to his children. she had not stayed here long, only through the worst of things and now everything was different anyway. would you take it? whether grey man struck or not, would you run and be free of everything?

she wanted to hear a yes, she wanted to hear a no.

It was a bit humiliating to hear her reply with a suggestion so rational, that it made his paranoia about Anselm nearly disappear…But humiliation was much easier to bear than anxiety. He drew in a breath, and exhaled; his shoulders sank a bit. Yeah, yeah, you’re probably right, He said. He felt relieved, and grateful that she could cut through his paranoia so easily.

But what she said next made him tense up. The fur along the back of his neck lifted, to hear her suggest that he could use that chance to escape- a notion that had not occurred to him. He had his children to consider- and not only them.

No, He said, as easily as if the question had been so simple. No, I- I couldn’t. I….Is that what…If you had the chance, is that what you would do? He asked, his face pale with dread.

but she did not have the chance. she did not think she would have if only because she did not know who she would be if she escaped this all. she had no children to chase after in hopes of reunion.

she did not think herself so whim-less as to be a puppet, but what waited for her besides this?

no. she echoed his own answer now. yet it is a plain thing and her face is burning from her own brand of embarrassment. maybe she had misread or misunderstood. she was keen to look at the ground between them.

i think he is a man who only means to make a clan for his caribou hunting and his son's return. he has done so by whatever means necessary. she did not mean to sound as if she vouched for the very one who had caused so much upheaval. yet she did not think he had come with a large brewing of trouble beyond this establishment. i think it is — good to trust you to go after his child. it says you should be safe.

A seed of doubt was planted in his mind. Her gaze fell, and with it his conviction. Like a lighter stuffed too hastily into a pocket after lighting a cigarette, he felt the question he’d wanted to ask burned, now, as he tried to tuck it away. 

She seemed prepared to assimilate to this way of life- as was he, in truth- all aspects of the structured, nomadic lifestyle both appealed to him and suited him- but he resented the cost of Ash Star’s life. It felt wrong to accept the changes, and he warred with himself every time he found himself curious or appreciative of their newfound circumstance.

I’m not really worried about myself…Other than, yeah, the….random totally unfounded intrusive thought that Grey Face might kill me while we’re away…I’m worried about you. He confessed. And it’s not like…I don’t think you can take care of yourself, it’s just…Him. I dunno if he’ll…I dunno. While I’m gone, I just… He held his breath for a beat. I find myself wondering if you’d be safer, while I’m gone, if- He paused again. Because he made a point of mentioning marriage and so, like, maybe it’s something he’d actually respect but if- he’d sped up again. He forced himself to stop, and felt how tense his shoulders had become. He tried to shrug the tension out, but couldn’t manage it. 

Maybe you’d be safer if we got like….Married, maybe he’d…Maybe he’d just…I dunno. 

His well-intended proposition turned into the most awkward proposal he could have managed.

she thought only of him. of sheep killer, of ksura. she had not yet realized that they thought mostly only of each other in how they wished to move forward.

marriage.

she had thought of it but now it was out there. clumsily built together between them like a small town chapel. in many ways she wanted this. even if only to protect them, to bind them to one another in whatever their life became. still she wondered but maybe it was best not to.

if this soothed him, if this made his absence easier on both of them. she would not go seeking to make mountains out of molehills when their life was already so full of hurdles.

i will marry you.

the warmth returned to her some. the blood of his kill still smeared across her mouth. he provided in every way possible, it seemed. that was a fact she could not deny.

what next? did they make some kind of declaration? did they need to go see the cheiftain himself to have it acknowledged?

You w-? He blurted. With the sunlight in her eyes, her irises shone like fresh flower petals. It was the look of a woman who had said yes, not no. Oh, He breathed, when he realized she hadn’t shot him down. He swallowed hard, and felt all the connective bits in his knees turn to jelly. He wavered lightly, but kept himself seated. 

A small, shy smile made its way to his face. He felt simultaneously pleased, relieved, and also a little bit mortified. All, he told himself, were likely normal emotions to experience when going through a drastic life change- but the little bit of pure apprehension bothered him a bit.

And what now?

Uhhhhhhhh, He cleared his throat. From his own culture, he knew what typically happened after two wolves agreed to be mates- but the thought of suggesting such a thing caused him to blush. 

Uhm; well, now I think we should go to see, uh, Sun Eater, He said. Make sure we’re married, in his eyes.

she wondered if she would miss him even more now. not that she thought a title would change her feelings so powerfully but it was there.

he was her husband. she was his wife. suddenly newlyweds.

now at least one other must see and know this. after all, weddings often had some kind of action associated with them. her cheeks warmed and for a moment she felt her age again. not the worn stone crier but the lively senka.

what did caribou hunters do to acknowledge matrimony?

should we call? there was mischief in her eyes now. or take our time finding him? she knew the proper answer would be to settle this matter at once so that it was recognized as true.

but she is thinking of ksura, of the adventurous man she had shown the little lake bay. it would be a good place for newlyweds.

The warmth drained from Ksura’s face- and likely from not parts of his body, focusing around his centre which suddenly felt overbearing hot. 

Oh, uhmmmm,

Was she hinting? He didn’t want to leap to assumptions (let’s be fair- part of him absolutely wanted to leap to several assumptions, at least a few times before they went to Sun Eater) given the fact that their relationship had lacked a great deal of physical intimacy. For a wolf who had fathered at least one litter of children, he’d learned relatively little in the way of being smoothe, romantic, or even masculine. 

I- Well, he knew what he wanted. But within him there lingered just enough fear of repercussions, that he was able to keep his hormones at bay. I think we should go find him. Just in case, like….If we…Maybe in this culture you’re supposed to wait, and I don’t want to end up like…Disgracing, uh, you, so, uh, He hoped she didn’t think he dreaded being with her. The part of him that was dog wanted so badly to obey the master of the pack, while the part of him that was dog wanted very much to give into temptation.

The former would win, for now. 

Let’s call him, He said, finding some peace as he stepped forward to nuzzle her, and step to her side. Together.

inviting @Sun Eater !

yes, right. it should be proper first. she could find no reason to tease him further. especially if he seemed to so nobly put her grace in regards.

together.

for a moment she leaned into his figure, content to gaze upon the mingling of warm and cool tones that made him up. she knew better than to become too distracted. her voice, hopefully twisting into ksura’s own, would lift to summon the chieftain to their location.

two voles swung from the man's jaws, bobbing with each of his long steps. he was unaccustomed to being summoned, and for a moment he only stared in the direction from which the call had come. stone crier had sent her voice up with that of the fast running hunter. their chieftain took some minutes to dig a shallow cache into which he dropped the voles.

what he found as he began to trail her was sheep killer's step, his tracks mingling. a slain rabbit had been carried here, the fragrance of its offal rich and telling.

he found them together, and could not stop the bemused smirk which flickered through the remaining slate eye. "why call?" sun eater asked, though he felt he knew the reason.

red leaf danced in his mind, her face changing to that of gheli a moment later. silent pain chased these images.

When she leaned against him, it wasn’t for strength or support, but an allowance of fondness that he was quick to spend, giving her a smile of his own. The bridge of her nose begged for a kiss- a request quickly granted- before he called for Sun Eater. 

The man arrived, looking amused. Laura bobbed his head, but maintained closeness with Senka.

We wish to be married, He replied.

her skin felt hot where he had kissed and she fought to keep her wits about her! it was good that their chieftain did not make them wait long.

she nodded after ksura spoke their truth.

how do caribou hunters wed, chieftain? there was a warm glimmering to her now, like summer waters. so very different than the ice and stone she was made of.

marriage. there were of course many ceremonies, but they were meant for crowds and those within them: namely relatives who traveled between bands for these celebrations. they were political rites. but here there were no rival clans nor sharadoii, nor seal hunters. there was only a saatsine man and woman asking to be married.

he was quiet, considering what pieces of lanzadoii culture he might offer to this newly-made pair. for another he might have asked more questions, demanded some show of ability. but they had known each other for time before sun eater, and sheep killer had hunted with the cutting wisdom of a thrown spear. their union shared mutual strength. 

"for seven days, you stay together. only together, away from us. as one. seven days. hunt, as one. after, come to say you are married now. some take new name, to say 'one.'"

a pause came to pass. sun eater looked directly to stone crier. "we walk, even with child. birth time, we stop for two turns of the moon." he glanced between them. "they walk, or left behind." a child at so tender an age could expect to be carried at least in part, but when they could taste caribou, they would join the saatsine properly.

now to sheep killer. "i give skin of deer for first sleeping robes," he said, ribald amusement glinting now in that stare. "take high path. lay under stars. caribou spirits will bless."

and their children would be lanzadoii.