Redhawk Caldera Ever Changing Tides of Time

Amalia stared mournfully as the last of her ties to the Caldera left, her again. This was the second pack that just sort of dispersed like wisps of fluff in the spring and fall. Her chest ached and her head ached and she wanted to scream and beg. And yet. There was a reason. And it wasn't as if they had told her no she could not come. But.

She looked towards the spear. She could not leave Alaric, this was home. She didn't know what to do. Or where to go. She didn't even know of any packs anymore. She supposed she could dust off her running shoes so to speak and travel throughout the area. Searching. But winter was coming and she was alone. Again.

Amalia had always wondered if perhaps she was a temporary creature. One meant to only be with someone or something for so long and then when she no longer filled a purpose, if they just left.

She gave a soft little sniffle and then began to trot away from the Caldera and the memories she had made. She'd land somewhere. She always did.

Brecheliant had dispersed. Towhee had informed him of the news, and announced her intention to visit. Before she departed, he decided to go for himself—to see who remained.

Well. To see if one particular woman had remained.

Dark fur against the plains that marked the outskirts of the territory—was it her? Her drew closer, hope in his eyes and heart. Nostrils flared to catch her scent—

It was, it was!

'Mal! Killdeer called out, stretching out into a lope to catch up. He skidded to a stop against the snow-brushed ground and panted slightly, breath fogging on the late autumn air. Hey. You okay? Can we talk?

It was the rushing of feet she heard first. Her body immediately went on guard and she turned swiftly at the sound. Remembering well the feeling of being hunted. The cat in the trees. The race for her life. But she was pleasantly surprised and very relieved to see it was Killdeer and not a cat. He was kinder, and better to look at too.

She blinked surprised as he skidded to a stop. But offered him a smile with the tweak of an ear. Pressing them forward.

No I'm not, but I will be eventually. A sad little turn of her smile, it pulled downwards. But she nodded at his question.

We can. What's up?

He nodded with a small inhale of a sigh, understanding. The bulk of her pack had dispersed—and she seemingly had not followed. Was she planning to? 

If so, he ought to get it all out right away.

Amalia, I think I'm in love with you, Killdeer declared. He let a moment for it to settle. . .and it felt good in the air between them, at least to his senses.

He went on: I've had feelings for you for a while, but I didn't realize until the great hunt, when we talked. You've always been there for me, a great friend, and you're beautiful, and everything I could ever want in a mate—seriously.

Killer said this all in one breath and was winded at the end of it, his heart hammering hard in his chest as he awaited his response. Big leaps have big falls. It was all too possible she could turn him down, albeit gently, as was her nature. . .

I just needed to tell you, he said in conclusion, trying not to tremble in anticipation. Before you made up your mind where to go next.

What she was expecting and waht she got were two very very different things. And for a moment she was speechless. Unsure what to say or do. But she knew she needed to say something, because well that was just rude not too. But. What?

It wasn't taht she didn't care, or that she couldn't see a future. It was simply that she hadn't thought about it. She had merely assumed that he like everyone else would leave. And he had seemed to love Sialuk and really liked that girl that had his kids also. So Was she merely a second choice, because he couldn't have his first. That hurt a little, stung even.

She studied is face, his gaze the way he looked like he was 100% about to be sick, were it not a serious conversation, she very possibly may have laughed. Instead she took a breath and furrowed her brow thinking.

First let me say thank you for telling me. Second to ask you to give me time. Not because of you or anything like that it's just.

Amalia's ears swept back to her skull and she frowned again, and shifted uneasy. I have never thought about a future with anyone before, because I always truly believed I was a temporary wolf,sometimes still do. That I am replaceable once I am no longer needed. I have never had a true relationship before, only friends and I. Well that is my baggage to get over, but if you are willing to give me time and show me I am willing to see where it goes.

It wasn't a no. . .but it wasn't a yes, either. 

Killdeer heard her out, nodding along with the spiel, trying to keep tears at bay. He knew he'd dropped an emotional bomb on her; it was only natural that she would need time to process it. 

Of course, yeah, he replied, smiling gently despite the quaver in his voice. Well, think about it. And think about Moonspear. I know your brother is there, but we'd obviously both be happy to have you around.

But there was turmoil brewing in his chest. Sialuk's rejection had stung—continued to sting—and this equivocation only added to the hurt. He thought about Caracal, and how at least his bro had found love and a family before his death. 

Am I just cursed or something? he thought, and turned away a degree, for fear of crying out.

Amalia's ears burst forward and she gave a soft whine at the absolute desolation on his face. Killdeer! Wait.

This was not his problem. It was not fair of her to send him away this emotional. And perhaps she had not spoken well enough. She had been telling him to pursue her. To show her it meant more than just empty words.

She moved to stand in front of him. Long slanting scars showing up from the cats. Green eyes ernest. I was not rejecting you. And perhaps i Misspoke. I was asking you to pursue me. To shwo me you aren't leaving. To show me the truth. Because before I dare not get attached to anyone. SO i.

She moved her paws about her, flustered. So I did not let myself think of a relationship other than what you were willing to give to me and i thought that was only your friendship. I could not imagine anyone ever loving me fo rmore than just Amalia the steadfast friend.

He paused and turned 'round—it made it easier given he wasn't going anywhere. His golden gaze landed on Amalia, hearing her out.

God, she seemed as nervous as he was!

I do, though, Killdeer replied. He would not even deign to touch her until she allowed, remaining a close but respectful distance. You're a good friend, but you're more than that—you're beautiful, and wonderful.

The wolf shuffled his paws then, blinking apologetically at his paramour. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, he murmured. And if you think it's stupid, just go. Cast me away. I'll get over it.

With time.

He did finally face her again. And she felt her stomach fall down in one fell swoop. What could she even say? Really. There was too much and not enough. But what she did need to do was make him realize.

She heard his words. Unsure. Then she gave him a watery chuckle. I wouldn't do that. And I don't think it's stupid. It's okay you didn't tell me sooner.

She studied him and shook her head with a small laugh. Come here. And moved forward to give him a hug.

He wasn't totally relieved, but it was something, at least. Killdeer let himself fall into her embrace, tucking his head along her shoulder blades, breathing in the scent of her:

Brecheliant, but fading.

Otherwise. . .her.

Amalia, he told her, pulling away after a long, cherished moment. Whatever you decide about me. . .please consider staying at Moonspear. Or one of the other Moon villages. Somewhere close.

There were choices, at least, if she did not want to be near him. But for his own selfish sake, he was desperately hoping she'd choose Moonspear.

Amalia held him there, happily. A small smile on her face. For the moment she was oblivious to his turmoil. To the chaos that brewed deep inside. At his worry that she would not choose him. Yet she already had. She just needed the time to fit into the role he wanted from her and to let herself believe she could be loved in this capacity. It was nothing that he had done.

She frowned. I don't know if I am ready to join another pack so soon. Honestly. Her ears went to her skull. Every pack I have joined has ended....and I am fearful that if I join another it will happen all over again.

She shifted. But I Do plan on staying around here. Maybe doing some scouting. Break in the old legs again. But as far as you are concerned sir.

She looked up at him, green eyes ernest. I choose you. I just need to go into relationship slow. After all I have never been in one before. I have no idea what i'm doing.

All of what she said made sense. He braced himself, accepting of the rationale, the fate of things—

And then she took a turn Killdeer did not expect.

You— You do? he asked, cocking his head with a flabbergasted smile. Choose me? I—

Killer ducked his head, feeling warm all over. He managed a sidelong stare at Amalia, despite his heart going a thousand miles an hour.

'Mal, he said quietly. I have no idea either. We're both new to it. We can learn together?

Hope. He felt it in his chest, a fluttering thing with wings.

There was a brief moment where there was a buzzing noise in her skull. So loud she felt faint. But it quickly left. She had felt that before once or twice. When she was feeling a bit emotional all over the place. And who could blame her. She had been through a gambit of emotions just on this day. She was sad and happy adn sad again. She was unsure of the future and also didn't care. It was a lot.

She nodded. Surprised at herself. She perhaps should have waited, but if he was willing to go as slow as she needed. She was okay with this. But slow and steady would be the start of this. Because she had no idea whatsoever how to even try and be good at this. But she'd do the best she could with what she could. As she always did.

Yes we can.

Good, Killdeer said—but the word was wholly inadequate for the emotions surging up within him. 

Did she feel the same? She seemed awfully quiet. He began to question himself again. Was she only being agreeable for the sake of getting on and getting along, or did she—

Thank you, he murmured. He pressed his muzzle against the crown of her head in a gentle kiss, letting his lips linger before pulling away. His golden eyes lit upon her face, searching for signs that this was in any way a ruse, or a dream, or. . .

I'll be at Moonspear, 'Mal, Killdeer told her. Come find me when you're ready.

When the two parted that day, the man left with a newfound hope. Trepidation as well, in spades—but undoubtedly hope.

Amalia smiled shyly. This was new territory and she was unsure exactly what one did moving from friendship to more. And there was no hesitance in her choice. Merely in her ability to properly be a girlfriend, mate.

She was surprised by the action of a gentle kiss. And closed her eyes to lean in. Her heart tightening and then ratchetting up. She was not used to such gentle affection. It was mostly fist bumps and bro hugs. And she found she was wanting. Did that maker her wanton? Reckless?

She blinked up at him, nothing but earnest care in her gaze. And smiled sweetly.

I'll be up soon. Right now I just need to come to terms with yet another pack leaving.