Heron Lake Plateau It’s a shame- it’s a crying shame them’s the brakes

@Quixote

Niamh had been scarce- not knowing how to handle how she’d handled the situation. She’d tracked Colt and Maegi through the floodplains but no further than that. She’d circled through the neutral territories that girdled the plateau but by the time she made her way back to the floodplains, there was no sign of them whatsoever. It was possible they’d slipped off her map when they’d crossed the river, and if they’d either gone Northeast toward the mountain or Northwest aling the beach, it would be pointless to track while being this far behind.

Having lost them, she returned home for the second time. She’d only been just beyond arm’s reach, but far enough she knew, for those few days, that her absence would be noticed. Quixote already knew that she’d run off-  but he didn’t know where she’d run. Foolishly, she assumed he’d understood her jibberish story and knew why she’d run off. Still, she knew she was in for a tongue-lashing. 


First, though, she hoped to find Towhee to see how she was doing so she found her friend’s scent and began to track her, trying to hold herself together as she had yet to explain to her Person just what she’d done. She needed someone to tell her that everything would be alright- but it was tough going.

He had to decide just how long he was going to let Niamh be kind of a loser before he put his foot down.  It seemed like she'd come back briefly once at least since the event at the border -- or at least clearly came back, past the edges of the territory -- but he hadn't been able to catch her.  He wasn't sure if she was going out of the way to avoid his normal haunts and places he'd expect to find her or what, but it was definitely another thing grating on his nerves.  Colt, though, seemed to be gone entirely, and even though they really hadn't talked at all recently, if he had to pick between the two, Quixote would choose his friend every time.

Maybe if she stayed gone for another few days he'd just decide she'd basically abandoned the pack, maybe howl it at her to let her know that was the decision made.  It'd make things much easier because he wouldn't have to deal with her continuing to overreact (that's what she was going to do, right?).  Unfortunately for her, Quixote's wandering path dropped him right across Niamh's recent trail, though he didn't notice Towhee's scent beneath it.  His mind was fairly narrowly focused at the moment and he didn't even think about it, just spun in that direction and headed quickly after her to not miss this chance.

It didn't take long for him to spot her up ahead, slowing slightly as he closed the distance.  If she thought he was kind of standoffish before, then this wasn't exactly a side of him she'd want to be dealing with at all.  To say the least, his displeasure was obvious, a scowl was carved into his brow and there was a certain edge to his movements that made him seem far less casual than he ordinarily was.  Sure, he wasn't bristling full of anger, but he was very disappointed in her choices, Where do you think you're going?  She left without answering a whole bunch of questions, then created more.  Whatever she was doing wasn't as important as coming to speak with him.

Niamh’s plans to quietly check up on Towhee without attracting any unwanted attention were foiled as soon as she caught sight of Quixote in the distance. For a moment she silently begged for his frame to curve and take him in a different direction- but instead, he stalked directly toward her in a way that made her feel belittled and unwelcome. Her current aversion to his attitude was amplified; it seemed like nothing she could do could please him, and she flattened her ears, knowing that yet again she’d somehow become the thorn in his side...And he wouldn’t get it- she firmly believed he wouldn’t understand her motives, and she had a very definitive feeling why he might not understand or agree with her.

She halted when she was addressed and though she was on the verge of breaking yet again- what with her mate- or ex-mate, she still wasn’t sure- gone away without any sign of returning, and she had yet to figure out how she felt about everything. Had she made the right call? She was likely about to find out where Quixote stood on all of it but she also knew that at this point, she didn’t care. He might’ve been Raven’s mate, but in Niamh’s opinion, that was all he cared about. Who else did he even like? And who else actually liked him? Did they not just all follow him because he’d happened to be dropped into that position?

As much as she wanted to voice that opinion which surged through her mind- especially when his first question smacked of a detestable amount of patronizing ire, she nodded to him quietly, and her answer molded her expression into one of concern. ”I’m going to check in on Towhee...Is she OK?” She asked. She was aware he night think that she should have gone to him first- but he was much lower down on ber priority list than Towhee was. Towhee, as ber oldest and closest friend in the pack, had absolutely earned every bit of Niamh’s love and trust. Towhee would always have Niamh’s loyalty, which was why she was Niamh’s top focus upon her return, rather than seeking Quixote out. She wondered if he hated that fact- that he didn’t automatically come first because he was alpha. Had she been given an order by each of them, in contrast with the other, she knew whose command she would follow. Presently, it didn’t make her a traitor...But it did make her disloyal to the alpha of the pack.

He'd been given plenty of time to stew about it.  It took a certain amount of effort to not just machine-gun question her, but the question asked on her end definitely opened the door for him to be bitter about it.  He continued to keep his cool, even if his words were sharp, Oh, now you care?  Sure didn't seem like it when you dumped her and bailed the hell out of there before I could figure out what happened.  Didn't seem like it when you didn't call Raven directly in the first place. -- Yeah, she happens to be fine, but what the hell were you thinking? Were you thinking?  What even happened, for real?  In his eyes her actions had even been a great betrayal to a friend, along with just plain stupid.  You didn't leave a friend like that.  You made sure they were actually taken care of, that all relevant information had been clearly transferred before you headed back to the battlefield.  If those were her actions to whatever occurred, he did not want her at his side in a fight.  He'd just end up dead.  Even though Towhee was more of an instigator than he preferred, at least she seemed to have her head on her shoulders most of the time -- he trusted her to be logical.

There had been many ways Niamh could have made things look better before Qui finally found her, but she had gravitated towards each of the worst options.  Perhaps if she hadn't been lurking around not-really-in-the-pack these last few days he wouldn't have been bothered by her running off to find Towhee first thing, but since she'd ran-off mid-important-conversation in the first place, Quixote wasn't gonna allow it.  Add this event to her weird behavior when discussing re-promoting Towhee and the much earlier weirdness when she and Ceara got in a fight and both ran to tattle and it was just a little too much.  Why should he trust her when she still acted kind of like a child?  Why should he risk the pack by keeping an overly-emotional, unpredictable wolf in a position of leadership?  Everything said he shouldn't.

The moment Quixote challenged Niamh’s loyalty to Towhee made her bristle, and her lips quivered as she struggled to keep her teeth covered. How dare he assume she didn’t care? She’d exiled her own mate for Towhee- but as he went on to question her further, it became obvious that he simply didn’t know what she’d done, or why she’d done it. He seemed frustrated beyond belief with her, which made Niamh impatient. Couldn’t the man keep up with what was going on in the pack? Wasn’t that his job? Niamh struggled to keep herself together, and to stop herself from exploding at him. The reason she was able to do so, though, was because he didn’t shout at her. His tone of voice was calm even though his words were cutting. She wouldn’t realize it until later, but Quixote could really deliver as an alpha when it came to holding himself together when faced with a mess. Something she was only beginning to learn. She took a page from his book and began to explain in a low, calm voice- though her features screamed her discontent.

”I-“ No, that wasn’t the place to start. If she started with Colt, she’d lose it. She took a deep breath- he wanted the whole story, and she needed to learn how to tell a whole story in a straightforward way even though her raging emotions made a tangled mess of it.

”That Blackfeather wolf showed up at our borders. She admitted having an association with Ceara’s abduction, but apparently she came to tell us Screech was dead.” She said. Her emotions, of course, had warped her memory slightly. But she delivered her story word for word as though everything was fact. ”I wasn’t aure why she would do that...I assumed she had some other motive; she knew that Ceara had escaped, So having lost her, I thought she might have been trying to lure one of us away, or to gather intel...I didn’t know what to do with her. I wasn’t part of all the Blackfeather stuff- I just know I’m supposed to hate them...But I didn’t want to make any hasty decisions and jeopardize the pack. So I called for Towhee. She went through everything with Blackfeather once. I felt she would know what to do.” She said. All of that was the truth- Maegi had been the first Blackfeather wolf Niamh had ever met.  And she had chosen Towhee for her experience on the matter, rather than Quixote- likely her first mistake, of many. 


”Colt showed up just before Towhee did, so he was there. I  barely got two words out to Towhee when she arrived, that it was a Blackfeather wolf, before she attacked. She went in for another strike and Colt intercepted. He protected the Blackfeather wolf...And Towhee got knocked out, which you know.” She said, breathing a soft sigh as she reassured herself that Quixote had told her that Towhee was alright. But her jaw clenched when she thought of Colt stepping in to protect a Blackfeather wolf, and injuring Towhee in the process. ”The Blackfeather wolf bolted. I was so angry with Colt for hurting Towhee, choosing to protect a Blackfeather wolf- she kidnapped his sister!- that I cast him out. Told him he had to track her down, or not come back.” She said, but her conviction began to weaken. She felt the indecision she’d felt then, having leapt to the conclusion that Colt was a turncoat, and that he’d willingly endangered and hurt his own packmate. 


”I couldn’t lose another friend to that. I saw what happened to Screech...If Towhee ended up the same way I’d never forgive him.” she said quietly. ”I was triggered. I haven’t...I haven’t gotten over that.” She admitted guiltily. She was the one who had given Screech his concussion- and she still did not forgive herself for everything he had done after that. ”But I love him. So once you were there, and Towhee was safe...I had to find him. I couldn’t let another wolf I loved just be whisked away into nothing without trying to look,” She said, referencing Ambrose, then, ”So I bolted. To find him...But I didn’t. So I guess he left, just like I told him...But he was on her trail, so...I’d assume he’s tracking her back to Blackfeather- which is what I’d originally feared she would want.” She said. She’d said a lot- and wasn’t even sure if she’d made any sense, so she fell silent, waiting to see what Quixote would make of the whole mess.

He'd been expecting her to just go all emotional-bomb again.  So wow, maybe she was growing a little -- just at the rate of a bristlecone pine.  That wasn't exactly fast enough, though.  But at least now he was gonna get the whole story (theoretically) only however many days late.

When she got to Colt, his expression shifted to one that was definitely confused, whispering, You did what, but letting her continue.  While she did, all he could think of was that Colt was likely long gone.  There was no way he'd track that Blackfeather wolf for the good of the Redhawks is his own friggin' mate told him to scram.  That dude was way gone unless somehow they made up, and how would anyone get over that type of betrayal?  Quixote definitely would have noped right out of town.  And it did further cement his opinions of Niamh, but they'd get to that later.  For now, if Colt was following the Blackfeather, then why?

He let it be silent for a moment or two, frowning as he tried to untangle a few things.  You made the right call not believing her, I think.  You say someone's dead to get them off your back, you bring part of the corpse as proof.  Even if she was telling the truth, nobody'll believe that kind of thing without evidence.  But if you wanted information, Towhee was the wrong one to call.  As you found out, she's much more likely to deal in absolutes.  AKA you should have called me, hint hint.  A slight squint to enforce it, but if she wasn't watching closely, maybe she'd miss it.

But if all the completely dumb nonsense boiled down to Colt doing something that made no sense from the information provided, then Quixote would have to figure out the missing piece.  We'll get to the rest in a second -- but first, Colt fought in the war too.  He wouldn't just step in the way like that just for fun. Or at least so Quixote thought -- he was more sure that Colt would step back and just let those more emotionally involved duke it out if needed.  So something was missing there, Just before, what did she say that would've made him do that?  He really hoped she remembered...  And to himself, he wondered how easy it would be to go find his friend and find out what actually  happened.  He just didn't think there was any way to get him back unless Niamh herself left the pack first, and even then it might have been too much for Colt.

Before Colt was her friend- or even acquaintance, he’d known Quixote. It was easy for Niamh to forget that Colt had been around much longer than she had, as he had been booted from the pack before, around the time she had joined, only to rejoin later. It was Towhee who had kicked him out though, not Quixote. And being as negligent of details as she was, she couldn’t even remember whether Quixote had joined before or after she had. That time was all a blur to her now, especially with her focus drawn in so many different ways. She knew that her decision to exile Colt would rub Quixote the wrong way- but it had seemed the only option at the time. Sure, he was Quixote’s friend- but he was also her mate. It was a decision too hastily made, and a heavy one at that. She now suffered the consequences too.

She was relieved that Quixote understood why she’d had more suspicions about Maegi and her motives...And exactly how well he understood seriously surprised her. ”Exactly,” She said emphatically, when he mentioned the fact that had she wanted to prove Screech was dead, she ought to have brought a part of him as proof. As much as she didn’t like it, she did agree now that had she called him rather than Towhee, the whole conflict likely could have been avoided...Especially if Quixote had suspected the female of tainted motives the same way she had. She shook her head ruefully. ”You’re right. I just...yeah.” She decided not to go into detail about how she thought Towhee might have reacted had she not been involved at all. Would she have shunned Niamh for not calling her? Niamh knew Towhee wanted Screech dead more than any other, so she’d felt she’d owed it to her friend to call her. 

When Quixote asked what had happened right before Colt stepped in, Niamh shook her head. ”I don’t really remember...Whining about why we wouldn’t trust her and judging her just because she was a Blackfeather,” She recalled groggily. ”She seemed to think she was doing us some mighty favour but...It just wasn’t right. I knew she was lying.” She said.

So he'd gotten through at least a little.  Good.  Some progress.  Again, probably not enough.  The whole thing was still a friggin' disaster and unless Colt had gone off the rails entirely, the first link in the chain of mishaps was built in Niamh's paws.

He shook his head, No, no.. That's not enough.  More likely she was lying, yeah.  But what else did she say?  Was there some new information about Ceara or something  That was about all he could think of for why Colt might stop Towhee barging into a fight -- the fact she might eliminate some answers entirely.  Might explain why he'd follow after the Blackfeather instead of just heading any direction away from the Plateau.  Niamh had been one of the ones who'd actually met Tegan upon his return with the information about Ceara and Screech, so certainly she'd passed that along to her mate, right?  But they'd already known that Ceara had probably escaped... So was there something that Colt had heard that Niamh had glossed over to be nice to him?  There had to be something, it just didn't make sense otherwise.

Niamh frowned as she tried to recall everything that had happened in the incident involving Maegi, Towhee and Colt- but before Towhee had been knocked unconscious, and before Colt had bolted after Maegi. She muttered a few incoherent words to herself as she replayed the scenario before she began to try and piece it together. "Screech is dead...Cougar attacked him apparently...Ceara got away-" She said, and she halted for a moment. "She told me that she helped Ceara get away...Which makes no sense to me. Then Colt and Towhee showed up, but neither of them knew that...Not until after Colt knocked Towhee out. It was the last thing she screamed as she ran away, and he went off after her." She said. From what she could remember, that was the truth. She shook her head. 

"I think maybe he's gone to find that Blackfeather wolf so maybe he can find out where Ceara is. But I also think that's exactly what she wanted, and he fell for the bait." She said, shaking her head. "He never said why he stopped Towhee...He just stepped in and blocked her with his shoulder, an' said nothing before he left either." She said. None of it made much sense to her- Colt, in her opinion, had either betrayed them by defending the Blackfeather wolf- for reasons she could not understand- and now he'd been lured away by the same wolf who claimed that Screech was dead, and that she'd helped Ceara escape. "I tried to get their trail- didn't want to go too far from the pack, but they went through the floodplains, and their scent was lost."

Still.  Not quite it.  Maybe Colt was just more desperate for the return of his sister than Quixote thought?  It wasn't like they'd spoken much recently. But Tegan had already given them all an update on her when he got back... So why would Colt trust the Blackfeather wolf that much?  Maybe he overheard something that sounded different than Tegan's story?  I mean, we all know that she's been out of their clutches for weeks.  She could be anywhere by now.  She could show up tomorrow.  Probably did want to ask more questions about Ceara though, and Towhee stopped that.  Sigh.  Getting answers had burned off a little of the anger, but he was still plenty irritated that this was even necessary.

Either way, it was still pretty much a disaster, and in all honesty, he expected things to get worse.  His ears flicked back for a second before returning to their aggressively attentive position, I hope you realize that with what you did, he might not come back, regardless of what happens. Maybe I'm remembering wrong but when I dragged him back last time, he made it sound like he'd just give it that one more go.  Are you ready to deal with that? And it would lead nicely into other things, depending on what she said.

Overheard something? Niamh tried again to rack her brain to see what Colt might have heard before she'd been aware of his presence...But she'd been simply holding Maegi in her position rather than speaking to her before Colt had arrived. It still had slipped Niamh's mind that Colt hadn't been aware that Ceara had been freed- but she'd never been good at puting herself in anyone else's pawprints before, and hadn't even realized that telling Colt about Ceara...Well, it had completely slipped her mind, given the fact that Ambrose had gone missing too, and she'd switched her attention to him. She'd thought that Ceara getting free of the Blackfeathers had been common knowledge- but she was unknowingly very wrong. "Might've," Was all she was able to say in response, shaking her head. She was still concerned, though. She still felt very certain that the whole 'Screech is dead' ruse was simply used to lure another Redhawk wolf away from the pack so they could replace their hostage. At least Colt was the sort who could physically handle it, she supposed. He could hold his own in a fight. 

Quixote turned the topic back on her exile of Colt and her eyes darkened, and she lifted her sharpened gaze to him, as though to warn him to back off. She was already punishing herself enough for what she'd done, she definitely didn't need Quixote telling her the same. She growled softly, warning him that there was a line she did not wnt him to cross. Sure, it was the alpha's job to keep his pack wolves in check- but he needn't push salt into fresh wounds, and it lost him even more of Niamh's respect. "You think I don't realize that?" She challenged darkly. Quixote hadn't needed to remind her of that fact; it was already burrowing a hole into her heart, and the fact that he'd chosen to open up that wound further made her dislike him even more. She decided to warn him verbally, if he didn't pick up on all her signals already. "Give me time to adjust. And have a bit of empathy." She said, looking him up and down, as though to reiterate the fact that she didn't believe he had the necessary qualifications to handle such a topic. She was on the verge of shutting down that topic physically, if necessary. She just hoped he'd have the sense to back off such a sore subject and let her heal a bit first.

He growled back, louder, and his scowl returned.  Because no, she was not allowed to freaking talk back like that after running off and avoiding the pack for several days.  She had to know he was gonna be pissed, had to know he was gonna ask some hard questions, and since it all seemed to tie back to her mental state, it wasn't like that was going to heal the way a physical wound might.  There was just no way to visually tell.

She just seemed so pointedly immature to him now -- like she didn't realize the scope of her actions or the weight that was on her shoulders.  It made him impatient, which made his words pointedly controlled so could attempt to keep an even voice, The pack comes first.  Empathy comes second to making sure you're still fit to be a leader -- that the pack can trust you not to kick them out if they cause an accident, that I can trust you to not run away in a crisis again...  If you don't want to answer my questions, then me eventually politely asking if you'd want to step down for a while to sort out your trauma and put your life back together becomes an order instead.  Should I continue or not?  It's your choice.  The whole thing was sort of a Catch-22.  All that she'd shown him recently was that she didn't have the right perspective, and he definitely expected her to revolt at the idea of stepping down in the first place.  But if she did it herself and maybe realized that she was a worse loose cannon than Towhee?  Maybe there was a chance she'd grow.  Right now he didn't trust her at all.  He'd rather walk beside the Blackfeather wolf because at least their corruption was reasonably predictable.

Quixote's growl in response made the fur along her spine prickle. She wanted to be left alone- and she believed she had that right- but Quixote did, realistically, have every reason to question her and to push that thorn in her side in a little bit deeper, considering the fact that she was a leader and leaders had judgement constantly weighing upon their shoulders. Niamh, of course, felt that that gave her more liberty to do what she wanted, but what she forgot was that there was another leader above her. The fact that he stubbornly refused to leave that topic alone simply because he was alpha made her feel sick to her stomach, and she refused to stand down. 

"I know the pack comes first- that's why I exiled my own mate," She hissed sourly, reiterating a point which would likely get her in more trouble. When he began to go off on her rank, she lifted her head, surprised and offended that he was going to pull rank and attempt to threaten her position in the pack. She glared at him with shocked outrage- as though she felt entitled to her position as she had earned it- while she clearly felt that he had his because he'd married into it. "Let me ask you a question now," She said, because there was clearly no turning back now. "If Raven wasn't here...If, say, she'd never happened to you- would you still be with the pack? Would you still defend it? 'Cause I don't think you got any other reason to be here," She said emphatically- meaning both with the pack and especially as alpha, "Than the fact that she's your mate." Niamh, of course, was of the opinion that Quixote basically had no friends, and no ties to the pack. She, on the other hand- entitled as always, and with her view of others always filtered through her own, Niamh-shaded glasses- felt that she had always been a more integral part of the pack than he had.

She held her position, even though it would likely put her in the same sort of stance that Caiaphas had taken. She was calm, though, when she spoke again. "You shoulda stepped down when Raven did, an' left this pack to Towhee and me."

Lol wut, she was missing the point by miles.  Continents maybe.  Hell, most of his other questions were only tangentially related to Colt -- they were mostly over her other behavior at the time.  Guess she wasn't gonna find out.  Over an accident.  You exiled your mate over an accident.  What are you gonna do to a newbie who does the same thing thinking they're being heroic or something? Kill them?  Like wow, yeah. She'd gone a bit off the deep end.  Do you not see the underlying issues in all of this?  It almost seemed to amuse him in some frustrating way, but he'd completely given up now on trying to convince her.  It was like flipping a switch, he spoke without any anger -- maybe a little disappointment -- but it was probably the most conversational he'd been the whole time.  Pressure was off, he was less pointy.  She made her own decision.

It was almost laughable though.  She just seemed absolutely delusional in her grasp of the world, whatever rose-tinted glasses she had, they colored and warped reality beyond recognition.  He had significant seniority over her, through good and bad.  I was with this pack for at least half a year before even meeting her.  I fought a war for people that at the time I barely knew and you are asking if I'd defend it?  Do you even pay attention to history?  This is my pack.  He said it without emphasis, how anyone in any rank might.

We stepped up when nobody else wanted to.  Like I always have done, and I intend to keep doing that job -- you know, the one entrusted to me by Towhee when she felt she couldn't do it?  You don't trust her any more either?  Would you have run off without a word as alpha too? -- You need a break, because I'm pretty sure this is all your stress talking.  Go talk to Raven -- or someone else who's good that psychological crud, I don't care -- work out your issues with what happened to you and Screech and get back to me if you want your rank back by then.  You've been acting weirder and weirder recently and I'm not going to have you crack at anyone else, it's not fair to any of us.  And as far as he was concerned, that was that.  He'd be quite happy to turn and just walk off, but chances were she'd not really do that.  She'd probably run off to Towhee and cry some incredibly warped version of the truth at this point but oh well.  At least he could prepare for that.

Niamh failed to see the holes in her logic, and hated having them pointed out by Quixote. She had a one-track mind, and stubbornly still wanted nothing more than to see him admit what she thought, and step down. As per usual, when he began to talk back to her, she focused on the little details and missed the point. "Newbie?! I'm not some newbie," She said, offended that he'd try and treat her like some young, silly outsider. "An' you weren't there- you didn't see it happen. It wasn't an accident," She said. Colt had definitely stepped forward to protect Maegi and to block Towhee. "If Towhee hadn't been knocked out, she probably would've canned his ass before I could." She said, with a sniff. She had yet to see her Person- and lordy, would she have news for Towhee when she did. 

He continued to think that this was his pack, not hers, and he made a pretty good point. He had been in the pack longer than her, but all she wanted to see was what she had in her mind- not the truth. To her, Quixote had been nothing more than a butt in a seat, simply there because Raven had been the one who had been chosen to lead- and he'd ended up with her. "Of course I trust Towhee- I wish she was alpha, not you," She spat ruefully. Quixote had no idea who she was, if he thought she had any doubts in Towhee. She arched her neck when he told her to come back to him if she wanted her rank back- as though he'd taken it away from her. Stupidly, she felt he didn't have the authority- but that was simply because she held no respect for him, not because he didn't have the authority. He had every bit of power that he threatened; but she was fairly sure that when she had finished what she intended to do, that he wouldn't. Either that- or she wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.

"You're gonna end up alone." She murmured coldly. She had no other response to him about what he'd said- about her getting over Screech, or cracking at any other packmates...Truth be told, there were no others that rubbed her the wrong way- now that Ceara was gone. There was only Quixote left, and if only she could get rid of him too...But to do that, she'd have to be incredibly tactful, careful. "You done?" She said, the volume of her voice raising as though in a threat. She was indeed going to go and talk this out- which she felt was a pretty mature act- given the fact that she wanted nothing more than to whomp his ass ahd kick him out, even if it meant hurting Raven's feelings in the process.

He looked at her in utter confusion, No, the newbie jumps between two people and just like--- oh forget it. You aren't really listening to me are you? He did have to chuckle at that, but it was sort of an uneasy one, like you just realized that the person you were talking to believed wholeheartedly in chemtrails and lizard people controlling the government.

After dismissing more of her nonsense without batting an eye, he did have one more point to make, And have you heard yourself through these last few minutes?  You're throwing a tantrum on par with Owen.  Maybe even a younger Owen.  You gotta be exhausted. Go sleep.  Go rest.  Relax.  We'll say you're taking a break just like Raven, don't have to go into any details.  Find someone who isn't named Towhee to talk to about stuff because she's your friend and friends are biased. -- Raven maybe.  Elwood even, he's always been level-headed.  Just find someone, okay?  All of it was probably going in one ear and out the other.  Ooh boy was he gonna have fun relaying this to Raven...

Niamh didn't appreciate it when Quixote chuckled dryly, uneasily- because she interpreted that he was laughing at her. She was overtired and exhausted, but wouldn't admit it- much like a youngster who didn't want to have a nap but desperately needed one. Fortunately, Quixote had had his fair share of dealing with overtired youngsters and seemed to recognize those same qualities in Niamh who was indeed throwing a tantrum. And like a youngster, she didn't appreciate having that pointed out, so she sniffed rudely and flicked her tail. 

He was forcing her down the ranks, and part of her wanted him to be more of a jerk about it so that she could relay that to Towhee- but he seemed to warn her against talking to Towhee. ONe ear flicked back- was he saying that because he meant it, or was he saying that because he was afraid Towhee would take her side? Naturally, Niamh assumed the latter. "You're just gonna go back an' tell Raven about it. Why don't you go find someone else to talk to," She said, voice losing its tone as she practically yawned the latter half of the statement. "An' I'm not choosing to step down. We're gonna be clear on that. This is your choice, not mine." She said, feeling that she had to be resilient about something. It was foolish to be stubborn about something like that- as she couldn't simply take the graceful step down as for her, it meant lying, and made her look weak. "Tell whoever whatever theruhhhhuhhhuhhhhrrrattt." the fuck you want about that. She said, though yet again the latter half of her statement would be lost by a yawn. She shook her head stubbornly. "I'm out." She said, somewhat obscurely, and began to saunter off, directly toward where her den was, but she stopped. 

"S'long as it's OK with you that I go. Back to my den," She said. She was spiteful, but at least this time she wasn't going running off on him, and gave him one more opportunity to say something else that might make her feel even worse about herself before she left. She lifted a tired, but defeated gaze to him.

So, she was probably a little jealous too, huh?  Whatever, he wasn't gonna deny it.  Raven kept him sane.  Too bad Niamh didn't have someone that could do that for her -- Colt wasn't exactly a particularly soothing force to begin with.  Yeah and you kicked my best friend out the pack, thanks for that, it totally does wonders for my social life.  Sarcasm, best delivered dry with no eyerolls when paired with simply not finding the effort to argue with someone who's just being ridiculous and combative.

But still. If you really want the pack to know I'm forcing you to step down for your mental health, I can do that.  Just figured you'd want to save some face.  I'll give you like half an hour to change your mind, but if not, that's what I'll go with if you insist.  Kind of like threatening to leave the kid at the park if they really didn't want to go home.  Usually they saw the wiser side of things, but hey, Niamh was old enough that if she really didn't care about her privacy, then.. Whatever.  She built her own den and that's where she got to sleep.

She really was like a kid, though.  He flicked his nose back along her route. Go on.  He'd let her go before returning back to his family's thicket.  Maybe with a headache.

Colt was his best friend, wasn't he? That thought made her frown, and reminded her yet again that Colt was gone, and he was gone because she'd been an idiot...At the time, it had seemed like the only thing to do; Towhee was her Person, and their beta...But he hadn't outright attacked her. Quixote was right- she'd jumped the gun, and she knew she'd been triggered by seeing another wolf go unconscious and it was enough to start turning her from being spiteful toward Quixote toward hating herself. Still, part of her felt a teensy tiny bit proud- without Colt, Quixote only had Raven, and he'd just admitted it. She knew she could- and might later realize that she should go to someone else, like Elwood, or even Tegan...She still had others in her corner to talk to. Quixote only had his mate- but at least he still had one. 

She looked up at him, with a bit of a hairy side-eye, when he gave her the option to step down. "Not my choice. I don't want to step down. I'll have a good sleep and then want to carry on as I normally do, at the borders. But..." She said, and trailed off. That hurt that Quixote had touched, when he'd mentioned her running Colt off was forcing its way into her heart still. "I...I might not be." She said, and her lip quivered. She bit it, hoping he didn't see. Stubbornly, she held her breath for a moment- she hadn't dealt with the grief of losing her mate yet. She likely wasn't going to feel up to her duties when she woke up. But like hell she was going to admit that. "Gotta...Gotta keep going." She said, but the tremble in her voice said otherwise. She needed nothing more than a sleep and a good cry. In the end, she wasn't comfortable saying that she'd stepped down, or that he'd put her down in the ranks. She simply didn't want it to be a reality, and wasn't willing to describe how it had happened. 

He released her then, and she took another few steps, swallowing the hard lump that had formed in her throat, and then stopped. "I might-" She said, and halted. She was losing ground every second. She decided not to voice her thought, in case he saw fit to investigate that point further and force an answer out of her. She didn't want him in on her knowledge, so she simply nodded. "'Night," She said, her tone indicating that she was bidding him a good night, even though it wasn't even that time of day. She was going directly back to her den, though, and would obey his orders, in terms of getting some sleep. In her mind, though, she paused on the thought that she had nearly uttered. 

I might know where to find him.

Yeah, she was definitely burning out fast, thank goodness.  Maybe even coming to her senses a little.  He wasn't sure if that was enough to really let her back into responsibility in the short term, but maybe it was just a glimmer of hope that some day she'd be a little less childish.  Maybe.  Who knew, maybe she'd also regret some of the things she said in her exhausted stupor, like some sort of drunken escapade that she hadn't blacked out for.  He didn't have high hopes, but at least it seemed she was going to take a little of his advice.

Quixote would be nice, despite his threat.  He'd wait a while then howl to say that Niamh had decided to take it easy and take a break from leadership for a bit, no reason listed -- even if it was a little tempting to say "Niamh is making me tell everyone I'm forcing her to step down so she can get her head shrunk," instead.