Neverwinter Forest My only friend was the man in the moon

for @Mal
back dated to 7/9, set for late evening
i'm pping him being in the den thing, lmk if i need to change that

She hadn't exactly been the most social the days following the meeting with Donovan. The whole thing had her hurt her more than she liked to admit, even to herself, and so she had buried herself in patrolling and training to keep her mind occupied. She often rolled in to sleep late at night with little energy to do much else. She hadn't really been up for talking abut anything that happened; it came with a lot of uncomfortable feelings, and she was still trying to figure it all out herself. 

Tonight, though, she returned to the den place with the intention of talking. She had decided sometime over the last few days that she wanted to actually make the trip home instead of just thinking about it. She wasn't sure what had finally changed her thinking into doing, but it was probably a mixture of things. Most importantly, she felt guilty about the fact that they probably considered her dead at this point; she couldn't continue to hurt them that way. 

As she neared the den, she caught Mal's fresh scent, telling her that he was here. She trotted inside, hoping he wasn't asleep. Mal?, she said quietly when she was fully inside, checking to make sure first; she could always wait until morning before she left to tell him too if he was already asleep.

On the other side of things, Mal had felt better -- not necessarily because of  the Donovan thing, obviously, but because of the conversation he'd had with Hua. It had gone better than expected, even if exact specifics weren't quite nailed down yet (and it brought up other complications, probably). And Cupid was awake again by now probably? And at least so far it seemed like he still hated Mal, but at least Cupid didn't die. That conversation still stung. As far as Simmik went, he hadn't pushed her for her feelings or anything. She knew he was here, he'd said it enough.

Either way, he'd sleep a little better tonight than he had in some past. He'd settled down in his normal spot, stretching and otherwise settling down for the night. It hadn't been too long, so he wasn't asleep yet when Simmik returned as well, Hey. What's up? He'd shake off whatever sleepiness he had if something was afoot.

She settled down next to him and let silence fall between them for a few moments before answering him. She felt bad leaving right now, with everything that had happened, but she knew she needed to do this. She needed to right this wrong. Maybe then she would be able to find herself again. Or at the very least, she could live with just a little less guilt. 

She smiled, but it was sad and not anything like her normal smile. I'm going to head out in the morning, see if I can find my family and let them know I'm okay, she finally told him. I'm thinking I'll be gone no longer than a week and half maybe? She might end up staying with her family for a few days if things went well. Or she would just wander the mountains sad and alone, which would be more fitting for her life it seemed. But she was spiraling in a direction she tried to avoid. 

I'm sorry; I know it's probably not the best time, but its something I need to do... she drifted off, not looking at him.

Was there something wrong? Okay, yes, there were things wrong still, but new things wrong... But no, it was something else. I understand. And to a point he wished he had the option to do the same -- even if his mother was flighty and his father was a disappointment, showing them who he was now sounded good. But now his family was here -- and Yuelong, he supposed. I hope it'll be an easy search. They should be proud of who you've grown up to be. And if they weren't, then they had issues -- but then again, he didn't know her family at all. 

I think stuff is ok as it's going to be here for a while. If you end up waiting for the best moment, I don't know if you'll ever start out, you know how it is. He gave her a sort of bemused smile at that. When things settled down, that was about when something new happened. At least right now it was familiar chaos. Then a warmer smile (look, stuff wasn't happy enough around here for a grin, no matter what Hua said), I'll hold down the fort.

She wasn't surprised to be met with his complete understanding; he was always supportive of her, no matter the situation. His next words had her forcing a smile and a nod because she wondered how proud they would be if they knew how easily she had been mislead by a handsome face. I just don't want them to think I'm dead, you know? she answered. That was the real reason for this trip—that and to try and have some kind of relationship with them again. 

Yeah, I know, she said when he pointed out that there may never be a right time to go. She didn't like to leave the pack for so long, but he was right: things were probably as calm as they could be for now. If I find them, I was thinking about discussing some kind of alliance with them, she added, turning to smile a little at him. You know, as long as they don't hate me, she joked—well, it was mostly a joke.

Something was still a little off, he was pretty sure, but nothing he could pin down. He wasn't good with emotions to start with, so that's about as far as he could get. Yeah. He understood from the other side of things. Whatever happened to his sisters?

He kept it light, If they actually hate you, they're crazy. Like okay, I'll excuse a little grumpiness or something, but they better not go more than that, it's not allowed. Faux-scolding expression and everything. Anyway, back to the alliance thing, I mean, you know them all better than I do, obviously. You can go for it, especially if you do want to keep in contact with them from now on. We can always let Hua and the other folks around know they might be a good group to talk to too, if you think it sounds good. And transfer some knowledge about who to stay away from -- he didn't think he needed to stay aloud that mentioning the Saints were trouble was smart. He'd tell them, at least, but he was also a blabbermouth about some things.

His first words had a reluctant smile forming on her face. Whether or not they're allowed to hate me, they still might. I don't know. She liked to think at least her mom loved her enough to be able to forgive her, but how could she really know until she faced her fears and went to see her. I'm just anticipating the worst...hopefully it won't be that way. It was comforting to know that she at least had Mal and the wolves of her pack if things went south with her family. 

He was receptive to the idea of having Diaspora as allies, and hopefully they would feel the same. Yeah, that's a good idea, she offered when he suggested letting their allies know if Diaspora agreed to ally with them. I'll feel things out and offer it if it seems appropriate, she told him. She had no idea what things were like there now, so it was hard for her to really know what to expect. 

Thanks, Mal, she added softly. For everything. She really wasn't sure what she would do without him. I hope things are quiet for you while I'm gone. They better be anyway.

Ok, he was at least accomplishing part of his goal, lifting Simmik's spirits a bit. He did wish there was more he could do to make her forget what happened with Donovan at the very least, but he wasn't sure how. He wasn't sure what. If she had an idea, he'd grab on to it, but for right now, left to his own devices, all he could think of was just to be there. It felt kinda useless. I think they'll be happy to see you. I know I would be if one of my sisters showed up. 

Mal smiled, Hey, I've always said I'm here for whatever you need. I've always meant it, so it's no problem. I want things to go the way you want them to go. Don't worry about things here. You gotta have some time for what you want too. Which was probably a bit hypocritical, given who was saying it. Mal spent pretty much all of his time looking after other people, after all.

we can probably wrap this up

She smiled and nodded. She hoped they would be happy to see her, but she honestly had no idea what to expect at this point. She had been gone a long time, and she wouldn't blame them for being angry with her. She knew her actions had hurt everyone at a time when there had already been plenty of pain to go around. 

She drew a deep breath, trying to let his words calm her anxiety. They helped some, but she couldn't stop the tightening in her chest that grew the closer she got to morning when she would set out. She knew she definitely couldn't sleep. Okay, I'll try not to worry about everything here while I'm gone, she told Mal, but she knew she still would. 

I don't think I'll be able to sleep, so I'm going to do another patrol, she said after a few moments. She stood and shifted towards the exit, glancing to him to see if he was interested in joining her. If not, then she would leave and head to the borders to think.

He hoped she'd find what she wanted at the end of the trip. And that it would be uneventful. With everything that had gone on, he kind of wished that people didn't have to go anywhere else, but then again of all the wolves here, Simmik was probably the one who could handle herself the most. But that didn't stop him from wishing it wasn't so. A patrol at this hour? But what about the trip? Do a short one. You really should try to get some sleep if you're gonna be out on your trip tomorrow. If there's something I can do that might help with that, just tell me. Free pass to turn me into a pillow or whatever you need? Okay, he couldn't be totally serious about everything ever, given that goofy grin he had. For real though, he cared, he didn't want her to be walking along like a zombie and trip in a hole or something because she should have slept.

A short one, I promise, she said, pausing at the entrance. She appreciated his concern probably more than he knew. She hoped that after an hour or so, she might be able to sleep a bit. I'll probably take you up on the offer of a pillow, she told him, a smile curving her lips. I'll let you know if I think of anything else. With that, she offered him another small smile and then turned to leave. 

She would return within an hour and try to sleep, just like she promised.

Good. I'll be here. Another smile, and his tail flapped against the earth.  And if she just scrammed and didn't come back he'd totally know it and nag her about it later. For now, though, he settled down to nap a while -- after all, that's what it'd probably be when interrupted by her return. He didn't mind.