Neverwinter Forest Where all problems seem to disappear

Aside from the fact that a few people had disappeared roughly in the same period of time -- Clover, Zephyr, Kratos, now maybe also Atausiq? -- Mal thought things were going pretty well. Hopefully whoever it was Ying was sending to train people would show up soon, but he wasn't sure who all would be on the other end of that. He did think it would be good if @Simmik had a chance to get some more experience, but if Atausiq was actually gone, then who did that leave as someone who'd be getting the bulk of the training? Like it was one thing to be able to just defend yourself, but being really good at it? Mentally he found it easier to just cross people off the list than add to it. It almost sounded like that if Atausiq didn't come back by then, then Mal might have to step up -- and that was totally not his jam... But if he had to... Ugh. He was only considering it because he wanted to make sure his kids were safe.

He was just taking a jaunt through the middle of the territory today, he'd done border work earlier before the weather turned, and now Mal was curious who fate might drop in his path today -- he did need to check in with some of them, just a matter of who he found first. Had anyone actually gone and met Cupid and Caerus? It wasn't like Mal had gone out of his way to keep them a secret or anything, but last time he'd been by it hadn't seem like they'd had a ton of visitors. So. Who would he find today?

sorry!

Simmik was headed to the borders, looking to fill her time with a patrol or maybe an exploration outside of the territory. But when she scented Mal nearby, she changed her direction to track him down instead. She hadn't checked in with him since their trip to Moonspear, and she was curious to see how he was doing, especially with the recent loss of members. 

Her tracking skills had started to improve, and so she soon found the Alpha moving through the trees just ahead of her. She increased her speed until she was close enough to greet him. Hey Mal, she offered as she came up beside him. How are you?

No prob! <3

One way or another, they were going to cross paths eventually. The fact she ended up looking for him hastened their meet. He heard someone coming up behind him, and he looked over his shoulder -- oh, Simmik! She must have sort of looped back on him. Still, he paused a second, tail wagging. Hey, you're actually the wolf I was looking for -- convenient, that. He grinned a moment there. It had been a while since they'd last crossed paths for more than a quick hello -- it had been a weird time around the forest in the last... Month? Wow, had it been that long? Maybe not. It felt like it.

I've been doing well -- just was plotting a few things to try and get things in shape around here so the trips can continue and all that, will get to that in a second.. What about you? How've you been doing? Gotta make up for that bit of lost time. And the weird. If people were actually gone, he had to make sure he wasn't going to lose anyone else he really respected.

It seemed he had been looking for her, and she immediately wondered why. She hadn't done anything stupid lately that she could remember, so maybe he just needed her to do something for him. She would help anyway she could; she was eager to prove herself, especially with how unskilled she still was. 

He seemed to be busy with pack stuff, which was not very surprising; he was the only leader, and with most of them being young, a lot of the duties probably fell on Mal's shoulders, no matter how much they all tried to help. He mentioned trips, and it piqued her interest. And when he asked how she was, gave a quick nod. I'm well, she answered first. If you need someone to help with trips outside the forest, I'm glad to help, she offered next. She wanted as much responsibility as he would give her.

*jams a ton into one post* >_>

There were a few wolves out there who Mal genuinely did want to make sure they were safe and Simmik was on that short list -- some of the others were wolves he didn't think were ones that would be too keen on fighting. Simmik was one who he didn't doubt her capabilities, Mal just wasn't the teacher for all of it.  Okay, Mal was sort of making some assumptions here, but if it applied to everyone... Well, he could talk his way out if she got mad at him, probably.

But he was in a good mood, smiling, I think both of us might be taking a back seat for some of the trips. Hydra said that one of the three psychos from months ago was back in the area. They'll probably recognize me. And wouldn't it be great, being recognized by a psycho? Look, he planned to stay alive. For you, though, I think I've found someone who could offer you some training -- was supposed to be Kratos, but since it doesn't seem like he's coming back... A slight irritated shrug at that. Ying, who's from the pack along the coast sort of has started a little alliance army thing, so we could all protect each other. She should be sending someone that has a good amount of fighting experience. Who, though? Well, they'd find out! I want to make sure everyone's got a minimum of some self-defense training -- if you want to do more than that, that's up to you. Head tilt, as if to confirm that all sounded good to her.

She was disappointed to hear that there would be no traveling trips for now; she liked venturing from the forest on pack-related business instead of her usual solo exploring. She liked being able to help that way. She understood, though, and she wouldn't complain about his decision. But she did wonder: Why would they recognize you? Had he run into one of these psychos too?

The mention of training had her whipping her head around to look at him. She was chomping at the bit for more formal training. She hadn't even been aware of his plans for Kratos, but the the fact that he could just ditch them without a single word meant that she didn't want any kind of training from him. They were better off without wolves like him; they just made the pack weak. She chose to ignore the little fact that she was being kind of a hypocrite, given that she did the same thing with her birth pack. Besides, now she was loyal to Mal and the forest, and leaving would never be something she did by choice. She thought this whole alliance army sounded like a good idea and definitely like something she wanted to be a part of. I'd like to learn more than just self defense, she replied. I want to be able to train others when the one who will train me returns home, she added. Then, they could all be better prepared. Plus, they needed to be able to train future generations of Neverwinter wolves.

There were three of them that came through right about the time you joined, give or take. Ignored the borders, tried to hide in the clearing. They were hurt, I recognized one as this lady who randomly tried to kill a guy elsewhere. I took a gamble, howled that they were hiding here, but the Moonspear wolves hunting them didn't get here in time to chew 'em to bits. If they were paying attention crossing the border, they'll know my scent. Which was the big problem here.

He nodded, Good. Well, hopefully the guy'll be here soon. Sorry that it wasn't exactly something I could teach you myself, but I'm glad we were able to find someone who should be able. He did treat Simmik a little differently than some of the others, whether he realized it or not, and he wanted to make sure that she had all the advantages he could scrounge up for her. Mal smiled, I'm glad it's something you want to do. I know I can count on you. Which was true. How many of the original group was it? Not a lot.

So it was his scent he was worried about them recognizing. She understood how that could be dangerous for her or any of the other members of the forest, considering they would all smell the same. She nodded her understanding. Are you wanting us to stay within the borders? Or do you think it would still be okay to explore close to the territory? Simmik asked. She wouldn't leave if he thought that was safest, but she hoped that wasn't the case; she was too active to be cooped up in any one spot or a length of time. 

She abruptly shook her head at his words. No need to apologize, she said. You're busy and I'm just thankful that you found someone to help me learn, she added. She appreciated it more than she could express. His opinion was her most trusted, and so the praise he offered warmed her blood. A small smile curved her lips. I won't let you down, she promised. Because as affirming and desired as his praise was, it also put immense pressure on her not to disappoint him. Is there any other way I can help? she asked. She knew he had a lot on his shoulders, and she would do her best to lessen that weight if she could.

It was a problem that Mal hadn't seen the latest batch of troublemakers himself -- it'd make things a lot easier if he could give visual descriptions for them to look out for... But here they were where the only thing he could really suggest was to stay safe. Sticking around pretty close is a good idea. I haven't smelled any of them around since stuff went down, so that part is good at least, but I wouldn't go getting too comfortable roaming super far quite yet. Just be safe.

The main things is just learn. I think we've got a good spread of people who can help with things now, especially if you're going to learn to fight. I can definitely let you know if anything comes up, but I think for now it's just the same as usual -- help those who need it, and be ready for weird things. He concluded with a grin there. There had been a lot of unexpected weird things. Or at least he sure thought that was the case. Though it did lead to another thought, Have you met many of the new people who have joined up since the pack formed? Of course, he wasn't the only one who might need help for one reason or another, there were all the others. Simmik had always seemed pretty quiet to him, so he wouldn't have been surprised if she wasn't exactly a huge social butterfly.

Okay, no problem, she assured him with a nod. I can stay close and keep an eye out. She spent most of her time on the borders anyway, so she would already be looking for anything out of the ordinary. It would kind of suck to not be able to explore very much, but she knew it wasn't permanent, and she didn't mind if it meant less trouble for Mal. Plus, she'd rather stick around here to make sure nothing happened. 

He didn't have any specific tasks for her right now, other than to proceed with her plans to learn how to fight, which was at the top of her list. To his question, she gave a small shrug of her snowy shoulders. A few of them, she said a little hesitantly. It was probably no secret that she preferred to keep to herself most of the time. A good chunk of their packmates had left recently, including Mathieu who had actually managed to get her to lower her guard some; that had stung a bit, and so she had been kind of distant lately. Things were easier that way. Vallkyrie is teaching me about hunting, she said, hoping it would satisfy whatever concern had him bringing up her socializing in the first place. I've been trying to keep away from the child and its mother, she continued. How did they end up here? Simmik asked, curious but clearly not upset about it. She had been wondering about the pair for some time but hadn't verbalized it until now.

Wish they'd given a description. Don't seem to be too big on that, unfortunately. Kinda weird that way. Like hello? Were they supposed to magically figure out who some of these weirdos were when they weren't some kind of mystery dude? Vallkyrie definitely is a good asset for the pack -- even if her buddy Belharra's like.. beyond questionable. But she seemed to hide in a corner, at least she wasn't causing trouble yet.

Because this was the thing he had issues trying to figure out how to explain. And honestly, his storytelling was kind of fractured -- dropping a few key details, fumbling a little in his storytelling. The whole thing was awkward -- maybe not necessarily embarrassed just very, very unpracticed at this particular story. They should have been here from the start. That's my kid. Sort of rushed into the next part of the explanation, We didn't know better, but later when Cupid came and told me, I told him to stay but he turned me down -- just left and said I'd never see him again. Which still hurt, still didn't understand. And he still hadn't been able to have a proper conversation about any of it. Mal had just taken Cupid into the fold without a question, afraid of them leaving again. He'd told nobody about it when it happened. Didn't. Until he showed up with the kid -- my kid -- said where he'd been staying, someone tried to kill him and take Caerus. That was when Zephyr stormed off, Kratos with him. Neither of us know why. But they're here now. Where they should have been. That was the important part. Talking about it was still kind of draining -- mostly because it seemed like most responses he'd gotten made him think he'd done wrong.

Whatever questions she had about the possible danger lurking nearby or this Belharra that Mal didn't seem to like (which by extension meant she didn't like them either) were forgotten instantly when Mal said that the child was his. He followed it with a story composed mostly of one confusing thing after another. Most of the time in this situation, she would disappear into her head and mull over all her questions, but since it was Mal, she had no problem asking him to clarify anything that didn't make sense. For starters: You didn't know better? Her tone held no accusation, just a need to understand. She honestly had no idea how any of this worked. She left before she had that conversation with her mom, and she just naively assumed that if you had children, they were on purpose. Another thing that she didn't understand was why Mal was referring to the mother as a he. Why are you saying he? she asked just as calmly. If she had a baby, then she's a girl, right? Maybe it had just been a slip? He didn't seem too comfortable discussing the whole thing, so maybe it was just an accident. 

As for the reason they were here now, Simmik definitely understood that. They needed somewhere safe to be, and this was the safest place around in her opinion. The fact that the mom initially just took off kind of rubbed her the wrong way, though. Why come here and tell him that he was going to have a kid just to take off and promise that he'd never see them? She could tell by the way Mal talked about it that it upset him, and she couldn't help but feel like she wanted to do something about it. She wouldn't because that would probably upset him too, but she definitely wanted to.

But she didn't get angry at him -- some sort of scolding was the response he was expecting from everyone, honestly. It was part of the reason he'd kept everything to himself, that even when Cupid had just done his drive-by with that particularly weighty bit of information and Mal hated himself he said nothing. At the time, though, admitting it might have hurt more.

But regardless of her current reaction, he was still pretty defensive in the way he talked, Nobody told either of us what someone's heat could do -- that heat plus sex equals puppies. Did anyone tell you about it? 'Cause it totally messes with your head, and you should like.. be careful if it was yours. The conversation he had with Zephyr was awkward as hell. He'd have it again with Simmik if he had to, but if it wasn't needed then he'd nope right out.

He shook his head, Nah, if you met him in person you'd see he's definitely a guy -- just smells wrong. Can't say I understand it, but it also would be weird for me to call him a chick. Which probably also explained why both of them were so bad at talking to each other if you went by stereotypes -- two confused dudes who were very not in touch with their actual feelings. Zephyr was actually like that too. But Mal thought his younger features made that less obvious, and not that it mattered if Zeph stayed gone.

LOL sorry mal

Heat? she asked. What's that? Not that heat was the only thing she knew nothing about; she also knew nothing about sex, but that could wait a second. He said she should be careful if she had heat, but how would she know? It's going to happen to me? she said, this time worry clear on her face. I don't want kids right now, she said. Her heart began to race and her stomach got all knotted up. I have no idea how to take care of one of those. Would she have a choice? It kind of sounded like Mal and this guy didn't. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was bone dry as her mind raced a mile a minute. She kind of felt like she might throw up too. Is this how things worked? And everyone just accepted it?

The whole looking like a guy but smelling like a girl thing was pretty confusing if she was being honest, but in the grand scheme of things she felt she needed to understand, that was pretty low on the list. If Mal says the mother is a guy, then she would just accept that and move on. She had never spent much time with Zephyr, but she had assumed him to be a girl too, but that had been incorrect apparently. This was all kind of a lot for her logical mind. Um, okay. It doesn't really matter, she finally said with a shrug. It mattered more that Mal had a kid and that kid was here. She would make sure to bring them food then, since they clearly mattered so much to him. Is there anything you want me to do for them?

Welp, so much for not having to explain it. But he really didn't want anyone else to make the same mistake -- he did probably make a few guesses where he thought someone might know but didn't (Hua) and there were the odd case where he didn't give a damn because of other reasons (Ibis), but for everyone else it was important they didn't have to go through the pain he had. Cupid's actions had just been way too brutal and had messed him up enough they couldn't have a proper conversation about it, but that would be touched on in a minute.

It's something that happens to women -- like based on scent women -- nobody had explained to Mal the whole difference between gender and sex so that was the best way he could explain it, when they've been adults a while I guess. So maybe next year for you? I think it's literally like their body saying they can have pups. I don't know what it'd be like for you, but from my perspective it makes them smell really enticing and I think it makes everyone influenced by it want to have sex no matter who they are. So if you don't know what's going on, you might just do it 'cause it seems like a great idea at the time and not realize the consequences -- which is what happened to us. What would have happened if they'd known? Nothing? But if you know, then you can not end up in a situation you didn't want. We'll make sure it's like.. A known thing for next year I guess.  A second of thought, Maybe you could ask Vallkyrie or Aibreann what it was like for them if you're worried? Okay, obviously he and Aibreann would be hooking up later unless something weird happened, but he was pretty sure she was also older than him, so she should have had a heat once before, right?

But back to Cupid. That was where Mal's stomach churning uncertainty lay, where the ground became very interesting, Uh. I dunno. I still haven't been able to have like.. a real conversation about what happened. Like little stuff, sure. But when I tried the other day it was just a disaster, I-- he trailed off, shrugging, unable to explain himself. He's been really protective of Caerus. I don't even know if he'd want anyone besides me coming by for very long except to just drop stuff off -- I mean I trust you, but would he? I don't want to risk him leaving again, but I know they'll probably need help eventually. It was a lot he didn't know. A sigh, I really need to talk to him. But he didn't know how, or what to say, or what he wanted.

She was visibly relieved to find out that heat wasn't quite how she had imagined it. She released a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding and her heart didn't feel like it might beat from her chest anymore. So maybe she would feel more inclined to be with someone and have children, but ultimately she would still have her autonomy, which was most important to her. How long does it last? she asked. How long would she feel like that? She quickly followed her first question with: What if I don't want kids next year? She had no idea what her life would be like this time next year? What if she wasn't ready or what if she didn't have someone in her life that she felt safe enough with to do that? Matty's face drifted into her thoughts and she quickly pushed it away. No need to make things more confusing right now. Plus, he was gone, and she had no idea if he was even alive, which was something else she pushed away. She had plenty of other worries to focus on right now anyway. So, if you have sex when you don't have heat, then you can't have kids? she asked, eyebrows pulling together a little. He suggested asking Aibreann or Vallkyrie for more specific details. She didn't really know Aibreann, so that was out of the question. But maybe she would ask Vallkyrie sometime. 

As she listened to Mal talk about his situation with Baby mama and Caerus, she couldn't help but feel bad for him. He seemed pretty confused about it all, and she wasn't really sure how to help. This was so far beyond anything she had ever dealt with. If he wanted to talk about dead dads, then okay, she had plenty to say. But this was...new for her. She was overcome with a need to comfort him, though. So she closed whatever distance was between them and nuzzled against his chest if allowed. I'm sorry, Mal. That sounds confusing and difficult. I wish I could do more to help. She settled on the truth. And maybe just taking about it would end up helping somewhat. And don't worry, I won't push anything, she promised. I'll just leave food and go. She would feel terrible of she made them leave.

Mal wished he had more specifics to give her, but really, the whole thing had been a tiny bit of actual crowdsourced education and mostly actual experimentation, sometimes to bad results. Um. I think about a week or so from what I've seen? Definitely not a time to go close to the borders or wander away from the pack. If you don't want to risk it, you should probably stay off by yourself for that time -- if you really want to be sure, maybe team up with another woman and you can make sure neither of you do anything stupid when it's your turn? Or something. He was just speculating but that seemed reasonable. The other chick could run interference and probably wouldn't be quite as messed up on the scent as a guy would. He shrugged at that, but was more certain about the next bit, Yeah -- not in heat, not gonna have pups. Zephyr's explanations of it had pretty much confirmed it.

Then Simmik stepped forward to him. He was very tense about the whole subject at hand, and he held that tension as she came up to comfort him -- mostly because he was always surprised when someone actually touched him. You know, just add an extra smidge of anxiety before erasing it in the same breath. But that held up for only a couple of seconds. After that, he let go -- she could probably feel shift from the sudden droop across his shoulders, hear the drawn out sigh, and he leaned forward to sort of return a wolfish hug. For now, peel off one layer of masks -- Mal was mentally exhausted about it, Thanks. I hope I'll figure out what to say -- how to work all this out. When something changes, I'll let you know. A pause, a weak smile that now matched his visible mood, I really do appreciate it.

So it seemed like there were ways to avoid getting pregnant while in heat, which was an immense relief to Simmik. She never wanted to feel like she was at the mercy of forces beyond her control. Nor would she want children before she was ready. Okay, that's reassuring, she finally said, releasing another heavy sigh. 

He allowed her affection but didn't relax, not at first. She thought maybe she had made a mistake and made things worse, but then she felt the tension leave his body and his weight over her shoulders. She was relieved herself that she could at least do something to make him feel better. Yeah, no problem. She owed him more than this, really. She had found a purpose here other than being an angry, grieving kid. Maybe she would have found that at home too, but it was too hard to get out from under all the things that reminded her of what happened. Maybe you guys just need some more time to figure it out; it seems like kind of a lot to work through right away, she offered. She had no idea if that was the case, but that was how she felt about it. But, I think you're doing the right things so far, giving them a safe place to be. That made all the difference when things were scary and uncertain. Anytime you want to talk about stuff, I don't mind. She offered a small smile as well.

Probably can just about wrap?

He wished things had happened differently. Wasn't sure how differently, but somehow, and it was way too late to change things anyway. He'd just have to deal with things the way they were. And guess what, turns out this kind of thing was something comfortably learned by pretending you had all the answers already. That's the one thing I'm sure of. Everything else? Not so much. We'll see how it goes -- definitely out of my comfort zone on this one. Out of his comfort zone and facing down a giant wolf-shaped question mark named Cupid. I'll definitely take you up on it. Just hopefully it'll be something a bit more positive to work through than things have been so far. Please, let life give him something positive for once.

sounds good

Well, even if it's not, I don't mind, she assured him. He did have a lot to work through, but she hoped he would come find her if he needed help. She pulled back a little. Alright, I'll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing before this, she said. She stood and shook out her fur. I need to finish patrolling anyway. She was sure he knew he could join her if he wanted to, but no obligation or anything. She turned and trotted away, hoping things would get less confusing for him with time.