Neverwinter Forest No te olvidarás

for @Mal
set a few hours after this thread

From the second she had been sure she was out of Donovan's sight, she had began to run. And she ran all the way home, her muscles screaming by the time she hurried across the borders of their forest. 

She was hoping that the second she was home, she would have some big moment of clarity—some instant realization of what she should do. But nothing came. She felt just as shitty and confused as she had the entire way home. 

She stopped at some point within the trees, collapsing into a sitting position as her sides heaved. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to cry. Crying was stupid and weak, and she didn't need to fall apart—she needed to think. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

Well, Simmik should be back soon. A trip to Yuelong wouldn't take that long. She'd hopefully be back in time that he could bring her along on the trip to tell the people in the weird forest to buzz off. He kind of preferred that option -- he wanted to make sure Hua was safe and if this dude was as vicious as it sounded like, he wasn't going to rely on his own fighting skills to get him out of the mess -- he was much more of a talker, after all. 

Maybe he was misremembering though. Oh well, hopefully he'd see her tonight at least, she knew where to find him. He should probably find someone to look after Caerus for a while too, but at least he was getting older. Maybe he could keep an eye on Cupid, help Aibreann take care of him. That was the best he could think of unless Kyr or Lenny wanted to hang out with him for a day.

His mind wandered on as he continued the patrol, marking here and there before he scented where she'd come back into the territory. He turned then, followed after, coming up behind her and for the first word was normal, Hey, before his brain finished processing that things didn't seem quite right, Simmik? Concerned, but he finished what he was going to say, albeit not with the gusto he might have had, more careful now, watching as he came up to her, Glad you're back. We got some news while you were gone. Did he miss something? Had she run into the crazy dude on her way back maybe?

She didn't immediately turn when she heard Mal's voice; she honestly hadn't thought about what she would tell him. She hadn't gotten that far in the whole processing of her awful situation. 

But now he was here, and it seemed like he was going to bring it up for her. Huā had mentioned telling Mal about everything, so now she would need to tell him the rest of it. If it's about the wolves in the forest with the red sap, I already know, she said first, her voice strange, the calm in it obviously fake. 

She turned to Mal. I ran into Huā on my way home, and she told me everything, but I already knew the leader, Donovan. She swallowed as the familiar nausea started to creep up in her stomach. I've known him for a while. Apparently, I'm some kind of idiot that he was able to manipulate, she started to ramble. He was nice and charming, and I completely fell for it. 

She looked away. We—I— she couldn't finish saying it. Not right now, and not to Mal. Saliva gathered in her mouth and bile crept up her throat. She settled on telling him something else instead of the exact depth of his manipulation. I even confronted him about it, and he didn't deny any of it, just gave me a list of excuses. Some of them she could, honestly, understand, but she wasn't sure if that was because she was so emotionally invested. The thought made tears threaten, but she drew in a deep breath and managed to keep them away. She could cry later when she was alone and no one would see. I'm an idiot, she repeated.

Oh yeah, something was up. His ears tipped forward slightly, trying to figure out what might help for whatever situation they were now in -- if it effected Simmik then it effected Mal. She was like his sister, so he'd do what he could to protect her and solve her problems just like a brother should (even if so far things had been the other way around with Simmik dealing with his giant pile of problems for the most part). Ordinarily he'd have stopped and asked her what she thought of Hua (he hoped she liked her too) but he listened instead.

He mentally filled in the blank with a few options, from mundane to accurate to absolutely worse. From how he had seemed to effect her, Mal didn't give a damn if the answer was "we pranced along and picked flowers" because well, look at Simmik right now. He wasn't sure he had the right words, but he tried to be of comfort, reaching out to touch her shoulder with his nose, partially to see how she would react. Did she want a hug or space? You're not an idiot, he began, I think some people out there are really good at pretending that they're not super messed up.  He was thinking of the ones he'd met at the beach when he was young -- maybe if he'd been less world-weary he would have trusted them.. And then what would have happened? So the guy hadn't left his pack alone, he was up to some other kind of no good thing, attacking Neverwinter in a way he hadn't expected. Could they just punt the guy off a cliff? That'd be totally fine with Mal right about now. I'm sorry that I didn't know before now. I've spent too much time here just dealing with all the messes I've made to see what's gone on outside. What can I do to help you? He wasn't sure what he could have done, but there had to be something to have stopped whatever happened from happening.

In the back of his mind Mal wondered if somehow he was awful too -- he tried to flirt and be charming with all those he came across. To him it was fun, harmless, and never with any negative intention. It was just goofing off and making things less awkward. But did that make him a monster somehow? Did he need to stop? Did Simmik even know how Mal acted around the others in the pack? If not, would she be freaked out by him if she found out?

She shook her head as he spoke. Apparently that was another lesson she was going to learn the hard way. She had no doubts that some wolves were shitty, she had told him as much. Sometimes others just did shitty things, but she hadn't expected it from someone she trusted; it made her question her judgement on everything in her life. It certainly further contributed to her current aversion to forming anymore attachments to anyone else. It seemed even though she had tried to keep her heart out of whatever she had with Donovan, she had grown attached anyway. So the only solution was to avoid commitment of any kind all together. 

When Mal apologized, she shook her head even more. No, it's not your fault. I didn't really bring it up, so... The last thing she wanted was him finding some way to blame himself for this. He had enough on his plate as it was. She hated even dropping this on him, but he was really the only one she could trust anymore it seemed. I'm not sure, she answered in response to his offer. I'm just really confused about it all. She didn't know how to make herself feel better and maybe it was because there was really nothing that could help except time.

Well, she didn't react badly but she also hadn't had much of a reaction at all. Simmik was a pretty tough cookie -- let's be real, Mal would have been a disaster again. He'd come close to the edge of a total freakout a few times, but he seemed to wear his emotions on his sleeve more than she did.

But just waiting around and hoping things would get better would end up driving him crazy too. He wanted to fix things. He wanted Simmik to be happy. How did he do that? Had he done or said something wrong that had set things along this path? There were too many wild alternate options that could have changed fate... Well.. You asked me big picture stuff before. What do you want? Look, Mal still didn't know what to think about how to get from A to B in his screwed up world, but sometimes things cleared up a little and he could figure out a little bit of the path. But he had to add, Like forget that dude, not him, more in general. He'd hopefully be gone soon anyway. Had Hua mentioned that? He'd bring it up in a second just in case, but if she hadn't, then he didn't want to distract from the question.

She, honestly, hadn't even registered his affection when offered. She was still too caught up in everything that had just happened. Her brain was so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions, that she was kind of frozen in place. She was trying not to show just how upset she was by the whole thing, but the longer she sat here with Mal being all understanding and supportive, the harder it was to keep up the facade. 

Eventually, she shifted closer and put her head under his chin. She couldn't immediately answer his question because she had absolutely no idea. Plus it seemed life didn't much care about what she wanted anyway. I don't know, she offered quietly. For the ones that I get close with to actually stick around and not turn out to be shitty. Oh and maybe not die; that would be great too, but that also went with the sticking around part. It seemed a simple enough goal, so then why did it also seem so impossible? She knew right now, she wasn't exactly thinking clearly, but even when she was, it always seemed like she was kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

She pulled back to look at Mal, her expression finally showing the turmoil within. Why do bad things keep happening? I feel like I must have done something to deserve it if it happens so much. She looked away and shook her head. That seemed like the most likely explanation; otherwise, it was because bad shit just happened for no reason, but why was it so disproportionately experienced? Or maybe it wasn't and it was just the way things were. Mal certainly didn't deserve all the shit that happened to him, yet the bad stuff happened anyway.

Delayed reaction? Maybe. But at least in the end she wasn't shying away. Mal hoped closeness made her feel better. And he'd also hoped she'd have a slightly more focused outlook than that, but really, this was the big problem wasn't it? Simmik had stayed with him, but it was platonic -- how did it seem when Mal ran off to fret about whatever entanglements he had with an array of women and a guy? Again he wondered if somehow he'd caused this. But as to why, he could only answer similarly, I don't know. How did any of this get explained? How could he stop her from being hurt?

When she looked away, He leaned forward a little, like he was looking around to see what she did. Mal leaned towards her a little but wanted her to turn back around. You know I've had a giant pile of bad luck. And yeah, some if it maybe I did cause myself -- hell, I still have to talk to Hua, who knows how that'll turn out. But you -- you haven't done anything wrong. Most people out there aren't monsters, so believing someone is who they say they are isn't crazy. The only one wrong was that guy. That final note was a little accusatory. If Donovan got all snippy, Mal wouldn't have an issue putting him in his place.

In the end, he added, And not everyone leaves. I'm still here, and I'll do all I can to make sure you're safe and happy because that's what you do deserve. Sure, Mal knew he couldn't go filling every void in her life or anything -- and let's be real, Simmik new most of the ugly bits of Mal's choices so far, which probably would make him an even less appealing romantic partner even if he was ever considered -- but what he could do, he'd do. You're not alone, and you'll get through this. It'll just be some dumb memory.

She didn't expect him to really be able to answer her question. It was kind of an impossible one anyway. Bad shit happened all the time; it wasn't something unique to her existence. And when their roles were reversed, and Mal was seeking her support for something shitty that happened to him, she would have had the same answer to such a question. Because she figured probably no one knew the answer. Maybe there was no answer. It was not a very comforting thought. 

She felt him shift closer, but she didn't immediately return her gaze to him. It wasn't until he brought up Huā that she finally turned to look at him, her expression sympathetic. She wished he didn't still have that mess to deal with. She hadn't been sure if he had told her while she was here, but now it seemed he had not. She was afraid of how that conversation would go for him. 

She wanted to believe what he was saying, that this wasn't her fault and that she hadn't been an idiot for taking someone at face value, but doubt crept up in her mind. How could she have let things get so far without seeing his true colors? I don't know...it feels like I should have seen something sooner, she finally answered, clearly tortured by how gullible she had been.

She smiled a little despite her misery when he pointed out that he was still there. And she was more thankful for that than she could ever really express, even if she was better at that kind of stuff. The tears threatened again, and she quickly put her head back under his chin to hide any moisture that might be in her eyes. She knew happy would take some time, but she did always feel safe with him. And she knew without a doubt who he was and that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her, which was a huge comfort right now. Thanks, Mal, she murmured, still trying to keep the tears away. She hoped it would be some dumb memory and not something that haunted all her decisions in the future. I'm really glad I don't have to try and deal with this alone. Really, she didn't know what she would do without Mal.

He didn't like hearing her talk that way. She was plenty street smart, and Mal had pretty much decided whatever the guy was doing, he was doing it on purpose to be cruel, just as he'd done to the other wolves he'd crossed paths with. And if Donovan was good at being cruel, then yeah, boot that guy into next week before he found someone's kid. But really, how well did you actually know him? You haven't been gone that much, and I've never run into the guy or his pack, so he couldn't have been here long. You'd have figured it out. Especially considering Mal really doubted the guy could have kept up the act. And it was probably better it was now than later. What if he'd managed to trick her for a lot longer? Then it would have been way worse. Mal just wished it hadn't happened at all.

When Simmik tucked her head back under his chin again, he tipped his head down just a little to pull her a bit closer protectively. And if there's ever anything you need me to do, just tell me. I'll be here. He didn't know what else he could do. Talk, be there, maybe bring her a tasty snack... They were the only things he could think of, but was it enough? He hoped so. If not, Simmik could tell him.

His words were meant to make her feel better, but they only made her feel worse, and it showed in the way her expression twisted into one of hurt and shame. How well had she actually known him? Obviously well enough to be with him and develop stupid feelings. And since he was right and she hadn't actually know him that long, what did that say about her? She was some idiot girl who let any smooth-talking guy into her pants? Probably. That thought was seeded into her mind now and would sprout toxic feelings the longer it was there—feelings that would influence her reactions later down the line. Maybe, she finally answered, offering a weak smile. 

His affection did make her feel better as did his promise to be there for whatever she needed. Thanks, that means a lot, she told him. And she would do the same for him, but she was pretty sure he already knew that—she had told him as much before. 

She remained in his hug but after a few moments shifted the focus from her by asking: Any other news I need to know about? She had been gone a few days, and in this pack, sometimes a lot could happen in a short amount of time.

If he knew how what he'd said backfired, Mal would have been quick to correct it, but he couldn't read her mind. He also didn't entirely know what to say either. She had never clarified what had gone on -- yeah, he'd guess, but dude, being wrong about it would be freaking a giant disaster. If she wanted to talk more about it later, he'd be around.

And Mal would stay put holding her as long as she wanted or needed it. Nothing else unless someone's kept it from me, he tried to be lighthearted about it all. Only new thing is Hua's plan. I hope after that we have time to sort out everything that's happened and just... Think. It really had been a lot in a short period of time. Cupid, whatever happened with Hua, whatever happened with Donovan... There were probably more things, more decisions to make. First, though, he wanted to make sure Simmik was treated well after these revelations she had to deal with today, Do you want to go just go back to the den spot thing and rest and unwind and stuff? Don't worry about patrols or whatever today, unless you really want to.

She was hoping for things to quiet down for a while too once all of this was dealt with. She was nervous about how things would go with Donovan and his pack, but she knew there was no other choice. And once they were back home, hopefully things would settle; their pack needed some peace. She nodded her agreement but didn't have much else to say about it. She thought if she told him how nervous she was, she would seem dumb since it was obvious Donovan was bad and had lied to her. She should feel angry, not nervous. 

She really wasn't sure what she wanted to do. She knew no matter what, her mind would torture her with memories and what ifs, but she was definitely too tired physically and emotionally to really do any of her normal activities that kept her mind busy. It helped that she wouldn't be alone, though. Um, yeah, I'm pretty tired, she answered, finally pulling away. She might change her mind after she got some rest, but for now his plan seemed like a good one.

As she pulled away, Mal stretched and got to his feet, taking a couple steps before looking back. Do you want anything to eat? We could stop on the way... Or I could just get you something if you want it later. He didn't want her to feel like she had to go and run into anyone if she didn't want to. He tried to think of what else she might need. Or if it turns out Caerus is hanging around and you want some time on your own, I can take him on a hunt or we can go hang out with Cupid for the night or something. Really, anything. Mal would do whatever he could to make her day better. It was the least he could do after how she might be feeling.

Simmik shrugged. I'm not really hungry, she admitted. She rarely was when she was upset about something. She really just wanted to sleep at this point. 

When he mentioned taking Caerus to hunt if he was around, she shook her head. You don't have to do that, she answered. She didn't want everyone to drop everything just because she made bad choices and was now paying for them. Really, I think once I get to the den, I'll just pass out; I don't mid if anyone else is there. In fact, it might be comforting to have some kind of routine going on around her.

Well, what could he do then? He wanted to do something that'd help somehow... Well, at least he could offer. Okay. Well, if you change your mind about any of it, just let me know. Or well, need anything else. He could just sit around and listen if that's what she wanted, too. From his perspective, if she was having a hard time, then it was important for friends to show they cared. Mal knew he wasn't some sort of psychologist that could totally cut corners and find the real issues or whatever -- he just was some guy who wanted to make sure that Simmik knew she wasn't alone. It really wasn't any trouble.

Okay, thanks, Mal, she offered with a weak smile. Maybe I'll be hungry later and we can hunt or something, she added. That might help her take her mind off things for a bit. 

She began to make her way to the den, looking to Mal to make sure he was following. She definitely planned on sleeping, but it would be helpful to have him there to talk to in the meantime. Otherwise, her mind would race and torture her with thoughts of her mistakes. 

wrap up here?

We can do that, he said with a smile. He walked with her, especially since she did look back for him. He wouldn't abandon a friend, and certainly not when they'd been through something that wasn't exactly full of sunshine and happiness. He wasn't sure what he could do or how he could make things better... It did make him wonder, was there something he could have done or said to have made it not happen in the first place? Sigh.

But he wouldn't say anything about that now. It was probably better to talk about mundane things. Happy things, typical things. Whatever Simmiik wanted or needed, just as he promised.