Redhawk Caldera burlwood

for @Maia! backdated to march 4 <3

she hadn't gone home the day before; she'd stayed as close to her mother as possible, unable to keep anything down save for water. this had weakened the young woman, annoyed her. chickadee continued to insist it was a stomach bug, refusing to entertain any other possibility as she started to panic over a new reality.
today she was staring off toward the lake with a long sigh. breakfast had stayed down, for now. as long as she was absolutely still, chickadee found it was easier to exist.

Maia thought she knew what this was, though she allowed Chickadee to pretend and didn’t press the issue. It was way too familiar to the mother, who had gone through this process many many times. Maia had only been seriously sick the year she’d had Chickadee, Dwin, and their brothers. Nausea, however, was natural. She only worried her daughter wouldn’t eat enough to press through it.

Hey, sweetheart. I told your dad and Bridget to come by in a bit. How are you feeling? Maia pressed a kiss to her forehead, then ruffled the fur there affectionately. Her voice was calm and cheerful, but there was an undercurrent of worry she couldn’t shake. She thought she knew, but what if she was wrong! Even if she wasn’t… so early, to be sick! Pregnancy was not easy. She hoped her daughter felt better very soon.

cracking open an eye at the sound of her mother's voice, chickadee managed a nod and a groan. her stomach felt as though it were aboard a vessel, and the nausea was making her feel hazy in other ways.
"i still feel like hot garbage, mom," chickadee sighed, reaching up to kiss maia back. "i hope i get over whatever this is soon. i'm so worried about, like, giving it to someone." her exhale was heavy. "are you doing okay? how's dad?"

I don’t think you need to worry about that too much, Maia replied, though she frowned sympathetically. Chickadee both looked and sounded like she felt terribly. Placing a paw on her forehead gently, she held it there a moment, confirming what she’d already felt. It doesn’t seem like you are running a temperature, and if there’s nothing else apart from your stomach, I don’t think it is anything someone could catch.

Maia wasn’t a healer, but she had lived alongside one long enough to pretty confidently say that.

She wanted to ask, but it felt invasive, even if Chickadee was her daughter. Your dad is doing fine. He’s always telling me not to worry about him. She chuckled, relaxing as she sat down next to her. Of course, these requests didn’t work, but her mate was amazing. He never failed to think of her, even on the occasional harder days. He’ll be by to spend some time with you later today, I’m sure.

that confidence was what reassured chickadee at last; she smiled a little and sat up, careful not to jostle her belly too much in the process. "it's always good to see daddy," she said with great affection in her voice.
she missed home. she missed home in both the caldera and the spine, wished kivaluk was here, wished they were somewhere else. chickadee wasn't sure where the restlessness was coming from, but hoped it would end.
"is dwin off traveling again?" she asked gently, smiling at her mother.

She and Sylvie just got back. It sounds like the trip went well. But I’m sure she’ll be off to see more places again soon, now that the weather’s grown nicer. Maia replied, full of affection thinking about both of Chickadee’s sisters. Sylvie was so much like Eljay in all of the best ways, but Dwin… she saw herself clearly in both the younger sisters. Chickadee was the shades of her when she’d discovered her love of children and need to build a family. Ceridwen was her time with Wraen, traveling and experiencing the joys of new people and places. She wished her daughter had someone to share it with the way she had. Maia had loved seeing her go with Sylvie, but she couldn’t see her eldest making travel a frequent occurrence.

Your dad is amazing when it comes to helping bring kids into the world. But I’ve got a little experience too, by now. Maia smiled at the potential understatement. She probably didn’t have as many kids as some, but after three rounds, she could at least call herself practiced. So, if you have any questions, I can probably answer them. Or at least try to let you know what things were like for me. Being a mother is amazing, but overwhelming, at first. Even with the best father to help, I remember wishing I had someone to ask things sometimes.

Kivaluk’s family, and the moon wolves, probably had her covered when the time came. Maia wasn’t even sure on her suspicion - Chickadee could have a stomach bug. But the thought was still in her mind, after her daughter had mentioned it before, and this was something she’d quietly dreamed of sharing with one of them. Perhaps she would get the chance to do so a little more fully if Sylvie ever found love, but the rest seemed to have other plans for life. If this was what Chickadee wanted then she hoped her suspicions were right.

her sisters were traveling. it sounded as though they were having way more fun than chickadee had when she struck out from brecheliant. but then again, hadn't they left for different reasons? she wouldn't regret the time away. it had led her to kivaluk, after all.
all of a sudden, she registered that her mother was talking about kids, and very sharply did the realization dawn on chickadee. wow! she clutched her belly in wonder, only half listening — "mom! do you think i'm pregnant!?"
first things first; chickadee goggled at maia, trying to parse all the help she'd have alongside the new wisdom that she was going to be a mom.

Oh, she had! But she hadn’t meant to imply it. Maia laughed, then shrugged lightly, hoping that her daughter wasn’t upset. It didn’t seem like it, and she had said that they wanted it to happen. She just didn’t want to put too much stock in her own experience.

I can’t say for sure, but a lot of what you’re feeling seems familiar. Either way, if you were hoping to start a family, I thought maybe you might have questions. Unless… well, only if you want. Maia warmed a little under her fur, feeling that oh-so-familiar self consciousness kick in. It was strange to feel such a thing with her children - normally they didn’t inspire it. But the shadow of the moon woman that lingered behind her daughter certainly did. I know your packmates can probably answer them too, maybe even better than we can. But I wanted to offer, just in case.

"i don't have any — yet," she chuckled a bit, then flung an arm over her face. "wow! that's — i'm not unhappy, i'm —"
her eyes found maia's for a moment. "i'm scared i won't do a good job. is — is that normal? to feel like that?"
chickadee knew kukutux could warmly answer a hundred questions for her, but she couldn't be the mom that she needed now, as the reality of things were sinking down on top of her.

Chickadee’s question immediately struck Maia. If there was any aspect of motherhood she was intimately familiar with, it was this. And this closeness made the question both incredibly easy and incredibly hard to answer. She hated that her daughter might feel those same insecurities that she did, even to this day, but she also knew there was only so much she could do.

Very normal. I think part of being a mom is that worry, maybe because it makes us try even harder to be what our children need. Maia smiled, though she hesitated a heartbeat before continuing. Chickadee deserved the truth, and if she shared this experience, Maia wanted her to know she wasn’t alone.

For me, that feeling never went away. Even with all of you grown, I still worry about the things I do wrong, and I still wonder about the things I could have done better. But every second of it is worth it, and I think all any parent can really do is their best. Loving, no matter what, and making that the most important thing. It was the thing she told herself anytime the anxiety caught up with her and tried to convince her she had been a horrible mother. It usually helped a little, even if it never fully stopped those thoughts from creeping back.

it made chickadee feel good and bad that maia had the same thoughts. good to not feel alone. bad that her mother still struggled. the young woman caught the auspex's paw between her own hands. "you're great, mom, really. i missed you the whole time i was in moonglow," chickadee admitted. "i don't want to do this without you either."
they gazed with utter fondness at one another. chickadee knew now that to love and support; it would be enough for now. maia was here to model that for her. she had faith in her own abilities to pass such lessons down to any kids born, be it here or in the spine.