Firefly Glen Phosphorescent

level as arcturus' expression was in this given moment, he agreed with wraen: there were certainly more intimidating women than niamh. and yet.. that had not been why the ostrega had been taken aback by her. he had known his fair share of fearsome women -- and it was not that attribute that scared him.

it was the way she had looked upon him - measuring him not as a man, but as conquest.

certainly hydra - or any of the moonspearian women - had never looked upon him that way. arcturus had no defenses for such a woman - his world was physical, made of tooth and claw and hide - but niamh had given him a glimpse of another world, that was mental subterfuge. he had not cared for it.

while wraen was silent arcturus felt a nervousness within him. what if she was thinking of saying she was not into men? or what if, she was trying to gently let him down and let him know she was spoken for? the longer she took, the more anxious he became -- until he was about to say something to break that godforsaken silence, only to realize wraen had finally begun to speak.

the relief he felt that there was not another suitor (male or female) was short-lived as wraen's thoughts came to light. so.. she had not had spring visit her? his brow furrowed -- what did spring have to do with anything?

then he understood. she was taking great pains, perhaps, to avoid saying outright she was infertile.

arcturus' vision clouded, and his thoughts took a sharp dive from joyed to dashed upon the rocks, hopeless. the future he had envisioned with wraen - full of greenery and happiness and children and all things that kind of life entailed -- shattered like a dove caught mid-flight in the talons of a raptor. in an instant, that future withered into impossibility.

now it was his time to be quiet as he tried to frame an answer. his brow was dark with barely lidded emotion, his eyes downcast. it could not be. it could not be that she did not want to marry, or that she could not have children. maybe she hadn't been with the right man? or maybe, she was a late bloomer? he wanted to say both of those things, but when he looked upon wraen he knew the truth was reflected back in her eyes -- that she was being truthful, and nothing but.

he hedged a long sigh, tracing the face of a rock that had been submerged in dirt with his claws. how to even start with all the feelings he felt? "are you certain..?" he fumbled, realizing the second those words left his lips that they were insulting to his friend. "i mean -- yeah, i guess you would know best. that's .. that's just not fair." a little light went off in his head as he realized maybe there were women out there that specialized in this sort of thing -- women that could cure wraen of her infertility.

then came the next thought: if she was infertile, would he still want to be with her? his visions of fatherhood would end the moment he professed his heart was wraen's -- and was that something he could live with?

it anguished him to think it was either or -- and he took it upon himself then, that he would do whatever he could to make things different. of course, it had never occurred to him that wraen might like it this way, that she might be happy without these responsibilities to weigh her down. "i wish i could help."