Lion Head Mesa I'm cocktail party doing alright

Following her conversation with Senmut, Melody found her sleeping schedule thrown into chaos. She kept late nights, and slept only in brief spurts throughout the day as she found it necessary. It wasn't on purpose, really. She'd forgotten to sleep at all one day, and after that it had become difficult to sleep for any period of time.

The sun had just begun to rise when Melody felt the need for a nap, and rose with a rush of lightheadedness to seek out her sleeping space. She yawned and slowly straightened her fur, determined that she wouldn't be seen looking ruffled in the halls. There was nothing to be done about how tired she looked, but at least no one could say she lacked for dedication.

"senmut always works you pupils so hard," tavina commented with her usual directness and lack of emphasis on titles. she moved past melody in the hall, carrying strips of newly separated rabbitskin over her back. 

"would you like me to call him off?" the sesh asked, a little tease in her voice as she stopped to look the priestess up and down. "i have no problem telling even a pharaoh what they're about."

Tavina appeared, talking about Senmut, and she could have disappeared into the floor right then. Melody felt she'd only just stopped thinking about him so much. That fluttering feeling was still there in some small measure, but beyond that, she was embarrassed.

I, um - it's okay, I like learning from him, Melody blushed. Learning. In general. He's teaching me about the stars. Feeling awkward, she added, Do you need any help with anything?

senmut was quite a different kind of man. tavina could find no lechery in him, no cruelty. in fact, his only flaw was his coolness, his imperiousness.

the absence of an outward mistake did not mean he was trustworthy. like some others, tavina too felt that his flame burned for the empty throne of pharaoh.

"you can help me fold these in the examination room," tavina said. "what have you learned so far?"

Melody nodded, grateful for the opportunity to be useful — and to speak of something other than the priest. She followed Tavina, stifling another yawn.

Just a lot of names right now, She said a little tiredly. This time she couldn't quite keep herself from yawning. I guess I'm supposed to - um, choose days for things. Once I've learned. For the queen. It made her sound very special, she thought, but Melody didn't feel special. And that was what had drawn her to Pharaoh, what had kept her here in the first place — that feeling of being special. The more settled she became in her role here, the less Melody felt she belonged. She thought sometimes of leaving. But she didn't say that.

between the yawns, the murmurs, tavina could make out little. but she supposed it was the way of all those being taught.

"just remember to rest more during the day," tavina instructed, coming near to look pointedly at the younger woman.

"is it what you want to do?"

Sleep is overrated, Melody yawned again, rubbed her eyes, and glanced impatiently at the skins. She needed something to keep her awake, or else she'd start snoring mid-sentence, she was sure.

But Tavina was questioning her, curious in ways Melody was not prepared for. And I'm too young to know what I want, A small grin hid her uncertainty, but not well. It faded quickly, her flippancy dying as she went on. I don't know. I want to be useful, and this is interesting enough. She almost said more, but cut herself off and fell silent instead, thinking again of those blue eyes. It was their absence, truly, that made Akashingo feel so hollow to her.

something else was unsaid. tavina smiled a tight-lipped expression. "you've seen how our queen is so young. age is only an obstacle if you allow it to be."

there were many ways to be important. she blinked at the priestess. "i'm told senmut is looking to marry off naberius. does that interest you, being a wife and mother?"

she ignored the pang of pain then, to consider nala.

A wife and a mother! Melody could only blink back for a moment, thinking of Naberius, blushing fiercely. He was handsome, and charming, truly — but he was not Pharaoh, nor Senmut, the only two who had truly caught her eye in her time here. And she didn't want to marry them, either, now that she thought about it. Or anyone else.

She shook her head after a moment. I don't think marriage is for me, Melody confessed. Or children. I like - quiet. Children were anything but quiet. She glanced down, then back up to Tavina. Pharaoh seemed so - sure about me, and it felt right, but now she's gone and... I don't know. She felt lost. Maybe there was no place for her here, after all.

she was tired, and frustrated, and unsure.

the sesh set down the cloths. "what did pharaoh say to you? how can you embody it day to day, melody?" she was young, and pretty besides. things might change in another season. the royal whim was persuasive.

She said... Melody's look turned far away as she recalled the soft way Pharaoh had spoken to her. That I'm meant for higher things. Frustration broke through the pleasant haze of memory. But I don't know what that means. It could mean anything.

I don't feel useful, or meant for anything, She bit the inside of her cheek. Maybe I just need more time. Now Melody thought of Nazli, the servant girl, the one Senmut was so concerned with. She seemed content with her place; at peace. Jealousy twisted her insides into knots all over again, and Melody fell silent.

meant for higher things. melody didn't want domesticity, but she did want to be important. tavina crudely considered that other more fleshly ways of ascension were possible, but then she sickened to think of poor nazli.

"maybe you want to be royal," the sesh pointed out candidly. "a princess. someone who has power like the ones we serve."

Melody frowned at that. I was - I mean, I did have that, back home, She confessed softly. But I left it behind. I wanted to earn my power, I guess, but maybe that was stupid.

Look where it had gotten her! She thought longingly of her home, of Minuet who was surely fretting to have suddenly inherited the expectations once placed on Melody. That they would follow in the footsteps of their parents, that they would bring together two families who had always existed rather indifferently to one another. And her father's lie — she seethed to think of it now —

I couldn't stay, though. And I don't think - you can't just become royal in Akashingo, can you? So I'll have to do my best as a priestess, She tried to gather her strength and found only exhaustion. I enjoy it. I just don't understand yet. But I will.

"oh, but senmut was not divine. and look at him now. destined to sit with the queen always, at her feet if not beside her." what did melody know of this chaotic, shifting, hierarchy?

"once you've been royal, it's hard to accept less," the sesh said with a little sigh, and there followed a long pause. "but you're right. learn to be content. but learn your limits also. this kingdom depends on priests and priestesses. make sure you're worthy for the job."

It seemed very much to Melody as if Senmut must have been born to his role; to hear otherwise was a small shock, but one she hid well. There were other things on her mind, anyway. This kingdom depends on priests and priestesses.

I will be, Melody said, her tone soft but glimmering with the embers of something that might one day turn to ambition. There was little else to say, she felt. She would help Tavina with folding as she'd offered, but Melody turned quiet after that; warm and grateful for Tavina's company, but distant. There were so many things on her mind.

<333

when the girl lapsed into silence, so did tavina. she picked at one pelt, crushed leaves too small, and eventually left melody to her small tasks.

the sesh desired air, the room becoming too close, her grief for nala mounting too steeply.

when tavina returned, the little space would be empty, she expected.