Stone Circle What can break me has a name

HERE, HAVE A NOVEL Y'ALL! Got deep in this boy's head for a min LOL and I tried to address everything happening - I'm so sorry if I missed anything!

Kristjan bristled worriedly as Sven chided Swift. Didn't he know the boy at all? Acting like his father wasn't the way to calm things. Was he trying to rile him up? (He would eventually figure out that not everyone factored in another wolf's feelings as much as he did.) But there was hardly a moment to address this.

On the topic at paw: That's not what I meant, Kristjan rejoined softly, turning to Ujurak. I'm saying that one of us shouldn't be above the others. We should lead as a team, as equals to one another... as—

He stalled as Moss reared his objections. Vale, too, did not think it was appropriate that the children should lead. He cast them both a sympathetic look. A part of him wanted to see his siblings — both bloodmates and found-family — lead this pack, but another part of him knew that is was a lot for them to bear right now. Sure, they looked like adults, but the fact that they all thought they could take up the mantle and "learn on the job" was proof enough that none of them were ready.

Unfortunately, Kristjan himself wasn't immune to the delusion. Even he saw a possibility for them to lead together as well, despite his lingering doubts. He noticed Lemmikki's wide-eyed gaze upon him, from which he drew a resolve to stand strong rather than shrink back.

Skáld and Sven remained firm in the belief that the upstarts were not too young for the responsibility. Bjorn as well seemed willing to give them a chance. He felt a surge of hope towards a resolution, until Moss proclaimed to leave if any of them were made leaders.

Astrid, tough-as-nails, called them all cowards. Astrid, Kristjan hissed, horrified. They're not cowards! They're- they're trying to be respectful to us. Because we're heirs. He tongued the word with disgust. Being born here meant they were automatically entitled to the land? Not in his mind. Lands only stayed claimed so long as the group occupying it was strong enough to defend it — and this group was quickly fracturing. Besides, Moss offered to lead... he reminded her with a mutter, glancing towards the wolf. Though why he would offer to lead them and then threaten to leave in the next breath had painted him somewhat disloyal in Kristjan's eyes.

Suddenly, he felt a void at his side where Swift had stood. Swift! He made a knee-jerk motion to follow the boy but felt immediately torn. Nothing was resolved here, and he couldn't leave without knowing the fate of their ranks. Were they about to lose several members because of this? He trapped a whine in his throat as he watched Swift go, before turning to the rest.

Look, we all want to be taken seriously. He took a deep breath, thinking of the sensible things Sven had said. What if we make it so that instead of standing as the heart, spirit, or fate of this pack, our leadership roles represent each of the most important things to maintaining our strength? One of us could be in charge of patrols, one of us the lead caregiver, the lead hunter, he unwittingly looked to the spot where Swift has stood, the lead scout, and the four can lead Kvarsheim. They'll make choices together, for everyone.

Scanning the faces, he quickly went on as his heart bade him. Age wouldn't matter so much, because each role will be supported by everyone else, and no one wolf would need to be the fate of this pack. Plus, if one or more leaders are very young, they can take up mentors, maybe even ask our allies to help us train. Then everyone will see how capable and driven and awesome we are. Our four leaders could take on anything!

He was hopeful, though tinged with desperation — a need to keep them all together. It was hard to imagine that their allies would take them seriously if nothing but children sprouted up as leaders without proper apprenticeship beforehand. (And they needed allies, whether they all liked it or not; none of them were as knowledgeable as some of the adults in Riverclan and Swiftcurrent, and sooner or later Kvarsheim might need their help.) But that didn't mean this wasn't possible.

Kristjan didn't know the way forward, but he wasn't going to stop trying to fix it all and alleviate everyone's anxieties.

It was all… a lot. Lemmikki was getting a little frustrated herself, to hear all of the words being said but no one concretely offering themselves—Skàld seemed to want to step down—until suddenly, Moss did. 

Her eyes turned to them. And then the fiery Astrid, who Lemmikki did not want to cross. Cowards, all of them—herself included. And was Astrid wrong in that assessment? Not in her, at least. But Lemmikki found she did not want to be led by her at all. Still she remained quiet, if only because of the potential that she might be—and soon. 

Swift was gone in the blink of an eye, and Lemmikki decided she did not want to be led by him, either. Running away from the problem wasn’t the answer. She chastised herself as the thought came, asking herself how she could be so judgmental when she wasn’t even willing to speak. Could she actually blame the dark boy? No, no she couldn’t—but then, the point made by the others seemed to have that much more weight behind them. “Too young” this and “too young” that. 

Lemmikki and her time of silence had reached some sort of boiling point. Tensely she shifted her weight, eyes scanning the crowd of wolves crowing at one another this, that, and another thing. 

Of them all, it was Kristjan that impressed her. Kristjan that seemed to understand that unity was important, more than any adult. 

She simmered, but still said nothing. Lemmikki did take a step closer to the group, closer to Kristjan—an unspoken vote, and perhaps for that an ultimately  unrecognized one.

I'm not sure how many rounds that may come, but feel free to skip Vale unless she is needed for a final vote from here on. Reference/powerplay of Bonario with ooc permission.

A frown firmly settled itself upon Vale's lips. Skáld tried to reign in the concerns raised regarding the children all the while maintaining unity among those born among the stones, and those not. Asking for those in agreement as well as those opposed to the eldest among Gunnar and Taktuq's litter. Golden eyes flashing to Bjorn as he cast his vote to giving the youth a chance.

Moss, perhaps the most vocal naysayer, offered themselves to spare throwing the youth into the deep end if they could not start with some sort of mentorship. Her ears piqued. Her own unease settling at the suggestion, however she was not certain leaving otherwise would be wise. At least, not for her. How could they learn to lead if everyone else left?

Swift left abruptly. Sven having attempted to tame the younger boy then attempted to offer a solution. Astrid, on the other paw, flared up with a fire. Spitting venom at those not of her own kin. Very pointedly missing the part of Skáld's message that Gunnar was not born here. Vale noted this with a raised brow. A previous conversation with the former fadir still rattled within her mind.

Kristjan too also offered his own solution. To change their leadership roles yet again. Her heart quickening at his suggestion of seeking assistance from their neighbors. She didn't fault the boy for not knowing the tenuous nature of diplomacy. The elephant in the room that sat on Kvarsheim's chest regarding Swiftcurrent Creek was still unaddressed. As the wind shifted, Vale looked beyond the circle to see not just Swift's retreating figure, but that of Bonario. The male also further in the distance, putting space between himself and the meeting. She must have glanced over him as she arrived to the meeting.

Her unease returned tenfold. Was she okay with the children addressing the items leftover from their predecessors? Vale fought with herself on her answer to the question. She was not particularly raised to be skillful in diplomacy, nor would she likely be familiar to any of their neighbors. Her indecision itself, spoke volumes.

Her eyes passed over the silent girl, Lemmikki, as she returned her attention to the circle.

Vale herself, debated her own answer quietly. Her own abilities and responsibilities taken in consideration.

A thoughtful expression softened Ujurak's features. Ears twitching as he absorbed the opinions, concerns, and solutions of his packmates. Some voices louder than others (and in Lemmikki's case, completely silent.) He attempted to keep an open mind to all, but what was most important was a solution. The stone prince had a suspicion that there was no answer that could truly make all happy. Perhaps it was the biggest reason they needed to elect leaders.

So he aimed address the voices the tried to reach a resolution. Nodding to Skàld briefly, accepting the position of Hjarta if that was what would be given to him. Ears piquing as Moss offered themselves to the role of leadership. His eyes fell to the small wolf.

I would be happy to have you as a leader, but I agree with Skàld. You must want it. The fact that it was an ultimatum to the caregiver's continued presence within Kvarsheim that none of the húni lead did not give the stone prince confidence in Moss's potential leadership. I do not want to see it cause you harm because you forced yourself.

He passed a smile to Sven. He could never find the words to express his pride for his littlest brother's selflessness. His smile held in spite of Astrid's interjection. Attention turning to his sister, as she waited for them to stand with her.

Ujurak stood in between. Ever ready to weather the storm that was her temper, and willing to act as a bridge as not to separate her.

Our foreldrar embraced more than their blood, Ujurak gently reminded her, Bjorn, Vale, Moss, and many others are here because they welcomed them. Skàld, Swift, Katla, and Lemmikki. All were born among the stones, as we were. This is their home, too. If she accepted he would gently press his nose to her shoulder. To comfort more than pacify.

Kristjan offered his own solution. One in which Ujurak felt a small pull to, but he still had his own questions for his brother. How did Kristjan define 'us'? Did he think similar to Astrid, to just their litter? Or was it the whole of the pack?

Kristjan, in your proposal, who do you see taking the rolls you suggest? Ujurak's voice was cautious but inquisitive. I like the idea of the leaders splitting responsibilities, but does your proposed team of leaders make the final decisions for the pack? Do they sort conflict with our neighbors? His mind traveled to the Riverclan girl that accused him of being a thief, despite his intentions. Even if she relented, somewhat, in the end. Nonethless, Ujurak glanced to their packmates with a nod, inviting them to also expand upon his questions.

Ujurak felt that he understood what Kristjan wanted to accomplish. To keep all on the same playing field, but Ujurak remembered how their fadir lead. Someone had to represent the pack, and Gunnar did that with Taktuq and Tauris. It was not the entirety of the pack, and Ujurak felt with how many differing opinions were presented today, that was perhaps for the best.

I hope no one minds if I pop in a response for Ujurak's questions this round - just so everyone can post in the next round fully informed! (Note: I won't include any physical/mental reactions for anything else until next round.)

Anyone, he answered Ujurak swiftly. Anyone who thinks they can handle it. Anyone who wants to do right for Kvarsheim. He looked around him, meeting everyone's eye who had not yet left the scene. They must put their name forth and the majority of us must want them there. Us meant all of Kvarsheim, not just his littermates. To Kristjan, everyone here was his family, even if he only shared blood with but a few.

At least this way, multiple wolves could step up for each role, but only those chosen by the rest would stand at the head.

He took a deep breath, mind racing, optimism fizzing to a peak. Our leaders should always make the final decisions, but... I think they should first gather input from the rest of Kvarsheim. Every choice made matters to the whole pack, and no choice should be on the shoulders of just one of us. It was no wonder to him that their leaders had fallen away. How awful was it to feel solely responsible for every life here?

And I, uh, think it would be their responsibility to handle outside conflicts. That's what being leaders is about, right? It may be hard to start, but if all four leaders can stand together and pad towards the same goal, then I think it will make us stronger.

next round, no posting order. I’m OK with double posting within one round, but just to keep any conversation from getting too far ahead without others having equal input, we should limit it maybe to two posts per round.

Bjorn was quiet, but amenable to his suggestion. And while Skáld had hailed that only the two addressed might speak up, many others did- and the meeting quickly descended into a heated discussion once again- with both Moss and Swift throwing in the towel. 

Skáld could not please everyone; nor would he bend over backwards to beg anyone to stay if they disagreed with allowing the children lead. Vale appeared perplexed, a bit lost in thought. He thought perhaps this had all become a bit too overwhelming. 

The girl raised her voice most fiercely- and in a show rarely exhibited by the peaceful wolf, Skáld drew tall and took a few steps toward her with a stern look in his eye. 

She was using her grief as the major point in her campaign, forgetting that many others in the pack had felt loss as well. She came across as proud, but selfish. He eyed her levelly, but rescinded his decision to speak for her advantages. If neither she nor her brother could be calm in a meeting, they ought not be a part of the leadership. 

To Ujurak, Kristjan and Sven he looked. 

”Moss, if you will not stay, then I give safe travels.” He said. It was impossible to make the well-wishes sound as warm as he intended them to be while he was under such duress. 

”Astrid, you Swift must learn patience, calm. Discuss, not yelling, and not making names at wolves like “coward.”  he spoke gently, but sternly to her. ”I speak now, still as Anda. Sven, Ujurak, Kristjan- I would be choosing you three in leadership. I am being your help. We have Hjarta, Nornir, Anda and Hirdir.” 

Almost tiredly, he looked around to see if any others would pick up and leave. 

Between the three boys, they could sort out who took which rank. At this point, Skáld’s headache was more than a dull pulse behind his eye, and readying to turn into a migraine.

There was so much. So many noises all at once. Everyone was yelling and wolves were leaving. He looked horrified to Ujurak to Kristjan and then finally to Skald. Skald who held them together in many ways. Skald who was older wiser more like fadir than them.

And he was thrust cold and unsure laid bare for what was to come. What would be. Three brothers to take their places. 

Sven would be fine with whatever spots his brothers didn't want. But he felt his stomach twisting in knots and his belly pained for he knew not how Asti would react.

her brothers.
her brothers, not her. venom bubbles up inside astrid's veins, a curdling, cold kind of anger that she had never felt toward skáld before. skáld, too, her brother; her kin; he knew her better than most did, and yet here she was, chewed up and spit out.
you call me selfish? her fur bristles as she takes a thundering step forward; bi-toned eyes misty with a piercing iciness. i don't deserve it because i speak the truth, is that it, skáld? i can't believe this! ha! haha!
she inhales sharply as her gaze wanders disapprovingly to her brothers. her chest aches with an arching feeling of betrayal. do you agree with him? you do, don't you? none of you have ever liked me. the only one who ever even cared about me was pabbi. a softness lingers for ujurak; her chin wobbles as she stares at him. even you, hugljúfur? you wouldn't let me lead beside you?
a terribly brash thought leaps into her mind. if he does not speak for her now, she will have no choice but to leave. she decides then that she will not stay where she is not wanted.

Bjorn simply did no more than listen as the discussion got out of hand, as Swift and Astrid flew off the handle. But, he was glad to see Anda Skáld showing strength as he sternly, but kindly, spoke to the two fighters. 

Then, once his words were spoken to them, he addressed Sven, Ujurak and Kristjan as the leaders, and Bjorn had no disagreement in the Anda’s choice. He gave a strong nod of his head to Skáld, quietly giving his approval of the choice he’d made. He spoke once, offering his help, whether it was out of place or not, “And if they should need extra help, guidance, I would be more than willing to be their as a mentor.” This he said with a strong voice.

Exit Moss! I'm excited to see how this ends!!

”Moss, if you will not stay, then I give safe travels.”

The wolf answered with a dip of his shaggy head. Thank you, Anda, Moss responded with the same sober tone that had been with him since the meeting began, but there will be no more need for me here with the pups grown.

I am eternally grateful to have been able to live among you these past few months, he turned to the pups, to watch you all grow into who you are today.

He closed his eyes before speaking again, his voice resigned, I'm sure you all will make fantastic leaders.

Kristjan felt a strange sensation at Moss’ departure.

He blinked incredulously as the polite farewell played out before him like a child’s puppet show.

Skáld’s words had made him want to protest: No, Moss, no ifs! Stay here with us – we are supposed to be family! But the wolf’s reason for leaving suddenly left him ice cold. There was no “need” for him here? Because the pups were “grown?” Kristjan didn’t recognize the feeling, but he was angry. His pulse quickened as he watched Moss go, and he stared long after him until Skáld said his name.

What?

Chosen. For leadership. Three of them.

Bewildered, he turned to his siblings. He hadn’t been listening! Which “three?” Astrid was quick as ever to clear things up for him, and Kristjan gaped at her in his best impression of a baby bird. (Or maybe he looked like a dead fish; he certainly could’ve dropped dead right then and there for the things coming out of this girl’s mouth!)

None of them ever liked her? That was Ludacris! If anything, she’d never liked them! Always rude or sulking and only hanging out with them when she was lonely! When she needed them—!!

Oh… that’s right. She needs me.

His head gave a small jerk as he beat himself mentally. How could he think such terrible things about his sister! The ugliness inside disgusted him. He felt bile rise up in his throat as his stomach pitched violently.

As he stood incapacitated, his savoir complex wrestled with his nemesis, The Depression, which had chased him to this very day and suddenly slammed down on him — HARD! — forcing him into an uncharacteristic surrender. As Astrid rounded on Ujurak for his support, he used this moment to force down his most troublesome feelings, using the same method one uses to accidentally swallow a jawbreaker.

He could barely register the fact that he’d been made a leader.

She’s doing this because she’s hurt, Kristjan instead rationalized quickly. She needs us. And he needed her, too.

Without them, it’s just us, Astrid. His voice shook with hurt. Without Pabbi, without Mamma, without everyone else, it is just us. Of course, I care about you— I love you! We love you. We’re supposed to stick together no matter what happens. I don’t agree with this. I don’t. But it’s not just up to me…

—why shouldn’t it be up to me?

Oh, how quickly rational doubt gave way to childish fiction.

He could suddenly imagine himself a king, tall and regal, overlooking all his people—

Kristjan turned to his brothers decisively. Sven would not argue, he had stationed himself as a pillar, a system of support only, and Ujurak would be diplomatic until the end, likely to settle for his original designation. He was the Stone Prince, after all. He held himself to such an impossibly high standard; of course he would choose to be the unceasing, overworked, beating heart for his entire family.

I will be Nornir. The last Nornir.

The deciding fate.

I will change it for you, Astrid.

I will change it all.

To say that he was shocked would have been an understatement. Following all of the discussion, the desperate scramble for each voice to be heard, it had been decided in just a few short sentences. There is a tiredness to Skáld's eyes and resignation within Moss's. Parting words are exchanged in that moment and Ujurak's eyes locked onto the caregiver. Stunned, he barely chokes out a "safe travels" for the small wolf. He did not wish to see them leave.

There is silence from Vale and Bjorn offers his approval and support. Neither of them addressing what clogged the gears of his mind.

Skáld only elected three of them to join him as leaders. All of his brothers... and not a role for Astrid.

Ujurak's eyes rounded at the development. Looking bewildered to his elder brother before addressing the fallout it created amongst his littermates. His closest family.

It was as thought someone threw a bucket of ice water onto him.

He turned to his littermates. To Sven's widened eyes and Kristjan's slack jaw. To Astrid. The proud warrior girl faltered before him, having just spat daggers at their kin moments prior. A glimpse of vulnerability beneath the mask of anger. Kristjan too attempts to quell her anger. It is her that he addresses first.

You always have a place with me. At his side, in his heart. He would never know when she started to think that she lost her place there. He could only surmise that it was her own heartache that clouded her perception.

Taking a step forward so she would meet his eyes, he reached out his paw to her. She could choose to take it. You always had. I'm sorry if I never said it enough and it made you think otherwise. Ég elska þig.

Please stay.

He glanced over his shoulder, catching new look to Kristjan's eye. He was not prepared for the second wave of surprise at his younger brother's acceptance of leadership. Let alone nornir.

Turquoise eyes trailed between his brothers. An odd feeling rising to the surface that leeched away the strength of the shock. It was not particularly foreign, however it set across him like a cloth over a table.

In the days to come he would come to realize that this was disappointment. He could not recall a time previously that it set in so strongly, but its taste was distinct to that of grief which he had come to know months prior. Sourcing it proved difficult.

Was it towards Skáld? Their elder brother was swift to brush Astrid away, condemning her for her conduct. To this Ujurak was conflicted. He did not agree with her harsh perception of their packmates, but Astrid always spoke about what she wanted. She simply existed louder than her brothers. In turn, Ujurak believed that Skáld could have afforded her more patience.

Was it their packmates? The adults in their life that bowed to the difficulties that the pack had endured. Those that lacked desire to lead, perhaps he couldn't fault truly. He understood that it was going to be difficult. The boy had no delusions in that regard, even if he may not have understood the gravity of leadership entirely. But perhaps they still failed them in some way. He didn't want to think that of them.

But there is a curious look he gives to Kristjan. The brother who avidly petitioned them stand together. Declaring himself the fate that Astrid so greatly wanted. Ultimately, he and his littermates needed to talk after the meeting. A guardedness comes to his eyes. That of a child seeking confidence without the prying eyes of adults.

His voice is level, I will accept Hjarta. His gaze swept his littermates, brothers and sister. I accept you to lead with me, as long as you want it. If we decide differently we will talk to Skáld, yes?

If three of them were to be leaders, surely they could outvote their eldest brother, if it came to it?

He did not deal well with stress. He bowed away from it, more often than not- fearing that it might summon another shaking episode or another bout of sleepwalking and nightmares. When faced with such important decisions, he felt himself wishing he could simply stow himself away- return to a boyhood he had so reluctantly left behind. 

He’d wanted to remain a child forever, but he had outgrown the role long ago. Now, he realized how ill-fitted he was to the role of leadership, when faced with others who did not immediately agree with him. 

His heart splintered when Moss thanked them, but departed. He felt he’d failed her, and found that the feeling grew when he turned his saddened eyes toward the angry Astrid. 

He felt her words wound him. It was shocking to think that she had the impression that he didn’t care about her family, but it reinforced his belief that she was not ready to lead, if she could not see the truth or rein in her tongue. 

He’d cared so much…Grief hung about him like an ever-present shadow, as tightly knit to him as his own scent. ”You are blind,” He said softly. ”If you do not see that I care, and that they care. You bite wounds with your words; make bleed our grief, too. Astrid…I believe in you, but do not want this…Anger.” After all, the others had weathered the opportunity without pride or ego. She stood out among them, but he considered silently for a moment that perhaps her passion wasn’t something that was meant to be tempered.

He sighed softly; defeated. 

He looked then, to Kristjan and Ujurak- the two who had spoken for their ranks. ”It is to you, Nornir and Hjarta, to lead, and choose Anda. I will follow you, and your Anda- or Andas,” He said, looking to Astrid to indicate that he would not reject the notion of following the young, fiery woman as well. He felt as aged as an ancient willow, and felt keen to rest his head and be done with the conflict. 

Tiredly, he hoped for a conclusion. ”I will help, with Bjorn,” He said, casting the latter a grateful look. ”Will be Hirdir, if you allow. Not leader, but help.” 

He wasn’t fit to lead- but he saw in the faces of the youth, those who were.

Sven took a step back at the vitriol that spewed from his sister's mouth. She was always loud and angry, but this, this was even beyond what he was used too. Steel eyes grew wide in his head, and each word barbed and pointed at they were. Embedded themselves in his heart and soul and left slashes bloody and torn behind.

He gathered the words close to his chest and held them there. Wondering how they had failed so terribly at showing her they loved her. When they had done nothing but. Their entire family was nothing but love. Or so he had thought, but it seemed that he was very very wrong. And Sven was not ready to be this wrong about something like that.

Mouth opened and closed like fish. He looked to his brothers to Skald. Noticing the sadness that pierced the gaze of his beloved older brother and something inside him tightened and he found it hard to breathe past the lump in his throat. 

Asti. How could you? What do you? He whined. You cannot take words back remember that Asti. I don't know why you think we do not love you, but we do. If it so important to you. I will step down. You can lead behind Kristjan and Ujurak. But do not every think that I do not love you. When I love you and our brothers more than my own life.

Sven shifted. I need.

He touched his paw to his chest. Then he slowly shifted and turned away from them all. I need a break. His voice was stricken and sad and he felt flayed and beaten and like a failure. He walked away with his head low and his tail tucked.