Redhawk Caldera bury me with bourbon next to a moonshine still

kivaluk settles into his roles of raven and father as best he can; checking on @Chickadee and the moonthorn fledglings several times throughout the day, though their support system was overwhelmingly well extremely supportive. and when he wasn't spending time with his wife and babies, he was tracking the herds, monitoring their health, their sizes and their movements.

he does a small quick sweep of the borders on his way back in, unable to turn off ( nor would he want to, really ) any of the heightened protective instincts that his newborns and nursing wife have drawn out of him.

cutting a familiar path towards the den, he cradles a squirrel tail betwixt his jaws, for the children to play with. they seemed to grow between his blinks, which both pleases him ( because he takes this to mean they are healthy ) but also terrifies him. soon, though, he suspects they will start to become more mobile and thus would enjoy toys to play with.

Kivaluk was a great help to the pack, there was no denying that. Eljay used to keep track of the herds himself, but these days, he found his body faltering. His mind was still sharp as ever, but without the endurance to cover a lot of ground in a day, it was of no use to him, as there was little to remember. Perhaps it would have helped him to be in touch more with those agile enough to fill the gaps in his mind with data on the herds, but he never asked; the truth was, Eljay was ashamed. He had always been easy to fall prey to anxiety when it came to his own contributions to his pack, and though he had had several good years where he finally felt as though he did not drag down his pack — rather the opposite — now it came crashing back. So he did not ask, and did what he could.

Spring bringing the blossoms of puppies to the pack had always lightened and brightened Eljay's heart. He had cared for many, many children before he had his own, and it made him beyond happy to not only have grandchildren, but also that Chickadee and Kivaluk had chosen to return to Brecheliant to raise them. He was very involved, and he enjoyed spending time with @Chickadee and the pups every single day, helping where he could.

Eljay did not know Kivaluk well, though he trusted Maia's judgement to have elevated him to a leadership position. He was just on his way to Chickadee, Kivaluk and the pups when he noticed the man walk in the same direction as he did, a squirrel tail between his teeth. Eljay rumbled a low greeting to Kivaluk as he approached. Nice find, he said in friendly manner while he looked at the squirrel tail. From his extensive experience with pups, he knew odds were high that they would love it.

though his father in law had proceeded his approach with a low rumble in greeting, kivaluk still starts; his mind carried away a thousand and one different directions. steps slow and he moves to face eljay in full, giving a small wag of his tail and a chuff 'round the squirrel tail. he sets it down at his paws, thanks, offering eljay a grin.

i had a much loved squirrel tail growing up. my brother and i fought over it. kivaluk's memories of those happy times: before his father left and his mother and then his father again; and his brother somewhere in there too — were very few and far in between.

how're you doing today, sir? kivaluk inquires, grateful for the man's help with the kids; unable to help but call him 'sir' as if he were still that nervous boy that had accompanied chickadee here so many moons ago.

Eljay smiled as Kivaluk mentioned having had a squirrel tail growing up. The aging man himself did not remember much of anything from when he was young, other than a select few memories. Things like his mother getting hurt. He pushed the thoughts away, and said, That sounds nice. I didn't have any siblings, myself. He often wished it was different, though he had spent enough time with all of his younger siblings to make up for it.

The smile on Eljay's greying face curled up a little as he was called 'Sir'; it was amusing to him, though he tried to hide it, knowing that Kivaluk was trying to be respectful. But despite being 9 years of age now, despite having raised several litters of pups, and despite having been leader of this very pack, Eljay had never gotten used to being treated with a high degree of respect. I'm doing quite fine, thank you. I was on my way to Dee and the pups, myself, to see if she needed a break, or wanted some company. He glanced at the squirrel tail — You too, I presume?

despite having a littermate, and then a little sister, kivaluk spent most of his life as an only child, in reality of it. we were not acquainted long. i have not seen my brother in more than a year. kivaluk admits, taking a small breath. and my younger sister ... has only recently come back. it was the easiest way to explain it, without going into grueling details of his life.

yeah, kivaluk replies with a heavy breath and a grin. it is hard for me to stay away from them for too long. but duty calls and their bellies needed filled; as the husband and father kivaluk feels that it was job to provide both security and food for them.

i'm so afraid i'm going to miss something new and big and exciting. he admits this quietly, a bit sheepishly.

Ah. I'm sorry to hear that, Eljay expressed with a frown as Kivaluk mentioned he hadn't been very close with his siblings.

Eljay was quite happy to have Kivaluk here; he was young and healthy, and contributed to the pack well. They needed that, with wolves like Eljay around, who were no longer able to fill similarly productive roles. Eljay smiled at the young father's devotion to his family, and said, Let's walk together. He knew he would show Kivaluk down, for his aging body was not what it used to be, but better to keep it in motion. Eljay leaned down to pick up the squirrel's tail and draped it over Kivaluk's shoulders, hoping it would stay put there while they walked.

Then, at Kivaluk's admission of being afraid to miss milestones, Eljay chuckled. He remembered feeling the same, once; but with his latest litters, he had not been so afraid. You get used to it, and you know there'll be plenty of other moments to make up for what you miss. He did not share this, however, instead sharing his understanding and sympathies: I understand that, especially when they are still so small. They grow so much every day now, and have so many milestones ahead in the weeks to come.

it was a long time ago. kivaluk says, grateful for the words offered by his father-in-law. a long time ago, yes, but he still held the grudges it had carved into his bones; both resentful of the abandonment but begrudgingly grateful that it made him want to be a family man — so that his children and wife might never know that sort of abandonment.

does it get easier? the fear of missing something? or being a good father? he asks quieter as he falls into step beside eljay, asking him from one man to another.

A long time ago. Eljay remembered those kind of words well, but he also knew well enough from experience that it never got easier. He nodded, though, dropping the subject between them; hoping that Kivaluk felt comfortable enough with him to share if he ever wanted to. Eljay could feel that the older he got, the more he wanted to help out others with their problems. Perhaps it was because he could no longer contribute as much as he used to in the arenas of hunting and patrolling, so he found himself more and more desiring to contribute something else that would help others; that would make him less of a dead weight to the pack as he aged.

An involuntary chuckle escaped Eljay at Kivaluk's next question, but only because it was a question he could've asked. He had been such a worrier when he had first been a father — though, of course, having to raise the children alone while dealing with the grief of losing his first-ever mate so suddenly had fuelled that fire — but with the years, it had certainly gotten easier. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm making fun of you, the Blackthorn explained. It's just that I used to worry about everything myself, and while there are some things that never get easier, such as those first, fragile months of their lives, there are certainly a lot of things that do. Even for those who are prone to worrying. Eljay smiled softly and kindly at Kivaluk. Each litter is a little bit easier on the mind.

i didn't think that you were, kivaluk is quickly rushing in an attempt to reassure when he got the chance. it's just ... all a little nerve wracking. but he supposed if he wasn't nervous about being a first time father it could've been argued there was something wrong with him.

that's a relief. kivlauk says with a soft smile. thanks for putting my mind at ease. his inquiries sated for the time being, the moonthorn man falls quiet; eager to enjoy his father in law's company before they reached the den.

Eljay nodded as Kivaluk said it was nerve-wracking. He understood so well, having so many nervous tendencies himself. It's supposed to be, I think, the caretaker said with a smile.

A silence fell briefly between them as they made their way towards Chickadee and the pups, Eljay's pace slow as it always was these days. After some seconds of silent walking, Eljay said, I appreciate that you decided to come here. Another brief pause. I'm not much of a traveller myself, so it means a lot to me to have my grandchildren so close. He would have missed their upbringing entirely if they'd stayed in Moonglow, he was sure. It warmed his heart to think of all the special moments he would have, now, and it significantly improved his life — brought a light to his eyes — that not only had his daughter come back into his life, but she had brought life with her, too.