Neverwinter Forest We settle down to cut ourselves apart

@Mal
back dated to 10/15 and set after this thread

Some time after turning her back on Kynareth, her prideful walk had switched into a desperate run; she wanted to be home—she wanted to be far away from that monster. She was heartbroken and disgusted, and so disappointed in herself for letting this get as far as it had. How had she not seen him for what he was? Even after so much evidence was presented to her, she was too blinded by her feelings to see the truth. 

Her cheeks were still wet with tears as she finally crossed over the borders of the forest. She continued to run even after reaching safety because she was afraid to stop and really feel all the emotions tearing through her heart. But she did eventually stop once she was deep in the forest, only because her legs had started to tingle and grow numb beneath her. She stumbled forward and caught herself before slumping back on her haunches. She gasped for air and it felt like knives in her lungs. The tears that had slowed while she was running suddenly began to flow again, and she just let them; she had no energy left to fight them.

I should be homeworking but I gotta reply to THIS. >D

Mal had just taken a squirrel to the cache and was heading back to where he'd been patrolling before getting distracted by the damn thing. Or such was the plan, except then he caught Simmik's scent and thought she might be heading on over to the cache he had just left -- he could point out the fresh one and go over stuff for the meeting and things. So, he turned and followed along.

So he innocently trotted along for a bit until his ears caught something that made his fur bristle a little and he couldn't figure out why until a few slightly-more-hurried steps and he was able to consciously process it. Crying? He hurried up, both concerned and cautious but basically unable to just let it drop because A, that would be a boring thread and B, it was Simmik and he had to see if she was ok or if he could help or something!

Simmik? His voice and face were painted with concern as he came into view. It was probably an approach that she was now familiar with, he was wanting to rush over to her, offer a hug or something, but held back by her previous requests so he kind of bounced around at a slight distance. What happened? What could he do? If he was thinking maybe he'd notice Donovan's scent but well, he wasn't.

Of all the packmates that could have stumbled upon her in this state, she was beyond grateful that it had been Mal. She looked up when she heard her name, swallowing as he rushed forward. He would have normally embraced her in a situation like this, but he stopped just short of reaching her—respecting her unspoken request for space while she tried to heal. Of course he was, and she had taken him for granted lately, something she felt guilty about every day, but especially in this moment. How was he not tired of finding her sobbing in the middle of her latest mistake? She didn't know, but she was grateful for that too.

She closed the distance between them and pressed her face into the fur of his neck. It was a few moments before she could speak, and the tears continued in those moments, making his fur damp as they slid off her already saturated cheeks. She could feel some of the weight of her heartbreak lift then, and she was finally able to draw in a deep breath. She sniffled and swallowed against the thickness of her throat. I ran into to Donovan, she said quietly, not pulling away as she began to explain. He informed me that his real name is Kynareth, she added bitterly. She sniffled again, this time pulling away and she drew in a steadying breath. He also told me that he— she paused as a wave of nausea rolled over her. Do you remember the woman he kidnapped? Her thoughts were everywhere now, but hopefully he was able to follow. I told him what happened to me, and he told me he had done the same thing to the woman he kidnapped. She started to cry again. He was a monster this whole time, and I was so blind to it. I'm an idiot. She was having trouble catching her breath again. Every time she swallowed, she felt like her throat was closing. I just— she managed to get out. I feel so betrayed and so stupid.

He hadn't expected her to actually touch him. So that was a surprise, one he was actually really happy about which then ended up feeling kind of conflicted because she obviously wasn't happy. So in ordinary times he would have been wildly wagging his tail at the fact Simmik was obviously feeling a little more like herself in that aspect, instead it was a few random beats in no rhythm. But damn it was actually be able to hug her, so he greedily enjoyed that bit, feeling a bit less useless in that aspect, uttering a quiet, I want to help. He didn't know what was the cause yet, but he was definitely here to try to save the day if it were even possible.

Once she started talking, the reason for it all became clear (and the fact she pulled away wasn't what Mal wanted either but he'd deal with it). On the one hand, Mal wasn't surprised. He'd suspected there was some sort of skeleton in that guy's closet, but he was figuring he'd probably killed someone in the Teekons and gotten away with it. Either way, it made Donovan/Kynareth's self-pity-party when everyone had told him to leave the forest that much more disgusting. Mal's lip twitched at the thought. But as she continued speaking he boxed up his thoughts about Donovan to deal with later to focus on his friend instead. 

Had he been a jerk, maybe Mal would have opted for an I Told You So, but he wasn't. And sure, he was a little relieved that this was likely the last straw, but he didn't want it to hurt Simmik. Again, conflicting emotions. You wanted to believe the best. You gave him a chance and he just kept blowing it. It might have been more than he deserved in the end, but none of it's your fault. You're the better person -- hoping people will be good isn't a bad thing. And most people don't want to let people down or be bad -- that's all on him and his choices. You're not the idiot, he is. Should he hug her again or was it still kind of off limits unless she did it? He leaned towards her a little, but didn't go farther than that.

He had continued to blow his chances over and over again, and yet Simmik had given him more than one—a monster who hadn't even deserved the first chance let alone everything else she had given him. And she wanted to believe Mal's rationalization, but it was hard to while she was still so upset about it all. Betrayal and shame had taken a hold of her mind and heart and refused to let her see the truth in what he was saying, at least the part where he tried to assure her that she hadn't trusted him because she was stupid. She sniffled a little and drew in a shaky breath. He leaned closer, but she stayed where she was, she was only starting to be okay with the idea of touch, but only on her terms for now. She didn't tense like she had before, but she didn't accept the silent offer of a hug either. The tears had finally slowed to a stop but her eyes were still puffy and her throat was still swollen. Her expression shifted to something vicious and determined, her jaw tightening before she spoke again. I told him if I saw him again or he came near our pack again that I would kill him, and I meant it, she said with quiet anger. They are officially our enemies. It was long overdue anyway. 

I managed to learn something useful, though, she continued, her tone cold and distant as she tried to push the emotions down to a place where she could avoid them and try to function. He told me who attacked Cupid and who tried to attack you—if he was even telling the truth. She supposed it could have been just another attempt at manipulating her. Still it was worth investigating. He said the wolf's name was Renard. So if we hear anything of him, we can look into it. All business now, like she hadn't just been a mess right in front of him. It was not normal at all, but that was nothing new for her lately.

I'mma just be vague about other threads so this one can continue, haha

Okay. We should let the other packs know too -- when we have the chance, that is. Everyone should know he is a monster. I doubt anyone's gonna want to be his buddy. We'll make sure the pack knows to stay away from them, for sure. Enemies. Mal didn't really want to deal with actual enemies, but the Saints -- and Donovan especially -- had deserved it. He wished he could have protected Simmik from him, but how was Mal to know? And now it was too late. Too late in too many ways.

But given the way that thread was heading, it was no wonder it slipped his mind, I'd just heard from Hua -- I think he's in Yuelong. With some other wolf that also had been in the Saints as like a spy or something. Hua said --- but we kind of went off topic. I didn't get to find out more. He looked away then. Uh. It was complicated, ok? He shook his head, took a breath, and continued, I don't know if I'd trust him. But apparently she trusts the woman she's with enough. I wasn't a fan. I-- next time I run into her I'll find out more. How the hell did that end up so far off track?

He didn't fight her on her declaration that the Saints were now officially their enemies, for which she was grateful; she was too raw and hurt to have to argue that point to him. He assured her that they would warn the rest of the pack, and she nodded. 

Anger filled her expression when Mal informed her of Yuèlóng's new member being the very wolf that had attacked Cupid. How can you be okay with that? she asked abruptly. It was an unfair reaction, but she wasn't really in a place to be rational right now; she was even more of a mess than ever. No member of the Saints can be trusted. How do we know he's not spying for them right now? Simmik shook her head. This is not acceptable, Mal. They're supposed to be our allies. Pot calling the kettle black. How many times had she fraternized with the enemy? She really had no room to talk, but her anger had her blinded to all that logic. Most if was just transferred anger from what had just happened. She would feel bad about it later too.

He frowned, also not liking the fact the guy was in Yuelong to start with. I'm not okay with it. -- That was what I'd said to her! I don't want him near my kids -- but I don't have a choice in it because apparently she trusts the woman the guy showed up with more than that. I didn't get to argue more! Conversation shifted to other important things -- we didn't get back to talking about it. Which he was unsure what to say more about. He hadn't told Simmik about himself and Aibreann's confirmed relationship, and whatever was decided between himself and Hua, he hadn't said more there either. Not until stuff was sure, was his thought. It wasn't like it changed anything.

He continued, kind of strained about the whole thing, I'm afraid he's gonna show his real colors and hurt someone there. I don't want it to be Hua, I don't want it to be the kids. And I don't want it to be her packmates either. None of us deserve that. If he could be used to hurt the Saints, maybe it'd be worth it. But that guy was unstable. Something's gonna go wrong. And they'll all be left to pick up the pieces.