Phoenix Maplewood [m] i'm ready to build a wall behind every step i've taken

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For some time Laurel had stayed here, in the Phoenix Maplewood. She didn't realise that this was the place of her birth, but there was something about the tranquility of the leaves shifting in the wind. She had warily avoided anyone, and had considered to simply let her heat pass without conception. Mahler'd asked her, told her, to conceive, but then he had taken her heart and crushed it between his teeth. Just another man who would not love her; such was her story, and she had embraced it so much that it was a hard story to break free from today.

Nightmares plagued her every night and she had not slept much. Laurel was tired and she felt vulnerable and alone, every day a reminder that her current state meant she was not welcome in Rivenwood. She was left to fend against the savages by herself, and it led to a lack of sleep. If only she could've just curled up someplace in Rivenwood, if only she had been able to stay there with someone to defend her. She was terrified every day out here, afraid, and she was slowly driving herself insane by way of Iliksis' venomous words filling her head with lies. Lies about her encounter with Mahler that made it hard for her to separate the truth from the lies — that he had rejected her because she was too ugly, that of course nobody would want someone like her, that he had laughed in her face at the sheer stupidity of the thought that he might've meant that he would wish to lay with her or be with her in any way! — and it fueled her paranoia. She thought most days that maybe she should not return to Rivenwood at all, once this was all over.

Every day Iliksis reminded her of the promise that she had made to Mahler. That she would carry children, as he asked of her. He never stated they would be his, dearest. That's just another lie you made up in your head. No! He told me to carry children. Of course they would be his, of course — You assumed that he meant that. That's okay, my dearest, I understand you like no one else. It's not your fault that you are such a despicable — hissed — detestable — spat — ugly — with pity, this time — yet sweet piece of ass. You were born this way. But don't worry, dearest. I will always love you. And you...

No — she snapped violently, causing a few birds to fly up in fright. You will perform your duties.

Laurel was not so sure whether becoming pregnant or abstaining would make Mahler more upset. And she wanted to make him upset. Her entire world had gone from revolving around healing and getting better to breaking this man who would turn her down like so many had before. She hated him. You want him. She wanted to crush him. You wanted it to be him. He made her sick. Because he would not have you.

Stop lying to me!

Shouts to an empty forest, with no one but herself to surround her.

Yourself and me, my dearest.

---

After a week on her own, Laurel found herself finally move towards the north of the forest. She didn't know what she wanted anymore; she didn't know what she needed; she didn't know what to do. Eventually she watched Duskfire Glacier in the distance, and she lifted her head to call for @Wintersbane alone. She would not go to his territory, but she would receive him here, in the Maplewood, and she would see if he would lay with her despite her broken spirits; despite how unloveable and ugly she was. She did not have the air that she had when she first approached Mahler, despite the scent of her heat still clinging to her. But unlike with Mahler, now all it brought her was a deep-seeded fear of what Wintersbane might do when it first entered his nostrils. It was no longer the weapon that she had wielded before; now, it was a weapon that could be used against her, instead, and every second that she waited she thought of the last time she lay with a man while her heart thrummed nervously and her body reflected these fears.