Ouroboros Spine atiga-anun

Does it matter. Of course it mattered! Of course this was not what Kaluktuk had wanted; but he had run from the pain caused by his relationship and the pain of losing his home, and in doing so he lost what remained of his family. He thought this as Kivaluk's words mirrored: speaking of his family as if he were one of the sunshine-people; the wound in Kigipigak was opened again and raw, hearing this.

And he was silent as he stood there, listening. And when there was quiet again Kaluktuk took a breath. He steadied his rage and swallowed it, for as often as he relied upon his anger he could not do that here and now. As much as his instinct told him to swallow all of it and leave, he could not do that. He would not.

I thought you were safe here. This wasn't meant as a lament. Kigipigak so rarely explained himself, and now he began to speak with the fear his son had been fully turned against him, and that he would only hear his voice as some corrupted thing influenced by Kukutux, Moonglow, and the shadows of Natigvik.

When we came here and your mother was not with us, it hurt me in ways you could not — and cannot understand. And when she returned without your brother, I could not forgive her. I should not have gone — but I did. I thought I needed to. And I thought you were safe here, with her. It was a mistake and he was admitting to it, finally, knowing it was too late. There was no way to undo this.

I am trying to be better. I do not know how best to fix this, if I can, if you even want me to; you speak of this place as if they are your family and — he feels so much then, and emotion chokes him in a way Kigipigak isn't used to. He wants to swallow it. This is not the way a man is meant to act! Where was the strength? How was emotion going to change anything except make himself look as pathetic as he now felt?

And I accept that. I have made mistakes that we cannot heal from. I see now. Your family is here - but I am here too. I am trying. He had called from the glacier when village Moonsong with the hope his son would hear, and would know he was not going anywhere. Ariadne was that sentiment, repeated; a marriage to her kept them united in this convoluted way.

If you want me to be out of your life, that is fine. But I need you to know I am here. Maybe it is too late; but I am not going anywhere.