Blackfeather Woods People built churches for you, and fought wars in your name, and you did nothing.

There was a tug in his chest when awoke, a tingling in his feet and a shiver up his spin. He wasn’t sure if he noticed it suddenly or if perhaps it had grown on him gradually. He woke with dawn, the sun barely woken from the night. Siarut gently nosed @Nanook, smiling down at her curled frame. “I’ve got to see @Takiyok.” Sia had told his mate about their reunion on the steps of Diaspora, and his despair at finding her so miserable.

He rose, slowly with a nudge of his head along her jaw and a kiss delicately placed along her brow; and he set out to his little sister.

His original intentions had been to return to the mountains of Diaspora, however when he arrived at their territory, he found it oddly empty. The pack having moved on. Curious, Siarut did his best to stick to the scent trail left by the previous Diaspora. But was drawn off course by the proximity of a territory he hadn’t ventured to in nearly two years. Siarut’s paws lead him to the dark woods of Blackfeather.

Barely a foot inside the dense canopy of leafless branches, Siarut froze. Face to face with old memories. Swelled with emotion, Siarut rose his head to the sky and howled a mournful song. The stillness of the morning caring the heart wrenching sound of his failure for miles in every direction, regardless of the frozen branches looming overhead.

She had already been near the woods when she heard the call. She had wandered here after leaving the hollow and her son, unsure what steps to take next. She needed to talk to Sia first before doing anything else. But she had hesitated to return to Easthollow. For some reason, it had been hard to move herself in the direction of her brother, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because the last time she was there, it had been with Stag, and she wasn't ready to face whatever memories returning would bring to the surface of her mind. She also feared he would judge her for her decision to leave without her son; she certainly judged herself for it every minute since leaving. It was probably a mixture of a lot of things, but she had been slowly gathering the nerve to return and tell Sia everything. It seemed she had run out of time, though.

His call was sad, the sound breaking her heart more than it already was. She sprinted through the trees, afraid something had happened to him. She still retained most of her memory of the forest, and she used it to navigate through the territory. She slowed when she finally found him, stopping when she was in front of him. Sia, she said, a little breathless from sprinting. What happened?

He hadn’t expected her to arrive, but then again didn’t find her visit at all surprising. Her breathlessness, and the demanding tone of her voice gave way to the worry. But what had happened? Everything! Everything had happened. So much had changed, and Sia could hardly recognize the people they had once been.

“Who are we Takiyok?” He didn’t want to scare her, so turned his head to look at her. Memories still crisp in his eyes. “What happened to us?” The question was genuine. What happened to the confident, excited, exuberant adolescents from the good old days. Leaving their father was supposed to be a good thing, yet Sia’s most fond memories stemmed from his time away from the Teekon’s.

He supposed what he really wanted to know was, “Did we make the right decision to leave? They had left for Tomkin, but where was he now. They arrived here for Shivali, yet where was she now? They stayed for her children, yet where were they now? “What was the point of all this heartache?

His first question worried her a little; she was reminded of last spring when she had found him half-crazed and saying things she didn't understand. But he didn't look like he did then; he looked like normal Sia, just sad. She swallowed and looked away as he continued to ask her questions she had no idea how to answer. She was a completely different wolf than when she had come here, and he was different too. But they would have changed no matter where they were. She supposed they would have had heartache no matter where they were, too. She drew in a deep breath and moved towards him, nuzzling under his chin and then stepping back. I feel like it was the right decision, she said, quietly. And she really did believe it even with all that had happened in their absence. You have Nanook and I have my children. I wouldn't change any of my decisions because then I wouldn't have them. Even if she didn't know where three of them were and the one remaining child would probably hate her forever. I think we would have had heartache even if we had stayed home. More maybe. We couldn't have thrived under father's rule, you know that. The words made her realize that she hadn't told him of what happened to their father and their home. She hesitated, though; he looked so sad already, and she knew he would blame himself just as she had and still did. That was why she finally decided to leave the hollow after all. As for who they were? She wasn't really sure how to answer that. She had been searching for a while for who she was, and she was just now starting to figure it out. I don't know who we are Sia, but I want to try and find out.

He couldn’t doubt her logic, it was true. He wouldn’t want to live in a world without Nanook. Not after tasting how sweet life with her was. His head dropped, agreeing sluggishly, staring at his paws. She pushed her way in though, burying her head into his chin. Siarut couldn’t help the snort, finding humor in her little sister like antics.

“And how do we find out Takiyok. I’ve tried and tried to be the person I should be, what else is left to do? How do we prove to ourselves we are allowed to be happy?”He wasn’t nearly as desperate as mere moment earlier, deeply comforted by his sisters presence.

She had never really thought much about whether or not she deserved to be happy; she had always just gone after the things that would give her happiness. At least until the last few months anyway. She hadn't been herself lately, and leaving Diaspora had made her feel like she could find her way back to who she was supposed to be; it had hurt to leave her son and Mahler but she knew it was what she needed to do. She could only hope that Stag would follow her eventually whenever he was ready. I don't know, she finally said. She had no answer for him no matter how much she wished she did. But I think I have an idea for how we can find out who we are, she added. She drew in a deep breath, nervous about what he would say. I want to have our own pack again, she said. Things back home aren't good. Taki stepped back, taking a seat and turning away from her brother. Sadiq lived with me for a bit, she continued. He told me some things about father and our family's pack... she drifted off, looking back to him and searching his face. He was going to be pissed when she told him, and she was afraid of what he would do with that anger. Father died. Sadiq said it was from infection from a hunting injury. She tried to be sympathetic for the pain she knew the news would cause her brother, even if she didn't particularly care that their father was dead. She paused a moment before continuing. He and mother had a litter last year but Shila took over after father's death and killed them the first chance she got. She has made things miserable for the remaining pack members. Taki felt most guilty about that. She hated what her sister had done and knew that things would be different had she never left. And she hated that her younger siblings had paid the ultimate price for her mistakes. She blamed the killings on Sadiq and the pack exiled him, which was why he came here. But I sent him home while ago to check on things because I'm worried.

I want to start another pack; a safe place for our family and former packmates to come to so that they're free from Shila, she explained. She felt like she owed their former pack that much. I think that's our purpose. She looked at him, holding her breath as she waited for him to speak.

Our own pack… The doubt crept in just as quickly as the words themselves. A shake swallow the only defence Siarut could muster. After what had happened last time, how much he had failed her, and everyone else. He wasn’t sure if he could handle such a situation and survive again. But before he could properly process what exactly she meant, she bombarded him with new of home. Of their brother and the rest of their family. But most of all the deaths of their parents.

Sia’s jaw fell open, and he shook his head, confused. He couldn’t find the words, not then. He extracted himself from her embrace. Turning away. He knew she wasn’t attached to their father any more, that she had moved on and could never forgive him. But Siarut held no such reservations. His father was dead, and he hadn’t made amends. Was all he could think about.

And then he thought of their mother and every possible thing their demented sister could come up with to punish all those around her. He need a moment, to think, to worry, to mourn.

He pulled away and said nothing. She could tell he was upset and trying to process everything she had told him. It was a lot to drop on him, especially with him already feeling so lost. But he needed to know and she needed him to help her fix things. She wouldn't rush him, though. Things between them were delicate; there was still a lot for them to work through, and she was under no illusion that they were anywhere close to where they used to be. But she knew they could learn from their hardships and push forward to create something that mattered. 

She was quiet for a long time, allowing him time to feel everything he must be feeling. Finally, she took a step forward and hesitantly spoke. Sia, I'm sorry. I know it's a lot. Another step forward. I understand if you need some time to process everything. Her eyes searched for his as she waited for him to turn to her again.

He was so unprepared for everything she had dropped on him. It felt as though the world had come to once again rest on his shoulders. A feeling he hadn't felt in a long long time. He was suffocated or drowning. He couldn't really tell, nor did the distinction matter. Siarut took yet another step away from his sister, he couldn't look at her. He could barely breath let alone comprehend anything else she might have said. He could feel the panic attack coming, knew it was sitting just on the peripheral.

He did everything he could to ground himself. Siarut could feel the earth beneath his paws, the breeze on his pelt, and he could smell his sister standing beside him. All these things he used to keep himself in the present. To keep himself in the now. It had been so long since he had had a panic attack, so long since he felt the dread and agony rolling in his stomach. For a moment Sia thought he was going to be sick. He swallowed, and drew another shaky breath. It was still there, but he could at least start to think again.

"So despite everything that happened. Everything we've been through... you want to try again?" He was sure he hadn't heard her properly. Surely she wouldn't trust him anywhere near leading a pack again. Not after what happened last time. "I — I — Takiyok I have no idea what to say." He honestly didn't. What was he supposed to say? Ikkanatuk had lead to one of the worst and lowest period's of his life. A time he told no one of. Not even Nanook knew the things he had done, the darkness that he barely held at bay.

Even after she spoke again, he still said nothing. She was afraid it was all too much for him—that she would just have to bear this responsibility on her own. She knew things had not been perfect in Ikkanattuk, and she also knew that he would probably never forgive himself for how things ended up; it seemed they both dealt with guilt same way. Probably some residual damage from their father's constant criticism. But she had decided that day he had shown up on Diaspora's borders that she wasn't going to hold that stuff against him anymore. She needed him, and she was done punishing him for mistakes she knew had taken enough of a toll on him already. 

When he did finally say something, the words were filled with doubt. But she couldn't blame him for that; she had done a pretty good job letting him know how disappointed she had been in him. So now she would just have to prove that none of that mattered anymore. Of course I do, Sia. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else, she assured him. And when he admitted his inability to answer her, she stepped forward. Say you'll help me, brother.

slight pp i can edit if you don't like :)

"Say you'll help me, brother.

His brow furrowed at her words, and he looked away. This wouldn't be easy. Even contemplating the thought of creating another pack, of leading another pack was heart wrenching. He raised his head to the sky, his green orbs landing on the clouds above. He sighed, heavily. Could they do it again? He contemplated. Should they do it again? Came just as fast.

She took a hesitant step towards him, recovering the ground he had put between them. Finally his gaze drifted down to her, his expression calm as he deliberated. He didn't blink, or shift his gaze. He simply stared at her, eyes locked. He took a deep breath, and a small almost pitiful smile came to his lips. His shoulders relaxed, and he deflated some. But he had come to a decision.

"I'll have to trust your judgment, little sister." Last time it had been his effort that carried them from the dark hollows of Blackfeather, and now it was her turn. She almost reminded him of himself, at least before the glacier. He could only hope that she was luckier than himself. "I could never say no to you. Of course I'll stand beside you."

And once again the Ateneq family would rise.