Firefly Glen [M] stop, don't save yourself

how dare her heart leap with such treacherous hope, how dare it have the sheer audacity to be so foolish as to cling onto that raspy exclamation- to even consider that there might be any truth to his breathy words. not when guttering eyes could clearly see that crimson liquid blossoming out beneath her, spreading forth like a terrible, unfurling flower; could see the glassy edges of his scintillating gaze. and yet it still lingered, that incautious hope, whispering its taunts. her chest hitched, rational part of her mind prompting it forth with that locked up realisation; even as the girl with eyes fever bright in their denial only nodded along eagerly, appearing unaware of the tears she dropped upon him as an exhaled "yes" stumbled out, "you're right, we have to go we do, you're right let's...let's go let's get out of here west" 

yet even as those words shuddered from the tremble of her jaw, the dove found herself slinking closer to the ground- closer to him even as he tried to move, a different kind of agony spearing her own chest at the recognition tickling her mind at his state. she didn't want it, didn't want that awareness-- didn't want to know. but she did, oh she did and there was no stopping the frantic sobs to commence as he slumped to the ground once more, paws scooting her closer and closer until her muzzle was buried in his neck.

there was nothing she could do. amongst the raucous howling and searching of her mind for something, anything that could save them, save him - this simple fact seemed to float to the foreground in mocking clarity. 

blood dripped down her chin from the strength in which her teeth had torn savagely at her lip, body begging for a release from the unbearable agitation building up within- it's desperate need to do something; unwilling to accept that this was it; refusing to partake in having to bid goodbye to someone she loved once more; someone she loved more than anyone else to have entered this cursed life of hers. 

but her mind, it had gone so uncharacteristically quiet. she could hear it, as if it were locked in a distant room; the screaming, clamouring, begging, cursing -- and oh how her body wished to leap and snarl in a frenzied dance of this agony, this unjust card dealt by this fucked up world. but polaris, for probably the first time in her life- did not fall victim to the selfish call of her emotions-- had the maturity to realise that she could not fight everything, that west tyree was dying and she could not spend her last minutes with him cursing the world. 

oh fuck, the earth seemed to sway and she grit her teeth harder- west, for west she had to...couldn't give into the need to block this sheer, burning PAIN that was eating away at her very soul, had to cling to clarity no matter the agony it inflicted. "i know you will" she hiccuped, forcing herself to pull back and look at him, cling to his gaze with all the adoration she'd let grow over this last year, fought the urge to wince against the rupturing of her chest. "it's okay, we have time it's...i-it'sokay west" a rapid blink to clear her water logged vision, lips quirking a smile that felt as difficult to muster as slaying that fucking bear. a terrified leap to her heart as his gaze drew momentarily distant, claws scraping the frigid earth as she fought the plead trying to force its way out of her throat, for him to ignore what it was he saw, for him to stay here with her. 

but she couldn't, could never ask him to suffer for her. she tucked herself tighter as he began to sob, not making any effort to hold back her own as she whispered "it's okay west, you don't need to worry about me i'll be okay it's....it's okay to go west tyree." even as her heart, how it wailed for him to stay, to not leave her here alone, she couldn't take it she couldn't bear it, this pain it...."i love you so much west tyree, i'll be okay i'll go in a moment just let me tell you, west i just need to..." 

he was gone. it was obvious the very second his life gave way, not from the stilling of his struggling chest, no it was his eyes, truly like some light had switched off. she choked, "n-no, west no please...no--" 

a cry ripped from her at the force of that heavy paw, some sickening pain ricocheting within her as she stumbled and felt a leg give way, plunging her into the sticky snow but she-- she had to move had to-- osiris. adrenaline was her saviour, managing to give her nimble figure the speed it needed to escape those jaws for the moment but, where was he? it was then she skidded to stop a few lengths from where he lay slumped over leta; dead.

she....she was utterly alone. 

she threw back her head and screamed, yelled with as vicious a potency as she could manage amongst the crumbling of her will "WHY, WHY DO THIS OVER AND OVER WHAT DO YOU EVER BENEFIT?? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED??? WAS THIS YOUR GRAND FUCKING PLAN???" her breath came in ragged pants as she fixed the frenzied glare on the bastard that did all of this- "AND YOU" she advanced now, teeth gritting against the sickening waves of pain radiating from the leg she limped on "i hope whatever sick pleasure you got from this is enough to make you happy in death, enough to give you something to hold onto when you're writhing in agony, im going to make you hurt, make you die" she spat and threw herself right at the wound on his throat that west had started at, desperate to tear and inflict as much damage as earthly possible before it killed her.

'i'm sorry west' was all she could think, she was ultimately selfish and could not bear the thought of living without him. so she would die here, but she'd do everything she could to bring this monster with her.

it made her feel oddly calm, she'd see them all again soon.