Broken Antler Fen half of my heart

he's searching for @Penn, but all welcome <3

The wringing feeling that constricted his heart and tired his brain and his body both remained over his first week in Brecheliant. He had hoped that it'd quiet down eventually, with enough sleep, but every time he thought of what he had left behind at Redhawk Caldera his heart was in his throat, making it hard to breathe. It wasn't longing or homesickness that constricted him, though; it was guilt and the heavy feeling of responsibility weighing on his shoulders. He was responsible for them and their children; if anything went wrong it would be on him. That was a hard burden for him to carry, and no matter how much he slept, it continued to weigh him down. Eljay didn't realise that the only thing that could fix it was a mental switch, not a physical one.

That day he left the napping spot and decided to look around the territory a bit. Not because he wanted to discover more of the Fen necessarily, but mostly because thinking about Penn kept him busy. He hadn't seen Penn proper since their parents had died. Because he'd spent so much of Penn's youth being depressed and crushed over Wildfire's death and trying to raise his children on his own Eljay hadn't bonded with Penn as much as he would've liked. Not as much as some of his other younger siblings. He was determined to make up for that, though, and being in the same pack was a good start, he hoped.

Life here was already so darn zen. Tambourine took it easy his first few days, shamelessly permitting himself to just sit still and relax after literally years of travel. On the third or fourth day, he felt properly rested and decided to kill two birds with one stone by roaming the fen. He would explore every last inch of it and hopefully bump into some new friends along the way.

It wasn't long before he stumbled across someone else's path. "Oh, hello!" Tambourine called out to his fellow gray wolf, tail wagging as he approached. "I'm new here. Name's Tambourine," he offered in way of introduction, "but you're welcome to call me Tam, Bo or Ine." His pale eyes sparkled in amusement at his own wordplay.

Eljay didn't run into Penn, but instead was distracted with meeting someone else. This guy seemed pretty chipper, and started off by saying he was new. Well, that makes two of us, Eljay said. After a moment he realised that Tambourine'd also said his name and so he added the unnecessary clarification: Being new, that is. My name isn't Tambourine. It might've seemed like a joke, but Eljay was completely serious as he said it, not really realising that it could be interpreted as funny.

A slew of nicknames followed, and Eljay easily settled on 'Tam', because that seemed like the easiest to remember. Nice to meet you. I'm Eljay. He didn't have an impressive list of nicknames, himself. How'd you find Brecheliant? He himself had come here because of Maia, of course, and Eljay wondered if maybe Tambourine came here for someone else too.

He grinned at Eljay's fumbling, immediately endeared to him. Doesn't have a bad bone in his body, Tambourine mused, remembering what Wraen had mentioned about him. He was one of the handful of Blackthorns, albeit unconventional according to her. Before he could mull what this meant, exactly, his new acquaintance posed a question.

"Nice to meet you too. I grew up nearby and recently returned to the area. I actually met Wraen several years back and it was only serendipity that I stumbled across this place, honestly. How about you? You said you just came here yourself?"

Eljay smiled as Tambourine mentioned meeting Wraen years ago. Eljay himself had sort of the same experience with her; having met Wraen when he was two years old, apparently, when he'd first run away from home thinking he should learn to grow up and be stronger. It seemed like it was just luck that he had stumbled upon this pack this time, though.

Where'd you grow up? Eljay asked, even though the answer was likely moot since Eljay only really knew Redhawk Caldera, the Copse, Moonspear, Drageda, Blackfeather Woods, and then a few handfuls of places that he didn't know the name of. The returned question was welcome, because it was easy enough to push to the background how he had come here — crumbled and withered and tired out of his mind, though he still felt much of that in his bones even now, as it seemed no amount of rest would make him un-tired right now — and to instead talk only of his mate.

So Eljay said with a soft smile, My mate Maia is Wraen's sister, and she's also a leader here. We want to start a family, so I decided to move here. I grew up at Redhawk Caldera myself. Eljay said it as if it made sense that anyone ever would know of Redhawk Caldera, but perhaps he had a point in this particular case, considering its proximity to Brecheliant. The odd thing was perhaps an almost six year old wolf saying he had grown up there, rather than that he had moved from there.

"A pack called Marauder's Keep," Tambourine answered, pretty certain this information wouldn't mean anything to Eljay. The pack had disappeared years ago and he couldn't recall the name of its territory, nor much about it aside from The Crook. He had been so young.

Anyway, the present was a lot more interesting than the past. His pale eyes widened a little when Eljay declared himself a married man. The woman in question was none other than Wraen's sister, Maia, another one of the leaders. My man! Tambourine thought companionably, though he kept that to himself. They weren't that familiar with one another yet.

He hadn't ever heard of Redhawk Caldera—though he'd unwittingly smelled it—and chose to focus on the information about Eljay's hopes for a family. "That's exciting! Are you two expecting this year?" Tambourine asked, authentically curious and enthused.

Marauder's Keep indeed didn't ring any bells for Eljay. The subject then flowed towards Eljay's mateship to Maia and them starting a family. Tambourine said it was exciting, prompting a kind smile from Eljay — who appreciated the shared excitement from someone who he'd just met — and then asked if they were expecting.

Honestly, Eljay'd not given a lot of thought to the when of it all just yet. He'd been so focused on trying to recover. He wasn't too sure when he should expect Maia's heat; that stuff could be pretty random. Speaking of heats, they should probably get right on getting permission from Ibis to breed. She was the leader-elect, right..?

Shelving all of the thoughts the question prompted, Eljay instead just answered, Not right now, but hopefully soon. He smiled at the thought — of having children, not getting it on with Maia — and wondered then, Are you a father yourself..? A personal question, perhaps, but considering his excitement for his packmate's upcoming fatherhood, Eljay could not help but wonder.

That question begged about a thousand more. If he had only just come here, the relationship must be relatively new. But Eljay wasn't a young man any more than Tambourine. His head tilted, wondering if his new friend had been through the wringer in the past, just like him. But he didn't ponder on it long, attentive to Eljay's response.

In reaction to Eljay's timetable, he lifted his left forepaw. Two toes were missing. He crossed two of the remaining ones and offered a good-natured wink. He then set his foot back on the ground and smiled softly at the rebounded question.

"I am. I have two living daughters, Lele and Harps." Well, they were alive as far as he knew and Tambourine wouldn't even consider otherwise. "They're all grown up now and doing their own thang." He clicked his tongue. He mulled whether to mention the next bit, which probably wasn't a good look for a first impression, but Tambourine wanted to be honest and open. "I've never been mated though. What's married life like?"

As Tambourine mentioned Lele and Harps, Eljay wondered if they were still around somewhere. However, since Tambourine said that they were grown up and doing their own uh, 'thang', Eljay guessed that meant that they were no longer around their father. Maybe that was just what children did, grow up and leave, but Eljay still could not help but feel a pang of regret that Weejay was gone. Maybe he should ask Maia to escort him to the Frosthawks so they could catch up with her now, before...

That's nice, Eljay said with a soft smile. I have — Should he mention both, or only Weejay? — Two, but only one of them's... Eljay swallowed difficultly as he recalled searching endlessly for Elfie in the rubble, but never finding him. Only one's alive. She's visiting relatives right now. 'Visiting'. He hoped, anyway, that it would be only a visit. He hoped that maybe the prospect of having baby siblings would be enough to get her to come back with them, but he didn't want to get his own hopes up too much. He'd experienced on Elfie what it was like, after all, when children grew up. They wanted their own 'thangs', like Tambourine mentioned, and their own space. Maybe Weejay was just a bit of a late bloomer, but had gotten there after all...

It surprised Eljay to hear that Tambourine had never been mated, considering for Eljay, this was a pretty important part of having children. The surprise was visible on his face and palpable in his voice. Oh! But he didn't feel like it was his place to question Tambourine. Other wolves had different preferences than he and his family, he supposed. He couldn't help but think of Towhee briefly. Well, it's pretty recent, Eljay said softly, though he could not help but think of Wiffle — and however brief their love had been. I moved here a few weeks ago and then we made it official. But it's nice. It's nice to feel like you're planning for the future.

Tambourine sensed what was coming the instant Eljay hesitated. He understood that pain very well, having lost most of his own children as a direct result of Larkspur's negligence. She had refused to nurse them, for crying out loud! He felt an echo of bitter anger, horror and sadness but quashed it down. This conversation wasn't about him, it was about his new pal, Eljay.

But he did want Eljay to know he wasn't alone. "Hey man, I know that pain," Tambourine empathized with a soft smile. "Will she be back to help rear the littles? Lele was such a huge help with Harps." In fact, there had been times where Lele was more of a parent to Harps than either Spur or Tambourine himself, when he couldn't get past his resentment and it resulted in rancorous arguments.

He shook off that recollection as well, his expression growing a little sheepish at Eljay's candid surprise. Larkspur didn't count, no matter how long they'd spent entwined with one another. They'd never been the least bit romantic, nor ever spoken of any sort of official arrangement. All the same, Tambourine might know more about partnered life than his new friend, though he sincerely hoped the Blackthorn's relationship was leagues healthier.

"Well, you can have my belated and my future congratulations, for the nups and the pups, respectively," Tambourine quipped companionably. "This seems like a great place to raise a family, by the way. I've never felt more at peace than I do here in, uh, in... Brachiosaurus." Oh, Eljay knew what he meant.

Eljay grimaced as Tambourine said that he knew the pain of losing a child. The caretaker supposed that most wolves who'd had children had some experience with it, as it was relatively normal that some died before they became adults. Still, it didn't soften the pain any for him, or them.

When Tambourine asked about if Weejay'd come back, Eljay hesitated. I don't really know. I should visit, I guess, to let her know about it. I mean, when things are a bit more certain. Eljay had no doubts about it working out, because the only experience he had was with Wildfire and that'd been an instant hit, really. But he still wanted to wait with asking Weejay if she wanted to be there for them or stay with the Frosthawks when things were at least a little bit more certain. She'd be a really good big sister, for sure. Eljay smiled softly at the thought of Weejay helping them out. She'd be so wonderful at it. But she also had her own life at the Frosthawks now. Maybe she had other things going on. He couldn't just expect her to drop everything and come back with him, of course.

For Eljay, the Fen wasn't perfect, but it would do. It had Maia, after all. He didn't like the wet, soppy bits, and he did like the higher, grassy bits, so he decided he'd just spend a bit more time in the higher grassy bits than the lower soggy ones. Yeah, Brecheliant's pretty nice, he answered, not letting any of his thoughts towards the Fen shine through and softly correcting Tambourine on the name without outright doing so. He didn't want anyone to think he didn't like it here, because he did like it despite some of its wetter ends.

Eljay gently corrected him and Tambourine grinned and wagged his tail. The conversation reached a natural lull and he'd never felt the need to fill silences with small talk. He would much rather have a meaningful conversation, especially when getting to know somebody. So he took a moment to consider what else he could ask Eljay and an idea immediately came to mind.

"Hey, do you think you could take me to meet your Mrs? Is she as clever and whimsical as her sister?" Tambourine wondered good-naturedly.

Eljay didn't mind the silences very much. Sometimes they were awkward, but only really when his companion thought they were; otherwise, they were just silences to him. He'd grown to accept them much better over time, really.

Tambourine suggested that maybe he could go meet Maia. He also made it clear that he knew and appreciated Wraen. Eljay smiled at Tambourine, unaware of any romantic interests, and said, Yeah, Wraen's pretty great too. Realising he hadn't really answered the question, he added somewhat hastily, Maia is really wonderful. I'm sure you'll get along. We could go and see if we can find her now. Hopefully she'd be somewhere near the napping spot, still. Eljay started to lead the way, hoping to find @Maia someplace nearby.

As usual, unless she needed to be, Maia was rarely far. One might have thought it was for Eljay's benefit but really she just still couldn't stand to be gone for long. It was like having him here changed something for her. She wasn't sure when it would fade, if ever, and she wasn't holding her breath. It was honestly just nice to feel like she had a home here.

She was relatively easy to find. When they came upon her she was actually just trying to convince herself to try her luck out in hunting but hadn't quite managed it yet. Them showing up (score!) meant she didn't have to just yet either.

Oh! Hi! Maia beamed, stepping forward to touch her muzzle with brief, glowing affection to Eljay's before turning to the other new guy curiously. Who was this?

Eljay spoke highly of his wife, which should've been expected. Considering Tambourine's history with Larkspur, however, it was both endearing and refreshing. If she was anything like Wraen, he knew she would be great. Although he didn't know Eljay well yet, he would've bet his tail that the guy wouldn't settle down with anyone save for the world's biggest sweetheart.

And she was charming to boot. "Heya, Mrs Blackthorn! It's nice to meet you. I'm Tambourine, a recent recruit and a friend of your sister's. And now your husband too," he introduced, winking at Eljay and grinning between the mated pair, "or at least I like to think so."

It did not take long for them to find Maia, and Eljay's face visibly lit up when she came into view. There was a goofy smile on his face as he nuzzled Maia's cheek. Eljay was about to introduce the two to one another, but it must've been clear enough from his face that this was indeed his Maia Blackthorn, since Tambourine skipped to introducing himself to her.

Tambourine was quick to assume them friends, but Eljay was thankfully an easy person to befriend, so he smiled warmly at the sentiment of such as he was so dubbed. When Tambourine spoke words that sounded a little doubtful Eljay quickly confirmed with a nod. Yeah, of course, he said quickly. And this is Maia, as you already guessed. Eljay smiled as he finally did introduce her, even though it was no longer necessary.

Mrs. Blackthorn. She would never get used to hearing that, she hoped, because her heart definitely skipped when he threw it out so casually. She couldn't imagine having kept her own name at this point, taking his had been the best decision she'd ever made. Every time she used it she felt like she could fly, just like the Valkyries in her stories.

Nice to meet you, Tambourine. She smiled as she leaned in to Eljay slightly, but kept her attention on him. It gratified her to have Eljay introducing her to others too, because that meant he was finding some friends of his own here. She liked this guy already too, he was so friendly!

If you're a friend of Wraen's, she must have told you the rules, right? Did you pick a title? Actually, she hadn't pulled that on Eljay yet really either! Though she'd kinda given him one already, a while back. Her eyes lit up and she giggled playfully. I'm a Raven here, but even better, I'm the official Dragonwatcher.

As it so happened, Wraen hadn't gone over these rules with him. Tambourine blinked, his face slackening in mild surprise. Had he missed something important? He leaned toward Maia, rapt. When she explained, his blank expression twitched into a soft grin of understanding. That sounded just like what he knew of Wraen.

"I have not, as she did not. Maybe I haven't proved my worthiness just yet," the newcomer quipped with a good-natured laugh. "Dragonwatcher, huh? What's yours?" Tambourine wondered, tilting his head at Eljay and going through a mental checklist of creative possibilities.

Eljay smiled as Tambourine and Maia seemed to hit it off well right off the bat. He sat back and listened to their conversation silently, smiling to himself as he contemplated the possibilities for a title for Tambourine. Eljay'd never been good at creativity though, so he left it to Maia and Tambourine, who both were better at that kind of stuff.

I think it was... Physician Extraordinaire? Maia said, with a small laugh. She'd come up with it ages ago and hey, she still quite liked it! It was kind of cheating since technically she'd given it to him, but that didn't matter. What mattered most was the fun of coming up with it.

Well, if you don't have any ideas, get to thinkin! Otherwise how will the woods know how to greet you? Maia added, looking around and then back at him. She had almost chosen some kind of fantastical guardian, but honestly, she liked the idea of the woods even better. There was a kind of magic feel that hung over them... she wouldn't have been surprised if the trees knew a few things themselves.

Eljay didn't answer him, but his wife did. Tambourine's brow rose and he whistled, impressed by the title. It was a little less whimsical than Maia's, a little more grounded in reality. He couldn't help but wonder where his own alias would fall on the spectrum, though he supposed only time would tell. And Wraen. He thought he might like to consult her about this, possibly also tease her a bit about not mentioning something so in character for her.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied to Maia's urging, "I'm on it." He winked, a gesture that might have felt flirtatious under different circumstances. But there was no such intent and, besides, her husband was standing right there.

That made him wonder something, though: did Wraen have a man too? Once the thought took root in his brain, Tambourine knew he wouldn't rest until he found out. But he wouldn't ask either of these two. He was an adult and a gentleman; he would discuss it with the lady in question, not her relatives like some sort of middle school gossip.

Instead, he clapped his paws together and said brightly, "So, does this place have a rendezvous site?"

Eljay was glad that Maia picked up on the question because he didn't really remember what title he'd gotten. He smiled appreciatively at her as she did and then looked at Tambourine, who seemed impressed. Maia ordered Tambourine to start thinking of a title, which elicited a chuckle from Eljay.

Then Tambourine asked about the rendezvous site. A good question, and one that Eljay didn't know the answer to, either. He glanced at Maia as he waited for her to answer the question, finding himself equally curious.

I mean, I guess? Maia had to pause and think about that. There's... uh. Plenty of big open places to, Y'know, meet up. Ohmy gosh. Maia stopped, suddenly absolutely gobsmacked, and looked at Eljay. I totally forgot! We haven't had a single group story time, what am I doing? She shook her head, then laughed.

Enjoying time with Eljay, honestly. She was in no way gonna apologize for that, but wow, she really had managed to forgot that little goal pretty quick! Maybe that'd be another excuse to practice up pre maybe-kids?

I don't know if any of them are official though. Are you an expert? If so, maybe that can be your first official task. Finding and naming a place. There were quite a few opportunities for names still, of course!

The question seemed to trigger something in Maia. Tambourine smiled through her side tangent, figuring she was mostly talking to herself. But then she redirected the question back at him. He wasn't expecting it and paused, pondering. No, he had never before lived in any one place, much less spent any time at a rendezvous site.

"I can't say that I'm an expert, no, but what I lack in experience, I make up with enthusiasm," came Tambourine's reply. "So, we need a space that's good for official pack meetings and story times, by the sound of it. But what about pups? I'll admit I've never raised a litter conventionally but I thought it was typical to bring them up at a rendezvous site once they reach a certain age. So should I find a three-in-one, do you think, or..."

His pale eyes sparkled as they drifted between man and wife. It was their children he had in mind when he asked, so of course he wanted to consult with them. Perhaps they'd prefer a space dedicated to their kids, then another for official pack gatherings. That kind of made the most sense to him but, again, it was up to them. As soon as they gave him some criteria, he was on it.

Would you two care to fade this? Thank you for a lovely time.

Feel free to tack on one more post or just archive it as is, Starr. :)

It seemed like Tambourine and Maia hit it off really well; just as Eljay had expected. He mostly just listened while they talked, only chipping in once in a while, until eventually Tambourine decided to go his own way and Eljay and Maia went theirs.