Redhawk Caldera sage

the day that kukutux took kivaluk aside to tell him about coming to brecheliant was the day that chickadee set out by herself in complete unknowingness.
fixated on how her sister might take the news, she scarcely noticed the autumn beauty of the well-roamed path. instead, she paused anxiously at the border for several minutes before she scolded herself and called out for @Ceridwen, breath shaking a little.

Chickadee should not have worried about Dwin's reaction. Their very first and last serious clash had given Dwin a lot to think about later. She hated to admit mistakes and acting wrong as much as anyone else, but it was the first step towards wisdom and relief that things had ended well. She also had put some new things in that imaginary glass cabinet of important life experiences. First - that no one else was to blame, if she felt unhappy. Second - family members mattered. You could feel annoyed by them or not agree with their choices. They could drive you crazy or disappoint you. But at the end of the day - they were the few people in the world you could fully trust and who would loved you even when you were a jerk. Dee, who had felt insulted by Dwin's harsh words, but who had not turned on her heel and let the bridges burn, had opened Dwin's eyes to, what loyalty to one's family meant. 

A long intro - huh? Well, with this context in mind, it is no wonder that Dee would first hear a jovial howl in return and then thundering footsteps of a person, who was so happy that they did not care if the rest of the forest heard it as well. "Little Miss Dee!" Dwin exclaimed almost toppling her sister over with a wolfish equivalent of a hug and many, many kisses. "You've been gone for an eternity!" Dwin pointed out, smiling and taking a step back to have a good look at her. She was as beautiful as she remembered her to be, except - the look in the jade green eyes of hers looked happier than the last time. During time spent away from one another Dee had grown more feminine, while Dwin was spindly, tomboyish and had an unkempt fur of a person, who had better things to do with their time than to care about their looks. "What's the good news? Are you getting married?" she asked, half-joking, half-seriously. Of all of her siblings Dee seemed the most likely candidate. 

chickadee almost cried when dwin hugged her, pulled her close, kissed her face. all the warmth was returned one hundredfold; her own arms lingered around her sister's shoulders, and when they parted, happy tears painted her face.
"what!" chickadee gasped in shock, then laughed, wiping her cheekbones; "yes, actually. how did you know? um, kivaluk. he asked to court me. i guess there it's like, super serious. there's all these discussions to have and stuff, and something about a dowry? but," and her eyes were bright behind the sheen of tears, "i'm glad you know first, dwin."

Hearing Dee admit that Dwin's guess was true, left her with a bit of mixed emotions. On one hand - she was glad for her sister. On the other - she would have preferred it being a joke. Not that she envied her sister's happiness or disapproved of her life choices or, well, she could come up with three and twenty reasons why. The most important thing was that this revelation meant that they were even further from childhood and happy and carefree youth than the last time they had met each other. It happened too fast. Marriage and kids happened to old people only. They were not old yet, right? Right?

"Wow - congratulations, though if he is just beginning to woo you and have not made a serious offer yet, then maybe it is too early?" she half-asked/half-stated. Dwin had a vague impression that things in Moonglow were run differently than in Brecheliant, which was best characterized as a liberal democracy with elements of anarchy. "Okay, but I hope he does understand that he has to fulfill not only the rules and regulations of your current home, but he has to meet the criteria of Brecheliant too?" she said with a sly look in her eyes. "It is just not asking mom and dad, if they approve - because they will never say "no", bu-u-u-u-ut he has to single-handedly bring here no less than three moose, prove to be equal with mom in story-telling and do at least three brave feats," she listed everything that came to her mind and found it very entertaining. 

"And the final and most important test is him to keep up with Frolic and not lose sight of her. 'cause us - Blackthorn kids - are none like others. You are the sweet exception of the Redleaf heritage, but 90% of the rest of your family is simply nuts. Expect your kids to have that streak too!" she exhaled, feeling that she had rambled enough, but made her point. She hoped, of course, that Dee would understand the joke in it and that she did not have to torment her man to get to do it all, but have him get to know his bride's side of the family would earn him a lot of good points. 

dwin began to speak and chickadee was relieved to hear nothing but acceptance, and then teasing; her eyes widened, and by the end of her sister's 'list of demands,' she was giggling, trying to imagine kivaluk lugging three moose here alone and having to stop every five seconds to chase frolic.
"you know, he just might do all that!" chickadee joked back, though her mate's truly focused nature was something she knew to be true. "and yes, i think we'll have pretty wild kids." she was thoughtful. "i don't know too much about his side of the family. i know kukutux and aiolos are like his parents, though."
had kivaluk been a wild child?
chickadee didn't think so. but how could she know!
"i want him to be around brecheliant more often. sometimes it's a bit crowded up there. also i'd like to be around to hunt for daddy and mama, especially if they — add to us blackthorns."
she chuckled. "he's pretty serious. he's like the lead hunter there and has been that since he was younger. doesn't kill spiders, taught me to swim." rambling; she blushed. "and i bet he'd tell a story, if we asked."

Dee burst out in giggles and Dwin joined her with some laughs of her own, though they sounded a little rusty from lack of use. She had never been a girly girl, but being in the presence of her sister, who was the definition of it, made Dwin feel closer to that side of her too. This realization also came with a dull ache in her heart of, how very much she actually missed the company of her sister and how she wished to keep her here forever. Not for the first time during this conversation and later on too - on particularly lonely days she would sit near the Northern borders of the caldera and look over the plains, where in a faraway land Dee was building her life and felt happy. 

"Yeah, spider killing would be a deal-breaker for me. I can forgive lack of sense of humor, but killing a spider - ugh..." she played along, though she had not fully understood, what Dee had meant by it. "You can come live here, you know. There is not many of us left and I have a feeling that the next spring our numbers will continue to dwindle," she thought about Teya, who remained her only because her children had refused to leave their father's resting place. But next year those kids would be all grown up and would take off. She knew that even with all four legs broken Frolic would still not consider it a reason to miss all of the adventures and surprises that the world had to offer. 

"Dad's also not getting any younger and I doubt that... well, I have not asked, but I have a feeling that we won't have any more younger siblings," she told. "I am not trying to guilt you in coming back, but... I just want you to know that there is an option for you and your mate to continue your legacy here as well."

chickadee listened as ceridwen made a bid for her to come back home. she didn't know how to say that the caldera hadn't felt like home since shenanigans had disappeared.
how her love for the place itself had been shaken. and how the shame of running away remained with her. chickadee knew she had repaid twice over any of moonglow's resources. she didn't need to stay.
the fact that brecheliant was dwindling perked her ears in worried surprise. it was indeed quieter here. this, compounded by the fact that maia and eljay were done having kids, gave chickadee a good deal to consider.
"we — it's good to know we have options," she began diplomatically. "kivaluk is really attached to moonglow. i don't know that he'll move right away. but he also mentioned, dwin, something about us starting a pack of our own. or — i had thought we could bring any kids here for a season or two, you know. maybe it becomes longer." options. chickadee needed both in her life now.

"Another pack with a "moon" in its name?" Dwin asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice. She really did not wish to feel that way, but she also hated the fact that no one really seemed to care about, what would happen to Brecheliant in the future. In moments of desperation she had even considered to step up, sacrifice her selfishness and continue the bloodline. But there was no guarantee that her children would not disperese either. It would not be fair to tie them to the land, especially, when she was certain that she could never sincerely love kids born out of necessity and duty and not because she herself wanted them. 

"At least don't give in on this one. Your finace's folk have no creativity, when it comes to naming packs," she followed hastily with a joke not wishing that Dee took offence. "All I am trying to say is that there are enough packs in this land worshipping moon," she smiled. 

yeah, maybe! chickadee almost snapped, though she managed to keep her jaw wired down. she was a woman, right, she was going to be married, and have kids, and —
she tried to smile back but stopped when it came out like a grimace. chickadee glanced off and took a breath, then cleared her throat. it wasn't her fault mom and dad weren't having more kids, and it almost felt like dwin expected her to give birth here just to keep brecheliant going, something her sister clearly hadn't even thought about herself! 
chickadee tried to be charitable, understanding. they'd been through the same losses and upheavals. the major difference was that dwin had come home and she had not, she'd established herself somewhere else.
but now guilt wrapped itself around her withers. dad wasn't well, mom was getting older. the pack was quiet. they could use help. she just wished dwin would ask for it instead of making pithy comments.
"i'll talk to kivaluk," she said when she could speak again, her voice low but genuine. "in the meantime, i'm going to hunt while i'm here." the olive branch shook in her proverbial hand.

Dwin saw that her half-joke had hit Dee the wrong way and sighed. Reflecting about this later, she would conclude that throughout the conversation the inner-Eljay of hers (of whose presence she had been unaware of) had been present. That side of her that really got attached to places and people and hated to see them go. It was there - less pronounced - but still. Much of her identity was based on the existance of Brecheliant.

"Stop bristling, dear sister," she told her with a good-natured grin. "Your good old and wise Dwin may claim to be the queen of the universe, but that does not mean you have to agree with everything she says," she told her. "Besides - she values honesty above all else - so don't leave here with that hurt on your shoulders," she said. "Spit it out - what did I say that hurt you?"

she wanted to lie, to push it away, to say dwin had done nothing. instead; 
"i just want you to be happy for me," chickadee said softly, her voice a whisper haunted by pain. "brecheliant hasn't felt like home since ani. leaving home was — such a bad mistake, but i had to go for her. i'm sorry i didn't come back, dwin. i love mama and daddy and you, and all our brothers and sisters. it felt like the time do that came and went and now, well. kivaluk is home. i just — this isn't about a legacy. and if it's that way for you, maybe you should do what i did."
her voice shook but was even, earnest. she didn't want a fight with her sister at all, but she wanted to say this. all of it.

"Oh..." Dwin did not quite realize, when exactly over the course of their conversation she had not been happy for Dee. She was glad that her sister was safe and had made new friends, she was not happy that it was far away from Brecheliant. But the latter part was Dwin's problem and she did not expect Dee to remedy it in any way.

Felt right to clarify that: "I think that you try to read too much in, what I say and see things that may not be there. Or... I did not intend them to be. I am glad that you are settled. I do not envy you in any way. And if it is important to call your pack after a moon - so be it, do not take my joke personally." 

"You should not feel guilty for leaving or being unhappy here - I do not hold that against you in any way," she told truthfully. "And if it sounded like that... I am sorry. I just state, how things are here now and that they are changing. And currently it does not look very promising, but who knows, what may happen in a few months or in a year," she said.

"I think there are more ways than just yours to keep the legacy alive. I just have to figure out, what it is," she smiled. 

sometimes it felt like dee was being dismissive. chickadee fought the urge to wilt, nodding along a bit. her hormones had been changing; she didn't yet understand why, but maybe it was the reason for her defensiveness.
dee cared deeply about brecheliant. chickadee cared for both the caldera and the spine.
she wasn't sure how to compromise any more without volunteering kivaluk.
"what do you want for brecheliant, dee?" she asked softly earnestly, her eyes searching her sister's face.

"You tell me, since you are addressing this question to yourself," Dwin teased Dee for her accidental switching to the third person, when talking about herself. An honest mistake and Dwin being childish about it. 

"I do not know yet. We will have to live and see," she shrugged. "After all - isn't there some sort of joy in not knowing the future?" she asked, smiling cryptically. "Come - all this in-depth sister talk has depleted my energy reserves. Let's kill someone and eat it. Meat, fur, bones and nails," she laughed, getting to her feet and inviting Dee to come along. 

"Beware of the Blackthorn sisters - the two scariest people you will meet in the caldera," she shouted, referring to the age-old tale of, how not to be afraid in the dark. By imagining that you were the worst thing anyone could meet there. 

I think it is a good place to end, but Dwin and Sylvie will come for a visit soon.

i look forward to seeing them! <3

she finally then laughed, her heart lifting as she shook her head at the foolish mistake. and past the laughing mouth, she saw dwin's eyes, and the goodness in them; she wondered why she had ever questioned anything.
"yes, let's," she said exuberantly. "watch out!" she shouted alongside dwin. "i could eat a moose!"
because that was the scariest thing imaginable.

"Yeah? Well, I will eat two and have you for desert!" Dwin shouted back, veering slightly off-course to bump her hip against Dee's playfully. She realized that her silly remark did not make sense in the context of them being the two scariest things in caldera, but - what did it matter. Dee could rag her sister later on it over a hefty meal.