Redhawk Caldera coaldust

now that she had said it out loud, the idea took near-obsessive form in chickadee's mind.
until finally one rainy morning she went in search of @Ceridwin, dawdling not at all. when she found her sister, chickadee slumped close and fixed her eyes on the other girl.
"i think i — is it bad if i don't want to live here anymore?" she sighed. "it's not home. it's — the fact ani is still out there."

After a hearty chat over breakfast with her parents, Dwin had decided to walk around the borders to sniff out, who had visited the Brecheliant during night-time. In her childhood she had hoped to find footprints of dragons and trolls, now creatures of this reality were just as interesting to her. Snow had fallen during the dark hours and began to melt in the morning, but it held plenty of interesting scents. And this was, where Dee found Dwin and turned her attention for more existential matters.

It was a tricky question and at a suggestion that Brecheliant was not a home anymore felt almost like heresy. Yes, Dwin had wanted to go on an adventure and return like years from now all cool and great... but during her journey she had more acutely realized that no matter, where she went, caldera was the centre of her world. For good. "Well, I support you in anything you decide to do, but going out in the wilds on feelings alone won't do you any good," she replied. "Feelings won't feed you or protect you and - believe me - out there is not only a lot bigger than you imagine, but also..." she paused her pragmatic reasoning, trying to find a better word. 

"... it is big. There are a lot of places to go and no direction guarantees that you will find Ani," she finished. "Dee, I would be lying to you, if I claimed that my adventure was an absolute joyride with no problems. It was far more problems than actual joy," she added. 

dwin was quick to speak against the departure, and chickadee listened. "at least you got to have one," she muttered when her sister had finished, sighing loudly. "i haven't really been anywhere. the only time i did was to look for ani, and —" well. look how that had turned out.
"sitting here while she's out there feels wrong. every day i just feel — frustrated." chickadee didn't feel effective or productive. she knew every part of the caldera.
she felt trapped in a dream world where everyone just moved on without ani.

That was true -  Dwin had got a taste of, what being an explorer meant. She was sure she would head out again and keep her options open, but she no longer was sure that this was the career path she truly wished to pursue. Like dedicate her whole life to it. 

She felt sorry for her sister and reached out to touch the side of her face in a gesture to show sympathy. "It must be killing you, not knowing, where she is," she said quietly, searching her sister's face and for a while there she also did not know, what to say. Telling her to give up on Ani felt totally wrong, even if eventually Dee would have to do that. Dad and mom had mentioned long lost relatives time from time and the fact that they had never been heard of again had felt both wrong, but at the same time as something that happened to other people. In the past. Not today.

Here was Chickadee, who had lost a very good friend of hers. Dwin had not been particularly close with the girl, who had one day appeared at the caldera and absorbed in the Blackthorn family fold quickly. But she knew she would feel the same way had the roles been reversed. "Tell you what - let's wait for summer, when it is warm and there is a lot more to eat. And let's head out to search for her together. In the meanwhile we can prepare for that journey. Learn all there is from our adults here on finding food and defending ourselves," she laid out the plan. 

Before Dee objected of wasting precious time or going out right now, Dwin added: "I mean it is a lot more likely to search and actually find someone if we are alive and not dead."

she bit her lip.
she didn't want to wait. she wanted dwin to understand why she had to go, go right now. 
but what she said made sense.
and so despite her ravening and restless, dangerous, hungry heart, chickadee agreed.
"ugh, i'm starved. i can't wait to taste something else," she mused, licking her lips in remembrance of easier days.

Dee's sudden change of subject and her expression made Dwin realize that her sister did not agree with her. Maybe not about the details, but rather about something more fundamental. Something she had missed. "Dee, promise me you won't go out on your own," she said quietly, meeting her sister's gaze. "I don't want you to get hurt in any way. And I promise I will do everything possible to help you, if you stay just until spring comes. Mom says it is not far off," she hoped that this would get through. That the matter would be settled. 

but she didn't want to promise! she didn't want to agree not to go find ani. chickadee's jaw set, because she didn't want to lie.
"i'll try, dwin," and she really, truly meant it. chickadee worried her lip with sharp teeth and nodded once at her sister.
trying was all she had, trying not to answer that stupid reckless bone-deep call to go out into the wilderness.

Dee gave a half-hearted effort at making a promise and Dwin decided to believe her, even if deep down she knew that this would not end the way she anticipated. Still - for now - this would do. She yawned, feeling tired again - this happened often. Bursts of energy followed by near total crush and need to nap. "At least don't leave without saying a word," she finished. "I think I need some rest," she said.