Redhawk Caldera Sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

Chickadee was gone. Maia searched for her frantically until it became clear that she’d gone beyond the border willingly. Then she let the tears come.

She had always been fine with their leaving. But with this one there was no goodbye, and something about that felt like the world was ending. She knew it wasn’t. She knew that she would come back; but then, why couldn’t she tell them? Would she come back?

She didn’t want to go home like this, not when she was going to have to tell Eljay and the other kids that another of their sisters had gone without a word. So she cried until she didn’t have any more tears, then tried to clean herself up. It… didn’t really work all that well.

They’d never left without saying goodbye before. What did you do, Maia? How could you make them think you didn’t love them?! She couldn’t breathe. With her eyes closed, Maia sat near the border, trying to calm down the panic that mixed with her distress. Just slow breaths.

just flooding your life with Killdeer NBD

He slept near the border, wondering how long his welcome would be. . .well, welcomed.

Sure, Bronco would have him forever. But he was mindful of the others; he didn't want to take up resources, especially with pups coming. And he surely needed to get back to Fennec soon.

He was on the verge of slumber when he heard the unmistakable sound of grief—open tears, emotion lodged in the throat. Curious, and a little alarmed, he rose to his paws and followed the noise, brows drawn together in discomfort.

An agouti female, sitting alone, obviously mourning. He made a small sound—he thought Bronco would have told the pack about him staying—and emerged from the brush, head slightly cocked.

Is everything okay? Killdeer asked. Can I do anything to help?

Maia had jumped to conclusions, assuming the worst after Ani, though a call from Chickadee a few days later wouldn’t make her guilt less self-directed. She’d blame herself for her daughter’s abrupt departure all the same. It was hard not to beat herself up for the things she didn’t know how to say or fix.

Oh… oh gosh.

As soon as Killdeer spoke, Maia started trying to pull herself together. I’m s-sorry. It’s just… it’s nothing. Or, not nothing, but it’s something that isn’t… oh. Shoot. Maia let out a slight laugh that didn’t ring true, both frustrated and embarrassed. Here she was, a mess, and they had a guest!

Sorry. You’re… visiting Bronco? She hadn’t met him yet or introduced herself, but she had definitely heard that he was here. There was just so much going on.

Don't say sorry, he replied quickly, moving closer, his face taut with concern. It's okay, really. Don't—feel like you need to pretend for my sake.

He nodded, smiling. Yeah. I'm Killdeer, Bronco's son. Just here to let him know that—oh, did he tell you? Mereo disbanded. The leader went off with someone else.

She would surely hear the vitriol in his voice in that trailing sentence.

I can leave you alone, if you want, Killer offered, shrugging. He felt as if he'd interrupted too much already.

Oh, no, he was so sweet. Maia laughed in a way that was half a sob, but her smile lit up a little more genuinely. She was a mess, and really it wasn’t polite. He was a guest here!!

No, please, it’s alright. I’m just… it’s hard, when kids grow up. Even if you know they deserve to see the world, and get as many stories as they can, all you want to do is keep them close. She waved a paw dismissively, embarrassed. It’s… just silly. I’m sorry.

Oh, gosh, another apology. She moved on as quickly as she could, before he called her on it.

I don’t think I knew Mereo. Was that where you lived? She was sorry to hear it was gone, and moreso at the hint that it disappeared unnecessarily. If he needed a home he would of course be more than welcome here! But she held off on that, waiting to see if he wanted to elaborate.

Her explanation unexpectedly pierced him to his core. In her place, he suddenly saw Fennec, waiting as he'd gone off with Caracal, then to Mereo. . . He'd left his mother several times, all without really considering how she felt about it.

They come back, though, Killer replied—though he didn't know whether he was soothing her or absolving himself. Fuck, this was heavy. I went away for a while, a couple times, but now I'm with my mom again. I'm sure your kid will return sooner or later, too.

His smile had grown a little wobbly, and he launched straight into Mereo-business to counter it. Yeah—I thought they were allies with you? But maybe I've got things confused, he said, shrugging. They were in the mountains just north of here.

Killdeer sat down, placidly planting his forepaws together. It's good to be back here, he remarked. I was born here a couple springs ago.

Maia was too deep in her own distress, fortunately for Killdeer, to register any of his. Instead she just took his reassurances at face value and thought he was sweet to be making them. He would know about visiting with Bronco, right?

And apparently his mom too! Did she know who that was? She felt like she should, but back when the Caldera had been there, after Brecheliant formed her only interest had been in Eljay. She didn’t actually know who Bronco had previously courted.

Maybe Teya knew them. I only really met anyone from Akashingo. Maia replied, still shaky herself. Then she smiled softly, trying to reassure herself quietly and draw herself into his tale instead. So he had been born here!

You were a part of the Caldera? I’m sorry, but… your mom, I don’t think I knew her. Who is she? Maia glanced around. Eljay really loves this place. He was born here too, and it’s become a beautiful home. But I was worried when we found it suddenly empty. Luckily she knew most of the Redhawks were safe and happy elsewhere now.