Redhawk Caldera If the whole wide world stops spinning

She'd guessed she was going to have nightmares that first night and boy howdy was she right.  Early on Maia woke multiple times, every one of them with her heart hammering in her throat, but every single time Eljay was there.  Just having the presence of someone next to her was enough and eventually, even her mind had to call it quits.  She slept dreamlessly for a long time, and deep enough that not many things would have been able to wake her up.

When Maia did finally wake, the first thing she realized was how heckin thirsty she was.  The second was that her head still hurt, a lot.  She let out a soft groan, but slowly turned over to push herself stiffly into a sitting position.  It felt a bit like she'd been tossed off of the Moonspear; everything ached except for the bites, which were something else entirely.  Still, she felt miles ahead of before.

Remembering suddenly that she wasn't exactly in her own space, Maia immediately looked for @Eljay, shame creeping in to sit again like a rock in her stomach.

WC: 185

Eljay hadn't expected Maia to wake up for another while to come when he had gone looking for the leadership of the Caldera. He was glad he'd run into Phox pretty quickly so he could relay the story, so that the leadership knew that Maia was here and so that someone else who wasn't also medically looking after Maia could inform Wraen and Arcturus. They must be worried sick, after all. After that, Eljay contemplated looking for something fresh to eat, but he wasn't exactly a star at the small game.

In the end, he decided to dig up some leftover doe that he'd buried near his den the other day after a hunt with some pack mates. After finding the spot and digging up the food, Eljay dragged it over to the den, from where he heard a soft, subtle groan. He wondered if Maia was having another nightmare, and he dropped the doe haunch outside, figuring she'd like some fresh air anyway. Eljay popped only his head into the den and said, Are you hungry? There's something to eat outside. Was his offer met positively, he'd exit the den again to allow Maia some space to get out. Hopefully she wasn't too sore from everything that happened and would manage.

As though summoned, Eljay's head appeared and offered something to eat.  At the thought of food she felt a wave of nausea.  Not now, sorry.  She answered, feeling terrible for refusing the offer.  Normally free food was the best gift a wolf could possibly ever give her.

Is there water?  She asked instead, hoping the answer was yes and nearby.  She stood as she asked and, after a moment's pause, began moving stiffly to follow him.  She was going to have to leave the den either way, and maybe some of this soreness would go away if she just pushed through.

WC: 101

She declined his offer, which was met with a semi-worried frown. Maybe she had just woken up and didn't want anything right now, but later. Eljay couldn't help but ask, When did you eat last? because his inner medic never really rested. He just wanted to check in to make sure he knew when to pressure her for food again. While he waited for Maia to come out, he meanwhile started digging a hole for the piece of meat, so there was some food nearby for when she'd feel a bit better.

How's your head? Do you notice anything out of the ordinary such as dizziness, a headache, or sensitivity to light or sounds? Well, the last two she might not realise yet until she was awake a bit longer. There's a stream nearby, Eljay added as soon as he realised that with all his medicking, he hadn't actually answered Maia's only question yet.

When had she eaten last?  I don't remember, she answered, a little unsure.  It was the easiest answer to give because if she was being real honest, the last few days were a bit of a mess in her mind right now.  Definitely a headache. she answered the second, with an amount of feeling behind it.

She didn't mind being out in the light, but it was worse when she moved.  That and there was this weird kind of sound in her ears that she hadn't really noticed at first, but once she did, was annoyingly present.  Do you hear that sound?

She fell in slow step next to him and let him lead the way to the steam while she looked around a bit at the caldera around them.  It was a peaceful little spot (minus the whatever-that-was), if a little sparser on the trees. Why had he said they moved again, something about a danger?

WC: 157

The answer was worrying to Eljay, who'd hoped that at least she had eaten somewhat-recently. Like... Yesterday, maybe? But she didn't remember when, and though he continued digging the hole and he put the meat back under the earth, he did mention, We'll keep this here, but you should eat it later today. Eljay really hoped that it wouldn't come to him forcing Maia to eat something, but he also didn't want her to get worse because she hadn't been eating.

For now though, the priority was getting some water inside of her. Eljay buried the haunch of deer meat and turned to Maia when she asked him if he heard the sound. Sound? He wondered if it was a side-effect of getting hurt; maybe she did have a concussion? What sort of sound is it? he asked while he started guiding the way to the nearby stream. It was a shallow stream running close to the den; a perfect place for a quick drink without the risk of pups drowning. It was perfect for the injured, too, since it wasn't far down from the ground and wouldn't require much straining to get a sip in.

Her ears tipped back a bit.  Yeah, she said, though she couldn't help the semi skeptical drop to the words.  She could almost feel her stomach trying to turn only thinking about eating something, so actually doing it was going to be a struggle if this didn't subside.  Maia wasn't the best at forcing herself into uncomfortable situations, and already she was silently thinking of ways to potentially sidetrack him if it came to it.

Water was her top priority, so before she answered, she picked her way over and leaned forward to drink.  Her muscles protested even that much movement but the water tasted way too good to care.  She'd done a lot of running last night, including a wolf sprint up the Caldera's slope, and her mouth had that dry morning feeling that almost seemed to make her headache more pronounced.  She took a few slow, solid drinks before she paused to answer.

It's... I don't even know how to describe it.  It's like a bird screeching, really high, just in earshot.  That was the best approximation she could make, but the fact that he couldn't hear it was interesting.  

She finished her drink, then sighed and sat down.  Aside from the pounding head, she really was in a much better place today than she had been last night.  What little she could remember wasn't necessarily great, and she hesitated.  For some reason, small talk seemed... weird.  After everything.  There was really only one thing that made sense to say, and she couldn't remember saying it last night.  Thanks, Eljay.

WC: 262

They moved to the nearby stream quickly and Eljay watched as Maia drank, first, before she answered his question regarding the sound. He frowned as he thought it over. He'd heard someone who had that before, though he wasn't too sure what could've caused it. I've only heard someone who had that problem after hearing a really loud noise nearby, Eljay said thoughtfully. But maybe it could've been from the impact on your head..? It made sense if everything inside her head had been shaken around.

The wounds look like they're not infected, at least, Eljay said with a soft smile. I'll clean them when we go back to the den. Eljay sat down by the stream next to where Maia had been drinking, and glanced at her as she thanked him.

Oh! Uh... Well, I guess I was just in the area. Eljay grinned sheepishly, sort of deflecting the thank-you. He then added softly: But I'm glad I was.

Maybe.  Was it weird, to have that?  For a moment she was worried, but she tried to shake it off. Eljay didn't seem bothered and he knew more about this sort of thing than she ever would.

Infection was the number one worry when it came to wounds deep as these.  They definitely burned enough as it was, so Maia was surprised and relieved to hear he thought they looked alright.  With that wolf, anything could have been possible.  Who knew what else he'd eaten, or what kind of disease he had to make him.... ugh.

She cut that train of thought off quick as it came and instead focused on Eljay's dismissal.   It wasn't just that.  You... don't have to help me.  She replied, glancing down.  But you are.  It was a big deal, and it meant a lot to her that he didn't hold any of it against her.  Not that she thought he would, but... she kinda thought he might.

How do you know, that they look okay? She asked, going back to his previous statement.  She didn't know how any of what he did worked, and with how often she'd gone off about stories with him, it would be nice to hear something about what he loved.

Normally conversation came easily to Maia because everything she did was on extra.  Today, and yesterday, it was as if someone had put on a muffler, or removed the explanation point that was her typical personality.  It wasn't something she consciously was aware of, but she felt a niggling hesitance that normally she was able to plow through holding her up.

WC: 272

Of course I did! Eljay thought immediately when Maia said that he shouldn't have had to help her, but he didn't say it out loud. He just said, I just... How could he say this without insinuating something? Care for you? Like you? It wasn't like he had really wanted or needed to. It was as if instinct simply took over. I guess I wasn't really thinking about whether or not I had to help you. I just did, because... Because it felt like what I should be doing. Like some sort of instinct took over. He hoped that didn't sound too weird or detached. Would he have done the same for anyone else? Honestly, Eljay wasn't too sure. He should've done the same for anyone else but at the end of the day he could see himself standing around in fear a lot longer if he hadn't caught specifically Maia's scent there.

Oh, uhm, Eljay said and he looked at the wounds. Well, I cleaned them last night, and there hasn't been any pus or other bad things coming out. A lot of them have even closed up. The bigger ones still looked rather raw, and Eljay was also curious to see what would happen when they were cleaned. He contemplated whether or not to open it up again, just to see if there was infection. However, it had seemed relatively okay when he cleaned it last night -- just a lot, just deep, just painful, but no gross puss or anything coming out then -- and so he believed it best to let whatever had closed up rest. I could look at them now, make sure whichever aren't closed up are clean..? Especially the bigger ones.

making up some stuff, if you want there to be anything specific (wrong or not) with any of the wounds, feel free to describe in your post, if not I'll just continue making stuff up <3

nope! I'm thrilled with making things up!

She listened to both, taking in his description of the process he went through.  She turned and looked over her shoulder at the scabs that rended places in her pelt.  Vainly she wondered if they would leave scars, and leave her with a patched coat.  Oh, great.  As if she didn't have enough issues with the way she looked.  She looked away.  Yeah? Okay.  

The first thing he said caught her up, and she thought about it for a moment while he began to work.  Thats something a lot of story heroes have, actually.  That instinct to help.  She said, smiling a little sadly as she closed her eyes for a moment. She wondered if it might make the headache abate, and it seemed to help some for the moment.  They don't think about it, they just do it.

There was a time she'd thought she might have the courage to share that quality, but time and time again, she'd just proven that she couldn't live up to the stories she told.  Valkyries didn't cry or beg.  Heroes didn't freeze.  Wolves like Wraen and Eljay were just made of better stuff.

So I guess that title I gave you might need a couple more additions.  She finished.  She didn't have much idea of what those would be right now, but once she had a clearer mind, she'd have to come back to it.

WC: 233

Maia seemed dismayed as she looked at the wounds, even though he had only given her good news. This puzzled Eljay somewhat, but maybe it was just the pain that was catching up with her. Before he could ask her about pain she returned to his first comment though, and said a lot of heroes in stories had that thing, the instinct. Eljay chuckled, since he hardly considered himself a hero in any way. He was actually pretty sure that it was just because it was, well, Maia. Even as he considered that fact he felt a little jump in his gut, and he wasn't sure why that was happening. He'd only felt it once before, and that was... Well.

Before he could truly realise what he was thinking about Maia mentioned his title, and Eljay chuckled. Ah, but how will I stay humble? He wasn't normally one for humour, but this just sort of came naturally.

Eljay glanced over Maia's shoulder until a particular wound caught his eye. I'd like to look at this kinda bigger wound with the clumpy scab on your shoulder, is that okay? It's probably nothing, but I just want to be sure. It was partially scabbed over -- but not smoothly, but with an ugly-looking clumpy scab -- and partially there was some moist dripping from the wound. It didn't look nor smell foul though, so Eljay didn't expect there to be anything bad going on. He might've normally glossed it over, but he couldn't let go of the thought what if there's an infection?

As he realised that he hadn't yet shared this tidbit of news, Eljay also said: I've told Phox that you're recovering here, and asked him to send someone to inform Wraen that you're here for a while. He couldn't help but hope that she would stay for a longer period of time, or that they could convince Wraen to stay, too, but he wasn't too sure of that. Wraen was a great person, but she was also very stubborn. She wouldn't likely change her mind, much less now that they lived even closer to Moonspear.

That's kinda the whole point, she said, and her smile got a bit more genuine at the joke.  He had no need to stay humble, and would by no means do so if she had anything to say about it.  They hadn't had a lot of deep conversations, but she did get the sense from him that he didn't think much of herself.  Hypocritically she couldn't stand the thought.

Whatever you have to do, I trust you, she said, though with an additional silent but I hope it doesn't hurt on the end.  Realistically it was still fine because she knew whatever he was doing was necessary, but she'd had about enough of pain to last her a few months.  Or years.  Or ever.

She felt that guilt again when he mentioned sending someone to check with Wraen.  It wasn't rational for her to think her sister might be mad, but it hadn't been rational to think Eljay was mad either.  She just always felt like, no matter what she did, she was upsetting somebody.  Thanks, hopefully she isn't too worried.  And hopefully she wasn't too upset that Maia wasn't coming straight back, but the thought of going out there alone right this moment was too much for her to handle.  Plus the whole 'wait and see if these heal okay' part.  Whoever goes, tell them to be careful, though.  She said, suddenly worried.  If she wasn't fond of going alone right now, she also wasn't fond of the idea of someone else doing it.  They might be better fighters but any fight could go wrong.

WC: 266

Eljay was glad that Maia trusted him to do whatever necessary. He nodded when she said that whoever went should be careful. Eljay had always been cautious himself, it was no secret, and as Maia said these words he realised how much what happened to her impacted him and his plans and thoughts. Once more life had caught up with his plans; instead of leaving the Copse to search for Maia, he had moved back to the Caldera and Maia was here now. He didn't want her to leave, especially not with what had happened to her. Yeah, I hope it was just an incident... Eljay murmured thoughtfully. Was it a lone wolf? You don't have to talk about it if you aren't comfortable. He added the disclaimer hastily at the end, not wanting to pressure her into talking. While his mind wasn't on revenge, he did consider it might be a good idea to chase this wolf away if they lived somewhere nearby.

Eljay got up and started to inspect the wound that had caught his eye. He sniffed it first, which luckily didn't tell him anything bad, and then gently licked away the moist that had been dripping from the wound, and the surrounding fur. He gingerly prodded the lumpy scab, but it didn't move much and Eljay didn't feel like it was worth it to check underneath; maybe it just died up a bit chaotically and wasn't actually doing bad. I think it looks good for now, Eljay said with a nod.

Now, do you want to talk about what happened, or would you rather uhm, talk about stories or something else pleasant? Eljay sat down again after he finished checking the wounds, a little closer to Maia this time. As he sat down he wondered if he'd sat down too close, the tips of their fur touching on their shoulders, but now it was a bit late to excuse himself or sit down further away so he decided to just keep sitting here, feeling a little awkward about possibly breaching her personal space.

She waited while he checked it out, and when he asked, at first she shied away from the question.  Still, she didn't want anyone else to run into him and make the same mistake she had.  It would be better to tell him.  He was alone,  she confirmed, and her ears tipped back again without her realizing it.  He was.... dark, with orange eyes.  I remember he smiled at me, and seemed like he was friendly, so I said hello.  His voice though, it was...  She didn't really know how to describe it, so she paused here.  ...off.  Something was wrong with him.  Her voice got quieter.  She still didn't understand how a wolf who had seemed so welcoming at first could turn so quickly.  She hadn't recognized the look in his eyes, or seen the fervent way he'd approached.  All she'd seen was the wagging tail and the friendly smile.

Just thinking about it made her skin crawl.  If she hadn't managed to struggle free, hadn't managed to outrun him on the slopes, she'd be dead right now.  She'd had close calls before but never one as viscerally close as this.  One wrong move between life and death.  She'd told so many stories about fighting, wars, and triumph, but she'd never realized that was actually what a battle was.  Heroes always won, but in real life, they could die as easily as a misplaced step or a well-timed snap.

She didn't even really notice when Eljay sat closer to her, she was too tied up in the memory.  That's probably why the thought that had been running on repeat, over and over, suddenly slipped out.  I'm so pathetic.  Frustration pricked at her and made her cheeks burn hot.  Talk about stories or something else pleasant?  Like a bucket of cold water, she suddenly realized what she'd just said, and who she'd said it in front of.  She couldn't take it back now, but if she could, she would have.  She wanted to sink into the ground and disappear, but her mind was completely blank on ways to play it off.  It was the cold, absolute truth, and it hung between them now, awful and the absolute opposite of pleasant.

WC: 370

Eljay nodded as he took in all the information, mapping it in his head for later use. It sounded pretty dangerous, because apart from the off voice there wasn't anything that showed why he had attacked her. Was that all there was to it? He'd just approached and attacked? The thought was absolutely haunting to the already not that big a hero Eljay. He tried to mull it over in his head, but a few pieces were still missing.

Eljay was just about to ask a few more questions -- where did it happen, and did he just attack after what she had described? -- but before he managed to, Maia said she was... pathetic? Eljay's face instantly crumpled into a frown. He didn't understand at all where this was coming from.

Hey, no, that's not, you're not-- he tried, clearly taken aback. Why do you say that? You couldn't help this, this was just some... Crazy wolf, right? Eljay frowned and he touched his nose to Maia's neck gently in an attempt to console her and show her that he was here.

He said that she wasn't but of course he would say that.  Eljay was way too considerate to ever let anyone say something like that without denying it.  That didn't mean he was right, though.  

Maia hated that she'd made him say it.  She hated that she'd said it herself in the first place, and couldn't just keep on keeping on like everything was fine when it wasn't.  And she definitely hated that she felt like she was looking for his validation right now (because it was true... she was). She actually hated an awful lot about herself, to the point where it was starting to feel a little bit like everything.

That's probably why she didn't bother to put up her usual front.  The last time she'd been this raw had been after her parents died, though that had been worse because then she'd just felt empty.  This time she at least felt angry.

Because I should have been able to fight back.  I should have been able to get rid of him, but instead I froze, and then I barely managed to run away.  I almost couldn't even do that right.  She hadn't done that right, really.  She'd ended up hurting herself more.  I tell all of these stories, but when it comes down to it, I'm not worth any of them.  If you or Wraen or someone else had been there, he'd have gotten you too, and all I would have been able to do is just watch.  I'm useless, and a coward, and that's why I don't deserve any of this.  It's my fault, and I'm never going to able to do any of this.

By the end of it she was almost in tears, but there was too much anger at herself to fully break down.  Ever since she was a kid she'd wanted to be a Valkyrie, a hero like in all of the stories Osprey had told her.  She'd doubted those dreams before, but they'd never been shattered like this because she'd never felt what she felt when she fought this man.  She hadn't known what true evil or horror was, and she knew now that wasn't something she'd ever be able to face and be strong against.

WC: 375

If it'd been him, Eljay knew for sure he wouldn't have been able to do anything, either. He knew that he would've probably been dead because maybe he wouldn't even have been able to run. It was hard to explain to Maia just how brave she'd been and how happy he was to see her alive after all that happened. He was certain that there would've been other wolves who hadn't survived against someone like that.

Eljay also didn't really know that Maia wanted to be a brave Valkyrie. He did think she was pretty brave, but he also thought it was totally normal to run away from the situation she'd been in. Why was she beating herself up over this? To him, it made no sense, which was why it was so hard to say something uplifting about it.

Maia only seemed to grow more upset as she answered his question and explained what she should've done. Why do you think you should've-- what's 'this'? he wondered out loud. Maia, you're not useless at all. I don't know much about fighting, but it sounds like a horrible situation and you were very brave just to be able to run and get out of there at all. Eljay looked at Maia, feeling the overwhelming urge to hug her because of how distraught she looked.

You don't understand.  Maia had never felt so tempted to yell at him before, not out of anger, but simply because how couldn't he see it?  She was useless.  She wasn't brave because brave wolves didn't run.  Brave wolves stuck around and made sure no one else got hurt because of them.  What if she'd led him here and something happened to Eljay because she was too weak to do what needed to be done?  What if something happened to Weejay now, or one of the other younger kids?  There were too many what if's to name.

It didn't feel good at all to put all of these feelings into words, but now that the floodgates were down, Maia couldn't stop.  She shook her head and stood up, taking a step away from him.  I wasn't brave.  'This' is all of it.  I'd love to be a wolf who can protect the things I care about, like the ones who I tell stories about, but I'm not.  I'm nothing like them, I never will be like them, and I need to stop kidding myself.  She would never stop telling the stories, but she'd always remember that they were just that; stories.  She had no part in them.  Girls like me don't deserve to have stories told about them.  I guess that's okay, since not everyone can.  Her tone belied the words though; it was obviously not okay in the least.

Sorry I'm such a drag.  She added finally, with a ghost of a smile and trying to inject some amount of cheer into the words.  She'd hit her max on honesty for the day, and now was scrambling to pull together some semblance of the facade she usually wore.  Her energy for it was on critical low but that didn't mean she couldn't fire up the generator and get something working.

WC: 311

Eljay wished that he could show Maia what he saw when he looked at her, because he started to realise as she continued to say that she was a coward that Maia didn't think about herself positively, like she thought about everything else, like Eljay had always thought. It was hard to imagine. Was this just a moment in time, was it just because she'd been hit by this really scary moment? Or was this really how she thought? It had taken Eljay really long to figure out that other wolves hid their true emotions and feelings, because he was so shit at it himself.

He understood what it was like to be someone who couldn't defend those they cared about. He was one of those wolves himself, after all. He ignored that she apologised for being a drag; Eljay had been in this place many times and he knew that no matter how often someone tells you you are great that it wouldn't get through right now. I don't think fighting defines a hero, he said softly. I hope not, at least. The only time I tried to fight I only seemed to make things worse and then I got hurt. And one time someone terrifying like that showed up at the borders, I just stood and stared and the pack had to save me. I couldn't even run. I-- As if hit quite suddenly by something, Eljay's face went blank as if he went pale; he remembered something; the image of the detached head suddenly flashed before his eyes and the terrifying wolf that admitted to having done the murder, laughing in his face while he could do nothing but cradle it.

Peter.

He'd forgotten about Peter.

How could he forget about Peter?

He'd forgotten he was dead, first. Fought anyone who told him otherwise. Peter was just somewhere else in the territory, just around the corner.

Over time, others had mentioned Peter less and less and so the denial had settled into Eljay's mind, the suppression complete.

Now, as he thought of the time he ran into the wolf who had killed him, as Eljay tried to search his memory for instances where he hadn't been brave to show her that she wasn't alone, he'd run into that dark corner of his mind. The corner her hadn't visited for years.

The years weighed heavy on his heart. Quite suddenly, Eljay choked out a sob and then broke into an unbreakable fit of tears.

even I was surprised :')

ohhh noooo Eljayyy

He started comparing himself which hadn't at all been her intention.  He was kind, and a caretaker, and he healed.  He didn't need to know how to hurt others, that wasn't who he was.  In an inexplicably dense fashion, she internally argued for his worth while absolutely denying her own.  But as he continued to speak, what he said made sense.  She didn't think he was a hero for fighting, she thought he was a hero because he cared so much for everyone around him.  Was that enough, just to help those around you?

If that was the case, were her stories enough?

She was silent when he finished, but as soon as he started to cry she turned to him, absolutely dismayed.  Eljay, no, I didn't mean... I mean, you're amazing.  You help everyone so much and don't need to fight.  Fighting definitely isn't everything, it's just, I felt so helpless and.... oh no.  Trust her and her big mouth to upset him.  I'm really sorry, it's all stupid anyway.  She leaned forward to put her nose to his cheek, then smiled and waved her tail.  You're right, there's more to it than that.  She could sit there and wallow in her own self-doubts, but she wasn't about to ignore it when he broke down, and immediately as a result she was able to click back into some semblance of her previous self.

WC: 234

Eljay wished as Maia gushed out words that he could tell her that it wasn't her that had made him sad. He wished he could tell her that it was Peter, but all his thoughts were a garble and he was crying too loud to even get any words in through the choked sobs. Between all the accumulated grief that he had tucked away in a dark corner of his brain and the guilt he felt for ever forgetting about Peter and dishonouring his life and death by pretending it wasn't true it was hard for him to make sense of anything.

N-No, I-- he tried, but he just couldn't manage. Maia then pressed her nose to his cheek which both brought him back to the real world and grounded him, but it also unleashed the second wave of grief.

Eljay more or less collapsed into Maia's arms; he leaned into her, her wagging tail a blur in front of his eyes, and pressed his face into her neck. Even despite how beside himself he was, Eljay managed to avoid at least the bigger wounds just in time, and he pressed his face into Maia's fur and cried, his body heaving against hers.

Right now, he wasn't even trying to process anything; he was just experiencing the rawest of emotions and he could do nothing but put it on display, throw it out there because it had hit him like a truck of bricks in the face.

Peter... he murmured into her fur, muffled words that weren't really meant for her anyway. I'm so sorry.

She wasn't really sure what to do aside from simply let him cry on her.  What he said made absolutely no sense to her.  She had never heard of any Peter, but she sat back on her haunches and lifted up both forelegs anyway, wrapping him in a hug while this time she rested her head on top of his.  Seemed only right to return the favor.  She was no stranger to meltdowns like these, as he'd discovered last night.  Maia hid them well but her life was a series of ups and downs that fluctuated on the daily.  Everything she felt she felt twofold, so Eljay's emotions had always made a lot of sense to her.

It was good that he was mindful of her healing wounds because she wasn't.  She didn't say anything more, just stayed until he cried himself out.  If there was anything good that came out of another person's pain it was that it tended to make you completely forget about your own.  All of her self doubts were gone and replaced by very real concern.  Hopefully he'd tell her if she'd done something wrong because she felt horrendously like she'd been the cause of this.  She was just glad he wasn't walking away right now.

WC: 211

Maia embraced him, and Eljay leaned against her, allowing her embrace to swallow him right up. He cried for some time -- he wasn't sure how long -- and when he finally had shed every tear he had in him and his eyes were red and weary, he left his head leaning into the soft fur of Maia's neck for just a little bit longer. It was conflicting; how could he feel so terribly upset and at the same time, so comforted by being this close to her? He wished that he had the courage to tell her exactly how she made him feel.

I'm sorry, Eljay mumbled into Maia's fur before he lifted his head gently from beneath hers. I was reminded of a... S-something that happened, that I forgot happened. He frowned, the disturbing image of Peter's torn off head still attached to his spine still lingering in the back of his head. It was so long ago, but it now felt like it had happened just yesterday. All these years of repression had turned on him, and it was a heavy burden to carry now.

I should be asleep but she's writing herself at this point so...

At some point while she was holding him, Maia felt something in her shift.  It was indescribable, a light switched abruptly on within her chest, flooding it with warmth and outlining everything with vivid clarity. This was what love felt like.  There was nothing profound about anything either of them had said, no big gestures or loud confessions.  Yet somehow this moment, right here, was it.

She'd never felt as close to anyone but her sister as she did right here, Eljay pressed against her, her arms wrapped tight and her cheek pressed against the fur between his ears.  She held him steadily while he shook with wracking sobs, closed her eyes, and felt like her heart might burst from her chest. It was the weirdest and yet one of the most right and natural feelings she'd ever had.  After he quieted and remained where he was, for a long moment, she just wanted everything to freeze.  She wished they could just stay like this forever.

Then Eljay spoke, apologizing, telling her that it was something he remembered from a long time ago that had upset him.  Oh.  She felt his head move beneath hers, and reluctantly loosened her hold, though she didn't move away.  She wasn't ready quite yet, because when she did, she had to think about what all of this meant.  She was too blissfully aware of the absence of space between them, his fur warm and mingling with her own, to comprehend thinking about Wraen right now.

Do you want to talk about it? She asked softly.  Whatever it was, it had to be horrible, and Maia sensed that he'd been carrying it an extremely long time.

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