Redhawk Caldera So I've made an art out of forgettin' well

She'd given her sister the news, welcomed Jupiter and Penn to the Glen (duration to be seen) and now, finally, it was time to pay a visit.

She wondered, irrationally, if her time away had been too long.  What if he'd changed his mind? What if, now that he realized that she went on trips, he no longer wanted this... thing... to be a thing?  Oh jeeze.  She had been so eager coming up to the Caldera, and so excited, that it wasn't clear where all this came from.

She couldn't handle that on top of her brother.  Maia stopped on the border and hung her head, letting out a big breath and drawing another in.  She was overreacting.

Still, she was a bundle of nerves as she lifted her head and called for @Eljay.  Her chest thumped happily at the thought of him coming and embracing her, but her stomach twisted at the image of him coming only to tell her he'd changed his mind, sending her on her way.

A lot more of Eljay's time was spent surveying the borders now that he had Maia to be waiting for. It was a grueling time away from her, mostly because his emotions swung very up and down. When Maia was there with him, it wasn't very hard for him to imagine that she loved him and that everything would be fine between them; when she was gone, a lot of his time was filled with fretting. What if she realised she never wanted to live in Redhawk Caldera? What if she realised she didn't want to be chained down by anyone, that she liked scouting too much? What if she changed her mind about him?

Every day he would do a quick round trip of the borders and he came up empty most of the time. Today Eljay was just about to start heading out to the borders from the Blackthorn den when he heard Maia's howl. Ears perked up and he stood still for about five seconds while his paws tiptoed in place and his brain tried to catch up to his excitement. Then finally he broke into a canter towards the borders.

By the time he arrived at Maia, Eljay'd fallen back to a lengthy trot and he arrived with a wagging tail and a big smile on his face. Unlike Maia, all of the worries he had had when she was gone had melted away like snow on the first days of spring.

He didn't keep her waiting long.  She shifted awkwardly while she waited, partially because of the cold, partially nerves.  It felt a bit like forever, but when he did appear, there was no mistaking the smile on his face.  Immediately the tension in her shoulders relaxed and she lifted her front legs excitedly, then moved in immediately to press in for an embrace.

She still had a bit of the shadow of her brother hanging over, but she could let it ride for now under the joy of getting to see and hug him again.  I missed you, she said with feeling, her tail waving behind.

When Eljay arrived Maia greeted him with matching excitement and Eljay jumped up into the air to meet her forepaws ready for embrace halfway. He snuggled the side of his head against hers and licked the tip of her ear. He realised then that maybe he was getting out of hand a little bit and got back to level ground, leaving the embrace. It went without saying that he shared Maia's spoken sentiment. Me too, he said softly. I mean -- I didn't miss me, I missed you. That was probably already clear, but better safe than sorry.

How was your trip? Did you find your brother? he asked, glad that she had returned safely. He had worried a lot that someone might hurt her again in her time away. The thought that she wouldn't be coming back to the Blackthorn den this time (probably? Since she wasn't a part of the pack and now no longer injured, too) was weird. He felt like marching her right back into the Caldera, and realised suddenly that he couldn't just do that anymore. It was a weird thought.

She giggled when he kicked her ear, then stumbled over how to say he'd missed her too.  She was glad she'd gone, and managed to run into a good old friend on the way there, but wow it was good to be back.  Back with news, too.

She hesitated, when he asked about Terance.  She didn't want to bring the reunion down, but she couldn't hide the way her face fell.  Yeah.  Well, no.  I found his family, but he's... umm... he died.  She got a little quieter towards the end, but took a breath.  She'd already cried a good number of times, she didn't feel like doing it again.

His kids were still there, though.  It wasn't much of a consolation, but it was some.  Slowly, the older pieces of her family were chipping and flaking away. Now she only had Wraen left, but that meant she had to hold onto her all the tighter.

Eljay's face fell too when Maia said that her brother had died. He hadn't expected that answer. He wondered if it was a sign of getting older that you heard more and more stories of death. Oh, he said solemnly. Sorry to hear that. Eljay wasn't entirely sure how long it had been since Maia had last seen her brother. She looked shook by the news, though she had had a little time to process it on the way back. When she mentioned his kids, Eljay tilted his head, looking tentative. Oh..? Was it nice to see them? Eljay didn't know if Maia had seen them before or if this was her first meeting with them (which would be a little weird, maybe, after their father had died). But he could see that it was a bit of a relief, at least.

Do you want to uh, come in? Eljay asked, a little tentative. He wasn't too sure if Towhee, Niamh and Phox would like it very much if he invited Maia into the territory, but then again, she was practically family. Was there really any harm in it?

Maia just nodded when Eljay gave his condolences.  She didn't trust herself to speak right at that moment, not when she'd just been forced to have a memory... but she and Terance, playing in the hollow, her brother's deep laugh and sparkling green eyes.

Maia took a long minute before replying to the second question.  I didn't really stay.  Arbiter had been rather distanced and Maia hadn't exactly been in the mindset to deal with visiting her nieces and nephews. Which was too bad since, from what she remembered, they were lovely.  It would have been nice to have seen them grown, like Ibis.

She cleared her throat lightly, trying to get rid of some of the thickness from her voice, then took a tentative step forward.  I guess?  I mean, if they don't mind.  Maia wouldn't have hesitated a moment to invite Eljay within their claim, but her relationship with Wraen was different. Eljay tended to run with caution and she didn't want him to be worried.

Oh, Eljay said when Maia said she didn't stay, and he decided to drop the subject for now. She was clearly upset by this — which made total sense — and Eljay would rather move to happier things. Such as how great Maia was and how nice it was to be around her.

Maia said she could come in if they didn't mind, which sent Eljay's insecurity flaring a bit. Oh, uh.. He looked at her as if he was trying to gauge whether she thought that she shouldn't be allowed to come in. I think it's okay. He decided this tentatively, with a small smile. He wasn't entirely sure what his leaders might think of this, but he felt that he had earned to have Maia over, at least.

He dropped it, which was good.  She wasn't sure what stage of the relationship taking on dead family was in, but it felt weird to bring the mood down like that in this particular moment.  Especially because what she wanted more than anything was a distraction.  They'd spilled their hearts about a lot of other things, but that particular subject she hadn't quite breached.  It was a pain that up until this point she'd only really leaned on Wraen for, and it felt oddly personal, even for Eljay (who she knew wouldn't mind).  It just didn't feel like his to carry right now.  He had his own share of it.

He confirmed and that was immediately good enough for her.  She knew enough at this point about him to know that hesitant was kinda his default setting.  Great,  she said with obvious feeling, coming forward to stand alongside him and let him lead the way.  She couldn't help but reach forward with her muzzle and press her cheek to his, then rubbing down along his neck affectionately.  How have you been? she asked, realizing she'd caught him up but he hadn't gotten the chance to say what all was up here.  Anything new?

Eljay smiled as Maia reacted positively and he decided that it would be okay to take her into the territory then. He'd lived here all his life, and he felt that Maia had lived with them for long enough to know that they could trust her. It would be silly to keep her out.

She asked how he'd been, and Eljay honestly hadn't been great. He'd worried a lot about Maia and he had also worried a lot about the future. Now that Maia was here, however, none of that really seemed to matter at all and he just smiled at Maia as she asked how he had been. He didn't mention it, because it just seemed so unimportant now, in retrospect. I've been alright, he said with a nod. Thinking about you a lot. Oh, Fennec broke a rib and she's back at the Caldera for now. Other than that, not a whole lot has happened over here. After a moment, he asked, How's the Fen? I should come and see it sometime... He trailed off thoughtfully. It was just opposite the lake, and he'd even been to the lake very sometimes when he was younger and confined to the Caldera. The Caldera made him feel less bad about the outside world because he could see everything before he went out into it, honestly. Although to get to the Fen, he would need to go all the way around the lake and find a place to cross. But it was.. doable, probably, and a small price to pay for getting to see Maia.

Thinkin about you a lot.  The littlest thing could just send her soaring, and it was constant.  Maia was sure to walk close, because honestly she wanted nothing more right then than just to nab him, drag him to someplace nice, and cuddle until the end of forever.

It's really nice!  It has a lot of cool little hidden places, like any enchanted forest should.  Wraen and I have been joking for a while about raising dragons, and in this place, I almost feel like it could be real!  It's just the kind of place all the creatures my mom used to tell us about could live!  It obviously meant a lot to her that they'd found such a wonderful spot.  

If she was making Wraen stay here, close by, she wanted to be sure it was in a place her sister loved! And so far everything was going weirdly well.  Penn came back too.  And my other sister!! @Jupiter!!  She's really awesome, you have to meet her sometime.  Maia wasn't sure when that would happen (mainly because that thread isn't resolved on if she's traveling still or not!) but she was sure they'd get along just as well as Wraen and Eljay did.

That's awful about Fennec.  Maia had forgotten that she left, actually.  It was good she was back with family and had Eljay there if she was hurt.  She figured though, with him to look after her, the girl would be on her feet in no time!

If you ever do catch a minute and need a break, I'd love to show you around it.  She gave his cheek a touch, smiled, and continued on, loving the closeness between them finally.  It had felt weird traveling alone, and sleeping without him next to her, these past few weeks.

Maia started telling about the Fen, and it seemed that she was quite smitten with it. A lot of hidden places, like an enchanted forest, and a place where she and Wraen could raise dragons. He thought of the Copse, and it sounded like this place was a lot like it in many ways. That sounds great, Eljay said. He really should visit it. In fact, he might've suggested visiting it right now if they weren't already at the Caldera, but he would make sure to drop by sometime quite soon. He felt the itch to just go with Maia even now; but as they climbed the slopes of Redhawk Caldera, he also felt like he would lose so much if he went with. His world was so much bigger up here than down anywhere; he didn't realise until now that that was why he had hated moving to Heron Lake Plateau so much, in part. It limited his world considerably.

Maia went on to excitedly say that Penn returned and that Maia's other sister Jupiter returned, too. Oh, yeah, I'd love to meet her, Eljay said with a soft smile.

Of course, Eljay responded right away when Maia said that she would love to show him around. I'd love to see it. As they reached the top of the Caldera, Eljay stopped and said, I've missed this a lot. Realising that it could also mean his closeness to Maia, he quickly added: I mean, I missed you too, but uh, but I meant to say that I've missed this view. He turned around, hoping Maia would too, so they could look out over some of the wilds in the direction Maia had come from. I don't leave home a lot and never have, and in the Caldera, it's always felt like I could still see the world, but safely. That sounded a little pathetic as he said it, he felt, but he decided not to critique himself on that; at least not out loud.

She was.  It wasn't just the enchantment either; when Eljay visited, Maia could show him the places they'd made for Terance, for their parents too, so that they'd be there even when they weren't.  She could introduce him to Ibis too, and her grand nieces.  Can you believe it!! Just thinking that made her sound old.

It's beautiful.  She breathed with feeling, looking out with him. The lake sparkled, and in the distance, it was really like the world spread out.  Maia didn't really remember the fall she'd taken from here - so no memories of that.  Just the beauty of now.

If you ever wanted to, you are always welcome with me.  We can take a trip anytime, anywhere! But with a view like this I don't blame you.  She smiled a little shyly.  She didn't want Eljay to think she minded his preference to stay at home, but she had enjoyed their one and only trip a lot.  She'd always prefer company to alone, especially now, when it felt safer.

Eljay pressed himself gently against Maia as she took in the view that he was showing her from atop the Caldera's slopes. He was glad that she appreciated the view. It was important for Eljay to show her how much this place meant to him. It was hard to comprehend even for himself, and even harder to sum up or explain to anyone else. Yeah. When we first moved away from here, to the Plateau, I really missed it. I thought it was because it was so wet and marshy there, and I'm sure it counted, but I think I might've also just missed feeling like I'm a part of the world, too. Then when I moved to the Copse, I made a home of my own and it didn't matter as much to be a part of what was going on outside. I could just sort of forget about it. Until the children reached the age where they wanted to explore, though. How he'd tried to keep them from that, but it hadn't been a realistic expectation and in the end, partly his own stubbornness, he felt, had cost him and the world Elfie.

And now? Now, he was back at the Caldera, and he was at a crossroads. Make a home for his own in the Fen like he had the Copse, and feel less connected to the world and his roots, or stay here and make it into a home that hopefully would appeal to Maia enough. He wasn't so sure what he wanted, even now, because he loved both Maia and the Caldera. Fennec being wounded and in need of care made the decision a bit easier for now; it meant that for now, he was needed here, so he had to stay here.

Maia suggested that he could come with her on a trip if he wanted to. Eljay had actually wanted to explore a bit more, though he hadn't really done so very much (at all) since the pack had moved back to the Caldera. Days turned into weeks and he'd had reasons enough to keep him here, too. Patients and rekindling with his old home. I think I would like that, he said, though his tone was careful. He did not want to set too high expectations; he'd never be a scout, but maybe they could look at some surrounding territories, or something. Where.. where would we go?

Maia leaned in as well, her tail brushing his as it waved.  Yeah, I could see that.  She'd never failed to feel that way, but she had felt the opposite.  In fact... It's funny.  I never really thought about it before.  But I've been traveling so much since I left home, I still call it that.  I never really even called the copse that.  And that "home" isn't even there anymore.  She admitted this with a little regret.

She didn't want to pause her travels, but she didn't want that to be everything to her anymore.  She wanted to call a new place home, especially because every time she thought about it now, she had to remember what had happened there and that the forest she knew was gone.

Her heart lifted to hear that he was excited to come with!  The second part was harder.  Not far, for a while, with winter and all.  But there's some really pretty places nearby.  She thought about the hot springs (a little far, maybe), and the Glen (claimed now, but they could maybe visit) and a few of the other spots Charon had shown her.  She'd like to visit them again, but going alone just seemed sad.

It was funny how it seemed Maia experienced the opposite of what Eljay did (and the same, in some way; still seeing his original home as 'home', even if the copse had certainly grown into a home for him over time, too). I understand that, he said, even though he really hoped that Maia could find a home elsewhere; preferably with him. I hope you find uhm, I hope some other place can be that for you, too, at some point — home. Eljay smiled at her while he hoped it would be this place, but he could understand if the Fen could be it. Whatever place it was, he just really wished she could feel at home somewhere else. Somewhere of her own choosing. Preferably with him there, too.

Eljay was actually glad that they wouldn't go very far. Travel was, after all, still daunting to him and when they went farther, he always felt like he lost grip of where he was; a scary thought. Not going far suited him well enough. Oh, that's great. I'd love to see them. What's your favourite nearby pretty place? he asked, curious to see where she'd take them.

I think I will.  Maia said, letting her head drift over to rest on his neck.  She glanced up, thinking.  She'd told him before that home was more the wolves than the place, and she'd meant it.  She still felt that way.  But what if home was two different wolves, and those two different wolves didn't live in the same place?

Suppose that means I have two homes.

Maia liked that thought, and she let it warm her up from the inside out.  Brecheliant would always suit her more; she knew that already.  She and Wraen were building it specifically to suit her.  It held their family, memorials to her parents and Terance, dragons and magic and an easy open-door policy.  But while she hadn't bothered to reveal it to him yet, she'd already made her decision; when the time came, she'd go where he wished, because she knew Wraen would always be there whenever she wanted to come back.

There's this spot at the foot of the Moonspear, she replied easily, picturing the spot.  She and Charon had frequented it for stargazing a few times.  You can see the sky amazingly, kind of like here.  But there's the glen nearby too, with all of the fireflies.  It's an amazing view.  At least as far as close to here went, they didn't get much better.

She would; and where would it be? Eljay hoped that wherever it would be, it'd be with him. He wasn't so sure he could move again and find another home (but maybe?) after having left Redhawk Caldera to eventually find the Copse and to be back here again. Time would tell what the future had in store for them.

A place at the foot of Moonspear. That sounds beautiful, Eljay said. I would love to go see it with you. He smiled as he thought of that. Eljay wanted to step outside his comfort zone a bit, explore at least a little bit, so that he might get closer to Maia through it. He wanted to show her that this world of hers and what it had to offer and show them was important to him, too.

He sounded sincerely happy about it and Maia was glad.  She didn't want him to go just because she wanted to.  If he was going to travel, she wanted him to travel to places he
honestly wanted to see and would be comfortable in.  She had seen so many, she was happy pretty much anywhere (though she did have her favorites.  And one of these days, she definitely would go far north).

Until then, if you ever wanted to visit us, I'll show you all the best places there.  There's this one... wait, I'm not going to ruin it!  He'd said Fennec was hurt, but Maia wasn't sure what that kind of injury took as far as care.  If he was too busy that was totally okay, but if he ever needed a break, she'd be waiting.  Until then she'd traipse her way up.

Maia glanced down, taking note of the water inside the caldera.  Had she ever noticed that before?  She didn't think she had.  Wow, it's like a tide pool.  Wonder if anything lives in there.  The color reminded her of the pools along the beach a lot more than it reminded her of a lake... and she could just imagine the plants and animals lining the sides, though she guessed this far inland, probably not.

Maia decided to keep a cliffhanger when it came to him visiting the Fen. Eljay couldn't help but be a little curious, which probably helped with him gathering the courage to actually visit some day. He also hoped that some day 'us' would mean their common home, not just one of either of them. Hopefully some day somewhat soon, but he didn't want to push Maia into anything and he definitely wasn't ready to up and leave the Caldera himself. Besides, Fenn getting hurt proved it once more that he was needed here...

Eljay was easily distracted from his thoughts when Maia's attention was drawn to the lake in the middle of the Caldera. Ears pressed forward and he said, Yeah, there's fish and plants and stuff. Eljay smiled, unaware of Maia's comparison to the oceanside (otherwise he would've been quick to correct that it wasn't quite like the ocean).

Wrap this and get a fresh one up soon? <3  I know there's a bear thread goin but we can always set it before or have one after!

Maia was immediately looking and sorting out a way to progress down and in so that she could take a closer look.  Exploration was never a thing that would make her think twice.  Is there a way down? she asked, glancing over with interest.  If there was she'd love to see it up close!

If the answer was yes, amazing!  If not she would keep it in mind for future excursions, but she would in no way ditch him right now to go scout the rim for workable paths.  There were plenty of other fun things they could do together, and really, all she needed was his company to be more than happy.

yes!! feel free to write another post here or wrap it up. I can start us a new one ^^

Eljay chuckled to see Maia so worked up about finding a way down there. Always on the clock and looking to explore more. Yeah, uh.. he said in response while he looked around to find the best way down. This way. It was a little bit of going around, but it was worth it. Up close it was a bit less impressive than from on high, of course, but it would probably still be worth it to see. Eljay lead the way, and eventually found a path down so he could show Maia the lake up close.