Sequoia Coast god loves you, but not enough to save you

Dinah sought @Ava Amara in the rough hours of midnight.
Sleep had not come for her, not for a while, and it had begun to devolve into a routine: sit awake, watching, until exhaustion forces sapphire eyes shut and the horrid dreams shock her to wakefulness again.
Ava; her only sister remaining, her tumultuous rival now othered and forced together by a cataclysmic sorrow. But despite all, Dinah felt a protectiveness, an instinctive drive to provide when no one else was there to do so. And because if she stopped moving, stopped pulling the levers and grinding gears, she feared she may lose herself in the waves that lap at her throat.
Has she eaten? Has she had water? Has she slept? Is she warm?
Will she be okay?
All questions she sought the answer to. All questions she knew would likely be met with no.
When she approaches, she cannot bring herself to say much of anything except for a feeble whisper of: I love you.

it is midnight when she stirred, roused to miserable wakefulness by the soft approach of another. 

it hits her right away. daddy is dead and he is not coming back. she propped to elbows with a squint, dinah’s concerned face looming into view. 

so much like caracal’s own it stunned her; 

but the words! a soft gasp parted from ava, who had no ability to command her tongue to do the same. 

she turned to her sister — once spurned, now one of the only pieces still there in her heart — and pulled her close. I love you too. it will be okay.

It appears as though Dinah had roused her, but the regret and worry over doing so washes away when she feels two skinny arms wrap around the width of her neck.
Just when Dinah thought she could not break any further, she breaks again. The façade shatters, and her face finds a spot in the curve of Ava's shoulder, and she cannot seem to stop herself from dissolving into wretched, horrified sobs.
She wanted to go home.
She wanted to wake up in a jolt and feel the sting of summer on her back, to hear Judah's laughter over something Malakai said, to wave to Simeon from the beach as he watches from the greenhills, to see Daddy's eyes twinkle as she approaches with her latest gift. Mama's curved grin as they pray before dinner, the lavender swaying in the saltbrine air; watching her youngest siblings sprout like weeds and showing them how to talk to God.
A home that does not exist anymore. A God that was never there.
Knuckles clench tight as Dinah holds her sister; as if she feared she may never get to again.

that was the thing about home and god. it was there, until it wasn’t. 

dinah’s face buried into her shoulders. ava was grateful then, for it hurt to see the face of her father, just in different form. 

someday maybe the pain would go away. someday, this might be as distant from her heart as the dark shores of blackwater. 

ava stilled while her sister sobbed; tears that might water the garden of her corrupted eden —

tears that might nourish and direct the curse ava felt burgeoning in her heart.

But the sobbing could not last. It could not sustain itself; Dinah could not sustain it. Life goes on.
Life went on, time still spurs on around her even as she wished so desperately for it to stop.
And after a time, the wrench of weeping lifts, and Dinah is left a puddle in the warm cradle of dark arms. Her eyes open and she stares at the inner tendon of Ava's elbow. Words do not come to her for a while as she heaves harsh, painful breaths, until finally:
Ava, her voice rings hollow, embittered, drained. did you ever believe in God? It's okay if you don't, or didn't, and when the silence follows, she raises a paw to her running nose and adds, quietly, effortlessly, I don't think I do anymore.

the pair sits for a time, dinah’s sobs the only thing that broke their silence. 

and like a storm, those sobs broke too — until it was just the rise and fall of each of their breath. 

did she believe in god?

a knifelike twist of her lips; her family was made in god’s image, but she was something different. and what was a god, if it was not cruel and unjust?

she shook her head in silent no.

No. She didn't think so.
In another life, she would have been shattered over it. But now, she merely sniffles and brushes a silent paw across the obsidian cheek; she straightens the fur there, the plush downy that had now grown to fierce, dark guard hairs.
We're gonna be okay, Ava, with or without dad. With or without God. I promise. We're gonna figure it out. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna take care of us.
As she always had. As she always will.

fade with ur post? <3 we should have a new one! sorry ive been so slow

we're gonna be okay, ava.

and she wanted to believe it! she looked into those doleful eyes and saw shearwater reflected back at her. the coast, the island, her father -- all gone save for tiny reflections in dinah's sorrowed gaze.

she managed a half-smile at her sister's physical comfort. together, they might stand a chance.

ava rose with a soft wag of her tail. find mama?

no worries!! <3 tysm for the thread i love them ;;

dinah's lashes drip with cold tears now beginning to settle. yes, she nods. find mama.
she did not need words to know that there was love here, between them; a kernel of it that had begun to blossom under this shared, unimaginable agony. she reaches out her paw; come with me.
they are all that is left of him, and they will learn to live with that.