Honeyed Pasture beta

assumptions made

numb.

he'd been numb since hearing of it, numb since passing it along to her mother, her brother.

numb.

the loss of a child shouldn't have rocked him so—how many have you abandoned, aditya?—and yet. . .

this one had been safe. whole. well.

the old man dragged himself across the snowy plains, shoulders sagging with the effort. every step, he contemplated on whether it was better to fling himself upon the ground and give into the cold.

to die where he stood.

give himself to the earth.

it would be more than he had given to this world, himself.

@Dutch

The panther waited for word from Moonglow. He gazed often toward the spine, willing a figure to appear on the horizon. He was there today, exhausted after a long hunt, still sore and still healing. And then, from the wrong direction, a figure finally appeared. Dutch watched it trudge across the pasture, feeling a certain sense of kinship with the weariness apparent in every step.

Gradually, he realized that the kinship went beyond that.

"Aditya," he hollered, and then he set off at an aching lope to meet the older man. He might normally have been eager to reconnect — but Aditya grimmer than usual, and the panther was wary of what bad news he might bring.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, breathless as he drew near.

just as he'd made up his mind to sink low, to give himself up, a figure appeared on the horizon—and spoke his name.

his sight was blurred, weary as he was, but there was no doubt as to who this was once the young man was close enough.

beta.

arjun, aditya replied, voice hoarse. he cleared his throat. dutch. . .i should ask the same of you. why aren't you at white spine?

he pushed his son's query aside, for now. he could not defer the pain of saying it aloud, not for long—but for a moment, at least.

Sometimes, it was hard to remember than Aditya was older than his mother, who already had begun to show subtle signs of advanced age. The man that met with him today was frail in some indescribable way that made the panther feel sick to his stomach. Worry? Embarrassment?

"I do not live there anymore, Adi," he said gently, and then he swallowed down on something thick and choking. "I have been traveling. With Valiant. I must tell you — no one is there, right now. The boys are at Round Valley, and the girls have gone toward the coast, the last I heard. And the blackbear is here, in the valley."

His burnished gaze drank the other man in, and his expression pinched just a fraction in uneasy concern.

"I stay here, now," he said to the other man. "In the village, Moonsong. I... I am leading it. For now."

the news that dutch had departed from white spine was not so much of a shock—but all of them, all at once? and easy was here? something like a ball of ice formed in his stomach at the thought that. . .

did something happen in white spine? aditya asked. talking of things other than shenanigans helped, a bit. kept his mind off his daughter for a short while, anyway. 

and it was not all bad news.

ah, mera— his voice was suffused with pride, but he'd cut himself off in time, realizing the gravity of the situation. ek bachcha nahin—tum aadmi ho. how did you come to lead moonsong, arjun?

The panther had not stayed more than a week or two in the spine for a few years, by then. When Aditya brought it up, he had to wonder for the first time if something had happened there — but the kids were all alive and well the last anyone had heard, and so he gave a firm shake of his head.

"No, nothing," he assured the other man. "They have your wandering spirit — and the blackbear's itchy paws."

He laughed when his father corrected himself, although Dutch did not truly mind. He had long decided that he and Aditya must stand as equals, but the things that others called him in affection were always treasured.

"By accident and happenstance," he professed, turning aside and gesturing for Aditya to join him. He would see the man fed before he could wander away again. "I joined Moonsong as it was establishing. Our leader turned out to be the flighty kind. She left behind a crowd of yearlings and myself."

And he'd had about enough of following yearlings around.

"Now you," he said, his mother's imperious nature shining through. "What has brought you this way?"

it was true—both himself and easy had never stuck around one place for very long. their blood shone through. and he was glad, then, to know that nothing cataclysmic had happened.

the name moonsong was ringing some bells in his head. ah, yes—moonspear. and. . .moontide?

wait, how many 'moons' were there around these parts, now?

i— but dutch was speaking again, now asking after aditya's presence here. he took in a deep, steadying breath, looked down, and then looked back up into his son's face again.

my daughter settled in a pack to the south, he said softly. but she's no longer there. things happened. . .i'm not sure what, or how. and she's been gone for a while.

aditya looked despondent, but held arjun's gaze. i'd like to see your moonsong, if you'll have me, he went on. i met with the leader of moontide; i may settle there, eventually. it's a place i once hoped to claim for myself.

The panther's head whipped sharply to this news; his sister? here? He had always been curious about these other siblings, and there was a part of him that admired Aditya for how far and wide he'd proliferated. But one was lost — Dutch absorbed this uneasily, familiar with the feeling of going to visit a child and finding them just gone. But he believed that his sons were only on their own journeys, and so he believed the same for Aditya's daughter.

Blood ran true, after all.

"I am sorry you missed her," he said, and he felt it deeply. "And of course you will come to the village. I will see you fed and rested before you go, if you insist on going."

He couldn't help but pick up the pace as he anticipated showing his father around. Truly, he had never felt he had anything to prove to the man — but there was still a childish part of him that was hungry for Aditya's pride. It had not been a reliable resource, true, but Dutch had never been afraid to take advantage of it when their lives intersected.

"Heph or Rodyn?" he wondered, intrigued by the hint of a story. He was wary of asking for one, however. It seemed to him that most of the chapter's in his father's biography ended in either tragedy, or in tapering, desultory woe. It was hard for him to wrap his head around the challenges the other man had faced — perhaps leadership would soon leave him with a different perspective.

"There was a great hunt not long ago," he said. "All the moon villages attended, and more besides. Heph was injured. She is healing well, it seems."

he fell happily into place beside arjun. he had always been happiest by his children's sides; damned if he knew why he'd never stayed near at least one of them for good.

so many let down: poor, gentle brook, wherever she may be. her brother, too. radha's brood. his children with easy, though at least they had their mother's family.

and now shenanigans, too—slipped from his grasp, perhaps forever.

rodyn, adi answered, voice a bit gruff as he dragged himself away from his horrid thoughts. he took a moment to warm before continuing. he seems like a good man.

his ear cocked toward dutch, interested. a great hunt, he murmured. when i was here as a young man, with your grandfather grayday and his pack morningside, we would hunt with our allies. gather for feasts, too. i'm glad that these moon packs follow those customs.

but that, too, led him down spiraling memories of undersea, of gleaming black fur, and he pushed them aside as well.

how are your siblings? aditya queried lightly.

Warmth suffused him, as it did any time Aditya spoke of his grandfather. That was one part of Aditya's history that Dutch knew rather well — as Easy remembered it, at least. It sounded like Aditya had been relatively happy in those days, and Dutch always had the same thought: he wished he could've seen it.

Another sideways glance was stolen.

"I don't see much of them, these days," he said, again in that careful tone. That, Did you take your medicine today, mawmaw? kind of tone. "I was traveling until recently. Bounty hunting." Had Easy never mentioned? Perhaps she hadn't, if she hadn't wanted to worry the man. "But, as I understand it, they are doing well. No bad news, at least." And no bad news as good news, as far as Dutch was concerned.

Speaking of concern: it was hard not to notice how old his father was getting.

"I wish we had been born brothers," he said, and then he wished he had not spoken at all. "Not because — " Not because he'd failed as a father, he'd thought to say, and then thought better of; "You would have come with us," he said. "With me and Valiant. But we traveled at different times, and we never had that. And now..."

They never would. Dutch's days of wandering had come to an end. And Aditya's days...

the tone wasn't lost on him, and he gave arjun a side-eye of his own, albeit with a twinkle in said eye. bounty hunter—that's right, adi noted, nodding. and as for news, well. . . no bad news was good news, he reckoned, inadvertently mirroring his son's thoughts.

dutch went on, though, and he felt his throat clench tight at the admission. he swallowed, trying to choke down the rising emotion. succeeded, for the most part, though his voice was still a little strained when he spoke again.

haan, beta, i know, the old man murmured. what i wouldn't give to have the time back. and for that, i am sorry. i should have spent many more moments with you.

he sighed, and pressed his shoulder against arjun's for a brief moment before pulling away again. at least, there is this moment, he added, a small smile touching his lips.

The panther shook his head, but when he spoke, it was in agreement: "You have always made the most of the times we do see each other." Whether this was true or not, it was what Dutch had chosen to believe.

Dutch shot Aditya a small smile, though there was melancholy hidden behind it. Lest his father notice, he spoke again —

"There is a man in the village of Moontide," he said, his tone all too casual. "A mighty seal hunter. Chakliux."

He wasn't sure what to say next. He stole a glance at Aditya's face, as if that might give him answers.

adi knew to take the words with a grain of salt. not that he didn't think his son sincere—but it would have been what he would have said to his father, had he ever found him.

or. . .perhaps not. he'd never known petyr, not by face or voice or presence. at least—at least—aditya had been in some measure a father. even if that measure was scant.

arjun switched topics, then, speaking of a man named chakliux. there was a strange note to his tone, and adi caught the glance, face growing serious.

yes? he pressed gently. what is he to you?

oh. perhaps a paramour—and dutch was nervous about the situation. . .?

The question struck him in a place he hadn't known he was vulnerable. He realized, suddenly, that he had not truly asked himself this question. Now that someone else had, he found himself grasping for words to describe it, a name to put to it.

"He wants me to come to his lodge, to live there with his wives and his sons," he said, unable to answer directly. His own voice was just as soft as Aditya's, as if there were someone nearby they did not want to disturb. Perhaps that someone was Dutch. "I visited. We..." A shoulder lifted; not a shrug so much as a twitch, like a horse shaking off a fly. "It was difficult to leave," he said at last.

ah. . .so perhaps it was like that.

aditya gazed at his son with much sympathy, himself weighing what to say next, and how to say it.

that is difficult, he replied, though he knew it was inadequate. he sucked in one corner of his mouth in more silent thought. would he come here, instead? with his wives and sons? or does duty tie him to moontide?

he felt absurdly bad, floating out the idea of coaxing wolves away from his beloved plateau—but dutch was far more important to him than some scrap of coastline.

The panther laughed, looking into the wind rather than at Aditya's face, now. The futility of the suggestion made his chest burn with frustrated affection. "I couldn't ask him to move further from the sea," he replied, but it was clear that he'd thought about it.

He was quiet for a moment while they continued on their path. It was difficult, but... Moontide was not so very far, was it?

"I do not want another leader to answer to," he admitted. "Even if I know I could respect a man like Rodyn. I like this. I like that this is mine."

Still, he was torn.

"I laid with his wives," he blurted.

No follow-up.

he nodded along. understandable, understandable—

and then arjun dropped the bomb.

aditya actually came to a stop, and looked fully at his son. myriad emotions swam in his eyes, not the least of which was sympathetic humor. but fear was there, too, and frustration—was his line cursed to this problematic fate?

i did that, once. though only with the one wife, he added wryly, smirking slightly. the expression faded soon after, though. they were both black-furred, and the children. . .looked like me. it didn't take a wise man to figure that out.

ah, dutch. . .what have you done?

They halted. Dutch didn't understand the look on his father's face for all of a moment, and then he realized a lot more context would be necessary. Then it was his turn to broadcast his sympathetic amusement. Emphasis on the amusement.

"You are a fox in a rabbit field, old man," he said in their shared tongue, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "He knows. But when I came to them that night — I told him that I would come to stay after things were settled here." And it turned out that he was settling here, little by little. Slowly but surely. "I want both of these things. This, and him. His family. But I cannot push the two together."

He supposed he knew the answers. This was not a problem he needed help solving. He would go to them or he wouldn't. Or maybe he would split his time between the two packs. It would take talking to Chakliux again before he would decide for sure.

"Who made the first move?" he asked, giving in to his curiosity partially just to shift the subject. "You or her?"

this was different. dutch's story shed further light on it. aditya took it in and mulled upon the words, slightly surprised—yet why should he be?—when further questions were asked.

me, he said, a bit tersely. and she. . .

no. he would not bare a woman's secrets to the world.

her husband tried to kill me, when he knew, adi went on. but now i know, this is perhaps not what you face.

but be careful, beta, his eyes read, plaintive.

"It is not," the panther agreed, his tone dry. "I am glad you lived to sire me. You've done the world a great service."

He'd say just about anything to haul Aditya out of his worries and sad-sack mood.

"This is our common place," he said, speeding up a fraction to guide them to the clearing. "Some bring their kills here, and any are welcome to eat. If you're looking for conversation, I would seek out our doctor, Leith. We also have Towhee Junior and our sunset man, but they do not speak. Junior uses signs instead — I can help teach you, if you wish. And then there's Sulukinak."

Dutch wasn't quite sure what to say about her.

"She's strange," was what he settled on. "But very sweet."

aditya snorted, but his expression was genuine. when i die, beta, i'll at least have the satisfaction of knowing i brought into this world many great men and women, he said gravely. 

he slowed as they entered the rendezvous, taking note of each name arjun shared with him. a mixed bag, it seemed.

i have dealt with the strange but sweet before, adi replied to this description of sulukinak—who he had met, but had not connected the dots yet! they end up being the best of the bunch, in time.

seelie.

he took in a sharp inhale; thinking of her made his lungs hurt. i think i will rest now, arjun, he said, smiling. thank you. . .for everything. please show me around when you have time.

He grinned hard despite the solemnity of Aditya's words — it was through hard-won skill alone that he navigated these conversations without falling prey to the Bad VibesTM of wolves like Aditya and Valiant.

"She is my favorite," he admitted to his father of Sulukinak — he was perhaps the only person he was willing to say this to, right then. His gaze softened when Aditya expressed his weariness, however, and Dutch eyed him critically for a long moment. "Of course," he murmured, bumping his head companionably against the other man's shoulder. "Go in peace."

He would need to get some furs and other bedding together for the old man — it wouldn't do to have him freezing to death before winter's end.