Redsand Canyon viriliter

What game was he playing? 

Crowfeather stared at him, mouth agape. He wanted Crowfeather to stay. As long as he needed. The shadow wasn’t sure if it had been worded that way intentionally. It could have meant more. It could have meant something deeper. It was also vague enough that it could mean nothing at all. 

He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say that he would stay forever, that he would become whatever Germanicus wanted, if only they could… be together again. The weight of that, of the offer, it felt like stones in his chest. He could scarcely breathe. 

Even if he did get a modicum of the older man’s time and attention. Even if they found comfort between each other again, his family would always be there. At the end of every day, it would be Ruenna that he returned to. At the start of every morning, it would be their children that he kissed with good mornings and taught to be strong. 

Germanicus… I- I do not think there is a place for me or my- my needs in your home. I do not know if you offer out of kindness or politeness. I- I do not know if I can stand to know which it is, either. Would it have been so bad to stay? If he could only see Germanicus, wasn’t that enough? The weight of his chest told him that it was not. The love that ached inside him said the same. 

If Crowfeather stayed, it would kill him.