Lost Creek Hollow I'm no good at waiting

Set after the Butterflyfish thread that I’m a touch too lazy to link. <3 Mwah!

The tripod could feel a sense of electric energy beneath his flesh. As he walked across his clan’s land, he felt a strange building of pride that sprouted from his belly and began to bloom. The shadow had never thought he would share his peaceful healing home with the silvered eagle.

@Germanicus, look!

A bear was positioned at the top of the waterfall. Crowfeather stood with the ranger man at the base, near the edge of the drifting waters. It had waded into the center and appeared to be trying for fish. The animal was unbothered by the wolves below. Its beady brown eyes shifted toward them. In a moment, the bear had clambered out of the water and disappeared into Riverclan’s trees.

They’re supposed to be dangerous. I- I think I have enjoyed them every time I’ve seen them.

mwah!

the unreality of this all remained with germanicus.

he kept himself grounded in the physical; touch, taste, sound, sight.

and in all these senses was crowfeather lovely to him,

germanicus looked with a small reluctance toward the bear, moving instinctively before crowfeather. he set his body there a moment, then relaxed when the bruin made its departure.

the way the star had cried out had felt boyish almost, reminiscent of their time in the ranging.

"what do you enjoy about them?"

The man’s question was valid.

Crowfeather’s lashes fluttered over his eyes. He waited until the bear was long gone. When he faced the eagle man again, he felt the kick of his heartbeat.

I- I think I admire them. They never seem bothered. Not by anything, he admitted.

For a young wolf who was so plagued by his self-loathing and anxiety, a bear was a mighty force. They had the weight and power in their arms to mutilate every member in Riverclan. Yet, their little home had suffered no harm by the bears. They shared the fish and the waters. The lumbering creatures would come and go as they wished. Crowfeather couldn’t imagine being so free-spirited.

the shadow's golden eyes were veiled by the flickering darkness of his lashes.

germanicus did not let his own gaze linger on the riverclan wolf. to be so near was a balm. to be so near was disarming.

the long rein of control did not so easily lift.

"you have carried a great deal, crowfeather." at his own behest. "i would like you to set some of it down." the yellowpaint eyes held some still soft knowing in them, some understanding of the painful cost he had wrought from the shadow.

Had he always been so disarming?

Crowfeather’s gaze snapped to Germanicus, burning hot.

How was he to set it down? How was he to set any of it down?

The burning looks of hatred from his father, the words of disgust, the sharp and punishing fangs of his peers as they tormented him for the softest of admittance. There was no word for what Crowfeather was to his people. They had used many, though. All of them had been wrought with revulsion. And this had only been the start of his young life. Everything that had transpired since had been a feverdream of hopefulness dashed.

How? he asked breathlessly.

"you start by saying it aloud."

it was a lesson taught to germanicus by the very star before him. 

crowfeather's eyes lashed at him with druidic fire. the eagle let his own gaze hold before it slid to the waterfalls cascading down.

"you do not fear bears. i do."

a muscle twitched along his jawline.

The Star’s features softened.

Fears – Crowfeather had plenty of things he could speak on. The dark figure believed that his life had been comprised of various fears. He feared the unknown, most of all. It was too broad and too consuming for him to share this aloud. Germanicus was offering a piece of himself.

Crowfeather stepped toward him, watching the way his jaw tightened and his yellow eyes became intense.

My fears are not so physical, he admitted in his quiet voice. I fear…

A sigh passed through his nose.

I feared that I would never know love. I feared that I would disappoint anyone who cared for me. I fear that I am not-

Fear clutched at his throat as if to demonstrate its power inside of him.

I fear that I am not worthy of- of you.

Crowfeather forced himself to meet Germanicus’ eyes.

"worthy of me."

the voice was a jaded charcoal rasp.

"i broke your heart and married twice after you, and not once did i put your — regard of me first."

and of them, what of them? what remained was to return and break another spirit. 

he hoped somehow that fennec had not grown into silent love as he had for her.

and now it was her golden face moving behind his mind.

the solemn mouth twitched,  the dire chin trembling once. "do not question your worthiness again. it is i who should be begging you for mercy."

That’s not fair, he said with a bitter smile.

Not to you or me.

Silvertongue had taught him something about speaking. He had learned that words could be both sharp and soft. He had not done well to demonstrate his newfound backbone, but this moment offered a glimpse of some growth in the shadow.

And mercy, Crowfeather scoffed. At this, he couldn’t help but laugh. The sound wasn’t mocking. It didn’t punish Germanicus for speaking his mind. It felt good to know what he thought and how he felt about everything that had happened. It wasn’t fair, though. The silver eagle had taken a great deal of blame for the heartbreak. It had been Crowfeather who had allowed his heart’s expectations to rise. The ranger had never really offered more of his heart than he had given, not at the start.

Germanicus you do not have my mercy. Because I do not place the blame entirely on you. I- I was as much at fault. I let myself fall in love with you and never told you. I never said anything to you. You talked to me before you married Ruenna and- and- I never told you when I should have. Maybe then you should beg for my mercy.

The tripod’s eyes were warm and loving.

I love you. I love you and I forgive you… and I will learn how to forgive myself.

forgiveness.

"yes."

atonement.

"it is unfair."

it would be easy to throw himself into the sweet darkness of the hollow, to become something else. something less and something more.

but it would be equally disingenuous to say he had found the same path or even its beginning.

crowfeather curved his words back with an alacrity that germanicus did not think he had possessed before. it spoke to the strength of those who followed his gentle spirit.

crowfeather spoke of his own unsaid things, of ruenna. the eagle shook his head.

"perhaps there should be no begging of any sort." he met the other's goldcoin eyes.

"perhaps i should let you teach me the way to forgive oneself."

atone.

heartbreaking.

he wanted to go away now. to return. to travel nowhere.

and yet he remained. he allowed himself that much.

No begging, he agreed with a nod.

Germanicus said that he might learn from Crowfeather, how to forgive oneself. The shadow looked at him without stirring. His tongue brushed against his teeth, ready to speak on this, to admit that he had no such skills in these things. The shadow had carried his guilt around with him like a second fur coat. He had worn it upon his back so many times that it had become apart of him.

This was not the time to dwell on his sadness. This was a time of peace and love. He could feel his heart healing and mending. All it had taken was the light from Germanicus’ sunyellow eyes.

Even if this was a dream, Crowfeather would not be angry. If this was only a vision of his last hopeful heartbeats, conjuring the marvelous man who stood there…

To speak his forgiveness was one thing. The shadow knew that he would need to demonstrate his willingness to move forward. There was a chance at a different future. There was – suddenly – a ray of hopefulness that had broken through the cracks of the dark wolf’s heart.

We can learn together.

The shadow shook his head, rattling his thoughts around.

Come with me. Let me look at your wounds. Let me show you the place of stars, he whispered excitedly to the silver eagle. Dark paws tapped with anticipation.

800 could only be for you. <3 ;w;