Two Eyes Cenote sixty-fifth

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perhaps he was.

"they gave me a life where i would never have to make that choice myself." his voice was sodden with drink and now in ancient, longheld pain.

eset had a message for him. senmut received its transmission even if he could not parse it now. he wondered if she knew. he wondered if nazli had confided in the hebsut.

he hoped for this; he hoped she did not carry these things alone.

senmut had failed.

"i wish the same. thank you, eset." 

and when she had gone, senmut took the circlet of bone and rolled it over and over in his paw until tears made it slick and it threatened to fall again. she would come to akashingo if he asked but he could not ask, for fear she would heed any uttered word. it was how she had been shaped. molded. senmut could never be sure, and had she not already suffered a thousand commands?

priestess of Nwt in muat-riya, away from the palace, the memories of ramesses, the — the rooms in which she had been brought to such anguish after.

knowing how she had wept, had cried, not only for herself but for pharaoh; senmut lay among his things and stared unseeingly upward, allowing the memories to flood until he was tormented; nazli summoned to ramesses; her confusion, her bitter tears. how her body had changed in evil ways, and how finally that had been enough to kindle makono's wrath.

but nazli had still been in agony of mind and body, had she not? until tavina and nala had put her into a long slumber, and upon waking, upon the death of the man who had done this, her life had been irreparably changed.

and senmut had known! and he had not stopped it; he had not confronted the royal man; he had —

meandering now, the thought of how ramesses too had stolen his first interlude; his virginity had been a performance for ramesses and treva. was that why he had seen nothing wrong beyond discomfort when ramesses had made a second choice of a similar nature? and yet it had been vastly different.

nazli, nazli, love mingled with guilt so sharp that abruptly senmut jerked himself to one side and vomited upon the polished floor, a sob on his lips as blackness gratefully embraced him for a long while.