Broken Antler Fen Everyone you love has built it

Things were leaner lately and Maia didn't do all that well with hardship.  She'd gone hungry before but not often, and she felt more and more anxious as time went on.  She hadn't managed to find anything today, let alone catch it.  Just birds in the trees, too high to get to.  Even then, whatever food she did find would go to her kids first.

Despite all of that, Maia didn't want to leave.  If @Eljay had already spoken with her about it, she kept the thoughts to herself, but it was a worry she had thought of herself too.  If the territory couldn't support them then they didn't really have a choice.

But they'd found this place, her and Wraen.  They'd explored it, named it, named the pieces inside it and found stories in the trees and the rivers.  Leaving would feel a little like losing her all over again, even though she knew that was stupid.  Home was people, not places... but Eljay had never agreed with that.  If anyone would understand, he would.  She just couldn't say it because as much as she hated leaving, if it meant  going to the Caldera... she'd already been selfish once.  That was doubtless where Eljay would look first for a new home.

It made her wonder again where the wolves who had lived there had disappeared to.  She was a little upset on her mate's behalf that none of them bothered to stop by, but personally she didn't care so much (so long as they were okay, of course!). 

C'mon.  Please?  She nosed through a thin layer of undergrowth near Warden's Watch, but came up empty.  If there are forest guardians here, why do you want us to leave?. Maia felt her eyes misting up and blinked a few times to stop it.  That wouldn't help.  She just had to keep looking.

Eljay didn't like the thought of leaving. He knew that this place meant a lot to wolves that he loved dearly. It had grown to mean a lot to him, too. This was Maia's place, and he had moved here for her. Maybe it wouldn't be fair to ask her to move to Redhawk Caldera now. However, Redhawk Caldera was also the only place that Eljay knew as a territory. He'd know where to hunt, he'd know where the water sources were — he'd not often left it, so Eljay knew everything about the Caldera. It wouldn't be that way with any other territory they'd chose, and it would feel so much more wry to leave the Fen for any random old place. If only they could stay here forever instead... It was the home of his children, the home of his mate, and it was the home of his family — and therefore him, too.

But he knew that wishing to stay here forever was just idle hope. Eljay had told Maia briefly that Teya'd scout out the Caldera, but they hadn't really in-depth discussed it. When he spotted Maia, Eljay felt a knot in his stomach. He didn't want to talk about this, but he also knew that they would get to it eventually. Maybe now was as good as ever.

Maia, he called out. She didn't seem all that well, he felt in his gut when he looked at her as he approached, which was understandable; they were all hungry, and probably scared as well, for the future. For the inevitable, if the current scarcity in food was only the tip of the winter's iceberg.

She was starting to lose both interest and hope, and frustration was starting to get the better of her by the time Eljay called out. She looked up, smiling with more than a little relief at the excuse to just forget about this for a little while. Eljay! She left the spot where she'd been looking and walked to where he was, greeting him with the usual kiss.

I was hunting, but... she gestured, then sighed. Nothing. Not even a single scent.

She wondered what Teya had found at the Caldera, that familiar guilty twinge hitting as she remembered how their last interaction went. Obviously she couldn't ask the Raven directly, not unless she was going to, like, apologize or something.

How are you? He looked worried, she thought, studying his expression. It made sense, they were all a little haggard trying to make things work right now. She wished she could have found him some food.

Maia hadn't found anything to hunt, which was not a surprise in the current circumstances. Eljay frowned and said, .. Yeah. It was pretty bad. He wished that there was another way. The Fen had never been his favourite place when he first moved, but over time he had come to associate it with a new life, a new him. Some of his insecurity had been buried at Redhawk Caldera, and honestly the caretaker was not entirely sure that he wanted to dig it back up. But the Caldera was also the territory that he knew the best, so it'd be easiest to make their own.

And Maia... She hadn't liked the thought of moving to the Caldera when he had moved to Brecheliant. Was it only because of her position as Raven? Or were there other worries, too? What if her own dislike would surface again if they did move?

'How are you' was a tough question in these times, in winter with little food to go around. Eljay sighed and said, I'm holding up okay. I've gone on little food before. During the summer famine, but also when Wiffle and his parents had died and he had not been taking good care of himself. I'll manage. Physically, at least. I uh, I wanted to run something by you. Teya said... Well, I... He kinda wished he hadn't mentioned Teya. He wanted to give her credit, but he also didn't want to make it sound like it was all her idea in case Maia responded poorly. We were considering a move, because of the lack of food. He watched Maia's face closely, trying to figure out what she thought of that. He had intended to ask her, but now that the moment was there he found himself out of breath.

She'd known it would be coming and it made sense that they would talk about it. She'd forfeited her own right to make decisions like that, right, stepping down? That was part of it. It had been pretty selfish for her, choosing to make her family the first thing and the pack something she didn't need to consider quite as much. At least, that was still how she saw it in a lot of ways. It didn't mean that she didn't feel a complicated kind of way, though, hearing that he and Teya had already talked about it. Especially when, at this point, she hadn't resolved things with the Raven yet.

The worst thing to hear, though, was that he was used to going without. He didn't deserve this. None of them did.

I think that's... we should. It's the right thing. She looked at him and her eyes were a little bright with threatening tears, but she was sure of it. Her own insecurities aside, she knew better. You shouldn't have to manage. She stepped towards him and reached out, both wanting to comfort him and needing it herself.

Eljay was easy to set aside his own needs for those of those around him. He had in trying times before, and he did again now. He knew that the pack's children were those in most immediate need; he'd be fine. Maia looked emotional when he told her about the consideration for a move. She looked even more emotional when she told him that it was the best thing for the pack; that she thought they should do it, too.

This took a lot of pressure off Eljay's shoulders somehow. He had been so worried for Maia's response, because he so vividly remembered how it had been like when he had wanted her to move to the Caldera and she hadn't wanted to. He didn't want to push that on her. He didn't want to bring back those bad memories.

He, too, would rather stay here. For his kids. For the legacy that they'd built up here as Brecheliant. But at the end of the day, Teya was right, he supposed. He repeated what she had told him as he stepped towards Maia, too, bridging the gap between them: Home is where we are, together. The family, the pack; the two of them. He smiled softly and reassuringly and reached out to nuzzle her cheek.

It really is. She couldn't help but smile as his muzzle tickled her face. It really didn't matter. As long as they were together, she'd be happy, and she could always come back and visit this forest. Eventually, maybe she could even come back and visit Wraen. But not yet.

Thanks, for loving this place too. She'd probably said it before, but it felt right to say it now. He hadn't needed to step up here, to lead and to do all of the amazing things he did. She was glad he had gotten the opportunity because he deserved it, but it can't have been easy. It would have been awful, not getting the time we did. Her voice was steady. She was ready for this.

She'd known, all along, that her sister had been living on borrowed time towards the end. Her health had gotten worse and worse, and as she lost the others, she had held on tighter to what she still had. They hadn't gotten to say goodbye, but they'd gotten to have a home here. And that was all because Eljay had been willing to give up his.

It was time to make that right. Maybe... maybe a change would even be good for her.

If we fill the Caldera with Blackthorns, does that change the name? She asked, shifting the subject and smiling. She remembered him talking about the Blackthorn den, and about how his family had always supported the Redhawks. How did that feel for him, going back to claim it entirely for his own?

I mean, Brecheliant didn't exactly work like that. But she liked the poetic closure of it. It'd make a good story, maybe.

Eljay smiled softly as Maia echoed his statement. She thanked him then, for loving the Fen too, even if it wouldn't have been his own initial choice to settle here. He'd done that for Maia — but along the way, he had grown to love it like she did. Eljay had gotten something of his own here. A place where he could be himself more unapologetically (because no one required him to apologise) than he ever could back at home. It was daunting in a way to return there now. Would the place remind him of all that he had lost and all that he had gained since he had left it? Well... He supposed there was only one way to find out.

He chuckled as Maia asked if it'd change the name if it were filled with Blackthorns now. I don't know. Blackthorn Caldera sounds a little funny. Maybe one day he would've wanted something like that, but now he didn't mind very much. He'd probably not refer to it by its full name very much, anyway; it would just be "the Caldera" or "Brecheliant", much like it was now with the Fen.

We should make sure the children are okay with it, Eljay said next, turning more serious. When I had to leave the Caldera when I was younger, I really hated it. I just... Want to make sure they understand why we need to go, and maybe tell them some good things about the Caldera, so it isn't a scary new place for them. Hopefully they would understand that this was what needed to happen to escape the hunger that the Fen'd plunged the pack into.

She giggled too, happy to have made him laugh and increasingly thankful that they were able to talk about these kinds of things. Eljay never made her feel pressured not to say what she felt. Her decision not to share that she didn't want to leave hadn't been because she felt he wouldn't listen. She'd just wanted time to think about it, and now she was glad she'd taken it. Things were going to be okay.

You should probably take over story time for that, then. Maybe tell them some things about growing up there? Maia's memories of the Caldera were few and far between, mostly just made in the time she'd been recovering there with Eljay just as they'd been starting out. Those were definitely happy memories, but absolutely none of it had focused on the place. She'd been way too wrapped up in him.

Maia suggested that Eljay take over storytime for the children, and he was instantly nervous. Oh, uhm — yeah, I mean, I could. It was clear that he was not overly excited. So much was hanging on this, and while they were generally easy-going, Eljay was a bit nervous to drop a bomb like this on them. After a short pause he asked nervously, Do you think they'll wanna go? The Fen was their home, and the only one they'd ever known. It'd make sense if they were skeptical. Were they old enough to understand that they needed to move for the sake of food?

He looked so nervous at the prospect of telling them stories, but Maia just smiled and gave his shoulder a supportive touch. You'll do fine. They'll love anything you want to tell them, and hearing you talk about how it was, I'm sure they will. He had been so attached to it that she couldn't imagine them finding much to dislike there. Maia knew she had a preference for forests, but she also knew you could come to love just about any place if the people there were enough.

And if it makes it easier, we'll be close. We can always visit here. They weren't saying goodbye to the fen for good, just making themselves close neighbors instead.

We should go tell them. Now was as good a time as any, and she'd rather they heard it from the two of them.

Eljay nodded and he took a deep breath. Yeah, you're right, he said eventually, even though he still felt nervous to tell them about it. He wasn't sure if he should just start off by telling them they were moving, or first tell them about their home. They were old enough to face the truth, he thought, but perhaps it would be better if they first heard a bit of good things about it...

They gathered @Roswell , @Sylvie and @Hymnal to tell them, and Eljay glanced briefly at Maia before he started: I was born in a place called Redhawk Caldera. It meant a lot to me when I grew up. It was home to me, like this place is home to you guys. It's where some of our family lived up until recently, too. There's a lake and there's a lot to see because it's on a bit of a mountain — but the inside is all flat. It's... Eljay tried to find the words, not sure where he was going with it and quite clearly feeling nervous; an emotion he didn't have often in front of his kids.

I know the Fen is home, he said with a nervous exhaled sigh, But the food is... There isn't enough right now for us, for the pack. We need to go somewhere that has more food for now, and we decided that it would be best to move to Redhawk Caldera, for now. It's totally okay to be upset or miss the Fen a lot. I'll miss it a lot, too. We just wanted to tell you now, so you can get used to the idea a bit before we make the move. Eljay looked at the kids, and he hoped that they would take the change well — both in this moment as well as when they actually moved. Ironically, he felt that Elfie would've loved a change like that, but with his current kids, he had a feeling like it'd be the opposite.

Maia and Eljay had rounded the three of them up for something that seemed important. As she still had the benefit of ignorance when it came to the serious pack matters, Hymnal knew nothing about the prey situation. Maybe she had noticed less options at meal time or her parents out longer on hunting trips, but she had not suspected anything. She just went happily through her days, learning and exploring. 

Dad started talking of a place called Redhawk Caldera. Recognition sparked in her mind. She had heard that place before, from the pretty girl she had met when she sneaked out of the territory not too long ago. Her father had also mentioned it once before, telling her he wanted to take her there to visit. Instantly, she was even more interested than she had been before. From the way papa described it, she knew it would be a fun place. 

Then the conversation turned a little bleak. Hymnal could sense the nervous energy from Papa and read the worried strain of his face as he spoke. Her own heart beat a little faster in her chest and her eyebrows pulled together a bit as she frowned up at her dad. Apparently they would have to leave the fen to go live at the cladera because there wasn't enough food. A move to a new place would normally excite her, but any excitement she might have felt was quickly covered with her own worry. 

Hymnal trotted over to sit against Eljay. She nuzzled her face into his fur, her silver gaze looking up to mama first before settling back on him. We'll be okay, Papa, she assured him, though she had no real proof that they would. She just wanted everything to be okay and thought by saying it out loud, it might make it more likely to be true.

Through the telling, Maia kept quiet, switching between checking on the kids to be sure they were responding okay and gazing encouragingly at Eljay, who she thought did wonderfully. She'd have loved to have done it for him so that the nervousness didn't have to be present in his voice, but maybe being able to deliver this in spite of that was good for him as well. She knew, by this point, how strong her mate was in pushing through the uncomfortable. Maia always kept an eye out for signs that he was hitting his limit, but there was no signal that said a panic attack was coming.

Sweet Hymnal was the first to speak up, reassuring Eljay with a voice that made Maia's heart melt. For her part, Maia wasn't nervous... just sad, in a complicated way that she didn't entirely understand.

The Caldera is where your papa and I first started seeing each other. He was living there, and I stayed there for a while with him. It's beautiful. I know you all will love it. She smiled at them, then moved encouragingly beside Eljay, ready to help answer any questions or set aside any doubts.

this can be the last for me!

Eljay and Maia had gathered Sylvie and her siblings into the family den to share the news that they had. She quickly caught on that there was some weight to the information, and she began to feel concerned before Eljay had even started to speak. She swallowed deeply to clear the lump in her throat, but her effort was in vain.

Like Hymnal and Roswell, Sylvie had been unaware of the prey situation; her meals and snacks hadn't lessened, and so she had gone about her day as she usually did. However, she was vaguely familiar with Redhawk Caldera. She had heard it in passing a few times, and now she knew the importance of it—it was where Papa had grown up. Sylvie wondered what this had to do with them and grew tense as Eljay's anxiety became apparent.

"But the food is... There isn't enough right now for us, for the pack. We need to go somewhere that has more food for now, and we decided that it would be best to move to Redhawk Caldera, for now." her father revealed. After that, whatever was said went unnoticed as her mind began to race. Sylvie doubled down under the weight of the news; her world had been turned upside down, and she was still trying to navigate the sudden and unexpected gravity of their situation.

She was speechless, shocked, and overwhelmed.

Unable to put her thoughts into words, Sylvie gave into her emotions. She wanted to be as optimistic as Hymnal had been, but she couldn't. Sylvie began to cry, openly and intensely—she didn't have the strength to control it. Sylvie lowered herself onto the floor and looked away from her family as she continued to wail.

Hymnal seemed to take everything in stride fairly well, and reassured him that they'd be alright. Maia chipped in that she had enjoyed her time at the Caldera and that the kids would love it. Eljay could tell, however, that Sylvie was not doing well throughout his story. She seemed to be taking it in stride initially, albeit with a knot in her stomach, but then she started to sniffle, and broke into full-on tears within moments.

Eljay felt alarmed and worried and he wished he could do something to fix things, but he knew he couldn't. So instead of telling Sylvie to take it in stride, stop crying or panic himself, Eljay approached Sylvie and went over to try and hug her while he softly and quietly spoke, words meant only for her: It's okay to be upset, Sylvie. I'm going to miss the Fen a lot, too.

I'm going to go ahead and wrap this, if that is okay! <3 if not, let me know

It seemed like immediately after her words, Sylvie broke out into tears. Maia was horrified for a moment, thinking that she'd made that happen by insisting everything would be fine, but Eljay swooped in to comfort her. Her heart broke for her daughter, but Maia drew in close as well, pulling Hymnal and Roswell along with her into the family huddle. If their adoptive son protested, she'd let him avoid it, but smile and playfully swipe his cheek with her tongue.

We'll come visit. Maybe someday the prey will come back, and the pack can come back home. But the Caldera was your papa's home for a very long time. I'm so excited for you all to see it. She said quietly. She wouldn't try to stop any of them from crying, and they'd both let Sylvie cry herself out surrounded by her family's embrace. Eljay was right that there was nothing wrong with being sad.