Ouroboros Spine falkor

bummer sakhmet incoming

Her world was silent.

Hushed, tired, winding. She felt like stone as the snow came down in soft drifts. Her desire for much was minimal and she knew such a path would continue if she didn't fix it.

Yet how did she? Where was the guidebook for crawling out of a hole of her own doing?

Perhaps she had lost it when she had laid with Colt, or lost her son, or tore down Natigvik. Perhaps she was not worth coming out of this hole. She could spend all winter in solitude if she really wanted to. She felt the capability deep, deep, deep in her bones.

She could walk off into the wilds.

A sad mind clung to these dramatics as she stood upon the edge of Moonglow, snow dusted. Staring down the lands beyond.

There was a heaviness among all the wolves that had once inhabited Natigvik. it hung on them like an oppressive shadow, waiting to suck the life from them. Amalia tried, lord she tried to keep herself going. To keep the smile upon her face. But the simple fact was, it was growing harder and harder.

Her leaders were at odds with each other, two whom had loved each other so deeply. Perhaps there were some scars that could not be helped, nor fixed. She shook her head and loped towards the borders and deeper into the territory after.

It was with such thoughts, that she came upon one of such as it were and she chuffed gently.

Hello Lady Sakhmet.

Lady Sakhmet.

It stung, it burned.

Please, just Sakhmet, Amalia. A tired smile to match her tired voice. She could not make herself appear peppy and lively, but she could at least make herself seem...kind.

Are you doing okay? Settling in?

Amalia searched her former leaders face, and countenance. Listened to the hushed quietness of her voice, the pain that bled through every single syllable and it hurt. Lords it hurt.

This firebrand, how could she give her back some of her fire. How? Amalia didn't know, but she'd try and figure it out. She would.

But the next question, all thoughts fled her mind and she bowed her head. Ears to her skull. Sakhmet had not heard of her and Tulukiri's fight. She could do the shameful thing and lie. Pretend. But that felt unfair, it was only fair that Sakhmet knew she was not the only one, right? The only one that was not doing well. Misery loves company as they say.

I am trying to learn to. But No at first I Did not. Tulukiri and I fought again, though this time it came to blows. If Callyope had not intervened, i probably would have done something quite shameful.

Ears twitched. I am learning thought to find my own peace and not force my presence on others.

Oh.

A fight. She blinked, as if the news brought some glimmer of life back into her. Only for a moment though.

It's good to...learn to be alone. Which was not what she meant and she shamefully clicked her mouth shut. I mean. It's good to learn how to exist around others when —

Faltering, faltering. Shamed and shameful.

I'm sorry.

She wished to excuse herself and yet she could not.

There was no reproach in her gaze as she studied her leader. She offered a small smile. She knew what the former leader was trying to say. She understood. She also understood the shame and the need to disappear. She felt bad for her, truly. But she also wanted to help her.

Why should you apologize? It was I that made the mistake, not you. And you have your own burdens to bear. Tell me la, i mean Sahkmet, is there anything I can help with?

Amalia laid her ears to her skull for a moment. I may not be a grand counselor, but I can offer a listening ear. Truly.

I am just learning where to fit again.

In Moonglow, in her family. She did not understand why it had not been a joyous thing, to come back to Moonglow after losing everything.

Instead it felt like a blanket of pity had been swaddled around her.

I wish I had never left Natigvik in the first place.

Amalia listened. She didn't prod or cajole, or ask for more. She simply listened, and she could understand, completely what the other had said, what she was saying.

I know that feeling well.

Amalia made a noncommittal noise as she thought of an answer. My mother always told me when you leave something in your past, you shouldn't go back to it. But perhaps in this case. When you find your feet again, and your place. You can return to Natigvik. But first you must heal from all the things the world has laid at your feet.

I don't want to return. I just wish I had never left in the first place and that all of this had not...crumbled because I did decide to step away. That we were still there upon the river and that I could fix everything.

Her gaze turned away, wounded with only herself to blame.

Oh she understood now. It was not that she longed to change her decision, but rather wished she had never made one in the first place. Well that was it's own quandary and AMalia wasn't quite sure how to approach what she wanted to say. She knew whatever she said would possibly hurt her former leader, and still friend. Though perhaps she needed that honesty

I think it is foolish to regret things. At the point the decision was made it was either something you wanted or needed to do, say or act upon. For whatever reason.

Amalia smiled. That doesn't necessarily mean you should force yourself not to feel bad about it, but rather you should simply try and be gentle with yourself and realize it is a learning experience.

All of it only served to make her feel worse, but she would never vocalize it.

A learning experience.

It felt like salt in the wound in some way. To call her home, her family, a learning experience. Even if it had not been meant that way, she still felt it.

Then perhaps I am foolish.

She did not mean to leave on such a somber, bitter note, but nor did she wish to listen to this anymore. It was better to be alone. Coddled by her own mind.

Amalia's ears fell as her former leader, moved away and turned away and left her. The words hanging in the air between them. A bitter feeling rose deep in her chest. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve any of this.

Saddened, she turned and went the opposite way. Both bitter and depressed, and worried for her friends.