Stone Circle The years weigh heavy and I'm not sure

Gunnar stood looking over the pack lands, the frayed and beaten pack lands. His heart was leaden like a stone and he couldn't help, the way his eyes watered only just a bit. Bjarna was missing, gone from their fold. He could only hope with Father's heart that she had taken the trip she spoke of. That she was out there safe and happy and free. He hoped this to be true so much. He couldn't hold this against her and bless her heart, she probably hadn't said anything, because his beautiful Bjarna didn't like goodbyes.

He shifted, a hitch in his hip as he walked. Today he felt his age. He was not a young man anymore and he was trying his hardest to hold the frayed pieces together. Keep Kvarsheim going until his beautiful daughter came back, but the simple face was.....he didn't know how long he could or how long he had.

He found himself among the stones of the circle and he bowed his head to them as he passed. He had promised the she wolf Arlette that they would treat them well and he was trying to keep that promise, even if it was not entirely his religion that they circled.

She finds the hard cut of his figure among the Circle, and though she cannot discern him by shape alone, she knows him by the stagger of his stride. Upon approach, she steals for herself a moment to watch. There are scars on his body, moonmarks and a painful hip that nevertheless bears weight when he wills it to. Imperfect, but moving despite the marring of war and strife.

His body tells his story.

Tauris worries for him. He is still very much a stranger, but in the short time she’s spent living in his borders, she has grown to respect him- rely on him for food and protection. For everything.

And he enters years when a wolf has earned rest. When now, he should rely on others. Gunnar takes no rest, he shoulders the weight of Kvarsheim. He does so alone. 

“Gunnar?” She calls softly, so as not to startle his moment of peace. “May I join you?”

Gunnar had lived a life many would love, and some would hate. He didn't regret anything, accept perhaps spending more time with his family. He had been close, but a part of him wished he had spent more time, learned more of what the offered.

He had been thinking long and hard about elevating someone, but a part of him was remiss to do so. Because Kvarsheim belonged to Bjarna. It had been her mother's first and by rights she had a place to it. And yet, he was unsure where Bjarna was and if she would come back and that was his quandary.

A tilt of his ear backwards and he turns to meet the kind moonbite eyes of the she wolf Tauris. She had begun to fill out he was glad to see. Again the strength of rest, food and home could make so many better.

He nodded with a smile. Of course you can darling girl.

Her smile was grateful and she fell in step beside the Faðir. She was silent for a long moment, hearing only the ripple of wind and Gunnar’s uneven gait as they walked.

“I am sorry, about Bjarna,” She whispers, one gentle look towards the grieving man before casting out to the sacred giants.

“You know she’s the reason I came here? She led me to Kvarsheim, even if she hadn’t meant to.” Tauris did not believe in spirits, or fate, or powers at work being the scope of their earth. She was simply grateful to have met Bjarna that day along the shore of the lake.

“I have to believe she’ll be back.” She offered him a smile, even if thin. There was so much she wanted to ask him, so much she wished she could do and be to this old wolf who had given her so much and asked in returned so little.

“How are you faring?”

There was softness to the she wolf. And for a man who'd grown up with the softness of women, he appreciated it. It soothed his frayed nerves.

A soft sound and he dipped his muzzle down. Slate eyes showing maelstom of emotions for the brief moment his guard was down.

I am too, but I hope she is out there, happy, healthy learning. She had spoken to me of having time to just exist. And sometimes i think it is important to do that when you're young.

Gunnar smiled. Bjarna leads many here. We are a place of familial and ties. A place of healing and those that need a home.

A small nod. I have faith she'll return to us.

I'm an old man, but I'm faring as best I can. I have good days and bad days. Are you finding your happiness here?

He'd share whatever she'd like to know. He liked to share what he could.

She nods. Yes, Bjarna will return to them. She liked to imagine the wolf-girl off exploring some new world, her healing touch gracing someone new who needs her.

Her eyes raises with Gunnar’s question, “It’s been an adjustment,” she admits. “It’s just, I’ve been alone for so long. I know I have a long way to go, but I’m feeling stronger.”

“And Skáld, he’s found me a den. I'm quite fond of him,” Her lips fold into smile. Even if she felt a bit shy to admit, Skáld was quickly growing important to her.

But there was something else too. Tauris stopped in her tracks, lifting her face to peer up at the Faðir.

“Gunnar, I see all you do for us, and…  I worry. You took a chance on me that day you found me at the border. I’ve not forgotten it. I care about this pack. I will do what I can for Kvarsheim. And you. You have my word.”

She knew it wasn’t enough. She knew she wasn’t much. But if her word was all she had to give, then she wanted to give it to Kvarsheim.

Gunnar himself knew that the soul Bjarna carried was a rare one. A healing one. And he loved her for it, but he worried too. His mother had been a bit like that, but with just enough fire.

A sweet smile. That's good. Very good. I'm glad you're healing. Skald is a good boy. I forgot to tell you. He has seizures sometimes. So if that should happen just send someone to find me or howl. I'm never very far.

Gunnar looked her over with a fond smile and nudged her shoulder kindly. Thank you. I appreciate that.


And he put her words at the back of his mind. He would need to elevate somwone soon. She was a good candidate. But he had much to think on.

“Oh,” she breathes, features on her face turning cold. “Do you know what causes them?” She asks. She knew very little about the condition. Yet another hollow left in Bjarna’s wake. What was to become of the boy without his sister’s healing?

Tauris turned her eyes to Gunnar’s limp. "Your hip- I noticed you've been favoring it. Is there anything that can be done to alleviate the pain?" Her nose twitches in thought a moment.

“Perhaps there is someone I can learn medicine from,” she muses aloud. “When I’m a bit stronger. Take some of the burden off your shoulders.”

Then with a glint of a tease in her eye, “And you deserve a day. One at least, where you get a bit of pampering for once. Skáld and I will do the hunting, and you have to relax the entire time.”

“We’ll call it Faðir’s day.”

Gunnar shook his head. Unfortunately no. It just started a few months ago that we noticed at least.

A ahift of his hip and he looked it over with a sigh. I take regular herbs for the pain and the hitch. Theres not much to be one. Age has taken it's toll.

Tilt of an ear. Riverclan has many healers perhaps one of them can help you. But only if you truly want too. I will not have you doing something you hate to ease my burden.

He chuckled. Only if you two share with me. I hate to eat alone.

Her heart sinks and she shifts her nose. Gunnar is still strong in spite of his age, yet how horrible it must be to live with pain as a constant reminder of that. To never again walk without it.

She thinks quietly of the girl she had been in Lyotak, and the kind of wolf she might be for Kvarsheim. She was a huntress in another life, a swift tracker with the pack’s advantage. Though hunting in the highlands was different, and she’d lost much of her native skill in the year of southbound travel.

And it was true that she may not like medicine. She certainly lacked a healer’s precision and bedside manner. She’d never given herbs much more than a passing glance. She only knew she wanted to be of use in some way, but she didn’t know what shape that would take.

“I will go to Riverclan in the summer,” she decides she should be well enough to travel by then. Maybe she was cut out for healing. Or perhaps she would make a fool of herself in the process. Either way, she would find out.

She was no longer living day to day- she was making plans. Her tail ticks a little excitedly at the thought.

She looks back to Gunnar, eyes softening. “No one eats alone,” she promises.
“Have you lived here all your life?”

As the patriarch was fond of saying he was old, not dead. But his body was not as strong as it once was. Oh he still could fight he supposed, though his wounds would take longer to heal. He could still rove and hunt. It just wasn't as easy as it had been one. And his pain was a reminder of a youth spent well.

Gunnar smiled and nodded. Very well, but if you find you don't like it. You come home, yes? You come back home to us. We want you happy.

A soft sigh as he remembered. I was born here on the coast a place called Stavanger Bay to Thistle Cloud and Ragnar. I had many siblings, and half siblings. My father was a wild oat sower. he said it with a soft huff of a laugh, his eyes going warm, but sad. He hadn't liked how his father had hurt his mother. It had hurt him too.

Then when I was about a year old I left, roamed for a bit, found my mother's former home after father was killed. She and I stayed there. She was never the same after he died you know. Just almost gave up. But then we came back when she was ready to die. She wanted to be near where he was buried and i've been back now for almost a year. I've been a rover, an outrider, a hunter.

Home. Come back home to us.

The little space between her brows creases and eyes shift to the distant mountains that carve their valley in its palm. The uplands roll with their evergreen meads and thick forests, and at the center of it all the Stone Circle that beckons for her.

“Yes,” She’ll finally respond. Her heart was beginning to plant itself here.

She listens to Gunnar’s story. She likes to hear his voice, there seems to be an extra glint in his eye upon recounting the past. Maybe a little sadness there, too. Tauris imagines his mother, never recovering the pieces of her broken heart with the loss of her mate. She resolves in silence to never bind herself to such a fate.

“Do any of your family remain here? Your brothers or sisters?”

Gunnar smiled. Glad to know she'd return to them if she were unhappy. That she wouldn't leave. Though he had to prepare himself to for that reality, because no one could make a set plan for life.

He shrugged a stocky shoulder though some of the breadth was falling as he aged.

I'm not sure. Gyda would have found love. Ragna probably too, Mercury, Floki and Kaylan. They settled in Moonspear i think with charon. Kjalarr changed his name. I've not seen them since I was almost 2. 7 long years.

“Moonspear?” She questions. Perhaps another pack near the vale?

She gives a faint exhale, eyes finding the northern horizon as it recedes from them. Somewhere far from these hillocks are her siblings, and would she let seven years stand between their first and last meeting? She loved them so fiercely still, even if space and time drew them apart. She raises her head, and on her skin feels them somewhere in the form of wind.

Maybe it is a hard truth of growing up, that blood families must fall apart for chosen ones to come together.

“I hope you will get to see them once more, if that is what you wish.”

Gunnar nodded and looked towards the mountains where Moonglow lay. And pointed with his muzzle. If memory serves, it was somewhere up there. I was a part of them for a time, before mother and I left.

He had never been really close with his siblings, he had actually been closer to two females that had accepted him as brother, Junior and Saena than his own. It wasn't great actually. Did he miss the siblings. A little, but you couldn't miss what you didn't know.

I'll be fine if I don't. We weren't close sweet girl. I wish we were, but we weren't. We all dispersed fairly quickly. To eager to make our own ways.

There is still daylight, but now there is a moon in the sky too, an irony. A beginning and end meeting.

Tauris is only two, though sometimes she feels she’s lived a lifetime. But beside her is Gunnar, four times her age, and to the side of him are the ageless seer stones who have seen so much life come and go from their ancient breadth.

“If you had a chance to do it all over… would you change anything?” She eyes him a bit warily, for the boldness of such a question. Perhaps it is a selfish ask, to search his experience for anything she can apply to her own life. But she is curious too about what he might have to say.

Just as the sun set the moon rose, always the way of things. Gunnar took comfort in such things to know that both darkness and light had something that burned in the sky for it. Something to search for, to seek and see.

Hrm. He frowned in thought and shook his head. Once upon a time. I'd have told you yes, but sitting here. No I don't think I would. Are there things in my life I wish I had done better at. Certainly. But they were lessons that I had to learn, in order to become the wolf that I am. And I'm quite proud of the wolf I am.

He looked her over. We question our mistakes, perhaps even have regret sometimes. But I think it is important to remind ourselves that mistakes are lessons we must learn, and regrets are something we wanted at that time. And perhaps we had other choices, but that was the best choice for ourselves in that moment in time. It helped to paint us. So I try not to regret anything. And if I do I ask myself what the lesson was.

Gunnar is edged in light. He coaxes the good from his world. Regrets are forgivable, mistakes are lessons. That energy seeps into all of Kvarsheim, it’s part of what makes him a successful leader, she imagines.

She thinks on the lessons she’s learned along her journey South. It seems a convenient way to compartmentalize her choices. She’d trader her hunter’s expertise for a little humility, having learned she is not so self-sufficient as she wanted to believe. Yet she mourned still, for the girl she could have been had she remained in the North.

“I often wonder if I’ve made a right decision in leaving home. And if I had stayed, how different I’d be. I suppose that line of questioning can drive a wolf mad.” She seeks Gunnar with a middling smile.

She wants to thank him for being vulnerable- for sharing his wisdom but she doesn’t know how. So instead she soft brushes the crown of her head into the graying fur beneath his cheek. A hug.

Was there darkness in the patriarchs world. Absolutely. Did he dwell on it. He tried not too. He had seen what that had done to his mother and he refused to be that way.

yes it can. And as a selfish old man sometimes. I'm quite glad you left and joined us here. But as i said that's a selfish thought on my part.

He wouldn't stand in her way if she ever wanted to return home. Would he miss her. Yes, very much. But if it was what her heart yearned for.

A dip of his chin to the crown of her head. A paw upon her shoulder. The tightest hug he can muster as a wolf. Then he releases.

Thank you.

His warmth is stilling as she pushes into his fur, committing his scent like a beacon of Kvarsheim to memory. One cardinal point in an otherwise alien land.

“I am too,” she whispers before pulling back to trace his silver eyes with her own.

Above them the stoneheads preside like a council of old gods. But if they approve of their visitor, they do not deign to answer.

She was a sweet girl. A little lost in this world, but learning her way. He liked having his home filled with those that needed him. It made him not so lonely. However, he also did his best to make sure they could stand on their own four paws. Because someday he'd be gone.

Gunnar lifted his gaze to the stone circle a small smile there.

thank you <3

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She follows Gunnar’s eyes to the stones and after some silent consideration falls back into her gentle pace beside him.