Bearclaw Valley sunshine, through the rain and snow

@Laurel for when you are back!

having spent most of the last few days apart from her sister, indra believed it was time now to seek her company. they had exchanged only brief conversations in the last few weeks; indra had devoted herself to laurel's cache with a heathen's frenzy, and it was likely laurel had been making her own preparations in her den-site.

indra still found laurel's condition strange to witness; the alien contour of her sides, the low hang of her belly -- and she was only getting bigger as the days passed. indra wondered how she looked today; and with a quiet woof that announced she was nearby, set her sights on the den laurel oft slumbered in.

Laurel wasn't feeling good at all. She felt worse every day and the pups were a burden that she was not sure she could and wanted to bear anymore. It had seemed a good idea to try and seduce Xan but now she was left with nothing but a broken heart and empty promises of family that she knew he could not keep. Her pups would always be second rank citizens here and so would she. Xan was just a dumb boy who did not understand and Laurel was tired of fighting. She felt trapped here because she knew she must stay, for the sake of her pups -- they would not survive out on their own -- but as the days grew Laurel felt more and more like just venturing out and killing the pups when they would arrive to erase all reminders of this black page in the book of her story.

A frown darkened her face as she looked up at the woof. She forced the frown away and pasted a forced ungenuine smile on her face as she looked at her sister's approach. She heaved herself to her feet, something that was not comfortable to do for the past days. Laurel exited the birthing den and ears perked forward to Indra as her sister approached her, tail wagging a few forced beats.

indra knew enough of laurel to know when her sister was putting on a face -- her heart sunk as she saw the misery in laurel's hazel gaze. she tried to offer a smile, anything at all to warm up the desolation she saw simmering in her sister's features. she met her with a few licks under her chin, ears flat to her skull as she stepped back and studied her sister's flank worriedly.

she wanted to ask how are you feeling? but in some sad, strange way, she already knew the answer and did not wish to dredge laurel through the coals of her still-fresh broken heart. she wanted to tell laurel what she had found, more than anything -- but was worried given her sister's condition the news would not be well received.

she choked back a swallow, and started anyway. "i.. i found someone." she looked to the ground and offered a half-smile. "he.. he was here, looking for us. our brother, laurel. not milo.. but someone else." despite the feeling of loss she had first felt to learn of her mother's union, she felt affirmed to know that at least there was someone else, besides the two of them, that could have their backs and fight the world with them. she hoped that in some way laurel could feel the same -- that this was not another iniquitous blow from an unfair world, but perhaps a blessing in disguise.. or some other poetic bullshit. whatever, we have a brother, yo.

There was something going on with Indra, that much was clear even before the beans were spilled. Luckily Indra skipped the chit chat and jumped right to the chase. Laurel's face fell into a surprised frown when Indra said that she had found a brother of theirs... did Reek really never stop fucking females and leaving pups left and right..? She hoped that Indra did not mean Tapat or Astik but she could not imagine that Indra'd come to Laurel with that news. Not unless she had killed them after all.

"A brother?" she asked in surprise, and then, after a pause... "Reek's?" It was a question, but from her tone it was clear that Laurel thought the answer was probably 'yes'.

indra felt bad for surprising laurel, particularly given her condition -- but this news could not be spared. it was potentially life-altering, and she knew that. she offered the briefest of apologetic smiles and then shook her head in a silent no -- no, not reek's at all.

it had been a heavy hitter for her too, and she was careful to bring this valuable piece of information to light. like laurel she had been the first to place reek at blame -- but they could not be more wrong.

"no... mom's," she finally said, her voice hoarse with her own disbelief. "with warbone. his name is phoenix -- i met him here, right on the borders when i was leaving earlier."

Laurel was surprised to hear that it was Saena's child. Laurel herself had not met Saena, not really -- aside from when she was so little she could not even remember, and shouting at her upon the borders of Larksong Grotto -- but Indra had been with her for a little bit at least. It had to be harder for her to realise than for Laurel.

"Who the fuck even is Warbone," said Laurel in a huff. "Well, whatever. She should do whatever she wants." Laurel shrugged it off easily enough, not really wanting much to do with any half-siblings for they just reminded her of their stupid parents. She glanced at Indra to see if her sister had any more to say -- perhaps she wanted to get more off her chest about the encounter.

indra crumpled somewhat, deflated as she realized laurel had never met the stag of a male that had claimed his right as first male in duskvale. it was a chapter of her life that indra oft revisited with both fondness and despair -- she blinked once and then buried the memory deep in her subconscious.

"he was in duskvale with mom." indra explained, eager to push the subject aside. she caught the quick glance laurel fed her, and drew a sigh through her chest. "listen.. i think we should leave soon." her ears folded back, and a frown fretted her lips. "it's not going to get better, you know..? .... and it might help, if we had some friends or something. phoenix could help us, i think.."

Laurel still didn't really want to talk about all of this. She didn't know Warbone and didn't like him already. Probably just another male whisking their mother off her feet and ditching her or whatever. And if he didn't, then he'd probably ditched some other girl in favour of her. It all came down to the same, in the end.

Of course Laurel wanted to leave, but she also knew that she couldn't in her current state. It frustrated her that Indra didn't see that, but she didn't lose whatever cool she had left after living in this place for a while. "Who?" she asked after Indra had finished, then realising that Phoenix was this kid of Saena and Warbone that was mentioned before. "Oh, him. What's he gonna do, then? Either way, I can't just leave now... The pups are almost going to be there and where are we gonna go? The risk is too big that the pups won't make it." She was afraid she would miscarry or worse, that they'd get into a pack that did not want the pups there; an Alpha that'd kill them. "We can't leave before they get here, In." She was resolute about this much; Laurel wanted to leave too, she really did, but when the pups were bigger...

she knew she was harrying her sister, and she fell silent with a frown. laurel was right -- it was of paramount importance they bed down here, gather their reserves -- maybe, someday, when the puppies were hale and ready, this conversation could be revisited.

she bit her tongue with a sorry expression, and looked away. "you're right. i just... i'm so angry, laurel." she thrust her head into her sister's neck, feeling a wrack of both guilt and anger consumer her. "they deserve better - you deserve better. i don't want this. we could do better." she sucked between her teeth and tried to reformat her long-gone composure: "i just want us to be happy."

Laurel wanted to leave, she really did, but right now she needed to think of her pups and health. They wouldn't survive if they went on to travel now or when they were little. It sucked balls that they couldn't leave right now but it was as it was for the moment.

All of the sentiments that Indra shared were echoed by Laurel. She frowned and nodded. "I know, we do. But don't worry, Indra. When I can, I'll make sure we get what we deserve, us and them. I will make their lives good. Here, or somewhere else." Her eyes shone with ambition and determination then; nothing seemed to be left of the Laurel that had crumpled in front of her sister the other day, whose knees had buckled under the pressure. Her meeting with Xan had made some things crystal clear, and one of them was the promise she had made to him, to herself, and to her pups: she'd give them what they deserved, she would make sure they were princes and princesses, the left or the right way around. When she was strong again, she would make it so; for Indra, too.

while it heartened indra to learn her sister had found new resolve, she was not so easily swayed -- as she saw it, their place in bearclaw was coming to a cold termination. unless there was some massive change of fate, some inexorable rearrangement of who was alpha, indra couldn't see them lasting long in bearclaw's hold. yet laurel was right -- the puppies needed safety, security -- both of which were tentatively offered here.

she could not foresee them leaving immediately, but that did not mean it did not weight heavily in the back of her mind. gently, she butted laurel's head and murmured. "i know.. i just want what we deserve now. we deserve it, and they deserve it." she pulled back solemnly and examined her claws for a moment. "it's just hard to stand by and watch it, is all. he doesn't treat you the way he treats her and it just eats me."

What Indra said hit home hard, for it was exactly what hurt Laurel the most. She just wanted to be treated right. She felt like a piece of garbage, used and then discarded. He even knew how she felt now but it changed nothing about the situation. He wanted to be better, maybe, but he could not because he chose his mate instead of Laurel. And there was no value to Laurel in him proclaiming he wished to improve when he had nothing to offer in the current situation. Trying wasn't good enough.

"I know," she murmured. "I wish we could do something now, too. It sucks to have to be patient. But this isn't forever." Laurel mirrored the feelings that it wasn't a good place to be in, that they needed to get to a better place -- or improve this one considerably.

want to fade this soon since we already got a newer thread? :)

ya <3 faded here!

indeed -- trying wasn't doing.

indra placed her muzzle forlornly over her sister's shoulders, and murmured softly. "it's not forever." however despairing their situation seemed, she recognized the wisdom in her sister's words. it was enough to placate her for now, and she sunk down on her side alongside her only friend -- her world entire -- and felt sleep begin to numb her alertness.

it's not forever, she kept repeating to herself -- until at last sleep overcame her.