Redtail Rise rockfall

staying vague but have had this kicking around! <3

ancelin had @Lilia. and yet seeing relic so close to her at that test had affected his deepset sense of abandonment. and so he had been scarce, hunting, endlessly hunting; he kept close to the rise but made himself widely unavailable.
and he did not talk to his mother.
but today he came to find lilia. the day was long and hot, and carried in the distance the threat of thunderstorms. beneath one such ripple of thunder ancelin discovered her strong frame and the stunning color of her eyes, and almost quailed.
"i'm going on a long hunt," the boy told her in a voice beginning to shift into the true deepness of masculinity. his indigo eyes were conflicted. 
he'd lost. he'd won. he had a home. he had her. and nothing, nothing settled ancelin. satisfied him; only the success of violence would do that.
he did not falter. "i'll be back for you." yes, possessiveness. yes. territoriality. yes, banked down, the ember of fear that he would be correct to leave, that she would replace him as soon as he had gone.
a test, administered by a proctor who had no idea he was in charge.

Lilia had been nursing the wounds she'd received while fighting off the repeat intruder when she heard the sound of Ancelin's footfalls approaching. She lifted her head slightly and tilted her chin back, receiving him warmly with a smile, though she recognized immediately the set look of his jaw, and the trouble swarming within his eyes. She sat up, almost immediately, her smile lost now to a look of concern. 

Her fur felt almost as though it was on fire, after having been laying in the sun for so long. A thundershower would cure that, and soothe the wounds that had been cleaned, and now needed time to heal. When he said that he was going, her lips parted slightly. "A long hunt?" She asked. "With Thapphique?" There had to be a reason for it. She'd heard nothing of that sort was in the plans for the Rise, so surely their neighbours must have been planning something. 

She drew closer to him, enjoying his possessiveness and the promise he'd made. "Yeah, you bettuh," She warned with a soft, affectionate growl. She would grieve his absence- but it would give her time to finish the den she'd been working on, and perhaps she could surprise him with that when he returned. "But how long yuh goin' for?"

his lips moved over her sunheated fur; he felt his pulse quicken with the spicehot zinging of instinct and territoriality over the way she did that to him. "not with them," he mumbled. "alone." he licked his lips and finally sat down near her, slumping bonelessly in the manner of a young lion. 
"i lost. to relic."
he'd won lilia's affections, of course, but not over that, ancelin hoped. because that would mean it was like — pity, for them to be together. 
and she wasn't like a cool rock or pelt, something you could win. she was — her.
"i lost and i'm not sure if i can actually win. so," ancelin went on, taking a deep long breath, "i'm gonna go see if i — can."
his mouth twisted. his indigo eyes flickered toward her. did she get it? "what happened to you anyway?" ancelin asked all the same, stomping over his own point as his gaze narrowed on her wounds. "fighting?"

His defeated attitude immediately made Lilia feel both protective of him, and angry toward whatever or whoever it was that made him feel like he should go off on his own. She uttered a whisper of a growl when he admitted that he was going off, basically, for some alone time- and that the source of his disappointment was that he'd lost to Relic. 

"What? That fight?" She asked. The spar had become a thing of the past, in her eyes. While it had been entertaining, she hadn't realized that the outcome had left Ancelin feeling bitter. She'd sparred many times with the other yearlings- and every time, had left the situation feeling stronger, even if she had lost the duel. She thought back on the incident, realizing then that there'd been something different about the match...How much angrier they'd been, how determined they had both been to win- spilling blood and tearing flesh in a manner that wasn't simply for show or rank. 

He seemed to need validation from something- somewhere. He tried to get her to talk about herself (normally a simple task) but she refused him that diversion. "Nu-uh, nah, we'll talk about me latuh," She said, and drew up alongside him, concern furrowing her brow. 

"What do you need tuh do? Go beat the shit outa thomeone to make yourthelf feel better?" She asked. "Like...Are you really that wrecked that you lotht that one fight? Would beating him really make thingth feel bettuh? Cauth like...If that'th the cathe...Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But you'll nevuh hafta do it alone."

initially glad when lilia pressed close, ancelin's ears flicked backward as she pried deeper and deeper until it felt like a splinter underneath a toenail. it was an annoying, sickening feeling; he tensed beside her, and it was all because it was true!
but he wasn't ready to admit it, or say it, or even confront it; ancelin felt like he was drowning and so suddenly stood up, pacing in a twitchy, irritated semi circle. "so what if it is like, what i need to do?" he demanded, less of a question and more of a challenge.
beating relic's ass — well, that presented a worse mental image, because every time ancelin had tried to maladaptively daydream about how he'd wanted that fight to go, he just remembered surrendering. surrendering. giving in. not fighting. submitting.
and that, that was it.
"and yeah, lilia, i do need to do it alone. i don't — i can't — i don't want —" deep goddamn breath, "i don't want anyone to help me. not even you." and that hurt to say.

She couldn't recall seeing Ancelin bristle like this before. He'd been stony when he'd returned, and after being abandoned by his parents, but she sensed there was more to the dynamic between him and Relic that wasn't simply competition over a girl. He refused her help, and her vote of confidence. Apparently, having someone take his side wasn't enough- and she could appreciate that. 

"Okay," She said, simply, with a nod. She gave him a moment of silence, as she continued to nod faintly. She wanted to give him space to diffuse, a place where his wants could be accepted. Of course, she would be loyal to him regardless of whether he ever beat Relic in a fight- but it wasn't loyalty he was searching for. "I get that, I think," She added. Of course, she wanted both to be strong enough to win a fight, and popular enough to not even be challenged; they didn't always need to want the same thing, though.

She stood, and shook her pelt out. "Y'wanna practithe a bit on me?" She said, turning her simmering gaze toward him again, showing him a glint of her fangs in a smile as her hackles began to lift.

Mature Content Warning

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The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: homicidal ideation

ancelin laughed breathlessly, but it wasn't humored at all, more like the rasp of nails on dry rocks. he eyed her sidelong while his ribcage expanded with frustration; he licked his jaws and set his feet and then finally snapped; "no! no," fighting for calm, "no, i don't want to practice —!"
a sharp intake of breath and he let it out toward the sky as his legs shook. "i w-want to hurt someone, lilia. like — really bad." his chin shook; he cut his eyes away from her now, looking anywhere but her face for he feared fright. anger. disgust.
hurt them. drive them down; he wanted to know he could do what relic had done to him: fucked him up so hard that the driving force behind all ancelin's hate was fear.
what should have only been a natural conflict between yearling boys had become a theft of ancelin's defining moment, and then betrayal of his own challenge.
weakness defined.
strength defined.
dominant nature through brute force, exacting a toll as had been taken from him.
the delight of tiny unseen DNA and RNA helixes;
unspooling, its backdrop a cold skyline of primordial trees in a curved valley;
oh and he feared he might see in her face that she was about to leave him too — everyone did everyone did everyone l e a v e s
and then he was crying, sobbing hot tears that dripped from his nose into the dirt. "no. i don't want to hurt you, lilia," ancelin moaned. "i h-have to go away so i d-don't kill him."
snotting, sobbing; now she could see all of him, this ugly pitting of rot inside ancelin that had just grown until he couldn't taste anything but its fungus-dust flavor at the back of his throat.

His smile soured quickly, like oil sizzling in a pan too hot for it to settle and simmer. He turned his eyes to the sky, to the distance, to the ground- anywhere but her, as the mark of sheer self-loathing and anguish crept into the corners of his lips where they were drawn tight against his teeth. A feral shudder seemed to creep into his bones as though trying to shake itself out of him from the inside. 

And while Lilia was surprised, she wasn't horrified at all. What she felt took a moment to develop and register. It began with simple astonishment, but soon thereafter in the wake of his cold laughter and his confession she felt herself breathing a bit harder. She eyed the faint staining of his teeth, and felt something akin to hunger stir within her gut. A devilish secret she'd harboured since the wolfhunt rose to the surface, having found a kindred spirit within Ancelin. She realized within moments that she was flooded with relief, having found someone who wanted to kill someone, too.

She'd fantasized often enough about what had happened to the white wolf and her followers after the Rise had ousted them from their home. But wondering had never been enough, truly; she wanted to find them so she would have an excuse to end someone. She felt inspired for a moment by this dark secret they shared-

until he was swept asunder by what she thought must have been shame. 

He sobbed, and there was nothing pretty or dignified about it. Lilia stood at a loss, teetering on the edge of confession herself- and had no idea what she could do or say that might cure him of the guilt. She edged herself down onto the ground next to him, so he might know at least that he wasn't alone- and that she wasn't going to leave. There was hope for them yet- hope for her, she thought, now that she knew she wasn't the only one who had such a dark secret. 

He'd shared his with her- so she leaned toward him, and whispered softly, darkly, in his ear. 

"Do it."

If he needed to kill someone so that he wouldn't tear Relic into pieces, so be it.

do it.
ancelin stared;
do it
and the synapses having just begun to light now flared into hot relief and stark fire, and tendriled tightly around lilia, the genetic slash of a meeting of which ancelin had never heard, of those he had not known, but together in his blood they burned, the obsessive ichor of bearclaw, the murderous zeal of blackfeather;
oh! he saw it now, marveling with ever-dilated pupils as lilia converged with arielle converged with avicus and then back into herself; shifting in the indigo wells of his eyes toward something deified and goddess-rising, a moon above the troubled forest of his heart;
do it
and he felt himself seen, and bound, and pierced with an awl so willingly at the lintel of lilia's home; ancelin lurched toward her with arms meant to embrace and sent a singeing shuddering breath across her nape.
how long had she held this? borne this? he had not been present for the great hunt of their enemy, but he had come back to all he knew, changed; lilia, changed.
when had she felt the darkness of that thirst in her throat?
and how long had her mouth felt like sand without blood?
a laugh, wondering, muffled.
"never forget you're mine."

D’you reckon these two could get some hearts? :) <3

Hackles raised, she embraced him as he lunged toward her, feeling the earth slip beneath her paws when the force of his approach pushed her back several feet. She flexed her paws, digging claws into supple earth so she might stand and press against him, like two trees felled by the same wind, clinging together with a mess of unearthed roots. 

She passed her lips along a ravine in his fur left by a scar. She kissed the soft tissue, and pushed her muzzle into the thick fur of his shoulder, where her breath could be muffled and quieted. 

She’d found the other half of her soul in him- and she knew she would give him all of it if he asked. 

She answered him with a chuckle he would only feel in his fur, before she raised her lips to the corner of his ear to utter her vow to him.

”You’re my only, always.”